Have you ever gone on vacation with another family and left feeling deflated and inferior?

[Anonymous]

Over the last break we went away for a long ski weekend with 2 other families. Really nice/quality people, both wives and husbands. The kids are various ages from 16-31 (most on the upper end). The older kids came with either a girlfriend or fiancé. We were a large group. We planned a lot of family activities, but my three kids were the least cooperative by far. They came to a few things but would only stay a short while and skipped out on a few dinners, lunches on the slopes etc. It was NOT because of age because my kids (2 girls and 1 boy) all had kids the same age there.

I felt really intimidated because their families if I am to be honest seemed so high functioning, like they were all on the same page, all the time. Their dynamics (both families) seems really in sync. Not something I am used to at least not on a consistent basis. It made me feel kind of sad, a little bit of a failure like why were my kids the only ones not easily cooperating. I cannot say anything about any of the others because truthfully their kids both the younger and older seemed really open to the various events planned, always showed up and seemed to be genuinely happy to be there.

I have to confess, I couldn't wait till it was over because I had a lot fo anxiety over how this made me feel, I was annoyed with my own family for not being more flexible and cooperative and not fault of their own, it just left me feeling really inferior and like I failed somehow.I felt like I was having to make excuses for them and it just made me really uncomfortable. Anyone else ever have this experience?

[Anonymous]

Did you kids want to go in the first place? Did they have friends of their own there? Who were these other families in relation to you?

[Anonymous]

Its too late to change now but you are okay the way you are, love your normal.

People who often do such vacations with other families since kids are young, have a different dynamics. Obviously temperaments of parents and children matter as well. One of ours makes heartfelt efforts to along with everyone tries to make things work for all, others don't. I don't see if its of any advantage for her, everyone else benefits for sure so a good deed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you kids want to go in the first place? Did they have friends of their own there? Who were these other families in relation to you?

2 did one did not. None of these kids had any of their friends there. My son had his fiancé and my other daughter had her bf. Some of the other kids there had their significant others as well.
These are friends not relatives. We have been friends for years. The kids all know each other, some better than others. It is hard to put into words and I realize it may seem like I am overthinking things but to me least, I just felt like our family seemed almost dysfunctional compared to both of theirs. I really enjoy their company and they have great kids but I remember thinking "never again".

[Anonymous]

Don’t worry about it. Your family won’t be invited again and that will solve the problem. Seriously, ask your children why they are suck jerks. I’m glad you recognized that your family is the problem.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it’s not a great fit for your family. I wouldn’t do it again. And honestly I wouldn’t pay for your grown kids’ vacations if they’re being bratty at that age. Little kids is one thing, but old enough for SO’s? Time for a frank discussion with them.

[Anonymous]

Just socialize with your peer parent-friends. No need to drag along your (ungrateful and uncooperative) adult kids.

Are your kids on the spectrum or have ADHD? One of my kids is ADHD and would do something similar; he’s so oppositional when he doesn’t want to do something. Then again, he is a child but I’m getting flash forward visions of him in adulthood. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

I don't go on vacations with other people, but that sounds super awful. I would have had a talk with the kids on day 2 to shape up or don't expect me to pay for vacations.

[Anonymous]

Why the hell would adult children with their own fiancés want to spend vacation time with their parents’ friends and their children? I thought you were going to be telling a story about ten year olds and tweens not being into it. Your children are adults and surely would prefer to pick who they vacation with. I would have been surly too, if I was being asked to spend all my meals with other random adults I was not friends with. What were the circumstances of your kids coming? Did you ask as them to do you a favor where you would pay for it? And they didn’t realize how much of it would be spending time as a big group with the other families?

The whole thing just seems utterly bizarre that 31 year old children would be part of a “families” vacation organized by the parent generation

[Anonymous]

I would only do a trip like this with my adult children and their so's. Sometimes having a large group is difficult to navigate. Now you know. Don't beat yourself up about it.

[Anonymous]

OP I haven't had this exact experience but know what you mean. For me the issue is that in certain settings, my DH can be difficult in groups. It's not over the top or anything, he can just fail to read certain situations and rub people the wrong way.

It's not dysfunction, it's just being human. My DH has great social skills generally and is well liked by most people. But like a lot of people, certain situations or people just throw him off.

Live and learn. This doesn't sound like your family's jam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you kids want to go in the first place? Did they have friends of their own there? Who were these other families in relation to you?

2 did one did not. None of these kids had any of their friends there. My son had his fiancé and my other daughter had her bf. Some of the other kids there had their significant others as well.
These are friends not relatives. We have been friends for years. The kids all know each other, some better than others. It is hard to put into words and I realize it may seem like I am overthinking things but to me least, I just felt like our family seemed almost dysfunctional compared to both of theirs. I really enjoy their company and they have great kids but I remember thinking "never again".

Was this the recently snowy cold blast holiday weekend? Maybe it was too close to winter holidays and break and too costly to get away.

If it wasn’t the MLK weekend I don’t know why they couldn’t have a good time for 2-3 days only with old family friends. They should be able to get along and participate and have decent manners.

Guess you’ll find out eventually wtf was going on with them.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your kids are going through relationship breakups so being there was rough. ?

Was one group a bunch of over or under achievers?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I have felt this way not only among friends' families but with siblings. I accepted that my family is not cut out for things like this. I avoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would adult children with their own fiancés want to spend vacation time with their parents’ friends and their children? I thought you were going to be telling a story about ten year olds and tweens not being into it. Your children are adults and surely would prefer to pick who they vacation with. I would have been surly too, if I was being asked to spend all my meals with other random adults I was not friends with. What were the circumstances of your kids coming? Did you ask as them to do you a favor where you would pay for it? And they didn’t realize how much of it would be spending time as a big group with the other families?

The whole thing just seems utterly bizarre that 31 year old children would be part of a “families” vacation organized by the parent generation

This is harsh but was my reaction as well. Families traveling with kids in their 20s and late 20s at that it sounds like?

Your adult children apparently don’t like the other adults. So as adults they should feel free to politely decline and not spend time with them. As long a they weren't rude I don’t see what the problem is. That doesn’t sound dysfunctional.