Have you ever gone on vacation with another family and left feeling deflated and inferior?

[Anonymous]

Did I read this thread right--that OP went from feeling inferior with her adult children's lack of social grace to looking down at the other families and thinking they're fake and less independent?

What a turn!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are younger. We are a high functioning family. However, I often feel annoyed and not want to travel again with other families. We may be the family that other families think are tiring or inferior to. We are on a schedule meaning we eat meals at 8, 12 and 6pm. It is hard for us to travel with people who sleep all day or not planners. We always have the most money. Many people we travel with seem totally fine just lounging around and letting their kids be on their iPads.

Who wants to travel with this family?! Don't all line up at once.

Lots of people like to travel with us. They love to sleep in and let us feed their kids. They like to stay at our vacation home. They love when we take all the kids to the pool or beach first while they get ready. They want to go on our boat. They love when we charter a boat.

At least you're honest about what they're there for.

Pp here. I don’t know if it just our friends but they are bad travelers. They don’t seem like they can control their kids. Dh makes a lot of money and I’m a sahm. We travel often domestically and internationally.

Their kids are bad eaters. They can’t get ready. The kids fight. The kids will yell at their parents. Parents allow screens at the table.

As I write this, we have plans with these same people. They are my husband’s adult friends’ families. I tried to gather their input to book times for popular activities that get filled up. All the slots are now full. I’m just thinking of the last time we traveled with these people. I thought one couple was going to get divorced. They are dysfunctional with very easy tasks and kids are out of control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would adult children with their own fiancés want to spend vacation time with their parents’ friends and their children? I thought you were going to be telling a story about ten year olds and tweens not being into it. Your children are adults and surely would prefer to pick who they vacation with. I would have been surly too, if I was being asked to spend all my meals with other random adults I was not friends with. What were the circumstances of your kids coming? Did you ask as them to do you a favor where you would pay for it? And they didn’t realize how much of it would be spending time as a big group with the other families?

The whole thing just seems utterly bizarre that 31 year old children would be part of a “families” vacation organized by the parent generation

This is common in families from a generationally wealthy/old money set

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did I read this thread right--that OP went from feeling inferior with her adult children's lack of social grace to looking down at the other families and thinking they're fake and less independent?

What a turn!

Yup.

Troll city narc out today.

[Anonymous]

Pp again. We actually have 3 trips with others. While I am complaining on here, I don’t complain in real life so no one would know how annoyed I am at your misbehaved kids.

I’m going on a girls trip and they chose a hotel that is cheaper than I am used to. I am trying to be flexible and said nothing.

Another group of friends travel 5 levels lower than us. Last year, we went together and it was fine but accommodations were severely lacking. My kids had fun though. I’m trying to decide if we should do it again. I don’t want to but kids do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would adult children with their own fiancés want to spend vacation time with their parents’ friends and their children? I thought you were going to be telling a story about ten year olds and tweens not being into it. Your children are adults and surely would prefer to pick who they vacation with. I would have been surly too, if I was being asked to spend all my meals with other random adults I was not friends with. What were the circumstances of your kids coming? Did you ask as them to do you a favor where you would pay for it? And they didn’t realize how much of it would be spending time as a big group with the other families?

The whole thing just seems utterly bizarre that 31 year old children would be part of a “families” vacation organized by the parent generation

This is common in families from a generationally wealthy/old money set

Not even the wealthy. It’s the way to get everyone together during their busy lives and handful of breaks off at the same time.

Whoever has never noticed that must really stay home a lot during breaks. Oh well. At least narrow minded people are easy to spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would adult children with their own fiancés want to spend vacation time with their parents’ friends and their children? I thought you were going to be telling a story about ten year olds and tweens not being into it. Your children are adults and surely would prefer to pick who they vacation with. I would have been surly too, if I was being asked to spend all my meals with other random adults I was not friends with. What were the circumstances of your kids coming? Did you ask as them to do you a favor where you would pay for it? And they didn’t realize how much of it would be spending time as a big group with the other families?

The whole thing just seems utterly bizarre that 31 year old children would be part of a “families” vacation organized by the parent generation

This is common in families from a generationally wealthy/old money set

Not even the wealthy. It’s the way to get everyone together during their busy lives and handful of breaks off at the same time.

Whoever has never noticed that must really stay home a lot during breaks. Oh well. At least narrow minded people are easy to spot.

I don’t like to ski. I didn’t grow up skiing. Many of my childhood friends, my kids and their friends and just lots of people we know love to ski.

Because of limited winter breaks during ski season, ski trips are organized and people are available at the same times usually week after Xmas, MLK, Pres Day weekend and spring break. My best friend loved to ski and married into a ski family. It was very common for a large group to go skiing together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would adult children with their own fiancés want to spend vacation time with their parents’ friends and their children? I thought you were going to be telling a story about ten year olds and tweens not being into it. Your children are adults and surely would prefer to pick who they vacation with. I would have been surly too, if I was being asked to spend all my meals with other random adults I was not friends with. What were the circumstances of your kids coming? Did you ask as them to do you a favor where you would pay for it? And they didn’t realize how much of it would be spending time as a big group with the other families?

The whole thing just seems utterly bizarre that 31 year old children would be part of a “families” vacation organized by the parent generation

This is common in families from a generationally wealthy/old money set

Not even the wealthy. It’s the way to get everyone together during their busy lives and handful of breaks off at the same time.

Whoever has never noticed that must really stay home a lot during breaks. Oh well. At least narrow minded people are easy to spot.

I don’t like to ski. I didn’t grow up skiing. Many of my childhood friends, my kids and their friends and just lots of people we know love to ski.

Because of limited winter breaks during ski season, ski trips are organized and people are available at the same times usually week after Xmas, MLK, Pres Day weekend and spring break. My best friend loved to ski and married into a ski family. It was very common for a large group to go skiing together.

So what.

There are still tons of extended families and family friends meeting up during breaks at beaches, lakes, destinations, cruises, mountain resorts to catch up, relax, celebrate and build memories.

Homebodies and people who dont like to socialize or explore much should save their money and stay home. At least be honest about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would adult children with their own fiancés want to spend vacation time with their parents’ friends and their children? I thought you were going to be telling a story about ten year olds and tweens not being into it. Your children are adults and surely would prefer to pick who they vacation with. I would have been surly too, if I was being asked to spend all my meals with other random adults I was not friends with. What were the circumstances of your kids coming? Did you ask as them to do you a favor where you would pay for it? And they didn’t realize how much of it would be spending time as a big group with the other families?

The whole thing just seems utterly bizarre that 31 year old children would be part of a “families” vacation organized by the parent generation

This is common in families from a generationally wealthy/old money set

Not even the wealthy. It’s the way to get everyone together during their busy lives and handful of breaks off at the same time.

Whoever has never noticed that must really stay home a lot during breaks. Oh well. At least narrow minded people are easy to spot.

I don’t like to ski. I didn’t grow up skiing. Many of my childhood friends, my kids and their friends and just lots of people we know love to ski.

Because of limited winter breaks during ski season, ski trips are organized and people are available at the same times usually week after Xmas, MLK, Pres Day weekend and spring break. My best friend loved to ski and married into a ski family. It was very common for a large group to go skiing together.

So what.

There are still tons of extended families and family friends meeting up during breaks at beaches, lakes, destinations, cruises, mountain resorts to catch up, relax, celebrate and build memories.

Homebodies and people who dont like to socialize or explore much should save their money and stay home. At least be honest about it.

I’m responding to people saying adults wouldn’t want to go on a vacation with their parents’ friends and their adult children. I’m just saying that it seems relatively not uncommon for people to do this. That is all.

We get a few open ski invitations every year. They often include extended family of our friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can be hard. Now imagine marrying into a functional family and looking back on your painful childhood and forward to your future encounters with your origin family

Ouch. Wow…that kind of got to me. I never thought of it that way.

As someone who followed this pattern: going from FOO to happy loving ILs, yes, it’s very hard to look backwards.

I have the loving parents. Certainly not perfect by any standard, but fairly normal. DH’s parents were both alcoholics and they were jobless and living with extended family members the whole time I knew them.
He always says that he likes my family, but it never really occurred to me that it was also somewhat painful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. We actually have 3 trips with others. While I am complaining on here, I don’t complain in real life so no one would know how annoyed I am at your misbehaved kids.

I’m going on a girls trip and they chose a hotel that is cheaper than I am used to. I am trying to be flexible and said nothing.

Another group of friends travel 5 levels lower than us. Last year, we went together and it was fine but accommodations were severely lacking. My kids had fun though. I’m trying to decide if we should do it again. I don’t want to but kids do.

It must be very difficult to be you. It’s benevolent of you to lower yourself so selflessly and uncomplainingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would adult children with their own fiancés want to spend vacation time with their parents’ friends and their children? I thought you were going to be telling a story about ten year olds and tweens not being into it. Your children are adults and surely would prefer to pick who they vacation with. I would have been surly too, if I was being asked to spend all my meals with other random adults I was not friends with. What were the circumstances of your kids coming? Did you ask as them to do you a favor where you would pay for it? And they didn’t realize how much of it would be spending time as a big group with the other families?

The whole thing just seems utterly bizarre that 31 year old children would be part of a “families” vacation organized by the parent generation

This is common in families from a generationally wealthy/old money set

Not even the wealthy. It’s the way to get everyone together during their busy lives and handful of breaks off at the same time.

Whoever has never noticed that must really stay home a lot during breaks. Oh well. At least narrow minded people are easy to spot.

I don’t like to ski. I didn’t grow up skiing. Many of my childhood friends, my kids and their friends and just lots of people we know love to ski.

Because of limited winter breaks during ski season, ski trips are organized and people are available at the same times usually week after Xmas, MLK, Pres Day weekend and spring break. My best friend loved to ski and married into a ski family. It was very common for a large group to go skiing together.

So what.

There are still tons of extended families and family friends meeting up during breaks at beaches, lakes, destinations, cruises, mountain resorts to catch up, relax, celebrate and build memories.

Homebodies and people who dont like to socialize or explore much should save their money and stay home. At least be honest about it.

I’m responding to people saying adults wouldn’t want to go on a vacation with their parents’ friends and their adult children. I’m just saying that it seems relatively not uncommon for people to do this. That is all.

We get a few open ski invitations every year. They often include extended family of our friends.

Again - if your adult children in these "old money worlds" that your travel are lifetime friends with the other adult children, OF COURSE these intergenerational family vacations are normal. But that is not the case here. The OP's children are in their mid to late 20s, with fiances and lives of their own. And are barely passing acquaintances with their peers on this trip. As demonstrated by the fact that her children spent the whole weekend avoiding the other families, OP's children clearly aren't friends with the other kids. They aren't like the Kennedys and Kopechnes hanging out at Hyannis Port every summer.

And honestly, most old money wealth families I know - including through my own extended family - are highly clique-ish with themselves, yes - and all the adult kids do all their vacations with their super large extended family. But they're not looping in other families. They're protective and insular.

[Anonymous]

I feel this way about my DH. We have family friends that we vacation. I adore my friends and their families but am always so bummed out that my DH doesn't have more energy. Never wants to go on hikes, bike rides or hang at beach for more than a couple hours. He needs a lot of downtime. I don't mind it day to day and accept this aspect of him for the most part. But it stings a lot when I see the other dads and how much more invovled they are in the day to day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is an overbearing immigrant mother based on her posts.

This. I'm the one who has been flagging OP as being the socially challenged person here, but being an immigrant mom who runs a tight ship and doesn't have many "natural" friendships - that would also explain it.

Sorry to burst your bubble. But your "observations" could not be further from the truth. Keep your day job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is an overbearing immigrant mother based on her posts.

This. I'm the one who has been flagging OP as being the socially challenged person here, but being an immigrant mom who runs a tight ship and doesn't have many "natural" friendships - that would also explain it.

Sorry to burst your bubble. But your "observations" could not be further from the truth. Keep your day job

OP if you've got such fantastic social savvy, why did this issue even happen?