Friendly gesture or inappropriate?

[Anonymous]

One of my DD’s friends’ parents are going through a divorce and the dad has opened up to me about it (he is the parent more often at games etc and we text to make kids’ plans). I was glad he shared since our kids spend time together and it explains some stuff that had been going on. Recently we had to travel for a tournament and all the parents tend to gather for dinner/drinks at the hotel while the kids eat and do their thing. He got talking about everything again and casually touched my thigh a couple times while we were talking. It made me a little uncomfortable but he tends to just be a friendly guy and I’m sure didn’t mean anything by it but I did find a way to get out of the conversation and move on to talking to others. Was this weird or just harmless/friendly? Maybe he wasn’t even aware he was doing it? I doubt there were any intentions but want to make sure I’m not sending any mixed signals. I’m married BTW.

[Anonymous]

No, that's weird.

[Anonymous]

Um, no. Not a friendly gesture. How many acquaintances thighs have you touched?

[Anonymous]

Arm is borderline. Thigh is forward.

[Anonymous]

For perspective, how would you feel if you heard your DH did this to someone?

[Anonymous]

Umm no - arm or shoulder fine. Thigh is too much in my mind.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t think anything of it. I would also make an effort to be friendly because I think it’s wrong the way people get ostracized when they get divorced. I think it isn’t in appropriate unless it’s like total oversharing, commenting in your body, etc. Same as if the person were married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t think anything of it. I would also make an effort to be friendly because I think it’s wrong the way people get ostracized when they get divorced. I think it isn’t in appropriate unless it’s like total oversharing, commenting in your body, etc. Same as if the person were married.

Here's divorcee dad.

[Anonymous]

He was trying to hook up with you, OP. He drew you in with crossing boundaries re: family issues, then tried to cross physical boundaries.

Distance. That he did this around team parents suggests he had real issues with appropriate behavior. Again, distance. I'd also mention it to your husband and have him around some at games, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t think anything of it. I would also make an effort to be friendly because I think it’s wrong the way people get ostracized when they get divorced. I think it isn’t in appropriate unless it’s like total oversharing, commenting in your body, etc. Same as if the person were married.

Okay I’m a bad reader, I didn’t see the part about the thigh touching. If it was intentional it is over the line, regardless of whether or not he wants to get physical with you. Sorry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t think anything of it. I would also make an effort to be friendly because I think it’s wrong the way people get ostracized when they get divorced. I think it isn’t in appropriate unless it’s like total oversharing, commenting in your body, etc. Same as if the person were married.

Here's divorcee dad.

I’m not, I’m a happily married mom who didn’t read the post well enough. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t think anything of it. I would also make an effort to be friendly because I think it’s wrong the way people get ostracized when they get divorced. I think it isn’t in appropriate unless it’s like total oversharing, commenting in your body, etc. Same as if the person were married.

This is not good advice, OP.

Be friendly to the mom.

How would you feel if your boss did the same thing at a work happy hour? You just don't want to deal with the ramifications so are downplaying.

[Anonymous]

No that’s not okay. Only you can tell if it was “accidental” given the context. Were you sitting next to each other squished at a high top? One time, maybe an accident.

I do not touch the thighs of my kids’ friends’ dads!!

[Anonymous]

For what it’s worth: I am a man, and touching a woman’s thigh is almost guaranteed to been done with sexual intent.

Whether it’s inappropriate or not is up to you. It’s your thigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my DD’s friends’ parents are going through a divorce and the dad has opened up to me about it (he is the parent more often at games etc and we text to make kids’ plans). I was glad he shared since our kids spend time together and it explains some stuff that had been going on. Recently we had to travel for a tournament and all the parents tend to gather for dinner/drinks at the hotel while the kids eat and do their thing. He got talking about everything again and casually touched my thigh a couple times while we were talking. It made me a little uncomfortable but he tends to just be a friendly guy and I’m sure didn’t mean anything by it but I did find a way to get out of the conversation and move on to talking to others. Was this weird or just harmless/friendly? Maybe he wasn’t even aware he was doing it? I doubt there were any intentions but want to make sure I’m not sending any mixed signals. I’m married BTW.

I'd consider what the other parents were thinking too, OP, from the body language, etc. These are people you are going to have ongoing relationships with. You don't need to be so solicitous of this guy and make so many excuses.

Talk to your husband about this and make more of an effort to make plans for the kids through the mom.

Poor kid, first her family blows up, then her dad is hitting on the moms of teammates in front of all of the parents. Not going to go well for her and he just wants to get his d&ck wet. Time to end the sympathetic ear, OP.