Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:All these posts "I work while my child sleeps and I spend all the waking moments with them along with my DH who also works unicorn hours. When they are preschool age we choose the best school ever....."
It's not real life, 99% of jobs are not like that and both parents equally parenting is difficult to manage too. Aren't parents often complaining about getting their spouse to take on more. I don't think the unicorn perfect parents of the world realize that most people cannot just "choose" this setup

Similarly

"I SAHM with my children, I even sleep with them to maximize my time "raising" them" ... I don't shower or cook or clean or workout or run errands or take walks or go on dates or see friends or do girls weekend or vacatino with my H or visit family without them or get sick or let my H take them or let them do independent play ever so I'm never away from them. I would never spend 1 hour away let alone 3 that is reducing my "raising" time by 20%. I spaced my kids perfectly so my toddler would never take time away from my infant."

It's not real life, 99% of SAHM's are doing stuff without their children for hours a day, they are not with them 24x7. They spend at most 6 hours a day one on one with them. I don't think it would even be healthy to be this invested and involved in every breath your child takes.

This is just not true.

+1. I can’t believe how many insecure moms are responding. Working and stay at home moms are not monolithic groups. Just because you know someone who does x does not mean that applies to all individuals in that group. The idea that working moms spend 30 minutes a day with their kids is as ludicrous as the idea that sahm spend 6 hours a day with their kids.

All of the insecure posts on here mostly directed as stay at home moms (I WFH) are insane though. Someone was offended that a poster said working moms gave up time with their kids and stay at home moms gave up status and financial security. And some crazed working mom wrote that she was insulted that someone would say working moms gave up time with their kids by working. I mean, how is it an insult to (checks notes) *state facts* unless you are so insecure that you can’t handle the truth.

So many women feel insulted by the “strangers raising my kid” comment because they feel that it is a personal attack on them and they are in complete denial about the fact that by working they spend less time with their children. Initially there were the people claiming they and their spouse worked full time and their child only had a nanny between 11-12 and 3-5 (because we all know it’s super common for children to take a three hour nap in the middle of the day from birth to five while you work and run errands🙄 and that so many nannies will accept a shambolic schedule) and since those ridiculous examples didn’t withstand scrutiny then it was the ad hominem “you dumb” after every valid argument and finally it’s this ridiculous argument that stay at home moms spend 6 hours with their kids a day (because if you’re a working parent in an office and your child naps it’s like you are right there taking care of them for all [insert unbelievably high made up number] hours they nap during the day, but if you’re a stay at home mom and your child naps you are not parenting them). It’s been illogical from the start but at this point it’s farcical too.

If you are talking about my post then you have reading comprehension issues because 1) I stated that my DH and I staggered schedules so that one left late and the other one came back early, 2) it was a 2-hour nap not 3 hours, and 3) We hired a nanny for 6 hours a day but she helped with housework when she wasn’t actively taking care of our kid.

And yes, it is perfectly reasonable to expect a child to take a 2-hour nap until age ~4 or so. Some don’t but most do.

So just call yourself a SAHM. What’s the difference?

Because I was not… I was a WOHM who made $200k+.

Why are you so antagonistic about this? It’s a good thing when working parents are able to flex their schedules to spend a ton of time with their kids. Maybe not as much as SAHPs (I didn’t claim to do so in my original post) but still a solid chunk so that they feel really connected with their kids.

Work out of home but spends the same amount of time at home. Ok.

I worked 11:15-6 in the office and he worked 8-4 in the office. I had a shorter commute, less demanding job, and lower salary than him. We both logged in for an hour or two every night.

Here’s your cookie. Nobody cares.

Maybe you think I am offended… but this comment just makes you sound petulant

You’re out of the home about 7 hours a day. Not sure why you’re engaging in arguments with SAHM about how much quality time you have at home.

Are you being deliberately obtuse in an attempt to goad someone into saying your brain has turned to mush?

My point was I (and my husband) could still work FT, with my kids in parental care the majority of their day.

So you saw your kids for like 90 minutes in the morning and 90 minutes at night and your husband never saw your kids in the morning. And you both patented solo and probably got docked financially at work for your weird hours in office and then you still worked 8:30-9:30 pm with your husband every night after your kids went to bed. Sounds like a miserable situation for everyone… Maybe one of you should have stayed home or used childcare so your lives weren’t so crazy. You must be very burnt out.

I saw my kids from 6-11am and 6:15-9pm. DH saw them from 5-9pm. My point was they were in the care of a parent for all but 11-5 (during which time they were napping for 2 hours anyway) and that made us happy because we wanted to prioritize their time with a parent!

Yes we were a little burnt out a bit from doing it, but it was temporary and enabled us long-term to grow our careers while still feeling super connected to our kids. Both of us received promotions (DH got a huge one) because our companies prioritized talent over facetime.

Overall we feel incredibly fortunate that we were able to have our cake and eat it too. I would encourage any parent who enjoys working to try pushing for flexible schedules before giving up and quitting.

I am not the poster with the neighbor, or the poster calculating and comparing how much time SAHMs spend with their kids (of course they spend more!). I am just stating what *I* did. The thought of being in competition with some SAHM is actually quite hilarious to me.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:All these posts "I work while my child sleeps and I spend all the waking moments with them along with my DH who also works unicorn hours. When they are preschool age we choose the best school ever....."
It's not real life, 99% of jobs are not like that and both parents equally parenting is difficult to manage too. Aren't parents often complaining about getting their spouse to take on more. I don't think the unicorn perfect parents of the world realize that most people cannot just "choose" this setup

Similarly

"I SAHM with my children, I even sleep with them to maximize my time "raising" them" ... I don't shower or cook or clean or workout or run errands or take walks or go on dates or see friends or do girls weekend or vacatino with my H or visit family without them or get sick or let my H take them or let them do independent play ever so I'm never away from them. I would never spend 1 hour away let alone 3 that is reducing my "raising" time by 20%. I spaced my kids perfectly so my toddler would never take time away from my infant."

It's not real life, 99% of SAHM's are doing stuff without their children for hours a day, they are not with them 24x7. They spend at most 6 hours a day one on one with them. I don't think it would even be healthy to be this invested and involved in every breath your child takes.

This is just not true.

+1. I can’t believe how many insecure moms are responding. Working and stay at home moms are not monolithic groups. Just because you know someone who does x does not mean that applies to all individuals in that group. The idea that working moms spend 30 minutes a day with their kids is as ludicrous as the idea that sahm spend 6 hours a day with their kids.

All of the insecure posts on here mostly directed as stay at home moms (I WFH) are insane though. Someone was offended that a poster said working moms gave up time with their kids and stay at home moms gave up status and financial security. And some crazed working mom wrote that she was insulted that someone would say working moms gave up time with their kids by working. I mean, how is it an insult to (checks notes) *state facts* unless you are so insecure that you can’t handle the truth.

So many women feel insulted by the “strangers raising my kid” comment because they feel that it is a personal attack on them and they are in complete denial about the fact that by working they spend less time with their children. Initially there were the people claiming they and their spouse worked full time and their child only had a nanny between 11-12 and 3-5 (because we all know it’s super common for children to take a three hour nap in the middle of the day from birth to five while you work and run errands🙄 and that so many nannies will accept a shambolic schedule) and since those ridiculous examples didn’t withstand scrutiny then it was the ad hominem “you dumb” after every valid argument and finally it’s this ridiculous argument that stay at home moms spend 6 hours with their kids a day (because if you’re a working parent in an office and your child naps it’s like you are right there taking care of them for all [insert unbelievably high made up number] hours they nap during the day, but if you’re a stay at home mom and your child naps you are not parenting them). It’s been illogical from the start but at this point it’s farcical too.

If you are talking about my post then you have reading comprehension issues because 1) I stated that my DH and I staggered schedules so that one left late and the other one came back early, 2) it was a 2-hour nap not 3 hours, and 3) We hired a nanny for 6 hours a day but she helped with housework when she wasn’t actively taking care of our kid.

And yes, it is perfectly reasonable to expect a child to take a 2-hour nap until age ~4 or so. Some don’t but most do.

So just call yourself a SAHM. What’s the difference?

Because I was not… I was a WOHM who made $200k+.

Why are you so antagonistic about this? It’s a good thing when working parents are able to flex their schedules to spend a ton of time with their kids. Maybe not as much as SAHPs (I didn’t claim to do so in my original post) but still a solid chunk so that they feel really connected with their kids.

Work out of home but spends the same amount of time at home. Ok.

I worked 11:15-6 in the office and he worked 8-4 in the office. I had a shorter commute, less demanding job, and lower salary than him. We both logged in for an hour or two every night.

Here’s your cookie. Nobody cares.

Maybe you think I am offended… but this comment just makes you sound petulant

You’re out of the home about 7 hours a day. Not sure why you’re engaging in arguments with SAHM about how much quality time you have at home.

Are you being deliberately obtuse in an attempt to goad someone into saying your brain has turned to mush?

My point was I (and my husband) could still work FT, with my kids in parental care the majority of their day.

So you saw your kids for like 90 minutes in the morning and 90 minutes at night and your husband never saw your kids in the morning. And you both patented solo and probably got docked financially at work for your weird hours in office and then you still worked 8:30-9:30 pm with your husband every night after your kids went to bed. Sounds like a miserable situation for everyone… Maybe one of you should have stayed home or used childcare so your lives weren’t so crazy. You must be very burnt out.

I saw my kids from 6-11am and 6:15-9pm. DH saw them from 5-9pm. My point was they were in the care of a parent for all but 11-5 (during which time they were napping for 2 hours anyway) and that made us happy because we wanted to prioritize their time with a parent!

Yes we were a little burnt out a bit from doing it, but it was temporary and enabled us long-term to grow our careers while still feeling super connected to our kids. Both of us received promotions (DH got a huge one) because our companies prioritized talent over facetime.

Overall we feel incredibly fortunate that we were able to have our cake and eat it too. I would encourage any parent who enjoys working to try pushing for flexible schedules before giving up and quitting.

I am not the poster with the neighbor, or the poster calculating and comparing how much time SAHMs spend with their kids (of course they spend more!). I am just stating what *I* did. The thought of being in competition with some SAHM is actually quite hilarious to me.

So your kids were in the care of someone other than their parent, 4 hours a day. Not 8 or 10 or 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these posts "I work while my child sleeps and I spend all the waking moments with them along with my DH who also works unicorn hours. When they are preschool age we choose the best school ever....."
It's not real life, 99% of jobs are not like that and both parents equally parenting is difficult to manage too. Aren't parents often complaining about getting their spouse to take on more. I don't think the unicorn perfect parents of the world realize that most people cannot just "choose" this setup

Similarly

"I SAHM with my children, I even sleep with them to maximize my time "raising" them" ... I don't shower or cook or clean or workout or run errands or take walks or go on dates or see friends or do girls weekend or vacatino with my H or visit family without them or get sick or let my H take them or let them do independent play ever so I'm never away from them. I would never spend 1 hour away let alone 3 that is reducing my "raising" time by 20%. I spaced my kids perfectly so my toddler would never take time away from my infant."

It's not real life, 99% of SAHM's are doing stuff without their children for hours a day, they are not with them 24x7. They spend at most 6 hours a day one on one with them. I don't think it would even be healthy to be this invested and involved in every breath your child takes.

This is just not true.

+1. I can’t believe how many insecure moms are responding. Working and stay at home moms are not monolithic groups. Just because you know someone who does x does not mean that applies to all individuals in that group. The idea that working moms spend 30 minutes a day with their kids is as ludicrous as the idea that sahm spend 6 hours a day with their kids.

All of the insecure posts on here mostly directed as stay at home moms (I WFH) are insane though. Someone was offended that a poster said working moms gave up time with their kids and stay at home moms gave up status and financial security. And some crazed working mom wrote that she was insulted that someone would say working moms gave up time with their kids by working. I mean, how is it an insult to (checks notes) *state facts* unless you are so insecure that you can’t handle the truth.

So many women feel insulted by the “strangers raising my kid” comment because they feel that it is a personal attack on them and they are in complete denial about the fact that by working they spend less time with their children. Initially there were the people claiming they and their spouse worked full time and their child only had a nanny between 11-12 and 3-5 (because we all know it’s super common for children to take a three hour nap in the middle of the day from birth to five while you work and run errands🙄 and that so many nannies will accept a shambolic schedule) and since those ridiculous examples didn’t withstand scrutiny then it was the ad hominem “you dumb” after every valid argument and finally it’s this ridiculous argument that stay at home moms spend 6 hours with their kids a day (because if you’re a working parent in an office and your child naps it’s like you are right there taking care of them for all [insert unbelievably high made up number] hours they nap during the day, but if you’re a stay at home mom and your child naps you are not parenting them). It’s been illogical from the start but at this point it’s farcical too.

If you are talking about my post then you have reading comprehension issues because 1) I stated that my DH and I staggered schedules so that one left late and the other one came back early, 2) it was a 2-hour nap not 3 hours, and 3) We hired a nanny for 6 hours a day but she helped with housework when she wasn’t actively taking care of our kid.

And yes, it is perfectly reasonable to expect a child to take a 2-hour nap until age ~4 or so. Some don’t but most do.

Newsflash: it’s not common for four year olds to nap for two hours a day. It’s actually not common for four year olds to nap (do you have an only child and think your experience with them is the norm?). 43% of 3 year olds don’t nap, which increases to 74% of four year olds and 85% of five year olds, and I imagine the four and five year olds and probably many three year olds are napping for 30 minutes and then are nightmares to put to bed.

Our all day K has 1 hour nap time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these posts "I work while my child sleeps and I spend all the waking moments with them along with my DH who also works unicorn hours. When they are preschool age we choose the best school ever....."
It's not real life, 99% of jobs are not like that and both parents equally parenting is difficult to manage too. Aren't parents often complaining about getting their spouse to take on more. I don't think the unicorn perfect parents of the world realize that most people cannot just "choose" this setup

Similarly

"I SAHM with my children, I even sleep with them to maximize my time "raising" them" ... I don't shower or cook or clean or workout or run errands or take walks or go on dates or see friends or do girls weekend or vacatino with my H or visit family without them or get sick or let my H take them or let them do independent play ever so I'm never away from them. I would never spend 1 hour away let alone 3 that is reducing my "raising" time by 20%. I spaced my kids perfectly so my toddler would never take time away from my infant."

It's not real life, 99% of SAHM's are doing stuff without their children for hours a day, they are not with them 24x7. They spend at most 6 hours a day one on one with them. I don't think it would even be healthy to be this invested and involved in every breath your child takes.

This is just not true.

+1. I can’t believe how many insecure moms are responding. Working and stay at home moms are not monolithic groups. Just because you know someone who does x does not mean that applies to all individuals in that group. The idea that working moms spend 30 minutes a day with their kids is as ludicrous as the idea that sahm spend 6 hours a day with their kids.

All of the insecure posts on here mostly directed as stay at home moms (I WFH) are insane though. Someone was offended that a poster said working moms gave up time with their kids and stay at home moms gave up status and financial security. And some crazed working mom wrote that she was insulted that someone would say working moms gave up time with their kids by working. I mean, how is it an insult to (checks notes) *state facts* unless you are so insecure that you can’t handle the truth.

So many women feel insulted by the “strangers raising my kid” comment because they feel that it is a personal attack on them and they are in complete denial about the fact that by working they spend less time with their children. Initially there were the people claiming they and their spouse worked full time and their child only had a nanny between 11-12 and 3-5 (because we all know it’s super common for children to take a three hour nap in the middle of the day from birth to five while you work and run errands🙄 and that so many nannies will accept a shambolic schedule) and since those ridiculous examples didn’t withstand scrutiny then it was the ad hominem “you dumb” after every valid argument and finally it’s this ridiculous argument that stay at home moms spend 6 hours with their kids a day (because if you’re a working parent in an office and your child naps it’s like you are right there taking care of them for all [insert unbelievably high made up number] hours they nap during the day, but if you’re a stay at home mom and your child naps you are not parenting them). It’s been illogical from the start but at this point it’s farcical too.

If you are talking about my post then you have reading comprehension issues because 1) I stated that my DH and I staggered schedules so that one left late and the other one came back early, 2) it was a 2-hour nap not 3 hours, and 3) We hired a nanny for 6 hours a day but she helped with housework when she wasn’t actively taking care of our kid.

And yes, it is perfectly reasonable to expect a child to take a 2-hour nap until age ~4 or so. Some don’t but most do.

Newsflash: it’s not common for four year olds to nap for two hours a day. It’s actually not common for four year olds to nap (do you have an only child and think your experience with them is the norm?). 43% of 3 year olds don’t nap, which increases to 74% of four year olds and 85% of five year olds, and I imagine the four and five year olds and probably many three year olds are napping for 30 minutes and then are nightmares to put to bed.

Our all day K has 1 hour nap time.

That doesn’t mean many of the kids sleep. Probably just the sleep deprived ones with no bedtime.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why are you all arguing about schedules and hours? You don't need to prove something how your schedule is superior to someone else. People have different lives, so what

Well this whole thread is about how many hours you spend with your kids so....

And of course SAHM’s spend more, so the whole argument is stupid.

The difference is nominal.

It really depends on both the type of work the working parent is doing and how demanding it is (ie: cushy WFH office gig vs. Big Law or busy medical practice or long commute) and also how much the SAHM is farming out her kids either through nearly full day preschool (ie: 9-2pm 5 days a week) or a "part-time nanny" or whatever. We all know different families on all ends of these spectrums.

+1 and for SAHMs of school age children there is a wide variety of involvement. Some use their time to volunteer at the school and spend the whole summer with kids. Some are picking kids up right ght after school and spending the entire afternoon engaging with them. Others aren't doing any of those things. I know plenty of SAHMs who are spending A LOT of time with their school age kids, or directly engaged with their schools or activities, and not only do working parents not do all that but they often benefit from it.

And before you yell at me yes I also know working parents who run PTAs and volunteer a lot. But you need a specific kind of personality and job for that. Most working parents cannot do all that.

Most SAHM's do not volunteer at school or run the PTA.

I don't think what happens after school is SAHM/WOHM related. Enganged moms are engaged and it has nothing to do with the working status.

My kids are in private and pretty much every parent with a position in our parents association until like 2nd is a SAHM. The heads of the auction are SAH. I volunteer about 20 hours total throughout the year (I WOH) but I can’t commit to the level of involvement required and I don’t want to drop the ball have a bunch of parents hate me.

My kids are in private and pretty much every parent with a position in our parents association works, both the men and the women. The most involved two I can think of are a radiologist and a child psychologist. I'm a lawyer, along with a handful of other lawyers. We have some realtors, multiple doctors and nurses, and some finance people. I can only think of one SAHP actually.

The stay at homes are there you just don’t know them. Stay at home moms get to know each other because they have something in common. I’m not gonna lie, some of our kids were a little too catered to because they were our main job. We had money so there was really no limit on activities and getting together for whatever reason.

You obviously know the working people and their jobs but the stay at home parents have kids at your school, you just don’t know them.

Um, that’s dumb. Sorry. At my daughter’s private in DC, there are 45 girls in her whole class and I do, indeed, know what most of the parents do. This is likely true for most privates. It’s not like there’s radar or a caste system, wtf? You meet all the parents. Most of us talk to the parents of our kid’s friends. We don’t screen for work status.

Looks like you screen for work status. You named all the job titles and identified one stay at home. If a woman loves her job she shouldn’t have to give it up. Both at home mothers and work mothers can equally do a bad job or an excellent job. But to claim there are no at home mothers who use private schools is ridiculous. (So is starting a sentence with “Um”)

Two different posters, and I honestly have no idea what you’re prattling on about. Nobody said stay at home mothers don’t use private school. At our very pricey private, however, the overwhelming majority of mothers work in very high level jobs. Nobody cares what anybody else does. It comes up organically. Nobody is screening whether their kids’ friends’ parents work. But if you don’t know basic details about your kids’ friends’ parents you’re doing a pretty crap job parenting. So, again, you’re wrong, weird, and really bombastic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The “math” poster is crazy or has seen too many shows about trophy wives.

When I sahm’d I didn’t spend more than an hour away from my 0-2.5 year olds while they were awake, and that was to shower and while Dad did bedtime. And I did have cleaners, too much takeout and a few hours on one weekend day. I don’t think that’s unusual. It was intense but how I wanted it. It took me *years* to get and stay pregnant. I made the most of every minute with my kids and it still flew by so fast.

I just don’t understand how she can spend so much quality time with her kids when she spends so much time spying on/stalking her SAHM neighbor.

Her kids must be so tired of hearing about the neighbor.

Yes mom we all agree -- Charlie's mom is very lazy and lets them watch too much TV and doesn't even have a "real" job. Can we go now? I don't want to be late for ballet. Again. Last week we missed it entirely because you were over at the fence grilling Charlie's mom on "time spent preparing meals" versus "time spent doing nails" and bragging about all the quality time we spend together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these posts "I work while my child sleeps and I spend all the waking moments with them along with my DH who also works unicorn hours. When they are preschool age we choose the best school ever....."
It's not real life, 99% of jobs are not like that and both parents equally parenting is difficult to manage too. Aren't parents often complaining about getting their spouse to take on more. I don't think the unicorn perfect parents of the world realize that most people cannot just "choose" this setup

Similarly

"I SAHM with my children, I even sleep with them to maximize my time "raising" them" ... I don't shower or cook or clean or workout or run errands or take walks or go on dates or see friends or do girls weekend or vacatino with my H or visit family without them or get sick or let my H take them or let them do independent play ever so I'm never away from them. I would never spend 1 hour away let alone 3 that is reducing my "raising" time by 20%. I spaced my kids perfectly so my toddler would never take time away from my infant."

It's not real life, 99% of SAHM's are doing stuff without their children for hours a day, they are not with them 24x7. They spend at most 6 hours a day one on one with them. I don't think it would even be healthy to be this invested and involved in every breath your child takes.

This is just not true.

+1. I can’t believe how many insecure moms are responding. Working and stay at home moms are not monolithic groups. Just because you know someone who does x does not mean that applies to all individuals in that group. The idea that working moms spend 30 minutes a day with their kids is as ludicrous as the idea that sahm spend 6 hours a day with their kids.

All of the insecure posts on here mostly directed as stay at home moms (I WFH) are insane though. Someone was offended that a poster said working moms gave up time with their kids and stay at home moms gave up status and financial security. And some crazed working mom wrote that she was insulted that someone would say working moms gave up time with their kids by working. I mean, how is it an insult to (checks notes) *state facts* unless you are so insecure that you can’t handle the truth.

So many women feel insulted by the “strangers raising my kid” comment because they feel that it is a personal attack on them and they are in complete denial about the fact that by working they spend less time with their children. Initially there were the people claiming they and their spouse worked full time and their child only had a nanny between 11-12 and 3-5 (because we all know it’s super common for children to take a three hour nap in the middle of the day from birth to five while you work and run errands🙄 and that so many nannies will accept a shambolic schedule) and since those ridiculous examples didn’t withstand scrutiny then it was the ad hominem “you dumb” after every valid argument and finally it’s this ridiculous argument that stay at home moms spend 6 hours with their kids a day (because if you’re a working parent in an office and your child naps it’s like you are right there taking care of them for all [insert unbelievably high made up number] hours they nap during the day, but if you’re a stay at home mom and your child naps you are not parenting them). It’s been illogical from the start but at this point it’s farcical too.

If you are talking about my post then you have reading comprehension issues because 1) I stated that my DH and I staggered schedules so that one left late and the other one came back early, 2) it was a 2-hour nap not 3 hours, and 3) We hired a nanny for 6 hours a day but she helped with housework when she wasn’t actively taking care of our kid.

And yes, it is perfectly reasonable to expect a child to take a 2-hour nap until age ~4 or so. Some don’t but most do.

So just call yourself a SAHM. What’s the difference?

Because I was not… I was a WOHM who made $200k+.

Why are you so antagonistic about this? It’s a good thing when working parents are able to flex their schedules to spend a ton of time with their kids. Maybe not as much as SAHPs (I didn’t claim to do so in my original post) but still a solid chunk so that they feel really connected with their kids.

Work out of home but spends the same amount of time at home. Ok.

I worked 11:15-6 in the office and he worked 8-4 in the office. I had a shorter commute, less demanding job, and lower salary than him. We both logged in for an hour or two every night.

Here’s your cookie. Nobody cares.

Maybe you think I am offended… but this comment just makes you sound petulant

You’re out of the home about 7 hours a day. Not sure why you’re engaging in arguments with SAHM about how much quality time you have at home.

Are you being deliberately obtuse in an attempt to goad someone into saying your brain has turned to mush?

My point was I (and my husband) could still work FT, with my kids in parental care the majority of their day.

So you saw your kids for like 90 minutes in the morning and 90 minutes at night and your husband never saw your kids in the morning. And you both patented solo and probably got docked financially at work for your weird hours in office and then you still worked 8:30-9:30 pm with your husband every night after your kids went to bed. Sounds like a miserable situation for everyone… Maybe one of you should have stayed home or used childcare so your lives weren’t so crazy. You must be very burnt out.

I saw my kids from 6-11am and 6:15-9pm. DH saw them from 5-9pm. My point was they were in the care of a parent for all but 11-5 (during which time they were napping for 2 hours anyway) and that made us happy because we wanted to prioritize their time with a parent!

Yes we were a little burnt out a bit from doing it, but it was temporary and enabled us long-term to grow our careers while still feeling super connected to our kids. Both of us received promotions (DH got a huge one) because our companies prioritized talent over facetime.

Overall we feel incredibly fortunate that we were able to have our cake and eat it too. I would encourage any parent who enjoys working to try pushing for flexible schedules before giving up and quitting.

I am not the poster with the neighbor, or the poster calculating and comparing how much time SAHMs spend with their kids (of course they spend more!). I am just stating what *I* did. The thought of being in competition with some SAHM is actually quite hilarious to me.

So your kids were in the care of someone other than their parent, 4 hours a day. Not 8 or 10 or 12.

6 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these posts "I work while my child sleeps and I spend all the waking moments with them along with my DH who also works unicorn hours. When they are preschool age we choose the best school ever....."
It's not real life, 99% of jobs are not like that and both parents equally parenting is difficult to manage too. Aren't parents often complaining about getting their spouse to take on more. I don't think the unicorn perfect parents of the world realize that most people cannot just "choose" this setup

Similarly

"I SAHM with my children, I even sleep with them to maximize my time "raising" them" ... I don't shower or cook or clean or workout or run errands or take walks or go on dates or see friends or do girls weekend or vacatino with my H or visit family without them or get sick or let my H take them or let them do independent play ever so I'm never away from them. I would never spend 1 hour away let alone 3 that is reducing my "raising" time by 20%. I spaced my kids perfectly so my toddler would never take time away from my infant."

It's not real life, 99% of SAHM's are doing stuff without their children for hours a day, they are not with them 24x7. They spend at most 6 hours a day one on one with them. I don't think it would even be healthy to be this invested and involved in every breath your child takes.

This is just not true.

+1. I can’t believe how many insecure moms are responding. Working and stay at home moms are not monolithic groups. Just because you know someone who does x does not mean that applies to all individuals in that group. The idea that working moms spend 30 minutes a day with their kids is as ludicrous as the idea that sahm spend 6 hours a day with their kids.

All of the insecure posts on here mostly directed as stay at home moms (I WFH) are insane though. Someone was offended that a poster said working moms gave up time with their kids and stay at home moms gave up status and financial security. And some crazed working mom wrote that she was insulted that someone would say working moms gave up time with their kids by working. I mean, how is it an insult to (checks notes) *state facts* unless you are so insecure that you can’t handle the truth.

So many women feel insulted by the “strangers raising my kid” comment because they feel that it is a personal attack on them and they are in complete denial about the fact that by working they spend less time with their children. Initially there were the people claiming they and their spouse worked full time and their child only had a nanny between 11-12 and 3-5 (because we all know it’s super common for children to take a three hour nap in the middle of the day from birth to five while you work and run errands🙄 and that so many nannies will accept a shambolic schedule) and since those ridiculous examples didn’t withstand scrutiny then it was the ad hominem “you dumb” after every valid argument and finally it’s this ridiculous argument that stay at home moms spend 6 hours with their kids a day (because if you’re a working parent in an office and your child naps it’s like you are right there taking care of them for all [insert unbelievably high made up number] hours they nap during the day, but if you’re a stay at home mom and your child naps you are not parenting them). It’s been illogical from the start but at this point it’s farcical too.

If you are talking about my post then you have reading comprehension issues because 1) I stated that my DH and I staggered schedules so that one left late and the other one came back early, 2) it was a 2-hour nap not 3 hours, and 3) We hired a nanny for 6 hours a day but she helped with housework when she wasn’t actively taking care of our kid.

And yes, it is perfectly reasonable to expect a child to take a 2-hour nap until age ~4 or so. Some don’t but most do.

Newsflash: it’s not common for four year olds to nap for two hours a day. It’s actually not common for four year olds to nap (do you have an only child and think your experience with them is the norm?). 43% of 3 year olds don’t nap, which increases to 74% of four year olds and 85% of five year olds, and I imagine the four and five year olds and probably many three year olds are napping for 30 minutes and then are nightmares to put to bed.

Our all day K has 1 hour nap time.

Our PreK-4 has 1.5 hour quiet time. My new 4 doesn't nap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these posts "I work while my child sleeps and I spend all the waking moments with them along with my DH who also works unicorn hours. When they are preschool age we choose the best school ever....."
It's not real life, 99% of jobs are not like that and both parents equally parenting is difficult to manage too. Aren't parents often complaining about getting their spouse to take on more. I don't think the unicorn perfect parents of the world realize that most people cannot just "choose" this setup

Similarly

"I SAHM with my children, I even sleep with them to maximize my time "raising" them" ... I don't shower or cook or clean or workout or run errands or take walks or go on dates or see friends or do girls weekend or vacatino with my H or visit family without them or get sick or let my H take them or let them do independent play ever so I'm never away from them. I would never spend 1 hour away let alone 3 that is reducing my "raising" time by 20%. I spaced my kids perfectly so my toddler would never take time away from my infant."

It's not real life, 99% of SAHM's are doing stuff without their children for hours a day, they are not with them 24x7. They spend at most 6 hours a day one on one with them. I don't think it would even be healthy to be this invested and involved in every breath your child takes.

This is just not true.

+1. I can’t believe how many insecure moms are responding. Working and stay at home moms are not monolithic groups. Just because you know someone who does x does not mean that applies to all individuals in that group. The idea that working moms spend 30 minutes a day with their kids is as ludicrous as the idea that sahm spend 6 hours a day with their kids.

All of the insecure posts on here mostly directed as stay at home moms (I WFH) are insane though. Someone was offended that a poster said working moms gave up time with their kids and stay at home moms gave up status and financial security. And some crazed working mom wrote that she was insulted that someone would say working moms gave up time with their kids by working. I mean, how is it an insult to (checks notes) *state facts* unless you are so insecure that you can’t handle the truth.

So many women feel insulted by the “strangers raising my kid” comment because they feel that it is a personal attack on them and they are in complete denial about the fact that by working they spend less time with their children. Initially there were the people claiming they and their spouse worked full time and their child only had a nanny between 11-12 and 3-5 (because we all know it’s super common for children to take a three hour nap in the middle of the day from birth to five while you work and run errands🙄 and that so many nannies will accept a shambolic schedule) and since those ridiculous examples didn’t withstand scrutiny then it was the ad hominem “you dumb” after every valid argument and finally it’s this ridiculous argument that stay at home moms spend 6 hours with their kids a day (because if you’re a working parent in an office and your child naps it’s like you are right there taking care of them for all [insert unbelievably high made up number] hours they nap during the day, but if you’re a stay at home mom and your child naps you are not parenting them). It’s been illogical from the start but at this point it’s farcical too.

If you are talking about my post then you have reading comprehension issues because 1) I stated that my DH and I staggered schedules so that one left late and the other one came back early, 2) it was a 2-hour nap not 3 hours, and 3) We hired a nanny for 6 hours a day but she helped with housework when she wasn’t actively taking care of our kid.

And yes, it is perfectly reasonable to expect a child to take a 2-hour nap until age ~4 or so. Some don’t but most do.

So just call yourself a SAHM. What’s the difference?

Because I was not… I was a WOHM who made $200k+.

Why are you so antagonistic about this? It’s a good thing when working parents are able to flex their schedules to spend a ton of time with their kids. Maybe not as much as SAHPs (I didn’t claim to do so in my original post) but still a solid chunk so that they feel really connected with their kids.

Work out of home but spends the same amount of time at home. Ok.

I worked 11:15-6 in the office and he worked 8-4 in the office. I had a shorter commute, less demanding job, and lower salary than him. We both logged in for an hour or two every night.

Here’s your cookie. Nobody cares.

Maybe you think I am offended… but this comment just makes you sound petulant

You’re out of the home about 7 hours a day. Not sure why you’re engaging in arguments with SAHM about how much quality time you have at home.

Are you being deliberately obtuse in an attempt to goad someone into saying your brain has turned to mush?

My point was I (and my husband) could still work FT, with my kids in parental care the majority of their day.

So you saw your kids for like 90 minutes in the morning and 90 minutes at night and your husband never saw your kids in the morning. And you both patented solo and probably got docked financially at work for your weird hours in office and then you still worked 8:30-9:30 pm with your husband every night after your kids went to bed. Sounds like a miserable situation for everyone… Maybe one of you should have stayed home or used childcare so your lives weren’t so crazy. You must be very burnt out.

I saw my kids from 6-11am and 6:15-9pm. DH saw them from 5-9pm. My point was they were in the care of a parent for all but 11-5 (during which time they were napping for 2 hours anyway) and that made us happy because we wanted to prioritize their time with a parent!

Yes we were a little burnt out a bit from doing it, but it was temporary and enabled us long-term to grow our careers while still feeling super connected to our kids. Both of us received promotions (DH got a huge one) because our companies prioritized talent over facetime.

Overall we feel incredibly fortunate that we were able to have our cake and eat it too. I would encourage any parent who enjoys working to try pushing for flexible schedules before giving up and quitting.

I am not the poster with the neighbor, or the poster calculating and comparing how much time SAHMs spend with their kids (of course they spend more!). I am just stating what *I* did. The thought of being in competition with some SAHM is actually quite hilarious to me.

Your children woke up at 6 am and went to bed at 9 pm before they were even in K?

And then you and your husband worked for an hour every night after your children went to bed, so like 9:15-10:15 pm, before you cleaned up and got everything ready for the next day before waking up at like 5:15 to shower and get ready before the kids woke up at 6? What an insane schedule for your entire family.

While many working couples do not both have unicorn remote jobs that allow them to flex time in a way that allows them to work outside of standard hours that also correspond with their spouse’s job, usually jobs like this do not allow for growth. If someone needs your spouse at 4 or you at 8 am they can’t get ahold of you for hours. This entire set up is also predicated on your toddler and preschool aged children waking up at 6, going to bed at 9, and napping for two hours in the middle of the day and you and your husband using your evenings to put your kids to bed and work. The craziness of this schedule perfectly illustrates why so many people either have childcare for a standard workday or a parent stays at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these posts "I work while my child sleeps and I spend all the waking moments with them along with my DH who also works unicorn hours. When they are preschool age we choose the best school ever....."
It's not real life, 99% of jobs are not like that and both parents equally parenting is difficult to manage too. Aren't parents often complaining about getting their spouse to take on more. I don't think the unicorn perfect parents of the world realize that most people cannot just "choose" this setup

Similarly

"I SAHM with my children, I even sleep with them to maximize my time "raising" them" ... I don't shower or cook or clean or workout or run errands or take walks or go on dates or see friends or do girls weekend or vacatino with my H or visit family without them or get sick or let my H take them or let them do independent play ever so I'm never away from them. I would never spend 1 hour away let alone 3 that is reducing my "raising" time by 20%. I spaced my kids perfectly so my toddler would never take time away from my infant."

It's not real life, 99% of SAHM's are doing stuff without their children for hours a day, they are not with them 24x7. They spend at most 6 hours a day one on one with them. I don't think it would even be healthy to be this invested and involved in every breath your child takes.

This is just not true.

+1. I can’t believe how many insecure moms are responding. Working and stay at home moms are not monolithic groups. Just because you know someone who does x does not mean that applies to all individuals in that group. The idea that working moms spend 30 minutes a day with their kids is as ludicrous as the idea that sahm spend 6 hours a day with their kids.

All of the insecure posts on here mostly directed as stay at home moms (I WFH) are insane though. Someone was offended that a poster said working moms gave up time with their kids and stay at home moms gave up status and financial security. And some crazed working mom wrote that she was insulted that someone would say working moms gave up time with their kids by working. I mean, how is it an insult to (checks notes) *state facts* unless you are so insecure that you can’t handle the truth.

So many women feel insulted by the “strangers raising my kid” comment because they feel that it is a personal attack on them and they are in complete denial about the fact that by working they spend less time with their children. Initially there were the people claiming they and their spouse worked full time and their child only had a nanny between 11-12 and 3-5 (because we all know it’s super common for children to take a three hour nap in the middle of the day from birth to five while you work and run errands🙄 and that so many nannies will accept a shambolic schedule) and since those ridiculous examples didn’t withstand scrutiny then it was the ad hominem “you dumb” after every valid argument and finally it’s this ridiculous argument that stay at home moms spend 6 hours with their kids a day (because if you’re a working parent in an office and your child naps it’s like you are right there taking care of them for all [insert unbelievably high made up number] hours they nap during the day, but if you’re a stay at home mom and your child naps you are not parenting them). It’s been illogical from the start but at this point it’s farcical too.

If you are talking about my post then you have reading comprehension issues because 1) I stated that my DH and I staggered schedules so that one left late and the other one came back early, 2) it was a 2-hour nap not 3 hours, and 3) We hired a nanny for 6 hours a day but she helped with housework when she wasn’t actively taking care of our kid.

And yes, it is perfectly reasonable to expect a child to take a 2-hour nap until age ~4 or so. Some don’t but most do.

So just call yourself a SAHM. What’s the difference?

Because I was not… I was a WOHM who made $200k+.

Why are you so antagonistic about this? It’s a good thing when working parents are able to flex their schedules to spend a ton of time with their kids. Maybe not as much as SAHPs (I didn’t claim to do so in my original post) but still a solid chunk so that they feel really connected with their kids.

Work out of home but spends the same amount of time at home. Ok.

I worked 11:15-6 in the office and he worked 8-4 in the office. I had a shorter commute, less demanding job, and lower salary than him. We both logged in for an hour or two every night.

Here’s your cookie. Nobody cares.

Maybe you think I am offended… but this comment just makes you sound petulant

You’re out of the home about 7 hours a day. Not sure why you’re engaging in arguments with SAHM about how much quality time you have at home.

Are you being deliberately obtuse in an attempt to goad someone into saying your brain has turned to mush?

My point was I (and my husband) could still work FT, with my kids in parental care the majority of their day.

So you saw your kids for like 90 minutes in the morning and 90 minutes at night and your husband never saw your kids in the morning. And you both patented solo and probably got docked financially at work for your weird hours in office and then you still worked 8:30-9:30 pm with your husband every night after your kids went to bed. Sounds like a miserable situation for everyone… Maybe one of you should have stayed home or used childcare so your lives weren’t so crazy. You must be very burnt out.

I saw my kids from 6-11am and 6:15-9pm. DH saw them from 5-9pm. My point was they were in the care of a parent for all but 11-5 (during which time they were napping for 2 hours anyway) and that made us happy because we wanted to prioritize their time with a parent!

Yes we were a little burnt out a bit from doing it, but it was temporary and enabled us long-term to grow our careers while still feeling super connected to our kids. Both of us received promotions (DH got a huge one) because our companies prioritized talent over facetime.

Overall we feel incredibly fortunate that we were able to have our cake and eat it too. I would encourage any parent who enjoys working to try pushing for flexible schedules before giving up and quitting.

I am not the poster with the neighbor, or the poster calculating and comparing how much time SAHMs spend with their kids (of course they spend more!). I am just stating what *I* did. The thought of being in competition with some SAHM is actually quite hilarious to me.

So your kids were in the care of someone other than their parent, 4 hours a day. Not 8 or 10 or 12.

11-5, so 6 hours. Which generally consisted of lunch, playtime at home, nap, walk to playground, then back home for the evening routine with DH. As naps got shorter, playground time got longer. Or if it was indoor weather, play date with a neighborhood kid (there were plenty of them around).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these posts "I work while my child sleeps and I spend all the waking moments with them along with my DH who also works unicorn hours. When they are preschool age we choose the best school ever....."
It's not real life, 99% of jobs are not like that and both parents equally parenting is difficult to manage too. Aren't parents often complaining about getting their spouse to take on more. I don't think the unicorn perfect parents of the world realize that most people cannot just "choose" this setup

Similarly

"I SAHM with my children, I even sleep with them to maximize my time "raising" them" ... I don't shower or cook or clean or workout or run errands or take walks or go on dates or see friends or do girls weekend or vacatino with my H or visit family without them or get sick or let my H take them or let them do independent play ever so I'm never away from them. I would never spend 1 hour away let alone 3 that is reducing my "raising" time by 20%. I spaced my kids perfectly so my toddler would never take time away from my infant."

It's not real life, 99% of SAHM's are doing stuff without their children for hours a day, they are not with them 24x7. They spend at most 6 hours a day one on one with them. I don't think it would even be healthy to be this invested and involved in every breath your child takes.

This is just not true.

+1. I can’t believe how many insecure moms are responding. Working and stay at home moms are not monolithic groups. Just because you know someone who does x does not mean that applies to all individuals in that group. The idea that working moms spend 30 minutes a day with their kids is as ludicrous as the idea that sahm spend 6 hours a day with their kids.

All of the insecure posts on here mostly directed as stay at home moms (I WFH) are insane though. Someone was offended that a poster said working moms gave up time with their kids and stay at home moms gave up status and financial security. And some crazed working mom wrote that she was insulted that someone would say working moms gave up time with their kids by working. I mean, how is it an insult to (checks notes) *state facts* unless you are so insecure that you can’t handle the truth.

So many women feel insulted by the “strangers raising my kid” comment because they feel that it is a personal attack on them and they are in complete denial about the fact that by working they spend less time with their children. Initially there were the people claiming they and their spouse worked full time and their child only had a nanny between 11-12 and 3-5 (because we all know it’s super common for children to take a three hour nap in the middle of the day from birth to five while you work and run errands🙄 and that so many nannies will accept a shambolic schedule) and since those ridiculous examples didn’t withstand scrutiny then it was the ad hominem “you dumb” after every valid argument and finally it’s this ridiculous argument that stay at home moms spend 6 hours with their kids a day (because if you’re a working parent in an office and your child naps it’s like you are right there taking care of them for all [insert unbelievably high made up number] hours they nap during the day, but if you’re a stay at home mom and your child naps you are not parenting them). It’s been illogical from the start but at this point it’s farcical too.

If you are talking about my post then you have reading comprehension issues because 1) I stated that my DH and I staggered schedules so that one left late and the other one came back early, 2) it was a 2-hour nap not 3 hours, and 3) We hired a nanny for 6 hours a day but she helped with housework when she wasn’t actively taking care of our kid.

And yes, it is perfectly reasonable to expect a child to take a 2-hour nap until age ~4 or so. Some don’t but most do.

So just call yourself a SAHM. What’s the difference?

Because I was not… I was a WOHM who made $200k+.

Why are you so antagonistic about this? It’s a good thing when working parents are able to flex their schedules to spend a ton of time with their kids. Maybe not as much as SAHPs (I didn’t claim to do so in my original post) but still a solid chunk so that they feel really connected with their kids.

Work out of home but spends the same amount of time at home. Ok.

I worked 11:15-6 in the office and he worked 8-4 in the office. I had a shorter commute, less demanding job, and lower salary than him. We both logged in for an hour or two every night.

Here’s your cookie. Nobody cares.

Maybe you think I am offended… but this comment just makes you sound petulant

You’re out of the home about 7 hours a day. Not sure why you’re engaging in arguments with SAHM about how much quality time you have at home.

Are you being deliberately obtuse in an attempt to goad someone into saying your brain has turned to mush?

My point was I (and my husband) could still work FT, with my kids in parental care the majority of their day.

So you saw your kids for like 90 minutes in the morning and 90 minutes at night and your husband never saw your kids in the morning. And you both patented solo and probably got docked financially at work for your weird hours in office and then you still worked 8:30-9:30 pm with your husband every night after your kids went to bed. Sounds like a miserable situation for everyone… Maybe one of you should have stayed home or used childcare so your lives weren’t so crazy. You must be very burnt out.

I saw my kids from 6-11am and 6:15-9pm. DH saw them from 5-9pm. My point was they were in the care of a parent for all but 11-5 (during which time they were napping for 2 hours anyway) and that made us happy because we wanted to prioritize their time with a parent!

Yes we were a little burnt out a bit from doing it, but it was temporary and enabled us long-term to grow our careers while still feeling super connected to our kids. Both of us received promotions (DH got a huge one) because our companies prioritized talent over facetime.

Overall we feel incredibly fortunate that we were able to have our cake and eat it too. I would encourage any parent who enjoys working to try pushing for flexible schedules before giving up and quitting.

I am not the poster with the neighbor, or the poster calculating and comparing how much time SAHMs spend with their kids (of course they spend more!). I am just stating what *I* did. The thought of being in competition with some SAHM is actually quite hilarious to me.

Your children woke up at 6 am and went to bed at 9 pm before they were even in K?

And then you and your husband worked for an hour every night after your children went to bed, so like 9:15-10:15 pm, before you cleaned up and got everything ready for the next day before waking up at like 5:15 to shower and get ready before the kids woke up at 6? What an insane schedule for your entire family.

While many working couples do not both have unicorn remote jobs that allow them to flex time in a way that allows them to work outside of standard hours that also correspond with their spouse’s job, usually jobs like this do not allow for growth. If someone needs your spouse at 4 or you at 8 am they can’t get ahold of you for hours. This entire set up is also predicated on your toddler and preschool aged children waking up at 6, going to bed at 9, and napping for two hours in the middle of the day and you and your husband using your evenings to put your kids to bed and work. The craziness of this schedule perfectly illustrates why so many people either have childcare for a standard workday or a parent stays at home.

Our nanny helped with cooking and housework during nap time. We paid a FT salary for only 30-35 hours a week, so she was happy to do it.

Look, you can try and poke 100 holes in my story that are not worth my time to refute. If it makes you happy to believe I am a) lying about my schedule b) was miserable during that time, or c) had a career that stalled, then go ahead and believe it.

But for any open-minded WOHMs out there who enjoy working and still want to find a way to spend more time with their kids, I would strongly recommend advocating for a more flexible schedule, before giving up and quitting. Yes, it requires some sacrifice of nighttime entertainment (very limited TV or phone scrolling for us!) but it was worth it because we spent a ton of time with our young kids while still growing our careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these posts "I work while my child sleeps and I spend all the waking moments with them along with my DH who also works unicorn hours. When they are preschool age we choose the best school ever....."
It's not real life, 99% of jobs are not like that and both parents equally parenting is difficult to manage too. Aren't parents often complaining about getting their spouse to take on more. I don't think the unicorn perfect parents of the world realize that most people cannot just "choose" this setup

Similarly

"I SAHM with my children, I even sleep with them to maximize my time "raising" them" ... I don't shower or cook or clean or workout or run errands or take walks or go on dates or see friends or do girls weekend or vacatino with my H or visit family without them or get sick or let my H take them or let them do independent play ever so I'm never away from them. I would never spend 1 hour away let alone 3 that is reducing my "raising" time by 20%. I spaced my kids perfectly so my toddler would never take time away from my infant."

It's not real life, 99% of SAHM's are doing stuff without their children for hours a day, they are not with them 24x7. They spend at most 6 hours a day one on one with them. I don't think it would even be healthy to be this invested and involved in every breath your child takes.

This is just not true.

+1. I can’t believe how many insecure moms are responding. Working and stay at home moms are not monolithic groups. Just because you know someone who does x does not mean that applies to all individuals in that group. The idea that working moms spend 30 minutes a day with their kids is as ludicrous as the idea that sahm spend 6 hours a day with their kids.

All of the insecure posts on here mostly directed as stay at home moms (I WFH) are insane though. Someone was offended that a poster said working moms gave up time with their kids and stay at home moms gave up status and financial security. And some crazed working mom wrote that she was insulted that someone would say working moms gave up time with their kids by working. I mean, how is it an insult to (checks notes) *state facts* unless you are so insecure that you can’t handle the truth.

So many women feel insulted by the “strangers raising my kid” comment because they feel that it is a personal attack on them and they are in complete denial about the fact that by working they spend less time with their children. Initially there were the people claiming they and their spouse worked full time and their child only had a nanny between 11-12 and 3-5 (because we all know it’s super common for children to take a three hour nap in the middle of the day from birth to five while you work and run errands🙄 and that so many nannies will accept a shambolic schedule) and since those ridiculous examples didn’t withstand scrutiny then it was the ad hominem “you dumb” after every valid argument and finally it’s this ridiculous argument that stay at home moms spend 6 hours with their kids a day (because if you’re a working parent in an office and your child naps it’s like you are right there taking care of them for all [insert unbelievably high made up number] hours they nap during the day, but if you’re a stay at home mom and your child naps you are not parenting them). It’s been illogical from the start but at this point it’s farcical too.

If you are talking about my post then you have reading comprehension issues because 1) I stated that my DH and I staggered schedules so that one left late and the other one came back early, 2) it was a 2-hour nap not 3 hours, and 3) We hired a nanny for 6 hours a day but she helped with housework when she wasn’t actively taking care of our kid.

And yes, it is perfectly reasonable to expect a child to take a 2-hour nap until age ~4 or so. Some don’t but most do.

So just call yourself a SAHM. What’s the difference?

Because I was not… I was a WOHM who made $200k+.

Why are you so antagonistic about this? It’s a good thing when working parents are able to flex their schedules to spend a ton of time with their kids. Maybe not as much as SAHPs (I didn’t claim to do so in my original post) but still a solid chunk so that they feel really connected with their kids.

Work out of home but spends the same amount of time at home. Ok.

I worked 11:15-6 in the office and he worked 8-4 in the office. I had a shorter commute, less demanding job, and lower salary than him. We both logged in for an hour or two every night.

Here’s your cookie. Nobody cares.

Maybe you think I am offended… but this comment just makes you sound petulant

You’re out of the home about 7 hours a day. Not sure why you’re engaging in arguments with SAHM about how much quality time you have at home.

Are you being deliberately obtuse in an attempt to goad someone into saying your brain has turned to mush?

My point was I (and my husband) could still work FT, with my kids in parental care the majority of their day.

So you saw your kids for like 90 minutes in the morning and 90 minutes at night and your husband never saw your kids in the morning. And you both patented solo and probably got docked financially at work for your weird hours in office and then you still worked 8:30-9:30 pm with your husband every night after your kids went to bed. Sounds like a miserable situation for everyone… Maybe one of you should have stayed home or used childcare so your lives weren’t so crazy. You must be very burnt out.

I saw my kids from 6-11am and 6:15-9pm. DH saw them from 5-9pm. My point was they were in the care of a parent for all but 11-5 (during which time they were napping for 2 hours anyway) and that made us happy because we wanted to prioritize their time with a parent!

Yes we were a little burnt out a bit from doing it, but it was temporary and enabled us long-term to grow our careers while still feeling super connected to our kids. Both of us received promotions (DH got a huge one) because our companies prioritized talent over facetime.

Overall we feel incredibly fortunate that we were able to have our cake and eat it too. I would encourage any parent who enjoys working to try pushing for flexible schedules before giving up and quitting.

I am not the poster with the neighbor, or the poster calculating and comparing how much time SAHMs spend with their kids (of course they spend more!). I am just stating what *I* did. The thought of being in competition with some SAHM is actually quite hilarious to me.

So your kids were in the care of someone other than their parent, 4 hours a day. Not 8 or 10 or 12.

11-5, so 6 hours. Which generally consisted of lunch, playtime at home, nap, walk to playground, then back home for the evening routine with DH. As naps got shorter, playground time got longer. Or if it was indoor weather, play date with a neighborhood kid (there were plenty of them around).

I do not understand what the point of these detailed accountings is.

I guess to try and claim you have cracked the code to having both a successful career and not missing out on any time with your kids?

And yet a sahp would be spending the hours of 11-5 with their kids so... it's not the same. She would also not have a salary or the benefit of the help and support you get from a nanny. Tradeoffs. Everyone has them.

I just think we could all agree that saying a working parent doesn't "raise" their kids is not fair or accurate in the vast majority of cases but also concede that of course sahps spend more time with their kids and there are certain benefits to this (just as there are benefits to having two incomes and having reliable childcare).

I don't even understand what we are arguing about at this point. I truly do not care about your split shift with your spouse and nanny. Like it is incredibly dull and I cannot believe there are like 50 posts on this thread about this subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these posts "I work while my child sleeps and I spend all the waking moments with them along with my DH who also works unicorn hours. When they are preschool age we choose the best school ever....."
It's not real life, 99% of jobs are not like that and both parents equally parenting is difficult to manage too. Aren't parents often complaining about getting their spouse to take on more. I don't think the unicorn perfect parents of the world realize that most people cannot just "choose" this setup

Similarly

"I SAHM with my children, I even sleep with them to maximize my time "raising" them" ... I don't shower or cook or clean or workout or run errands or take walks or go on dates or see friends or do girls weekend or vacatino with my H or visit family without them or get sick or let my H take them or let them do independent play ever so I'm never away from them. I would never spend 1 hour away let alone 3 that is reducing my "raising" time by 20%. I spaced my kids perfectly so my toddler would never take time away from my infant."

It's not real life, 99% of SAHM's are doing stuff without their children for hours a day, they are not with them 24x7. They spend at most 6 hours a day one on one with them. I don't think it would even be healthy to be this invested and involved in every breath your child takes.

This is just not true.

+1. I can’t believe how many insecure moms are responding. Working and stay at home moms are not monolithic groups. Just because you know someone who does x does not mean that applies to all individuals in that group. The idea that working moms spend 30 minutes a day with their kids is as ludicrous as the idea that sahm spend 6 hours a day with their kids.

All of the insecure posts on here mostly directed as stay at home moms (I WFH) are insane though. Someone was offended that a poster said working moms gave up time with their kids and stay at home moms gave up status and financial security. And some crazed working mom wrote that she was insulted that someone would say working moms gave up time with their kids by working. I mean, how is it an insult to (checks notes) *state facts* unless you are so insecure that you can’t handle the truth.

So many women feel insulted by the “strangers raising my kid” comment because they feel that it is a personal attack on them and they are in complete denial about the fact that by working they spend less time with their children. Initially there were the people claiming they and their spouse worked full time and their child only had a nanny between 11-12 and 3-5 (because we all know it’s super common for children to take a three hour nap in the middle of the day from birth to five while you work and run errands🙄 and that so many nannies will accept a shambolic schedule) and since those ridiculous examples didn’t withstand scrutiny then it was the ad hominem “you dumb” after every valid argument and finally it’s this ridiculous argument that stay at home moms spend 6 hours with their kids a day (because if you’re a working parent in an office and your child naps it’s like you are right there taking care of them for all [insert unbelievably high made up number] hours they nap during the day, but if you’re a stay at home mom and your child naps you are not parenting them). It’s been illogical from the start but at this point it’s farcical too.

If you are talking about my post then you have reading comprehension issues because 1) I stated that my DH and I staggered schedules so that one left late and the other one came back early, 2) it was a 2-hour nap not 3 hours, and 3) We hired a nanny for 6 hours a day but she helped with housework when she wasn’t actively taking care of our kid.

And yes, it is perfectly reasonable to expect a child to take a 2-hour nap until age ~4 or so. Some don’t but most do.

So just call yourself a SAHM. What’s the difference?

Because I was not… I was a WOHM who made $200k+.

Why are you so antagonistic about this? It’s a good thing when working parents are able to flex their schedules to spend a ton of time with their kids. Maybe not as much as SAHPs (I didn’t claim to do so in my original post) but still a solid chunk so that they feel really connected with their kids.

Work out of home but spends the same amount of time at home. Ok.

I worked 11:15-6 in the office and he worked 8-4 in the office. I had a shorter commute, less demanding job, and lower salary than him. We both logged in for an hour or two every night.

Here’s your cookie. Nobody cares.

Maybe you think I am offended… but this comment just makes you sound petulant

You’re out of the home about 7 hours a day. Not sure why you’re engaging in arguments with SAHM about how much quality time you have at home.

Are you being deliberately obtuse in an attempt to goad someone into saying your brain has turned to mush?

My point was I (and my husband) could still work FT, with my kids in parental care the majority of their day.

So you saw your kids for like 90 minutes in the morning and 90 minutes at night and your husband never saw your kids in the morning. And you both patented solo and probably got docked financially at work for your weird hours in office and then you still worked 8:30-9:30 pm with your husband every night after your kids went to bed. Sounds like a miserable situation for everyone… Maybe one of you should have stayed home or used childcare so your lives weren’t so crazy. You must be very burnt out.

I saw my kids from 6-11am and 6:15-9pm. DH saw them from 5-9pm. My point was they were in the care of a parent for all but 11-5 (during which time they were napping for 2 hours anyway) and that made us happy because we wanted to prioritize their time with a parent!

Yes we were a little burnt out a bit from doing it, but it was temporary and enabled us long-term to grow our careers while still feeling super connected to our kids. Both of us received promotions (DH got a huge one) because our companies prioritized talent over facetime.

Overall we feel incredibly fortunate that we were able to have our cake and eat it too. I would encourage any parent who enjoys working to try pushing for flexible schedules before giving up and quitting.

I am not the poster with the neighbor, or the poster calculating and comparing how much time SAHMs spend with their kids (of course they spend more!). I am just stating what *I* did. The thought of being in competition with some SAHM is actually quite hilarious to me.

So your kids were in the care of someone other than their parent, 4 hours a day. Not 8 or 10 or 12.

11-5, so 6 hours. Which generally consisted of lunch, playtime at home, nap, walk to playground, then back home for the evening routine with DH. As naps got shorter, playground time got longer. Or if it was indoor weather, play date with a neighborhood kid (there were plenty of them around).

I do not understand what the point of these detailed accountings is.

I guess to try and claim you have cracked the code to having both a successful career and not missing out on any time with your kids?

And yet a sahp would be spending the hours of 11-5 with their kids so... it's not the same. She would also not have a salary or the benefit of the help and support you get from a nanny. Tradeoffs. Everyone has them.

I just think we could all agree that saying a working parent doesn't "raise" their kids is not fair or accurate in the vast majority of cases but also concede that of course sahps spend more time with their kids and there are certain benefits to this (just as there are benefits to having two incomes and having reliable childcare).

I don't even understand what we are arguing about at this point. I truly do not care about your split shift with your spouse and nanny. Like it is incredibly dull and I cannot believe there are like 50 posts on this thread about this subject.

Thank you!
I sahm and don't care about other people's schedules. You're all raising your kids and some with great schedules, rough schedules, stressful, peaceful, hectic or everything together. Nobody but you and some antagonistic jerk responding here wants to pick apart your hours. Please stop justifying yourselves and do NOT doubt your choices over some troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these posts "I work while my child sleeps and I spend all the waking moments with them along with my DH who also works unicorn hours. When they are preschool age we choose the best school ever....."
It's not real life, 99% of jobs are not like that and both parents equally parenting is difficult to manage too. Aren't parents often complaining about getting their spouse to take on more. I don't think the unicorn perfect parents of the world realize that most people cannot just "choose" this setup

Similarly

"I SAHM with my children, I even sleep with them to maximize my time "raising" them" ... I don't shower or cook or clean or workout or run errands or take walks or go on dates or see friends or do girls weekend or vacatino with my H or visit family without them or get sick or let my H take them or let them do independent play ever so I'm never away from them. I would never spend 1 hour away let alone 3 that is reducing my "raising" time by 20%. I spaced my kids perfectly so my toddler would never take time away from my infant."

It's not real life, 99% of SAHM's are doing stuff without their children for hours a day, they are not with them 24x7. They spend at most 6 hours a day one on one with them. I don't think it would even be healthy to be this invested and involved in every breath your child takes.

This is just not true.

+1. I can’t believe how many insecure moms are responding. Working and stay at home moms are not monolithic groups. Just because you know someone who does x does not mean that applies to all individuals in that group. The idea that working moms spend 30 minutes a day with their kids is as ludicrous as the idea that sahm spend 6 hours a day with their kids.

All of the insecure posts on here mostly directed as stay at home moms (I WFH) are insane though. Someone was offended that a poster said working moms gave up time with their kids and stay at home moms gave up status and financial security. And some crazed working mom wrote that she was insulted that someone would say working moms gave up time with their kids by working. I mean, how is it an insult to (checks notes) *state facts* unless you are so insecure that you can’t handle the truth.

So many women feel insulted by the “strangers raising my kid” comment because they feel that it is a personal attack on them and they are in complete denial about the fact that by working they spend less time with their children. Initially there were the people claiming they and their spouse worked full time and their child only had a nanny between 11-12 and 3-5 (because we all know it’s super common for children to take a three hour nap in the middle of the day from birth to five while you work and run errands🙄 and that so many nannies will accept a shambolic schedule) and since those ridiculous examples didn’t withstand scrutiny then it was the ad hominem “you dumb” after every valid argument and finally it’s this ridiculous argument that stay at home moms spend 6 hours with their kids a day (because if you’re a working parent in an office and your child naps it’s like you are right there taking care of them for all [insert unbelievably high made up number] hours they nap during the day, but if you’re a stay at home mom and your child naps you are not parenting them). It’s been illogical from the start but at this point it’s farcical too.

If you are talking about my post then you have reading comprehension issues because 1) I stated that my DH and I staggered schedules so that one left late and the other one came back early, 2) it was a 2-hour nap not 3 hours, and 3) We hired a nanny for 6 hours a day but she helped with housework when she wasn’t actively taking care of our kid.

And yes, it is perfectly reasonable to expect a child to take a 2-hour nap until age ~4 or so. Some don’t but most do.

So just call yourself a SAHM. What’s the difference?

Because I was not… I was a WOHM who made $200k+.

Why are you so antagonistic about this? It’s a good thing when working parents are able to flex their schedules to spend a ton of time with their kids. Maybe not as much as SAHPs (I didn’t claim to do so in my original post) but still a solid chunk so that they feel really connected with their kids.

Work out of home but spends the same amount of time at home. Ok.

I worked 11:15-6 in the office and he worked 8-4 in the office. I had a shorter commute, less demanding job, and lower salary than him. We both logged in for an hour or two every night.

Here’s your cookie. Nobody cares.

Maybe you think I am offended… but this comment just makes you sound petulant

You’re out of the home about 7 hours a day. Not sure why you’re engaging in arguments with SAHM about how much quality time you have at home.

Are you being deliberately obtuse in an attempt to goad someone into saying your brain has turned to mush?

My point was I (and my husband) could still work FT, with my kids in parental care the majority of their day.

So you saw your kids for like 90 minutes in the morning and 90 minutes at night and your husband never saw your kids in the morning. And you both patented solo and probably got docked financially at work for your weird hours in office and then you still worked 8:30-9:30 pm with your husband every night after your kids went to bed. Sounds like a miserable situation for everyone… Maybe one of you should have stayed home or used childcare so your lives weren’t so crazy. You must be very burnt out.

I saw my kids from 6-11am and 6:15-9pm. DH saw them from 5-9pm. My point was they were in the care of a parent for all but 11-5 (during which time they were napping for 2 hours anyway) and that made us happy because we wanted to prioritize their time with a parent!

Yes we were a little burnt out a bit from doing it, but it was temporary and enabled us long-term to grow our careers while still feeling super connected to our kids. Both of us received promotions (DH got a huge one) because our companies prioritized talent over facetime.

Overall we feel incredibly fortunate that we were able to have our cake and eat it too. I would encourage any parent who enjoys working to try pushing for flexible schedules before giving up and quitting.

I am not the poster with the neighbor, or the poster calculating and comparing how much time SAHMs spend with their kids (of course they spend more!). I am just stating what *I* did. The thought of being in competition with some SAHM is actually quite hilarious to me.

Your children woke up at 6 am and went to bed at 9 pm before they were even in K?

And then you and your husband worked for an hour every night after your children went to bed, so like 9:15-10:15 pm, before you cleaned up and got everything ready for the next day before waking up at like 5:15 to shower and get ready before the kids woke up at 6? What an insane schedule for your entire family.

While many working couples do not both have unicorn remote jobs that allow them to flex time in a way that allows them to work outside of standard hours that also correspond with their spouse’s job, usually jobs like this do not allow for growth. If someone needs your spouse at 4 or you at 8 am they can’t get ahold of you for hours. This entire set up is also predicated on your toddler and preschool aged children waking up at 6, going to bed at 9, and napping for two hours in the middle of the day and you and your husband using your evenings to put your kids to bed and work. The craziness of this schedule perfectly illustrates why so many people either have childcare for a standard workday or a parent stays at home.

Our nanny helped with cooking and housework during nap time. We paid a FT salary for only 30-35 hours a week, so she was happy to do it.

Look, you can try and poke 100 holes in my story that are not worth my time to refute. If it makes you happy to believe I am a) lying about my schedule b) was miserable during that time, or c) had a career that stalled, then go ahead and believe it.

But for any open-minded WOHMs out there who enjoy working and still want to find a way to spend more time with their kids, I would strongly recommend advocating for a more flexible schedule, before giving up and quitting. Yes, it requires some sacrifice of nighttime entertainment (very limited TV or phone scrolling for us!) but it was worth it because we spent a ton of time with our young kids while still growing our careers.

I'm a DP, and I don't think you're lying. Glad it worked out for you.

But, come on, your situation and posts are irrelevant and derailing. Why? Because they realistically apply to like no one, or maybe something like 0.0001% of dual FT WOHM households where both spouses have traditional office jobs. You must understand how exceedingly rare it is to be a couple where BOTH OF YOU could have those kind of alternate schedules and flexibility and not tank your careers. Your advice is really not going to apply to anyone, so it's annoying!

Also, you keep trickling in more information...like now it turns out you had to log back on for hours at night and pay your part-time nanny a full-time salary. Ugh, ugh, ugh!

FWIW, my kids are school-age now and I am able to work 7 to 3 two days a week which I arranged because those two days my one kid has an activity she is very passionate about that I need to get her to. My DH is senior enough that he can put the kids onto the bus at 8:20 those two days, getting into the office a little later, and it's ok. That's the kind of reasonable flexibility some folks should look into/test out! But me not starting my day everyday until 11:15 and him needing to leave the office everyday at 4 to relieve the nanny??? we would tank out careers no doubt! (And our jobs are not even that intense or big on "facetime".)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these posts "I work while my child sleeps and I spend all the waking moments with them along with my DH who also works unicorn hours. When they are preschool age we choose the best school ever....."
It's not real life, 99% of jobs are not like that and both parents equally parenting is difficult to manage too. Aren't parents often complaining about getting their spouse to take on more. I don't think the unicorn perfect parents of the world realize that most people cannot just "choose" this setup

Similarly

"I SAHM with my children, I even sleep with them to maximize my time "raising" them" ... I don't shower or cook or clean or workout or run errands or take walks or go on dates or see friends or do girls weekend or vacatino with my H or visit family without them or get sick or let my H take them or let them do independent play ever so I'm never away from them. I would never spend 1 hour away let alone 3 that is reducing my "raising" time by 20%. I spaced my kids perfectly so my toddler would never take time away from my infant."

It's not real life, 99% of SAHM's are doing stuff without their children for hours a day, they are not with them 24x7. They spend at most 6 hours a day one on one with them. I don't think it would even be healthy to be this invested and involved in every breath your child takes.

This is just not true.

+1. I can’t believe how many insecure moms are responding. Working and stay at home moms are not monolithic groups. Just because you know someone who does x does not mean that applies to all individuals in that group. The idea that working moms spend 30 minutes a day with their kids is as ludicrous as the idea that sahm spend 6 hours a day with their kids.

All of the insecure posts on here mostly directed as stay at home moms (I WFH) are insane though. Someone was offended that a poster said working moms gave up time with their kids and stay at home moms gave up status and financial security. And some crazed working mom wrote that she was insulted that someone would say working moms gave up time with their kids by working. I mean, how is it an insult to (checks notes) *state facts* unless you are so insecure that you can’t handle the truth.

So many women feel insulted by the “strangers raising my kid” comment because they feel that it is a personal attack on them and they are in complete denial about the fact that by working they spend less time with their children. Initially there were the people claiming they and their spouse worked full time and their child only had a nanny between 11-12 and 3-5 (because we all know it’s super common for children to take a three hour nap in the middle of the day from birth to five while you work and run errands🙄 and that so many nannies will accept a shambolic schedule) and since those ridiculous examples didn’t withstand scrutiny then it was the ad hominem “you dumb” after every valid argument and finally it’s this ridiculous argument that stay at home moms spend 6 hours with their kids a day (because if you’re a working parent in an office and your child naps it’s like you are right there taking care of them for all [insert unbelievably high made up number] hours they nap during the day, but if you’re a stay at home mom and your child naps you are not parenting them). It’s been illogical from the start but at this point it’s farcical too.

If you are talking about my post then you have reading comprehension issues because 1) I stated that my DH and I staggered schedules so that one left late and the other one came back early, 2) it was a 2-hour nap not 3 hours, and 3) We hired a nanny for 6 hours a day but she helped with housework when she wasn’t actively taking care of our kid.

And yes, it is perfectly reasonable to expect a child to take a 2-hour nap until age ~4 or so. Some don’t but most do.

Newsflash: it’s not common for four year olds to nap for two hours a day. It’s actually not common for four year olds to nap (do you have an only child and think your experience with them is the norm?). 43% of 3 year olds don’t nap, which increases to 74% of four year olds and 85% of five year olds, and I imagine the four and five year olds and probably many three year olds are napping for 30 minutes and then are nightmares to put to bed.

Our all day K has 1 hour nap time.

That doesn’t mean many of the kids sleep. Probably just the sleep deprived ones with no bedtime.

Every dr in the world thinks an afternoon nap is key to health even for adults.