45 soon do be divorced introvert

[Anonymous]

Hi,

I am going through divorce right now. DW 38 is leaving me for someone else. We have 2 kids 12 and 9. I am not taking this well. To add insult to injury she appears kind of excited and liberated as a result of this. She is not showing any sadness. We have been married for 11 years and been together 16 years. She was only my second girlfriend when we started dating and the only woman I have been with sexually.

I am taking this hard because I am an introvert I don’t have any friend. I have a good friend but he lives hours away. So I am pretty much alone. In the only child too so can’t even talk to it to a brother or sister. The only time I am not sad is when I am with my kids.

Now I am thinking about the future. I can’t change my personality at 45 but I can try to be more outgoing. Being so shy around woman how do I even go about meeting someone new? Where do I go? Honestly I am more scared about the future than loosing my wife. Yes loosing her sucks but she doesn’t love me anymore so eventually I will forget about her. But what comes next given my shyness, being 45 and divorced with 42 kid will probably take many potential women out of the picture.

At 45 I am still attractive. I work out a lot and I have a beautiful and muscular physique (although I haven’t been to the gym in months now due this flunk I am in….) I am also very kind but someone will just have to go past my shyness to see that I am not as boring as I look. I am just not a social butterfly.

So guys any tips any advice to help me cope with this….And her leaving me for another man has shattered my ego as a a man

[Anonymous]

For now, focus on your kids, job, and the divorce mediation. You are in good shape physically which will help.

[Anonymous]

Are you the guy asking about living under same roof after divorce?

[Anonymous]

See a therapist. Go on meet up to meet people. You need to overcome your i governess. Believe me you will find women out there. Being 45 divorced with 2 kids is not a deal breaker. I met my now husband when he was 47 and I was only 32. He was a mess when I met him but I still saw in him a great and very kind and attractive. We have been happily married for 10 years with 2 kids together.

[Anonymous]

Enjoy raising your kids for now. Get full custody. You’ll make friends through kid events.

[Anonymous]

I would work on social skills in general for your own health and your kids and of course mostly focus on the things that are already in your life. Once you know better what you actually like to do with other people, you will have better radar to pick the type of person that is best for you. Your wife left you and probably didn't like being with an introvert, so why just try to create that same situation again? Figure out what type of person you do like and have something to give them as well. This starts best with friendships. Have guy friendships and girl friendships and interests before you try to settle on someone to be your everything because they can't be that for you. It's too much to expect on anyone.

[Anonymous]

Male here. Get therapy. It helped. My therapist told me that there are many terrific ways men in the DC area (if you live here).

I went to therapy for two years following my separation and divorce. I’ve dated a variety of women and now am in a great relationship.

In short, therapy and time.

[Anonymous]

Consider finding a new hobby that will bring you into contact with people but not force you to have involved interactions with them. A painting class, a cooking class, a sport like tennis where you are with someone but not really talking, etc. You cannot expect a woman to be your entire social support system, and you need to figure out how to be alone without being lonely before you will be ready to meet anyone new. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh--I know you are hurting right now--but you asked for advice and that is what I recommend. It will be hard for a while, but you will wind up a more fulfilled person and a better partner if you invest in yourself, your kids, and your social network now, instead of looking for a replacement for your wife.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP I am sorry you are going through this. As others have mentioned a Therapist will do wonders. The sadness, loneliness, depression etc are often side effects of divorce. When you have invested emotionally so much into someone and for that suddenly end it hurts. And the financial toll that divorce take can be seismic. Some people find themselves moving from a house to renting a room at someone’s house. I have seen it. I don’t want to discourage you or add unnecessary stress on your life but get ready to meet a legal system that’s clearly bias toward women when it comes to divorce. Women usually file and they often get everything or close to everything that they want. And they will show zero remorse if you end up with literally nothing.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP about how you need to learn how to be alone without being lonely. The happiest people I know made it out the other side of a marriage, took the time and did the work to really get comfortable with themselves and comfortable being alone and that’s when they met someone amazing.

I met my husband when he was 45 and had full custody of his two kids. He’s also an introvert but he’s not a hermit and he has his own interests and hobbies. You need to learn how to make your own way, then you’ll be able to be in a healthy relationship again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi,

I am going through divorce right now. DW 38 is leaving me for someone else. We have 2 kids 12 and 9. I am not taking this well. To add insult to injury she appears kind of excited and liberated as a result of this. She is not showing any sadness. We have been married for 11 years and been together 16 years. She was only my second girlfriend when we started dating and the only woman I have been with sexually.

I am taking this hard because I am an introvert I don’t have any friend. I have a good friend but he lives hours away. So I am pretty much alone. In the only child too so can’t even talk to it to a brother or sister. The only time I am not sad is when I am with my kids.

Now I am thinking about the future. I can’t change my personality at 45 but I can try to be more outgoing. Being so shy around woman how do I even go about meeting someone new? Where do I go? Honestly I am more scared about the future than loosing my wife. Yes loosing her sucks but she doesn’t love me anymore so eventually I will forget about her. But what comes next given my shyness, being 45 and divorced with 42 kid will probably take many potential women out of the picture.

At 45 I am still attractive. I work out a lot and I have a beautiful and muscular physique (although I haven’t been to the gym in months now due this flunk I am in….) I am also very kind but someone will just have to go past my shyness to see that I am not as boring as I look. I am just not a social butterfly.

So guys any tips any advice to help me cope with this….And her leaving me for another man has shattered my ego as a a man

You seem like a slimeball or a troll, not a self-proclaimed victim introvert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi,

I am going through divorce right now. DW 38 is leaving me for someone else. We have 2 kids 12 and 9. I am not taking this well. To add insult to injury she appears kind of excited and liberated as a result of this. She is not showing any sadness. We have been married for 11 years and been together 16 years. She was only my second girlfriend when we started dating and the only woman I have been with sexually.

I am taking this hard because I am an introvert I don’t have any friend. I have a good friend but he lives hours away. So I am pretty much alone. In the only child too so can’t even talk to it to a brother or sister. The only time I am not sad is when I am with my kids.

Now I am thinking about the future. I can’t change my personality at 45 but I can try to be more outgoing. Being so shy around woman how do I even go about meeting someone new? Where do I go? Honestly I am more scared about the future than loosing my wife. Yes loosing her sucks but she doesn’t love me anymore so eventually I will forget about her. But what comes next given my shyness, being 45 and divorced with 42 kid will probably take many potential women out of the picture.

At 45 I am still attractive. I work out a lot and I have a beautiful and muscular physique (although I haven’t been to the gym in months now due this flunk I am in….) I am also very kind but someone will just have to go past my shyness to see that I am not as boring as I look. I am just not a social butterfly.

So guys any tips any advice to help me cope with this….And her leaving me for another man has shattered my ego as a a man

You seem like a slimeball or a troll, not a self-proclaimed victim introvert.

Oh look, the misandrist found the thread!

[Anonymous]

It's really hard to be in a relationship with someone who has no friends. You need to focus on your kids, get therapy and try to find friends. You only need 3-5 friends, but you really need friends. It's not fair in a relationship to be somebody's everybody.

You'll have no problem dating there are a ton of women who were in abusive relationship and cheated on so you will be top of the food chain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really hard to be in a relationship with someone who has no friends. You need to focus on your kids, get therapy and try to find friends. You only need 3-5 friends, but you really need friends. It's not fair in a relationship to be somebody's everybody.

You'll have no problem dating there are a ton of women who were in abusive relationship and cheated on so you will be top of the food chain.

Men tend to have far less friends than women. Their social circle is much smaller. There is a reason women are the ones filling for divorce and tend to do better afterwards. Women really do value friendship. They seek and maintain social support. They are emotional creature and as such don’t suffer in isolation like men do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Enjoy raising your kids for now. Get full custody. You’ll make friends through kid events.

He will not get full custody. 50/50 is the new normal.