45 soon do be divorced introvert

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enjoy raising your kids for now. Get full custody. You’ll make friends through kid events.

He will not get full custody. 50/50 is the new normal.

Yeah, it's not in kids' interest for one parent to have full custody, barring unusual circumstances. It's the height of selfishness for a parent (father or mother) to try to coopt their kids all to themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enjoy raising your kids for now. Get full custody. You’ll make friends through kid events.

He will not get full custody. 50/50 is the new normal.

Yeah, it's not in kids' interest for one parent to have full custody, barring unusual circumstances. It's the height of selfishness for a parent (father or mother) to try to coopt their kids all to themselves.

Or to not want to have time with them. That's even more selfish.

[Anonymous]

My man, I know it sucks. You think she is having all the fun and you're the quiet guy who really didn't date a lot of people and concerned about where to start. If it's any consolation, everybody has their cross to bear. Personally, I think the guy she is going to is an idiot because he is not thinking through that a woman with kids who leaves her husband could very well do the same to him.

Anyway, agree with the advice to do some low wattage social things - tennis, book clubs, maybe the symphony? I would also join something like a basketball league to meet other guys for buddyhood.

Finally, the poster who said that women have many more friends is right, but don't be that guy. Two rules. Never:

- make a woman your entire social life
- put her on a pedestal. Every human being has pros and cons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really hard to be in a relationship with someone who has no friends. You need to focus on your kids, get therapy and try to find friends. You only need 3-5 friends, but you really need friends. It's not fair in a relationship to be somebody's everybody.

You'll have no problem dating there are a ton of women who were in abusive relationship and cheated on so you will be top of the food chain.

Men tend to have far less friends than women. Their social circle is much smaller. There is a reason women are the ones filling for divorce and tend to do better afterwards. Women really do value friendship. They seek and maintain social support. They are emotional creature and as such don’t suffer in isolation like men do.

Less yes, zero, no that's really bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi,

I am going through divorce right now. DW 38 is leaving me for someone else. We have 2 kids 12 and 9. I am not taking this well. To add insult to injury she appears kind of excited and liberated as a result of this. She is not showing any sadness. We have been married for 11 years and been together 16 years. She was only my second girlfriend when we started dating and the only woman I have been with sexually.

I am taking this hard because I am an introvert I don’t have any friend. I have a good friend but he lives hours away. So I am pretty much alone. In the only child too so can’t even talk to it to a brother or sister. The only time I am not sad is when I am with my kids.

Now I am thinking about the future. I can’t change my personality at 45 but I can try to be more outgoing. Being so shy around woman how do I even go about meeting someone new? Where do I go? Honestly I am more scared about the future than loosing my wife. Yes loosing her sucks but she doesn’t love me anymore so eventually I will forget about her. But what comes next given my shyness, being 45 and divorced with 42 kid will probably take many potential women out of the picture.

At 45 I am still attractive. I work out a lot and I have a beautiful and muscular physique (although I haven’t been to the gym in months now due this flunk I am in….) I am also very kind but someone will just have to go past my shyness to see that I am not as boring as I look. I am just not a social butterfly.

So guys any tips any advice to help me cope with this….And her leaving me for another man has shattered my ego as a a man

You seem like a slimeball or a troll, not a self-proclaimed victim introvert.

Oh look, the misandrist found the thread!

DP but you really think this guy is for real? I would go with troll based on the following gems.

Yes loosing her sucks but she doesn’t love me anymore so eventually I will forget about her.
I work out a lot and I have a beautiful and muscular physique 
I am not as boring as I look.
I am just not a social butterfly.
her leaving me for another man has shattered my ego as a a man

[Anonymous]

Go to a yoga or meditation class. Check out all the studios in your neighborhood and find the ones that are more community centered. I guarantee you will meet tons of women, there aren’t many men and a quiet fit one of your age will stand out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really hard to be in a relationship with someone who has no friends. You need to focus on your kids, get therapy and try to find friends. You only need 3-5 friends, but you really need friends. It's not fair in a relationship to be somebody's everybody.

You'll have no problem dating there are a ton of women who were in abusive relationship and cheated on so you will be top of the food chain.

Men tend to have far less friends than women. Their social circle is much smaller. There is a reason women are the ones filling for divorce and tend to do better afterwards. Women really do value friendship. They seek and maintain social support. They are emotional creature and as such don’t suffer in isolation like men do.

I feel like this is an archaic idea that no longer applies. So many millenial and younger women don’t have close friends. You see threads on DCUM about this all the time. Many women only have their husbands as a friend too, and jump from their divorce right into another relationship with a man (whether bf, FWB, second marriage) for companionship. You see a lot of threads about that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi,

I am going through divorce right now. DW 38 is leaving me for someone else. We have 2 kids 12 and 9. I am not taking this well. To add insult to injury she appears kind of excited and liberated as a result of this. She is not showing any sadness. We have been married for 11 years and been together 16 years. She was only my second girlfriend when we started dating and the only woman I have been with sexually.

I am taking this hard because I am an introvert I don’t have any friend. I have a good friend but he lives hours away. So I am pretty much alone. In the only child too so can’t even talk to it to a brother or sister. The only time I am not sad is when I am with my kids.

Now I am thinking about the future. I can’t change my personality at 45 but I can try to be more outgoing. Being so shy around woman how do I even go about meeting someone new? Where do I go? Honestly I am more scared about the future than loosing my wife. Yes loosing her sucks but she doesn’t love me anymore so eventually I will forget about her. But what comes next given my shyness, being 45 and divorced with 42 kid will probably take many potential women out of the picture.

At 45 I am still attractive. I work out a lot and I have a beautiful and muscular physique (although I haven’t been to the gym in months now due this flunk I am in….) I am also very kind but someone will just have to go past my shyness to see that I am not as boring as I look. I am just not a social butterfly.

So guys any tips any advice to help me cope with this….And her leaving me for another man has shattered my ego as a a man

You are hurting. Be patient with yourself. Focus on yourself and your kids. Try to keep your interactions with your ex to a minimum - if it's not about the kids, don't engage. It's a good sign that the kids motivate you. When you are not with the kids find yourself a hobby that's social. Learn dancing for example. Therapy can be helpful - but my personal experience it depends too much on the individual therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi,

I am going through divorce right now. DW 38 is leaving me for someone else. We have 2 kids 12 and 9. I am not taking this well. To add insult to injury she appears kind of excited and liberated as a result of this. She is not showing any sadness. We have been married for 11 years and been together 16 years. She was only my second girlfriend when we started dating and the only woman I have been with sexually.

I am taking this hard because I am an introvert I don’t have any friend. I have a good friend but he lives hours away. So I am pretty much alone. In the only child too so can’t even talk to it to a brother or sister. The only time I am not sad is when I am with my kids.

Now I am thinking about the future. I can’t change my personality at 45 but I can try to be more outgoing. Being so shy around woman how do I even go about meeting someone new? Where do I go? Honestly I am more scared about the future than loosing my wife. Yes loosing her sucks but she doesn’t love me anymore so eventually I will forget about her. But what comes next given my shyness, being 45 and divorced with 42 kid will probably take many potential women out of the picture.

At 45 I am still attractive. I work out a lot and I have a beautiful and muscular physique (although I haven’t been to the gym in months now due this flunk I am in….) I am also very kind but someone will just have to go past my shyness to see that I am not as boring as I look. I am just not a social butterfly.

So guys any tips any advice to help me cope with this….And her leaving me for another man has shattered my ego as a a man

You seem like a slimeball or a troll, not a self-proclaimed victim introvert.

Oh look, the misandrist found the thread!

DP but you really think this guy is for real? I would go with troll based on the following gems.

Yes loosing her sucks but she doesn’t love me anymore so eventually I will forget about her.
I work out a lot and I have a beautiful and muscular physique 
I am not as boring as I look.
I am just not a social butterfly.
her leaving me for another man has shattered my ego as a a man

Yes. All of those but especially that.

[Anonymous]

Based on the title, I thought Melania was leaving Donald.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I work out a lot and I have a beautiful and muscular physique

LOL!

[Anonymous]

OP things will only get better once your divorce is finalized. The stress sadness and loneliness has a lot to do with an uncertain future(esp. financial). I bet if most people know from day 1 the financial outcome of a pending divorce people wouldn’t be as sad and miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP things will only get better once your divorce is finalized. The stress sadness and loneliness has a lot to do with an uncertain future(esp. financial). I bet if most people know from day 1 the financial outcome of a pending divorce people wouldn’t be as sad and miserable.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Guys I am going through divorce as well. What kind of therapist to I need to see? And how do I find them? Are they covered by health insurance? And should I do the therapy after the divorce is finalized or during the divorce? Thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guys I am going through divorce as well. What kind of therapist to I need to see? And how do I find them? Are they covered by health insurance? And should I do the therapy after the divorce is finalized or during the divorce? Thanks

You just need a normal therapist. Some are covered by insurance -- get a list from your insurer.

Do it DURING the process.