MIL excluding us from family communications about our kids

[Anonymous]

MIL likes to take the lead in managing mass family communications and has a long email distro list of people she always includes. She sends out a monthly calendar of birthdays, anniversaries, memorials, etc. plus a full contact list for family and friends who are like family. She also puts together special birthday e-greetings for everyone and is always the first to get the next congratulatory or holiday thread going. You get the picture, and it's great, except when it comes to discussing our kids.

Our kids are, and will ever be, the only grandkids. Whenever they accomplish something exciting, MIL takes all of the details/photos I provide and sends them out to the entire family, *except* for DH and I. Aunts, uncles, cousins... all respond in turn congratulating the kids and gushing about how proud they are, etc. There's lots of love and support and just generally nice things be said that we never get to see

I've talked to MIL about this and asked her if she could please not specifically exclude DH and I from these threads as we'd love to be able to read/respond and share them with the kids. Deposit numerous attempts, she just won't do it! She's somewhat emotionally immature and I know she loves to relish in the praise and gets personal satisfaction from it, but it's upsetting that she just can't share it with us and our kids.

I know it's petty of me, but it makes me want to stop sharing as much as I do. DD just aced a very important try-out and now MIL is texting asking for all the details that she will 100% compile into a mass email to everyone but us. I know I shouldn't let it bother me as much as I do, but I don't have many people left in my family of origin, so this side is most of what my kids have in terms of family.

What's my move here? MIL is a generally well-meaning person, but this behavior just stings.

[Anonymous]

Just stop it. You have the distro list. Send the message yourself.

[Anonymous]

So share them yourself? Cut out the middle man.

[Anonymous]

You can stop telling MIL about their accomplishments first. Just send out the mass text "Hey everyone! It's an especially happy Friday today as Sydney was accepted very early decision to the moon! Shabbat Shalom, y'all!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So share them yourself? Cut out the middle man.

This. Share with MIL at the same time you share with everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Tell MIL to call her grand daughter and she would love to tell her all the details.
Your family is weird.

[Anonymous]

Yep, get out ahead of it. Do not tell her anything you want to share with the list yourself, just share the email. These are email addresses of family members. They are not MIL’s property. Use the email addresses as you wish.

You can still tell her things, so can kids, so can DH. But if you want the extended family to know about it, YOU share it. If she complains, tell her it’s too bad she didn’t meet you halfway when you discussed your reasonable request with her multiple times.

[Anonymous]

That’s crazy. I would just email the distro list yourself like the PP said.
Honestly, I’d find all of this family info to be overwhelming. I don’t want to know that level of detail about say, third cousins.
What does she say about why she excludes you from the emails?

[Anonymous]

It is totally bizarre that you don’t just email everyone yourself. That said, it also seems a bit nutty that some huge list of people hears about multiple kid accomplishments each year.

[Anonymous]

OP back - I guess DH and I are more introverted and just not the type to openly boast about our kids to the masses. And honestly, I have no issues at all with MIL playing the bragging grandma role, if she just wouldn't purposely exclude us.

[Anonymous]

It's really strange that she does that, especially after your brought it up. Maybe have DH talk with her?

Alternatively, maybe save news for a written update that goes out to the closest with your holiday card?

[Anonymous]

Why are you asking her? Your DH should tell her to include you guys.

She is probably exaggerating plus loving the attention SHE gets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back - I guess DH and I are more introverted and just not the type to openly boast about our kids to the masses. And honestly, I have no issues at all with MIL playing the bragging grandma role, if she just wouldn't purposely exclude us.

The recipients are probably all rolling their eyes at your MIL. Nobody cares that much.

[Anonymous]

I have to assume there is some miscommunication here. The person you describe just doesn't seem like the person who would purposely exclude. Maybe she really thinks that she is saving you from a bunch of emails you don't want?

Be very explicit this time. Share the details and before and after say that you want to be included in any communications she sends to friends and family. If she doesn't, stop sharing anything. But I think she will, if you are very clear.

Actually, if you are excluded, how do you find out about her initial email and all of the responses that occur?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back - I guess DH and I are more introverted and just not the type to openly boast about our kids to the masses. And honestly, I have no issues at all with MIL playing the bragging grandma role, if she just wouldn't purposely exclude us.

You either stop sharing the accomplishments with your mother-in-law or you send it out to the distribution list yourself. Those are your two options.