Can you even respond to this insane behavior?
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Anonymous
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My husband and I have just returned from a long international trip. We are exhausted and just trying to get back into our routine. After my nap this afternoon, I approached my husband asking about if he had some idea about what we should have for dinner. He said he didn’t care but maybe we can have chicken thighs for dinner. I said ok and also that I can go get the groceries.
At WF, I saw some nicely marinated chicken kebabs and craved them. I called him to ask him if he wanted some kebabs. He said they’re too expensive and he just wants some cheap chicken thighs. I said ok and grabbed the chicken thighs… I was browsing the store and kept having cravings for the kebabs. I turn around and grab some kebabs for myself. He calls for something else and I told him while I got him the chicken thighs as he wished, I picked up some kebabs for me. He starts losing his mind. “ oh noo!!!! Why??? I told you not to!!!!! Why did you buy the kebabs???” I am confused and taken aback by his freaking out and I insist it doesn’t matter. He hangs up on me. When I get home he starts on me about how disrespectful I am for going against his wishes. I repeat, it only cost $30 total and is normal for our dinner costs. I ask him to apologize for yelling at me. He walked away and has locked himself in his home office. Am I the jerk?I am so confused. |
Anonymous
| Do you have a job? |
Anonymous
Yes. Of course! |
Anonymous
| uhhm psychotic break from the long travel? Has he EVER done this before because you really kept your cool. I guess your mistake was even asking, then calling, then telling him what you got anyway? So you were a little annoying- but not worth the fight ESPECIALLY if you are the one preparing the stuff? We can get a little cheap once we get back from $$$ vacations for meals once we have been putting so much out- but have never raised our voice beyond conversation level. |
Anonymous
| Could it be that he feels like your resources are a bit tight right now since you just got back from a long international trip? He may be more concerned than you are about your finances. |
Anonymous
Op here. He definitely is concerned about finances. He owns a business and it has been slow this year and after returning from an expensive international trip it’s understandable to be tight about money. But to yell at me on the phone for a slight deviation of our original dinner plan? To continue to talk down to me when I returned home? To walk away as I asked him to apologize? Locking himself in the room? This is crazy right? |
Anonymous
| Very crazy. |
Anonymous
| You're both wrong. He overreacted BUT you know hes stressed about finances and he said the kebabs were too expensive. Then you went and bought them anyways. Yes, this time it was only $30. But that can add up. If this is the only time each of you have done this then chalk it up to being on edge after vacation and move on. |
Anonymous
| I assume you changed time zones? Maybe had an overnight flight back that left him missing sleep? I lose my mind a bit with all of that; international travel is something I love doing but my mental health is taxed and I tend to have a bit of a hard landing mood wise when I get home. Perhaps cut him some slack, but go ahead and enjoy the kebabs. |
Anonymous
| OK but why the heck did you buy the kebabs when he told you not to? |
Anonymous
Your husband owes you an apology for treating you so harshly over purchasing kebabs. What the heck is wrong w/him??! You did NOTHING wrong here. |
Anonymous
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The travel part matters IF this is totally out of character, unusual behavior for him. If it was: Blame horrible jet lag. It can make some people nutty for a time. Tell your DH you know he's acting out of character and you both need more naps. Then laugh it off. If this is NOT uniquely unusual behavior, then: You have a problem with over-explaining to him and checking in with him on trivial things that Do. Not. Matter. Don't ever call and explain stuff this trivial again. Much more seriously, if this is just one among many cases of his doing this: He has a problem with overreacting hugely and turning simple personal choice(s?) into "You are disrespecting ME!" The latter is a sign of someone who is self-focused and taking tiny, insignificant things (chicken kebabs?!) as personal disses toward him. A bad trait and a bad sign--if, and the "if" is important, he has done this kind of thing before. People who turn day to day stuff like kebabs versus thighs into "You disrespected me" are misusing the concept of "respect" in a very petty and personal way. I"m hoping this is out of character and you both simmer down and can laugh about it later. |
Anonymous
| In his mind, he vetoed the kebabs because they are too expensive. So buying chicken thighs AND kebabs is a lot. He was going for the cheapest option and you wanted the most expensive. His business isn’t doing well and you just spent a ton of money on a trip, so I would just let this one go. He was wrong to yell at you, especially over a small amount of money in the grand scheme of things, but I wouldn’t bother pushing for an apology. And maybe start shopping someplace cheaper than Whole Foods! |
Anonymous
If she works, she shouldn't have to ask his permission what she wants for dinner. I can't imagine living in a world where I can't just be at the store and see something yummy and decide to buy it for dinner. |
Anonymous
+100 and I'm betting this is not unique behavior. I would never have called him to ask. |