Can you even respond to this insane behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The travel part matters IF this is totally out of character, unusual behavior for him.

If it was: Blame horrible jet lag. It can make some people nutty for a time. Tell your DH you know he's acting out of character and you both need more naps. Then laugh it off.

If this is NOT uniquely unusual behavior, then:

You have a problem with over-explaining to him and checking in with him on trivial things that Do. Not. Matter. Don't ever call and explain stuff this trivial again.

Much more seriously, if this is just one among many cases of his doing this: He has a problem with overreacting hugely and turning simple personal choice(s?) into "You are disrespecting ME!" The latter is a sign of someone who is self-focused and taking tiny, insignificant things (chicken kebabs?!) as personal disses toward him. A bad trait and a bad sign--if, and the "if" is important, he has done this kind of thing before. People who turn day to day stuff like kebabs versus thighs into "You disrespected me" are misusing the concept of "respect" in a very petty and personal way.

I"m hoping this is out of character and you both simmer down and can laugh about it later.

Op here. Unfortunately, it is actually pretty common for him to completely overreact and lose his mind over seemingly trivial stuff like this. It comes up completely randomly and I am taken by surprise. If I try to hold him accountable for his insane behavior, he acts like the victim and starts attacking me verbally and emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The travel part matters IF this is totally out of character, unusual behavior for him.

If it was: Blame horrible jet lag. It can make some people nutty for a time. Tell your DH you know he's acting out of character and you both need more naps. Then laugh it off.

If this is NOT uniquely unusual behavior, then:

You have a problem with over-explaining to him and checking in with him on trivial things that Do. Not. Matter. Don't ever call and explain stuff this trivial again.

Much more seriously, if this is just one among many cases of his doing this: He has a problem with overreacting hugely and turning simple personal choice(s?) into "You are disrespecting ME!" The latter is a sign of someone who is self-focused and taking tiny, insignificant things (chicken kebabs?!) as personal disses toward him. A bad trait and a bad sign--if, and the "if" is important, he has done this kind of thing before. People who turn day to day stuff like kebabs versus thighs into "You disrespected me" are misusing the concept of "respect" in a very petty and personal way.

I"m hoping this is out of character and you both simmer down and can laugh about it later.

Op here. Unfortunately, it is actually pretty common for him to completely overreact and lose his mind over seemingly trivial stuff like this. It comes up completely randomly and I am taken by surprise. If I try to hold him accountable for his insane behavior, he acts like the victim and starts attacking me verbally and emotionally.

Do you have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK but why the heck did you buy the kebabs when he told you not to?

If she works, she shouldn't have to ask his permission what she wants for dinner. I can't imagine living in a world where I can't just be at the store and see something yummy and decide to buy it for dinner.

Op here. I work and make my own money. We also keep our finances separate so this was coming from “my” income, as I reminded him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The travel part matters IF this is totally out of character, unusual behavior for him.

If it was: Blame horrible jet lag. It can make some people nutty for a time. Tell your DH you know he's acting out of character and you both need more naps. Then laugh it off.

If this is NOT uniquely unusual behavior, then:

You have a problem with over-explaining to him and checking in with him on trivial things that Do. Not. Matter. Don't ever call and explain stuff this trivial again.

Much more seriously, if this is just one among many cases of his doing this: He has a problem with overreacting hugely and turning simple personal choice(s?) into "You are disrespecting ME!" The latter is a sign of someone who is self-focused and taking tiny, insignificant things (chicken kebabs?!) as personal disses toward him. A bad trait and a bad sign--if, and the "if" is important, he has done this kind of thing before. People who turn day to day stuff like kebabs versus thighs into "You disrespected me" are misusing the concept of "respect" in a very petty and personal way.

I"m hoping this is out of character and you both simmer down and can laugh about it later.

Op here. Unfortunately, it is actually pretty common for him to completely overreact and lose his mind over seemingly trivial stuff like this. It comes up completely randomly and I am taken by surprise. If I try to hold him accountable for his insane behavior, he acts like the victim and starts attacking me verbally and emotionally.

Do you have kids?

No unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The travel part matters IF this is totally out of character, unusual behavior for him.

If it was: Blame horrible jet lag. It can make some people nutty for a time. Tell your DH you know he's acting out of character and you both need more naps. Then laugh it off.

If this is NOT uniquely unusual behavior, then:

You have a problem with over-explaining to him and checking in with him on trivial things that Do. Not. Matter. Don't ever call and explain stuff this trivial again.

Much more seriously, if this is just one among many cases of his doing this: He has a problem with overreacting hugely and turning simple personal choice(s?) into "You are disrespecting ME!" The latter is a sign of someone who is self-focused and taking tiny, insignificant things (chicken kebabs?!) as personal disses toward him. A bad trait and a bad sign--if, and the "if" is important, he has done this kind of thing before. People who turn day to day stuff like kebabs versus thighs into "You disrespected me" are misusing the concept of "respect" in a very petty and personal way.

I"m hoping this is out of character and you both simmer down and can laugh about it later.

Op here. Unfortunately, it is actually pretty common for him to completely overreact and lose his mind over seemingly trivial stuff like this. It comes up completely randomly and I am taken by surprise. If I try to hold him accountable for his insane behavior, he acts like the victim and starts attacking me verbally and emotionally.

Do you have kids?

No unfortunately.

I'm sorry you feel that this is unfortunate but based on what you have stated/the different pages you are on/his inability to effectively communicate- and I mean this kindly, this is a blessing right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The travel part matters IF this is totally out of character, unusual behavior for him.

If it was: Blame horrible jet lag. It can make some people nutty for a time. Tell your DH you know he's acting out of character and you both need more naps. Then laugh it off.

If this is NOT uniquely unusual behavior, then:

You have a problem with over-explaining to him and checking in with him on trivial things that Do. Not. Matter. Don't ever call and explain stuff this trivial again.

Much more seriously, if this is just one among many cases of his doing this: He has a problem with overreacting hugely and turning simple personal choice(s?) into "You are disrespecting ME!" The latter is a sign of someone who is self-focused and taking tiny, insignificant things (chicken kebabs?!) as personal disses toward him. A bad trait and a bad sign--if, and the "if" is important, he has done this kind of thing before. People who turn day to day stuff like kebabs versus thighs into "You disrespected me" are misusing the concept of "respect" in a very petty and personal way.

I"m hoping this is out of character and you both simmer down and can laugh about it later.

Op here. Unfortunately, it is actually pretty common for him to completely overreact and lose his mind over seemingly trivial stuff like this. It comes up completely randomly and I am taken by surprise. If I try to hold him accountable for his insane behavior, he acts like the victim and starts attacking me verbally and emotionally.

Do you have kids?

No unfortunately.

This man is not going to be able to roll with fatherhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The travel part matters IF this is totally out of character, unusual behavior for him.

If it was: Blame horrible jet lag. It can make some people nutty for a time. Tell your DH you know he's acting out of character and you both need more naps. Then laugh it off.

If this is NOT uniquely unusual behavior, then:

You have a problem with over-explaining to him and checking in with him on trivial things that Do. Not. Matter. Don't ever call and explain stuff this trivial again.

Much more seriously, if this is just one among many cases of his doing this: He has a problem with overreacting hugely and turning simple personal choice(s?) into "You are disrespecting ME!" The latter is a sign of someone who is self-focused and taking tiny, insignificant things (chicken kebabs?!) as personal disses toward him. A bad trait and a bad sign--if, and the "if" is important, he has done this kind of thing before. People who turn day to day stuff like kebabs versus thighs into "You disrespected me" are misusing the concept of "respect" in a very petty and personal way.

I"m hoping this is out of character and you both simmer down and can laugh about it later.

Op here. Unfortunately, it is actually pretty common for him to completely overreact and lose his mind over seemingly trivial stuff like this. It comes up completely randomly and I am taken by surprise. If I try to hold him accountable for his insane behavior, he acts like the victim and starts attacking me verbally and emotionally.

Do you have kids?

No unfortunately.

Based on the fact that you keep separate finances and get into fights over groceries (while affording international travel), I think there is a lot more to your marriage trouble than you are telling us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The travel part matters IF this is totally out of character, unusual behavior for him.

If it was: Blame horrible jet lag. It can make some people nutty for a time. Tell your DH you know he's acting out of character and you both need more naps. Then laugh it off.

If this is NOT uniquely unusual behavior, then:

You have a problem with over-explaining to him and checking in with him on trivial things that Do. Not. Matter. Don't ever call and explain stuff this trivial again.

Much more seriously, if this is just one among many cases of his doing this: He has a problem with overreacting hugely and turning simple personal choice(s?) into "You are disrespecting ME!" The latter is a sign of someone who is self-focused and taking tiny, insignificant things (chicken kebabs?!) as personal disses toward him. A bad trait and a bad sign--if, and the "if" is important, he has done this kind of thing before. People who turn day to day stuff like kebabs versus thighs into "You disrespected me" are misusing the concept of "respect" in a very petty and personal way.

I"m hoping this is out of character and you both simmer down and can laugh about it later.

Op here. Unfortunately, it is actually pretty common for him to completely overreact and lose his mind over seemingly trivial stuff like this. It comes up completely randomly and I am taken by surprise. If I try to hold him accountable for his insane behavior, he acts like the victim and starts attacking me verbally and emotionally.

Then, OP, do the following. Start tomorrow morning, first thing. I mean it.

One, double down on birth control. I am not joking. Do not get pregnant, not any time soon. Heed the PP above who says that your DH is NOT going to roll with fatherhood. If he does this with you, another adult, just imagine how he is going to be once a baby starts to reach toddler stage and older, and is asserting himself or herself with "No" and much more? Imagine DH verbally attacking a child because the child doesn't do some trivial thing DH wants. It will happen. Believe us on this site when we say that.

Two, start finding help. People on this site talk about "get into therapy" all the time and it's not always the answer. But you seem worryingly unaware of how bad your DH's behavior really is; the fact that you say, "It comes up completely randomly and I am taken by surprise" should concern you -- you should not be surprised by the fact he does this, only by the idea that it's so freaking random. You need to start expecting that anything could set him off, and since that is no way for YOU to have to live, you need to tell him that he does this; it is unacceptable; he needs help (whether for anxiety or depression or anger issues, he needs some form of help) and you will help him get it -- or you'll be reconsidering the marriage. I am not shouting "divorce!," let me be clear. I'm saying you need to see how serious this actually is; that having a kid now would be disastrous; and that you need to make him aware there is a problem and it is not you.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I cannot talk to him about his insane behavior. He will not hear it. He will raise his voice and tell me to calm down and/ or start verbally attacking me by bringing up something totally different and criticizing me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I cannot talk to him about his insane behavior. He will not hear it. He will raise his voice and tell me to calm down and/ or start verbally attacking me by bringing up something totally different and criticizing me.

Do you realize that is a huge issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK but why the heck did you buy the kebabs when he told you not to?

Because she’s a grown ass adult with a job and she wanted them for dinner. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The travel part matters IF this is totally out of character, unusual behavior for him.

If it was: Blame horrible jet lag. It can make some people nutty for a time. Tell your DH you know he's acting out of character and you both need more naps. Then laugh it off.

If this is NOT uniquely unusual behavior, then:

You have a problem with over-explaining to him and checking in with him on trivial things that Do. Not. Matter. Don't ever call and explain stuff this trivial again.

Much more seriously, if this is just one among many cases of his doing this: He has a problem with overreacting hugely and turning simple personal choice(s?) into "You are disrespecting ME!" The latter is a sign of someone who is self-focused and taking tiny, insignificant things (chicken kebabs?!) as personal disses toward him. A bad trait and a bad sign--if, and the "if" is important, he has done this kind of thing before. People who turn day to day stuff like kebabs versus thighs into "You disrespected me" are misusing the concept of "respect" in a very petty and personal way.

I"m hoping this is out of character and you both simmer down and can laugh about it later.

Op here. Unfortunately, it is actually pretty common for him to completely overreact and lose his mind over seemingly trivial stuff like this. It comes up completely randomly and I am taken by surprise. If I try to hold him accountable for his insane behavior, he acts like the victim and starts attacking me verbally and emotionally.

Do you have kids?

No unfortunately.

If he acts like this regularly, you should get a divorce. He sounds controlling and crazy. This will not get better with children.

[Anonymous]

Stop calling him and do whatever you want

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I cannot talk to him about his insane behavior. He will not hear it. He will raise his voice and tell me to calm down and/ or start verbally attacking me by bringing up something totally different and criticizing me.

My friends who were married to men like this are so much happier now. They divorced and most of them are re-married with kids now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I cannot talk to him about his insane behavior. He will not hear it. He will raise his voice and tell me to calm down and/ or start verbally attacking me by bringing up something totally different and criticizing me.

And you want to live this way? I'm glad you see the behavior is insane and that there's nothing you can do to stop it. But what next?