How do you raise well mannered and polite children?

[Anonymous]

I am in Kuwait visiting family and I am pleased with how well mannered and polite the Kuwaiti teens and children are. I wonder how one would instill such nice manners in children.

[Anonymous]

By insisting on it. My kids get removed from an area if they're not behaving well. They are taught from a young age the behavior that's expected of them and reminded of that. We also purposely live near family and very close friends and my kids know they are often in sight of adults who know them and will let me know if they were misbehaving, and they know that will result in our disappointment, a long lecture and punishment, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By insisting on it. My kids get removed from an area if they're not behaving well. They are taught from a young age the behavior that's expected of them and reminded of that. We also purposely live near family and very close friends and my kids know they are often in sight of adults who know them and will let me know if they were misbehaving, and they know that will result in our disappointment, a long lecture and punishment, etc.

There is more to it than that bc that can lead to rebellion and “fake nice” people.

[Anonymous]

I would like tips on this as well.

My kid is actually pretty polite to other people but has recently become quite rude to us at home. I thought we were doing very well but obviously we've gone wrong somewhere because some of the behavior is quite bad. We don't tolerate it -- there are always consequences. Sometimes the consequences just provoke more rudeness though. She is 6.

This is also seeping into behavior towards others, however. While she is still very polite to people's faces, recently she threw a huge fit when I said we needed to write a thank you note for a gift a friend had sent. Just a few months ago this would have been a non-issue -- she is proud of her writing and loves sending/receiving mail, so this has never been a challenge in the 2-3 years that we've been doing it.

I am at a loss. I've been reading books on teaching children manners and dealing with rudeness in early elementary, but many of them focus on kids who never had these skills. For us it is a mystery because she's always been pretty mild-mannered and polite, helpful and kind at home. But lately she rolls her eyes at us, refuses to do basic things like clear her plate from the table, orders us around, or when she's really mad, says she hates us or wants us to die. I do not understand what has happened.

For what it's worth, we are always polite and respectful towards her, which I felt was a good way to teach manners and seemed to be working until recently.

[Anonymous]

Extra curricular faith based education. Kids are taught to honor their mother and father for example.

[Anonymous]

For starters, don't give a kid what they want when they're demanding something. I require a nice tone and the word please before giving it to them. Sometimes my kids have to try multiple times.

"give me the ketchup", -no, try again.
(Irritated)"give me the ketchup please"- no, try again.
(Nice tone),"can you please give me the ketchup" - yes, here it is.

[Anonymous]

Non-stop re-enforcement. I remember choosing the adjective “polite” for my mother in a 3rd grade project because she was always on me to do this or that for manners. Her theory was that you keep at it and keep at it when the kids are in elementary and then figure their characters are formed around 13 or so and start picking your battles. She left us with lots of space to make meaningless bad decisions (my fashion sense as recorded in 2nd grade pictures was appalling) but I am glad she instilled the basics of manners and cleaning in us even when we went through difficult phases.

[Anonymous]

The vast majority of kids are polite and well-mannered. This is the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Extra curricular faith based education. Kids are taught to honor their mother and father for example.

😂😂😂😂
One of the biggest bullies in my kid's middle school goes to church every Sunday. As does the rest of his family, who are also not always nice. Religion doesn't mean a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like tips on this as well.

My kid is actually pretty polite to other people but has recently become quite rude to us at home. I thought we were doing very well but obviously we've gone wrong somewhere because some of the behavior is quite bad. We don't tolerate it -- there are always consequences. Sometimes the consequences just provoke more rudeness though. She is 6.

This is also seeping into behavior towards others, however. While she is still very polite to people's faces, recently she threw a huge fit when I said we needed to write a thank you note for a gift a friend had sent. Just a few months ago this would have been a non-issue -- she is proud of her writing and loves sending/receiving mail, so this has never been a challenge in the 2-3 years that we've been doing it.

I am at a loss. I've been reading books on teaching children manners and dealing with rudeness in early elementary, but many of them focus on kids who never had these skills. For us it is a mystery because she's always been pretty mild-mannered and polite, helpful and kind at home. But lately she rolls her eyes at us, refuses to do basic things like clear her plate from the table, orders us around, or when she's really mad, says she hates us or wants us to die. I do not understand what has happened.

For what it's worth, we are always polite and respectful towards her, which I felt was a good way to teach manners and seemed to be working until recently.

How's her sleep? My normally well-behaved kids get really snippy when they're tired.

Also, how much screen time does she get?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By insisting on it. My kids get removed from an area if they're not behaving well. They are taught from a young age the behavior that's expected of them and reminded of that. We also purposely live near family and very close friends and my kids know they are often in sight of adults who know them and will let me know if they were misbehaving, and they know that will result in our disappointment, a long lecture and punishment, etc.

There is more to it than that bc that can lead to rebellion and “fake nice” people.

Nope. This excuse is a cop out from parents who do not parent. There will be no rebellion if the parents are leading by example and they have a functional and loving family and community around them. self-centered and toxic parents will never be the leaders of their families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Extra curricular faith based education. Kids are taught to honor their mother and father for example.

lol no. I know a lot of evangelical families and there are PLENTY of children that are rude and unpleasant to other adults and kids. They may obey their parents, but empathy and compassion seems to be overlooked.

[Anonymous]

Teach them the theory of mind and empathy from toddlerhood, model it to them and with leaders (from your spouse to strangers on the street), and insist on manners. And get lucky with a naturally empathetic child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By insisting on it. My kids get removed from an area if they're not behaving well. They are taught from a young age the behavior that's expected of them and reminded of that. We also purposely live near family and very close friends and my kids know they are often in sight of adults who know them and will let me know if they were misbehaving, and they know that will result in our disappointment, a long lecture and punishment, etc.

+1

You also have to model the behavior and spend the bulk of your time with others who do.

[Anonymous]

I have extremely polite teens and get told this.

Model it always. This is #1.

Remind them constantly. You will feel you are saying it 1000 times. If they don’t do it remind them every single time you are with them even if it’s just your family.

Be specific about when to say it and how to say it. When mrs Smith drops you off, thank her for the ride. Afterward…did you thank Mrs Smith for the ride?