I'm in my 60s, dealing with a significant health issue and

[Anonymous]

Is it unreasonable for me to have anxiety over things like this? I've had a doctor, with whom I've had a pretty good relationship with for more than a decade while my health issue was minor- but things have changed in a big way- my meds are changing, many with risk/benefit types outcome, and the risks are big. Very big. My condition is frightening, too. This doctor seems surprised that I have questions, fears, etc, and makes me feel kind of childish. He also forgets some pretty big details, and if I ask, he'll say, "Oh yeah, that too..etc." ( WHAT?a )
I'm already frightened by my condition, and apparently asking questions is an annoyance or something.

I already know the social rules- don't bring things up in social settings as our friends don't need an organ recital at our age, don't bother our kids so we aren't a burden to them. So, no outlets.

I just could use a hug and some good advice and confidence. Like I'm 10 years old. Am I wrong? I have had several tearful nights. I know my age, but is that relevant? No caring anymore for the older ladies over 55? Someone here will call me a self absorbed boomer, I am sure. Fine- I'll just ignore it.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s really normal for you to have lots of feelings because it’s your health, and it’s new to you. And I think it’s normal for the doctor to see it from a more detached place, because it’s not personal or rare to him. Short term therapy for health-related anxiety might be helpful if you really don’t have anyone in your close circle to talk to.

[Anonymous]

My sister, age 69, has recently been diagnosed with cancer in multiple areas. Her anxiety level has been very high and to me, she is always appears pi$$ed off. Do you have someone who attends doctor appointments with you? I go with my sister and we have a written list of questions which her doctor, who doesn’t have a warm and fuzzy approach, will always answer thoroughly. My son is also a physician and I have brought him to an appointment (either in person or on speaker phone) which helps me understand the treatment plan. In an uncertain time, I think anxiety is normal. Take advantage of all the tools, from therapy to Facebook groups. Finding people in a similar situation could help. Take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

I hate it when doctors brush off concerns. It's so irritating. But most of the doctors I have had don't do that. You might just have a jerk of a doctor. You are asking legitimate, educated questions and he's treating you like a child? No thanks. If he didn't want to be pestered with questions, he shouldn't have gone into a clinical specialty.

I will say that this is a really difficult time for doctors. People are turning healthcare into a business and doctors are expected to do way too much. So I do empathize with your doctor. I'd still look for a new one.

[Anonymous]

I am really sorry you are going through this. The doctor may just be socially inept. That happens a lot -- they are great medically, but not so great on the patient relationship side of things.

Therapy is good, both for someone to talk to but also someone to help you identify next steps and how to advocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it unreasonable for me to have anxiety over things like this? I've had a doctor, with whom I've had a pretty good relationship with for more than a decade while my health issue was minor- but things have changed in a big way- my meds are changing, many with risk/benefit types outcome, and the risks are big. Very big. My condition is frightening, too. This doctor seems surprised that I have questions, fears, etc, and makes me feel kind of childish. He also forgets some pretty big details, and if I ask, he'll say, "Oh yeah, that too..etc." ( WHAT?a )
I'm already frightened by my condition, and apparently asking questions is an annoyance or something.

I already know the social rules- don't bring things up in social settings as our friends don't need an organ recital at our age, don't bother our kids so we aren't a burden to them. So, no outlets.

I just could use a hug and some good advice and confidence. Like I'm 10 years old. Am I wrong? I have had several tearful nights. I know my age, but is that relevant? No caring anymore for the older ladies over 55? Someone here will call me a self absorbed boomer, I am sure. Fine- I'll just ignore it.

I'm 52 and experiencing a similar situation, although my health issue may not be as serious as yours. No one wants to hear about it including my dr. She hates questions, apparently, but this is my life. What is helping me cope is finding a new doctor, getting a second opinion on my treatment and joining a facebook group focused on people with my condition. I wish you strength as you navigate your health condition and hugs from an internet stranger.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP. You can and should lean on your friends during this time. And if you’re not meshing with the doctor could you find a specialist or someone else who can give you a second opinion?

We see an orthopedist who is kind of a jerk but he’s the best in his field in our area. Sometimes the doctors get a pass because they’re good at what they do. But it sounds like you could benefit from someone with a different approach.

[Anonymous]

OP here, and thanks.

Yes, I have joined two FB groups for my issue, and yes there is comraderie and I do feel less "alone"- but I realize these groups are filled with people's opinions, crank holistic things, but all in all, good to know other people are doing the same things.

It's just that whenever I interact with the dr, Phone or office now, with all this ramping up, I feel like bursting into tears, and I'm wondering if I'm just immature. I think that I'm just coping with the real presentation of mortality in a big way and I just have to wrap my head around it.

[Anonymous]

What on earth?? Of course you can talk to your close friends about this. Lean on them for support. That doesn’t mean you dominate every luncheon with a medical recital. But if you have friends, there have to be a couple of them you can get support from.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you can afford it, now may be a good time to join a concierge medical practice--either a general internal medicine one or one in a specialty area that deals with your health concern. I think they make a lot of sense for people with chronic, complex health issues. My joined one, and I accompanied him to all the appointments so I got a good sense of how routine visits in a concierge practice differ from visits with non-concierge primary doctors. For one thing, they will talk to you for as long as you need, not rush you through the appointment. You will not feel bad about calling with extra questions between appointments. You will be able to get same-day appointments and quick responses to your concerns.

Also, if you haven't already, consider starting on anti-anxiety medication. There's no shame in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you can afford it, now may be a good time to join a concierge medical practice--either a general internal medicine one or one in a specialty area that deals with your health concern. I think they make a lot of sense for people with chronic, complex health issues. My joined one, and I accompanied him to all the appointments so I got a good sense of how routine visits in a concierge practice differ from visits with non-concierge primary doctors. For one thing, they will talk to you for as long as you need, not rush you through the appointment. You will not feel bad about calling with extra questions between appointments. You will be able to get same-day appointments and quick responses to your concerns.

Also, if you haven't already, consider starting on anti-anxiety medication. There's no shame in it.

I have thought about concierge, and yes I am considering that if only to help coordinate what is now a lot of different drs. It is really tough getting everyone on the same page! It doesn't appear that portal messages are ever read, anywhere. Critical info just goes missing. I do realize there's been an uptick of Covid, drs are stressed. I get it. When I was in the ER recently, that's all the staff could be heard saying-short staffed, no breaks, etc. It's a national trend post pandemic.

For this anxiety, I am doubting anyone would add this to my growing cocktail, ugh, so I'm just going to have to meditate or something. Thanks,though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What on earth?? Of course you can talk to your close friends about this. Lean on them for support. That doesn’t mean you dominate every luncheon with a medical recital. But if you have friends, there have to be a couple of them you can get support from.

Yes, that's what friends are for. And, they all have a growing list of things, too. Ageing is tough.

[Anonymous]

I think you need a therapist, someone that you can talk to without feeling any guilt about it, and I also think maybe you should start seeing a geriatric specialist who can be your main doctor as you age who will help you see the big picture.

It’s totally normal to be anxious about health issues, issues of aging, etc. And the healthcare system is kind of a mess, so I think it’s important to ask questions and to work to keep track of things that might get lost in the shuffle. It can be super frustrating. You say you wonder if you’re immature, but nothing you say suggests that, in fact quite the opposite. I’m sorry you’re having this hard time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need a therapist, someone that you can talk to without feeling any guilt about it, and I also think maybe you should start seeing a geriatric specialist who can be your main doctor as you age who will help you see the big picture.

It’s totally normal to be anxious about health issues, issues of aging, etc. And the healthcare system is kind of a mess, so I think it’s important to ask questions and to work to keep track of things that might get lost in the shuffle. It can be super frustrating. You say you wonder if you’re immature, but nothing you say suggests that, in fact quite the opposite. I’m sorry you’re having this hard time.

I agree with this, PP.

OP, you’re in two groups about this and now here writing about it. Clearly you have high anxiety (that is not meant as an insult) and need help dealing with it. Generally, friends aren’t the best outlet for this type of stress and worry about a personal/medical problem. Occasional discussions, yes, but you seem to need much more than talking to good friends. Let a professional help you work out your stress. It may not relieve it completely- it probably won’t, but it is better than where you are now. Constant worry is not ever good for a person and with a physical problem even worse. I hope you get the help you need. It will not be from internet strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need a therapist, someone that you can talk to without feeling any guilt about it, and I also think maybe you should start seeing a geriatric specialist who can be your main doctor as you age who will help you see the big picture.

It’s totally normal to be anxious about health issues, issues of aging, etc. And the healthcare system is kind of a mess, so I think it’s important to ask questions and to work to keep track of things that might get lost in the shuffle. It can be super frustrating. You say you wonder if you’re immature, but nothing you say suggests that, in fact quite the opposite. I’m sorry you’re having this hard time.

I agree with this, PP.

OP, you’re in two groups about this and now here writing about it. Clearly you have high anxiety (that is not meant as an insult) and need help dealing with it. Generally, friends aren’t the best outlet for this type of stress and worry about a personal/medical problem. Occasional discussions, yes, but you seem to need much more than talking to good friends. Let a professional help you work out your stress. It may not relieve it completely- it probably won’t, but it is better than where you are now. Constant worry is not ever good for a person and with a physical problem even worse. I hope you get the help you need. It will not be from internet strangers.

Thank you.
I'm very aware of social media sites and "advice." I research for a living, so I would be the first one to cast that off as true info.
So, I'm not looking for them for advice or a true outlet, but in two days I have learned specifically what questions to ask (imagine not even knowing that) and hearing from others on the same medications with the particular side effects has been helpful.
Yes, I think I will consider therapy just to give my family a break, if nothing else. I am really scared and I do want to talk with someone.