I'm in my 60s, dealing with a significant health issue and

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the OP - just wanted to let you know that your feelings are normal. I would say don't look to your doctor who is treating you as also your therapist. Many doctors don't include that in their approach. Is the doctor good at treating your condition otherwise? Find a therapist as others have suggested.

While I'm not looking for my doctor to be a therapist, I was assuming that when prescribing a serious medication that he would explain why this is the choice, how it will impact my life, serious contraindications. What I got was "We are taking this now" with answers only after I asked.

My questions were things like " Doesn't that cause xyz?"
His answer " Yes it can."
Isn't that contraindicated with x and y?"
His answer "Uh, hmm, yes. Stop taking those."
Me Wouldn't that be up front?)"How long?"
His answer AFTER another discussion not pertaining to this, almost as an afterthought- " You will take this for life, and you cannot stop it. This drug will also have significant lifestyle changes. "
Me- LIFE? What are those changes?
His answer " You can read up" shock:
Is he good at treating me? I really now do not know.

So, I'm not going for crunchy chewy therapist. But- human and informative would help!

He sounds totally inadequate. Look for someone with special expertise in your condition, or a well regarded geriatrician.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the OP - just wanted to let you know that your feelings are normal. I would say don't look to your doctor who is treating you as also your therapist. Many doctors don't include that in their approach. Is the doctor good at treating your condition otherwise? Find a therapist as others have suggested.

While I'm not looking for my doctor to be a therapist, I was assuming that when prescribing a serious medication that he would explain why this is the choice, how it will impact my life, serious contraindications. What I got was "We are taking this now" with answers only after I asked.

My questions were things like " Doesn't that cause xyz?"
His answer " Yes it can."
Isn't that contraindicated with x and y?"
His answer "Uh, hmm, yes. Stop taking those."
Me Wouldn't that be up front?)"How long?"
His answer AFTER another discussion not pertaining to this, almost as an afterthought- " You will take this for life, and you cannot stop it. This drug will also have significant lifestyle changes. "
Me- LIFE? What are those changes?
His answer " You can read up" shock:
Is he good at treating me? I really now do not know.

So, I'm not going for crunchy chewy therapist. But- human and informative would help!

He sounds totally inadequate. Look for someone with special expertise in your condition, or a well regarded geriatrician.

He's been pretty good generally for years, a little wooden, but he tries. I think he deals with a large spectrum of conditions that are mild to fatal, and he's just not addressing the personal reaction that he might think is smaller potatoes than others. But I do need real information and clarification on protocol and drugs, yes, especially scary ones.

A couple of folks have suggested a geriatric dr, and I have to say, this may be part of my sadness (?), but I literally just used this type of dr - for my inlaws who were in their 80s to 90 and just passed away not that long ago. It seems unreal to me that I would require this- it seems like these drs are involved with the multi-faceted issues of chronic needs and illness- rehab, home nursing, maintenance lab work, social services, etc.

Maybe I just don't see myself as a geriatric, and that's my problem! I am pretty active, working, etc. What I have is something anyone, of any age, can have, but can get worse with age. Maybe I'm there and it snuck up on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you worry too much about what others think/the “rules .” Probably best if you don’t spend too much time in DCUM.

Of course good friends and your family should be willing to listen to your concerns. That is a normal human need. I am talking heart to heart conversations, not FB posts.

Seek out kind people in your life who care about you.

As far as your physician , now that your circumstances have changed, you may need someone more attentive to details or a patient’s emotional needs. Ask around for recommendations.

Also , consider counseling to help you process your new reality. Not in lieu of social support and the right physician, but to augment the resources you have to draw upon.

Yes, I agree. I'm only on DCUM once in a while- particularly interested in political commentary. There's a freeing aspect to anonymous posting, but that also allows a lot of toxicity, too. I appreciate that there hasn't been any here. I am amazed, actually.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everybody. Putting on my big girl pants now.

[Anonymous]

I am older than you. My internistin my forties was double boarded in two specialties. One was geriatrics. I had no problem with that. I liked that I would not have to change docs as I aged. They are good at complex care, and I imagined must be kind to work with older people.

You remind me of my friend who won’t subscribe to AARP’s magazine because it makes her feel old. You are the age you are. The magazine or doctor you use have no influence on that.

Their issues will be your issues soon enough.

Please try therapy because I think you are dealing with feelings of loss that are probably complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am older than you. My internistin my forties was double boarded in two specialties. One was geriatrics. I had no problem with that. I liked that I would not have to change docs as I aged. They are good at complex care, and I imagined must be kind to work with older people.

You remind me of my friend who won’t subscribe to AARP’s magazine because it makes her feel old. You are the age you are. The magazine or doctor you use have no influence on that.

Their issues will be your issues soon enough.

Please try therapy because I think you are dealing with feelings of loss that are probably complicated.

Lol, I have AARP. Happy to get my senior discount, too, in stores!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everybody. Putting on my big girl pants now.

OP, you aren't being a wuss. If the conversation you had with your doctor is being reported accurately, you are correct, he sucked. There's nothing wrong with you for being scared that you had to be the one to bring up the other medications you were on and asking about possible serious side effects.

Here's some practical advice from a spouse of a severely ill man: keep detailed records of every conversation you have with your doctors, and write down all the medication changes and when they happened and why the change was made. I actually keep notes on Google calendar and I try to make them very searchable. Dr's name, patient name, medication changes (spell the medication correctly), followups appointments and lab work to be made - document everything in the notes section on Google Calendar.

When we go to an appointment, I review all the information needed with my husband's doctor. Doctor's are swamped, and they have SO MUCH information available online now, but absolutely NO TIME to review it. The online portals are useless - they don't have the time to read and think about comments and questions there as well as answering phone calls and seeing patients in person. They are swamped and they do NOT remember everything about your case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everybody. Putting on my big girl pants now.

OP, you aren't being a wuss. If the conversation you had with your doctor is being reported accurately, you are correct, he sucked. There's nothing wrong with you for being scared that you had to be the one to bring up the other medications you were on and asking about possible serious side effects.

Here's some practical advice from a spouse of a severely ill man: keep detailed records of every conversation you have with your doctors, and write down all the medication changes and when they happened and why the change was made. I actually keep notes on Google calendar and I try to make them very searchable. Dr's name, patient name, medication changes (spell the medication correctly), followups appointments and lab work to be made - document everything in the notes section on Google Calendar.

When we go to an appointment, I review all the information needed with my husband's doctor. Doctor's are swamped, and they have SO MUCH information available online now, but absolutely NO TIME to review it. The online portals are useless - they don't have the time to read and think about comments and questions there as well as answering phone calls and seeing patients in person. They are swamped and they do NOT remember everything about your case.

You are very correct about the portals. I'm not even sure why they have them. And when we need to call with a question, they immediately direct us to the portal. Useless cycle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the OP - just wanted to let you know that your feelings are normal. I would say don't look to your doctor who is treating you as also your therapist. Many doctors don't include that in their approach. Is the doctor good at treating your condition otherwise? Find a therapist as others have suggested.

The doctors dislike of questions and lack of knowledge about op are a problem to me.

Op don’t let anyone make you feel bad if you do cry. It’s human and you are going through something difficult. If anyone is put off by tears they’re inhuman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the OP - just wanted to let you know that your feelings are normal. I would say don't look to your doctor who is treating you as also your therapist. Many doctors don't include that in their approach. Is the doctor good at treating your condition otherwise? Find a therapist as others have suggested.

While I'm not looking for my doctor to be a therapist, I was assuming that when prescribing a serious medication that he would explain why this is the choice, how it will impact my life, serious contraindications. What I got was "We are taking this now" with answers only after I asked.

My questions were things like " Doesn't that cause xyz?"
His answer " Yes it can."
Isn't that contraindicated with x and y?"
His answer "Uh, hmm, yes. Stop taking those."
Me:( Wouldn't that be up front?)"How long?"
His answer AFTER another discussion not pertaining to this, almost as an afterthought- " You will take this for life, and you cannot stop it. This drug will also have significant lifestyle changes. "
Me- LIFE? What are those changes?
His answer " You can read up" shock:
Is he good at treating me? I really now do not know.

So, I'm not going for crunchy chewy therapist. But- human and informative would help!

I HATE your doctor.

[Anonymous]

The risk of talking to friends is that they will gossip and/or avoid you. Go on line and find a support group for whatever diagnosis you have. You can talk to other people who have gone through the same process. Also, they have real life advice not just medical advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everybody. Putting on my big girl pants now.

You’ve had them on this entire time op.

Don’t knock yourself and if you can, try to shut down the negative self talk.

I’m proud of you for not letting Dr. Grumpy Cat shut down your questions.

I’ll be thinking about you and sending good wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the OP - just wanted to let you know that your feelings are normal. I would say don't look to your doctor who is treating you as also your therapist. Many doctors don't include that in their approach. Is the doctor good at treating your condition otherwise? Find a therapist as others have suggested.

While I'm not looking for my doctor to be a therapist, I was assuming that when prescribing a serious medication that he would explain why this is the choice, how it will impact my life, serious contraindications. What I got was "We are taking this now" with answers only after I asked.

My questions were things like " Doesn't that cause xyz?"
His answer " Yes it can."
Isn't that contraindicated with x and y?"
His answer "Uh, hmm, yes. Stop taking those."
Me:( Wouldn't that be up front?)"How long?"
His answer AFTER another discussion not pertaining to this, almost as an afterthought- " You will take this for life, and you cannot stop it. This drug will also have significant lifestyle changes. "
Me- LIFE? What are those changes?
His answer " You can read up" shock:
Is he good at treating me? I really now do not know.

So, I'm not going for crunchy chewy therapist. But- human and informative would help!

I HATE your doctor.

+1. I find most patients to be insufferable (don’t worry, I’m not one, I just had to work in my dad’s office growing up).

Your doctor is awful! No wonder you have anxiety! Find a new one and report him to the medical licensing boards.

[Anonymous]

I send you a huge hug and we hope you have a good day.

[Anonymous]

What Facebook pages I love to meet people as well hugs Op