I'm in my 60s, dealing with a significant health issue and

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need a therapist, someone that you can talk to without feeling any guilt about it, and I also think maybe you should start seeing a geriatric specialist who can be your main doctor as you age who will help you see the big picture.

It’s totally normal to be anxious about health issues, issues of aging, etc. And the healthcare system is kind of a mess, so I think it’s important to ask questions and to work to keep track of things that might get lost in the shuffle. It can be super frustrating. You say you wonder if you’re immature, but nothing you say suggests that, in fact quite the opposite. I’m sorry you’re having this hard time.

I agree with this, PP.

OP, you’re in two groups about this and now here writing about it. Clearly you have high anxiety (that is not meant as an insult) and need help dealing with it. Generally, friends aren’t the best outlet for this type of stress and worry about a personal/medical problem. Occasional discussions, yes, but you seem to need much more than talking to good friends. Let a professional help you work out your stress. It may not relieve it completely- it probably won’t, but it is better than where you are now. Constant worry is not ever good for a person and with a physical problem even worse. I hope you get the help you need. It will not be from internet strangers.

Thank you.
I'm very aware of social media sites and "advice." I research for a living, so I would be the first one to cast that off as true info.
So, I'm not looking for them for advice or a true outlet, but in two days I have learned specifically what questions to ask (imagine not even knowing that) and hearing from others on the same medications with the particular side effects has been helpful.
Yes, I think I will consider therapy just to give my family a break, if nothing else. I am really scared and I do want to talk with someone.

Glad to hear it. I hope you find some relief.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to find someone (spouse? child? friend?) to come with you to see the doctor. They will be a good sounding board and can give you feedback so you aren't second-guessing yourself and your feelings. I would also get recommendations and consider switching doctors or at least getting a consultation on whether your current treatment plan is the best way to go or if there are good alternatives.

I can understand being scared and on the verge of tears frequently. Have you tried meditation, journaling, prayer, etc.?

[Anonymous]

To the OP - just wanted to let you know that your feelings are normal. I would say don't look to your doctor who is treating you as also your therapist. Many doctors don't include that in their approach. Is the doctor good at treating your condition otherwise? Find a therapist as others have suggested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it unreasonable for me to have anxiety over things like this? I've had a doctor, with whom I've had a pretty good relationship with for more than a decade while my health issue was minor- but things have changed in a big way- my meds are changing, many with risk/benefit types outcome, and the risks are big. Very big. My condition is frightening, too. This doctor seems surprised that I have questions, fears, etc, and makes me feel kind of childish. He also forgets some pretty big details, and if I ask, he'll say, "Oh yeah, that too..etc." ( WHAT?a )
I'm already frightened by my condition, and apparently asking questions is an annoyance or something.

I already know the social rules- don't bring things up in social settings as our friends don't need an organ recital at our age, don't bother our kids so we aren't a burden to them. So, no outlets.

I just could use a hug and some good advice and confidence. Like I'm 10 years old. Am I wrong? I have had several tearful nights. I know my age, but is that relevant? No caring anymore for the older ladies over 55? Someone here will call me a self absorbed boomer, I am sure. Fine- I'll just ignore it.

You can totally tell your friends and kids. Don’t call your kids in the MOTN sobbing that you’re going to die or anything that makes them responsible for your happiness, but do tell them what’s going on and that you’re nervous. And you need at least one friend that you CAN call sobbing in the middle of the night. Your doctor isn’t going to be your emotional support person through this - you will need other people! I have been that person for friends and it’s an honestly an honor and privilege. Let your friends in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the OP - just wanted to let you know that your feelings are normal. I would say don't look to your doctor who is treating you as also your therapist. Many doctors don't include that in their approach. Is the doctor good at treating your condition otherwise? Find a therapist as others have suggested.

While I'm not looking for my doctor to be a therapist, I was assuming that when prescribing a serious medication that he would explain why this is the choice, how it will impact my life, serious contraindications. What I got was "We are taking this now" with answers only after I asked.

My questions were things like " Doesn't that cause xyz?"
His answer " Yes it can."
Isn't that contraindicated with x and y?"
His answer "Uh, hmm, yes. Stop taking those."
Me Wouldn't that be up front?)"How long?"
His answer AFTER another discussion not pertaining to this, almost as an afterthought- " You will take this for life, and you cannot stop it. This drug will also have significant lifestyle changes. "
Me- LIFE? What are those changes?
His answer " You can read up" shock:
Is he good at treating me? I really now do not know.

So, I'm not going for crunchy chewy therapist. But- human and informative would help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the OP - just wanted to let you know that your feelings are normal. I would say don't look to your doctor who is treating you as also your therapist. Many doctors don't include that in their approach. Is the doctor good at treating your condition otherwise? Find a therapist as others have suggested.

While I'm not looking for my doctor to be a therapist, I was assuming that when prescribing a serious medication that he would explain why this is the choice, how it will impact my life, serious contraindications. What I got was "We are taking this now" with answers only after I asked.

My questions were things like " Doesn't that cause xyz?"
His answer " Yes it can."
Isn't that contraindicated with x and y?"
His answer "Uh, hmm, yes. Stop taking those."
Me Wouldn't that be up front?)"How long?"
His answer AFTER another discussion not pertaining to this, almost as an afterthought- " You will take this for life, and you cannot stop it. This drug will also have significant lifestyle changes. "
Me- LIFE? What are those changes?
His answer " You can read up" shock:
Is he good at treating me? I really now do not know.

So, I'm not going for crunchy chewy therapist. But- human and informative would help! [/quote
That’s awful.

That’s terrible! I’d look for a doctor with a better bedside manner.

Do you have a good pharmacist? They can be a lot better than doctors about answering this type of questions.

[Anonymous]

Can you find an in person or online support group for your condition?

You may want to find a different doc, this one does not seem like the best fit now that your condition has changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to find someone (spouse? child? friend?) to come with you to see the doctor. They will be a good sounding board and can give you feedback so you aren't second-guessing yourself and your feelings. I would also get recommendations and consider switching doctors or at least getting a consultation on whether your current treatment plan is the best way to go or if there are good alternatives.

I can understand being scared and on the verge of tears frequently. Have you tried meditation, journaling, prayer, etc.?

These are good suggestions. A faith based community can also be a source of support.

OP, is your condition one that may have ongoing studies, say at NIH or Hopkins or local teaching universities? Might be worth exploring to get the most cutting edge treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it unreasonable for me to have anxiety over things like this? I've had a doctor, with whom I've had a pretty good relationship with for more than a decade while my health issue was minor- but things have changed in a big way- my meds are changing, many with risk/benefit types outcome, and the risks are big. Very big. My condition is frightening, too. This doctor seems surprised that I have questions, fears, etc, and makes me feel kind of childish. He also forgets some pretty big details, and if I ask, he'll say, "Oh yeah, that too..etc." ( WHAT?a )
I'm already frightened by my condition, and apparently asking questions is an annoyance or something.

I already know the social rules- don't bring things up in social settings as our friends don't need an organ recital at our age, don't bother our kids so we aren't a burden to them. So, no outlets.

I just could use a hug and some good advice and confidence. Like I'm 10 years old. Am I wrong? I have had several tearful nights. I know my age, but is that relevant? No caring anymore for the older ladies over 55? Someone here will call me a self absorbed boomer, I am sure. Fine- I'll just ignore it.

I'm 52 and experiencing a similar situation, although my health issue may not be as serious as yours. No one wants to hear about it including my dr. She hates questions, apparently, but this is my life. What is helping me cope is finding a new doctor, getting a second opinion on my treatment and joining a facebook group focused on people with my condition. I wish you strength as you navigate your health condition and hugs from an internet stranger.

I think these will be changes for me, too, yes.

[Anonymous]

A lot of drs aren’t great and done that are good in many ways are very bad communicators. I’m in my early 50s and being assessed for a possible serious health issue (almost sounds like what you have in that treatment could be very minimal for years and then require fairly problematic medications) and get more high risk.

I would definitely get another opinion. The only way your drs responses seem sort of normal to me is if the drug is one you are anxious about but that more most people generally isn’t a big issue. Like, if you are freaking out about a statin. But that doesn’t sound like the case and - even if it were - you need someone who can talk it through more sensitively with you.

[Anonymous]

I would give you a hug if I could OP.

We could all use a lot more support, I think. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would give you a hug if I could OP.

We could all use a lot more support, I think. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

Thanks, a virtual hug works. I feel better just venting.

[Anonymous]

These are totally normal feelings! It’s totally fine to rely on friends and family for psychological support — that’s what they’re there for. Support groups for people with the disease are great too. Personally I’ve found many therapists to be inadequately trained on dealing with health issues but working with a good one could work if you feel you need more of an outlet than friends/family are able to give.

[Anonymous]

Pls look for a new doctor. There are plenty of doctors out there who are not so dismissive.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you worry too much about what others think/the “rules .” Probably best if you don’t spend too much time in DCUM.

Of course good friends and your family should be willing to listen to your concerns. That is a normal human need. I am talking heart to heart conversations, not FB posts.

Seek out kind people in your life who care about you.

As far as your physician , now that your circumstances have changed, you may need someone more attentive to details or a patient’s emotional needs. Ask around for recommendations.

Also , consider counseling to help you process your new reality. Not in lieu of social support and the right physician, but to augment the resources you have to draw upon.
🤗