Ex doesn't know that my kids are in private

[Anonymous]

When my daughter was in seventh grade, I enrolled her at a small private school because her zoned public school was huge, full of drug problems, and I could tell that academically, she was falling through the cracks. A year later I enrolled my other daughter. My kids are now in ninth and sixth grade.

When I first enrolled my oldest, my ex was deployed in the military. The girls' school never came up in conversation until last year when he asked my oldest what school she went to by text, and I told her to lie and say she was still in public. I don't want him to know that my kids go to private because he has been withholding child support (he claims that the state has been holding the support, but I could get the money quicker if he gave one big payment a month and not divide it into 2-3 payments a month). If he finds out that my daughters go to private school, he will wonder how I can afford a pricey private school. My kids get financial aid and the tuition that is not covered by aid is paid for by one of my relatives. I don't want my ex to be nosy about my financials. On top of that, the school is religious. I don't know how he would react to that. I am the custodial parent; I am in complete control over my children's education according to our divorce papers, but I don't want this to become an issue. My daughters don't want to switch schools. Even if he doesn't care about the fact that it is a religious school, he might continue to withhold money if he finds out my kids attend private school. Should I continue to lie to my ex? When is the appropriate time to confess this, when my oldest graduates?

[Anonymous]

What kind of person are you to lie to your ex? He has every right to know what's going on financially when it involves the kids. You are also lying to the school as well. And, this sounds completely fake as if he's active duty you probably have a garnishment and they are taking it directly from his check. It absolutely can become an issue when you have the kids lying to him and you are withholding information.

[Anonymous]

He’s their father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of person are you to lie to your ex? He has every right to know what's going on financially when it involves the kids. You are also lying to the school as well. And, this sounds completely fake as if he's active duty you probably have a garnishment and they are taking it directly from his check. It absolutely can become an issue when you have the kids lying to him and you are withholding information.

He was active duty at the time but is now on reserve.

[Anonymous]

If you have the right to make all education decisions, then it doesn’t matter if he objects. He still owes you child support. It DOES matter if you lie to him or have your children lie to him.

[Anonymous]

I should have clarified- he wasn't withholding money when he was deployed, he started withholding money this summer.

[Anonymous]

If you have a legal right to support get him to pay. Don’t teach your kids to lie. Why are you letting him have this level of impact on your life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have the right to make all education decisions, then it doesn’t matter if he objects. He still owes you child support. It DOES matter if you lie to him or have your children lie to him.

I haven't directly lied to him because he has never asked me what school they go to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have the right to make all education decisions, then it doesn’t matter if he objects. He still owes you child support. It DOES matter if you lie to him or have your children lie to him.

I haven't directly lied to him because he has never asked me what school they go to.

So....if your spouse were having an affair and didn't tell you, it's okay? Not really lying?

[Anonymous]

Telling your children to lie to their father about this is unconscionable. You need to find your spine and your courage and be an adult. And you owe your kids an apology.

[Anonymous]

You told your child to lie to their father about what school they attend? What on earth do you think you are teaching your children? That is really bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Telling your children to lie to their father about this is unconscionable. You need to find your spine and your courage and be an adult. And you owe your kids an apology.

This.

It’s worse than lying to him yourself.

If you truly have sole decision making power on education, then just tell him. He will still owe child support.

But if my coparent who had sole custody made my kids lie to me about something like this, I would take them back to court for some kind of joint custody/decision making power.

[Anonymous]

I’ll be the voice of dissent. Sometimes, with shitty exes, you have to be practical. It’s not ideal but it’s the best situation. But can’t they garnish his wages or something? Or jail him even?

[Anonymous]

Just let them tell him their school name and if he asks they are on scholarship which is all true.

No court will order children to leave their school because it is religious.

[Anonymous]

Any other details you want to include, OP?