Feeling yucky about long weekend socializing

[Anonymous]

I socialized a ton this weekend, including attending a barbecue where I didn’t know anyone very well (neighborhood thing I attended with DH and DC).

I have been tossing and turning all night replaying conversations and feeling awkward and miserable about them. At the BBQ, in particular, I felt so awkward. The adults there separated by gender, so I felt forced to go join the women, and it was just a hard group to join. Several of them knew each other a little and there was little effort to include those of us who didn’t. I had to work hard to make conversation and now I wonder if I came off rude or weird.

I just hate that feeling if talking to strangers and being unable to read their expression and feeling like they all dislike you even though what you are saying is benign and probably they are just neutral. Just hard when people don’t make the extra effort to be friendly or welcoming.

Men have it easier, I think. It’s more acceptable for them to be silent and I feel like their conversation topics tend to be less loaded. Women at these things always want to talk about parenting, schools, and similar topics which I think are more loaded and there are minefields, especially if you don’t know the other parents so you don’t know if they will be offended by something that seems normal to you.

[Anonymous]

I have often felt like you. Long ago, I decided not to ruminate on situations with women who behave like that. They’re the ones with the problem. You need to accept that this is how many women behave and your actions in the situation were fine. You tried your best and let it go. It’s a situation with a bunch of rude, self-absorbed women. Why should you feel bad when they don’t? I often move over and chatted with the dads now. Life is too short to waste on women like that and why waste a good night’s sleep giving them a second thought? They certainly don’t think about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I socialized a ton this weekend, including attending a barbecue where I didn’t know anyone very well (neighborhood thing I attended with DH and DC).

I have been tossing and turning all night replaying conversations and feeling awkward and miserable about them. At the BBQ, in particular, I felt so awkward. The adults there separated by gender, so I felt forced to go join the women, and it was just a hard group to join. Several of them knew each other a little and there was little effort to include those of us who didn’t. I had to work hard to make conversation and now I wonder if I came off rude or weird.

I just hate that feeling if talking to strangers and being unable to read their expression and feeling like they all dislike you even though what you are saying is benign and probably they are just neutral. Just hard when people don’t make the extra effort to be friendly or welcoming.

Men have it easier, I think. It’s more acceptable for them to be silent and I feel like their conversation topics tend to be less loaded. Women at these things always want to talk about parenting, schools, and similar topics which I think are more loaded and there are minefields, especially if you don’t know the other parents so you don’t know if they will be offended by something that seems normal to you.

I do the same thing. You’re not alone OP

[Anonymous]

I’ve felt that way, too. You just have to shake off that feeling now that those events are over & remember that you won’t see these people again for awhile.

[Anonymous]

Awwwww I want to give you a big hug. I don’t know why we do this to other women! We should be supportive! Your post brings me to tears.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for posting PP- I am an extrovert and often need to start up conversations with strangers in my day to day job. It has always come easy, and quite honestly, I don’t care too much about what people think about me.

But it is helpful to be reminded that others may feel excluded and we can all be more outgoing to new people in a group like that.

[Anonymous]

I am an extreme extrovert and even feel this way with the wrong crowd. I have become more confident getting a plate and a drink and sitting alone a few minutes and finding someone not fitting in. Taking my time to mingle really helps. There is always someone feeling awkward I can talk to, and pretty much every time, I enjoy myself.

[Anonymous]

People aren’t spending their time thinking/talking about you and those interactions. Just let it go. Spotlight effect

[Anonymous]

Are you an introvert? I am and I feel like this all the time. I just avoid these types of situations—they’re just too unpleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People aren’t spending their time thinking/talking about you and those interactions. Just let it go. Spotlight effect

Sure they do! People ruminate on behavior at social event or even work, etc. b/c we have all been around people/friends who pick apart other people and gossip. That's why OP is ruminating b/c it is a real thing that happens all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People aren’t spending their time thinking/talking about you and those interactions. Just let it go. Spotlight effect

Sure they do! People ruminate on behavior at social event or even work, etc. b/c we have all been around people/friends who pick apart other people and gossip. That's why OP is ruminating b/c it is a real thing that happens all the time.

But there’s nothing you can do about that (except he someone who does not gossip). So, let it go. People will judge you for everything & anything.

[Anonymous]

The people at the bbq are rude. Full stop. No class. If someone new approaches a group it is polite to stop conversation, make intros if necessary, and include. No excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People aren’t spending their time thinking/talking about you and those interactions. Just let it go. Spotlight effect

Sure they do! People ruminate on behavior at social event or even work, etc. b/c we have all been around people/friends who pick apart other people and gossip. That's why OP is ruminating b/c it is a real thing that happens all the time.

Look! It’s the person who tells the depressed person to “just cheer up!” and the person with anxiety “don’t worry about it!”

So helpful, PP. Thank you.

But there’s nothing you can do about that (except he someone who does not gossip). So, let it go. People will judge you for everything & anything.

[Anonymous]

Social situations make me exhausted and I replay them over and over just like you are here…

And I was diagnosed as autistic about a year ago. Do with that as you will…

[Anonymous]

How old are you, OP?

One of the real benefits of aging is that you stop caring so much about fitting in or what other people think of you. It’s incredibly freeing.

At 53, I no longer feel the need to impress or be liked by others. I’m comfortable in my own skin.