Reply to Vent- Sibling always ruins mother's day

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[quote=Anonymous]
Three things:

1. Your sibling has untreated ADHD and feels resentment about the lack of medication, because they were probably blamed and shamed for their disability, not to mention that it did not set them on a path for success. There is nothing more traumatic than shaming a child for something they cannot control. Even if it wasn't overt, they couldn't help being compared to you and the other sibling. Even now, the way you phrase it, you are using an accusatory tone and not acknowledging their disability and pain.

2. At the time, it was probably difficult for your parents to know about, accept, and treat this disorder. They have responsibility, but maybe diminished responsibility and should not be held up as monsters by your sibling. Adults need to own their lives, and move forward as best they can with the trauma they suffered as children. We cannot blame our upbringing forever. It is on each one of us to make do.

3. This should not affect the way you celebrate Mother's Day, yours or your mother's. Your relationship with your mother is your own.

Honestly, having grown up with untreated ADHD and having a child with severe ADHD who received services and accommodations early on, then medication in 5th grade, I measure how better his mental health and self-esteem is compared to mine at the same age. Treatment is life-changing.

Your sibling was not parented well for the disorder they have. I hope one day you can acknowledge that to your sibling - it might go a long way towards alleviating a bit of that PTSD they seem to have. Do not make them feel as if you're diminishing what they went through. It will only make them more intent on expressing their resentment.
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