Is it age appropriate to be punching/hitting at age 5? Unprovoked and no real reason?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
No conflict, just unprovoked punching in the face or chest. This is at a preschool where the kids are 5-5.5 in age.
The director and I disagreed on this and I want to hear what others think. |
Anonymous
| Yes and no. Some kids do it but it's inappropriate behavior. And in this area, people have some very strict standards of behavior for children and that's a clear no-no. On this area, it's absolutely unacceptable. |
Anonymous
| An unprovoked, closed fist punch to the face of another child is not normal at age 5. Maybe at age 2 if there is a percieved slight, such as picking up a toy that the other 2 year old had played with 10 minutes ago. But otherwise, no. |
Anonymous
|
Totally unprovoked? That's a red flag, though I wouldn't put it as "age inappropriate."
Kids that age often hit or punch when dysregulated. It's common. Sometimes you can spot how a child that age became dysregulated - you can identify the provocation. But sometimes adults aren't great at identifying the provocation. Sometimes it's related to physical needs not being met. Kids who don't get enough time or opportunity for physical expression, who aren't getting enough physical contact with other people, who are not getting adequate sleep or nutrition, are more likely to lash out in this way. If it's happening at seemingly random times, I'd be looking at ongoing issues with their schedule and environment that could be causing ongoing dysregulation. I think it's a mistake to focus on the misbehavior, in this case hitting. By all means, explain that hitting is not an option and not something that we'll tolerate (at this age, I would physically grasp the hands or arms to stop the hitting and state firmly it's not an option). But if it's just cropping up all the time and not tied to a specific conflict, I think you need to put the time in to figure out what's going on with this kid that they are feeling the need to engage in this activity, which is inappropriate but also sensory and attention seeking, on a regular basis. If you just say "don't hit, don't hit" and don't make the effort to figure out what is causing the underlying feelings making them want to lash out, you could make it worse. You also have to create venues for physical aggression and sensory satisfaction for this. Many kids this age naturally gravitate to roughhousing and aggressive physical play (spinning around fast, tumbling down hills on their sides, controlled contact games like tag or red rover, etc.) but a lot of that gets very discouraged these days, plus Covid actually removed a lot of these options for many kids for a critical period of time. These kids need physical exercise, contact, etc. It's a key component to how many kids self-regulate. |
Anonymous
| if you are a parent trying to convince the director to kick the child out, the director is likely just trying to deflect your meddling. Generally arguments over whether behavior is “normal” or not have agendas behind them. My guess is that the director would say “it’s not uncommon behavior and you just need to live with it.” |
Anonymous
|
Also very relevant: one time incident or ongoing issue? If it happened one time, I'd say "age appropriate" because 5 year olds are still learning and make mistakes and this would be a learning opportunity.
If it's happening daily or one kid is hitting another, specific kid frequently, totally different. First I'd be upset that it was allowed to go on this long (in a preschool classroom, ever single incident of physical violence should be addressed and discussed -- the kids need continual feedback on this specific issue. |
Anonymous
Occurs about weekly for several months with various kids. The director says it’s not disciplined because it’s developmentally age appropriate. |
Anonymous
What are the classroom rules around physically violence. In my child's PK 4/5 year, they started the year out by creating a classroom contract. The kids worked with the teachers to create a list of rules for the classroom and they all signed the contract (it was a big piece of paper that got hung on the wall). One of the rules had to do with not touching friends when they didn't want to be touched (including hitting, which was listed as an example). So in that classroom, if there was an instance of hitting, the teachers would remind the children of the contract and also remind individual children that the contract reflected who each child expected to be treated. There was of course still random hitting incidents, but because they were always responded to and linked back to a classroom policy designed to help the children learn not to hit each other, I was never concerned about it (none of the incidents resulted in actual injuries, it would just be typical hits or pushes that kids this age do in fact engage in). But if this was happening regularly in the classroom with no comment from the teachers or no effort to guide and education the children, I'd look for a new preschool. Stuff like this is a manor reason preschool exists. They are not merely child minders. |
Anonymous
What do you mean by “not disciplined”? I find it hard to believe they do nothing at all. if what you want is for the kid to be punished, then the director is right. Discipline does not mean punishment. |
Anonymous
I think punch in the face is visit with the director. The current discipline is just a little talk. |
Anonymous
You're not going to get what you want. It's almost May, the school year is almost over and then preschool will be over. Either grin and bear it or pull your DC out now. |
Anonymous
Ok I’m get a sense of the issue now. I side with the school. At this age, the goal is guidance, modeling, gentle correction. For most kids, that’s enough. What you are describing as “a little talk”? That’s call teaching. It’s how I would handle an incident of hitting in my own home at that age as well. What is the benefit of the program director getting involved in these incidents? Do you really think the kids at that age are impressed by that? Or is it that YOU are impressed by it and that’s what makes you feel that your concerns are addressed. But it’s not about you. It’s about the kids. Also, what you might be missing is that in between these incidents, the teachers are likely proactively teaching the kids other, better options for conflict resolution. That’s more productive than engaging in harsh discipline when a child resorts to hitting. What these kids need is to learn ways to manage and express their feelings other than hitting. That’s ultimately what leads to them no longer hitting. Harsh punishment can have the opposite effect, increasing violent behavior because it teaches them to think in black and white terms about behavior and makes them punishment minded. |
Anonymous
|
If a 5 year old is hitting kids on a weekly basis then there is an issue and the school needs to address it. The kid should be sent hom each time it happens and there should be a 1 day suspension after the hit.
The parents need to start addressing this now because it is an issue and it is not appropriate. By 5 kids know not to bite, hit, or kick. Wrestling and playing rough happens for ages but it is not an intentional act and it is very different then hitting. A child who is punching regularly at that age needs to learn it is not acceptable fast. It sounds like the pre-school you are at has a different philosophy and that you need to decide to leave if your child is being hit regularly and the school is not addressing it because the school is not likely to change what it is doing. |
Anonymous
|
No. That’s not even remotely age appropriate.
I would call it age appropriate (for some kids) at age 2. By 3 years old it’s not age appropriate anymore, it’s a problem with that kid. |
Anonymous
| Since you posted in the Elementary forum, I'll say this wouldn't be handled the same way in KG for repeated incidents barring some disability. But at a preschool, I could see them trying to help a frequent offender. As PP said, school year is almost over. Teach your kid to avoid. |