Therapy - am I doing this right?

[Anonymous]

I've been in counseling with a therapist for almost a year. It's mostly just me talking and the therapist occasionally reiterating something, or asking a question. This is the first time I've done therapy and it's not what I expected, although it has been helpful. I think I've reached a point where just having someone to talk to isn't quite enough. I thought the therapist would offer more suggestions and opinions about how to handle things. I also thought I would be working on things more actively, sort of like having homework. Or doing particular exercises, practicing certain skills. Is this typical for therapy to just be the patient talking?

[Anonymous]

Different therapists have different styles. It might be time for you to look for someone new. It might be helpful for you to look for someone who does Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, though at this point lots of practitioners say they do it even though they don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different therapists have different styles. It might be time for you to look for someone new. It might be helpful for you to look for someone who does Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, though at this point lots of practitioners say they do it even though they don't.

Why do they do this? It is such a waste of people's time.

[Anonymous]

You want someone more proactive, and that does t sound like your therapist’s style. You can certainly brush this with gif therapist, but I’d also think about looking for someone else.

[Anonymous]

*^broach this with your therapist.

[Anonymous]

Ask your therapist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask your therapist?

I guarantee you they will say something about why do you think it’s important to do this “right”.

[Anonymous]

It's totally okay to tell your therapist that you'd like homework and want to make more progress and would like them to encourage you to see things from a different light, and then ask if they can/will do that. If not, they're not the right therapist for you. You don't want to lay on the couch and talk about your mother every session.

[Anonymous]

Have you talked to your therapist about your goals and reasons for seeking therapy? Treatment looks different for different things, so talking to your therapist about what you need/want is important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different therapists have different styles. It might be time for you to look for someone new. It might be helpful for you to look for someone who does Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, though at this point lots of practitioners say they do it even though they don't.

I agree with this advice.

You might give them a chance to be more interactive, but if they insist on mostly passively listening (like many psychoanalysts for example), tell him/her you are seeking something different.

True CBT would be more like what you want (and probably more evidence-based).

[Anonymous]

This happened to me, too, but then I realized I was non-stop telling stories and talking about my life without letting her get a word in edgewise. Now I present a situation and say "what do you think" and it's much more of a helpful conversation.

[Anonymous]

What about working with a therapist trained in CBT?

[Anonymous]

So many bad and lazy therapist out there. Nobody needs someone just to listen and do nothing or offer no sights or strategies. But I guess it's not in their best interest to cure you or they would be out of business fat. It's really is a bunch of quacks. You need to either find a new one or move on to something else like a hobby and save your money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask your therapist?

I guarantee you they will say something about why do you think it’s important to do this “right”.

lol, absolutely. But a good therapist will ask your goals, etc. and could even perhaps offer a recommendation to someone else that may be a good fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different therapists have different styles. It might be time for you to look for someone new. It might be helpful for you to look for someone who does Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, though at this point lots of practitioners say they do it even though they don't.

I agree with this advice.

You might give them a chance to be more interactive, but if they insist on mostly passively listening (like many psychoanalysts for example), tell him/her you are seeking something different.

True CBT would be more like what you want (and probably more evidence-based).

It sounds like something to absolutely discuss with your therapist. As an analyst, (and psychologist who sees people in one time per week treatment) I know it can seem as if listening is "passive" but well trained therapists are actually listening on multiple levels AND eventually we choose to do more than just clarify which it sounds like what you feel yours is mainly doing. We digest the data (what you say, your nonverbals, our trained and intuitive impressions, etc) , select what it feels important to hone in in as it pertains to your struggles and then share that, and then begin to work more deeply with you, integrating the moment and then our thoughts and clinical judgment. We are working hard to understand you. Our interventions should come from that first.

Eventually the work should deepen and you should grasp intuitively the skill of your therapist. Even the direction we take with you, ideally, is done thoughtfully, we are not "winging it." Talk to your therapist. The response will help illuminate their skill or highlight their deficits. Good luck to you.