Staying at parents’ house with kids

[Anonymous]

I’m looking for tips for staying at family members’ homes with my family. My family has really great accommodations for us to stay with them (3 spare guest bedrooms and 3 full baths). Similar for my in-laws. But the issue is that our parents get overwhelmed with kid stuff and are annoyed. Which means we rarely visit and then they whine about that too. We’re not interested in renting an air b&b or a hotel because we spend that money on other vacations.

I’m a very clean person by nature and my kids aren’t even messy. I’ve tried streamlining over the years. For instance I bring my 3 kids different colored water bottles and they have to use those exclusively. Before I did that, my toddlers were breaking glass cups, using 3 cups a day each and were leaving them everywhere. Current issue with the cups is that there isn’t a spot to put their 3 water bottles. I have my kids take them back to their rooms between meals but I think that’s weird. Am I crazy for wishing there was a place to keep their stuff between meals? Like the baby’s bib.

Another issue is shoes. My kids take their shoes off immediately when they come in, but then grandparents can’t stand the mess by the front door (3 pairs of kid shoes is too much I guess). I’ve asked for baskets but then they said they’d get the baskets dirty too. We take the shoes to the bedrooms now but then the kids are in and out all day and don’t want to run their shoes upstairs.

There aren’t closets or dressers for us, so we live out of suitcases but that too is a mess. And everyone has 1-2 towels (pool and a bath), which I guess is too many towels. And kid toys. I just feel defeated any time we visit family. I bring tons of food and keep the kids out at activities all day.

[Anonymous]

Tell your mom the issues and ask what she suggests. Is there a spot on the kitchen counter for the three water bottles? Can there be one shoe basket near the front door so all shoes go in there?

What kind of bedrooms don't have closets or dressers? Ask if you can buy a dresser for each bedroom.

We don't bring many toys when we travel. Each kid has a backpack and brings books, and maybe one or two toys.

[Anonymous]

Can't she express her annoyance without it being a deal breaker? Maybe she is annoyed with the clutter but still wants you there. Maybe let it not bother you -- or ask her if it bothers her as much as she's making it sound. It's normal to have all that stuff with kids. It's also normal to be annoyed by it.

[Anonymous]

Bring your own baskets for shoes. Ask grandparents where they want the kids to keep the water bottles. Maybe there is a cupboard they can put them in. I don’t understand the towel issue. If the towels are in the bathrooms why are the grandparents coming I there while you’re visiting? If the grandparents don’t have enough towels, bring more.

[Anonymous]

There are two issues:
(1) how much accommodation do you expect (storage space for kid gear, dressers, etc.)
(2) How much your parents can tolerate ordinary and reasonable "messes."

I don't know if you fly or drive there, but you might be able to bring some things with you, like baskets (or a storage cube that fold flat) to hold mealtime gear/water bottles, shoes, and toys, to minimize clutter and contain the kid stuff for the duration.

If your parents continue to complain about you using too many towels or whatever, then you just tell them that you've tried your best to minimize the disruption, but you can't make it zero, and you feel defeated every time you visit them, and since they find your visits annoying, you're going to put them on hold or keep them to a minimum until the kids are older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't she express her annoyance without it being a deal breaker? Maybe she is annoyed with the clutter but still wants you there. Maybe let it not bother you -- or ask her if it bothers her as much as she's making it sound. It's normal to have all that stuff with kids. It's also normal to be annoyed by it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't she express her annoyance without it being a deal breaker? Maybe she is annoyed with the clutter but still wants you there. Maybe let it not bother you -- or ask her if it bothers her as much as she's making it sound. It's normal to have all that stuff with kids. It's also normal to be annoyed by it.

Nah, unless mom wants her daughter to feel badly/change behavior, mom can keep her mouth shut for a couple days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m looking for tips for staying at family members’ homes with my family. My family has really great accommodations for us to stay with them (3 spare guest bedrooms and 3 full baths). Similar for my in-laws. But the issue is that our parents get overwhelmed with kid stuff and are annoyed. Which means we rarely visit and then they whine about that too. We’re not interested in renting an air b&b or a hotel because we spend that money on other vacations.

I’m a very clean person by nature and my kids aren’t even messy. I’ve tried streamlining over the years. For instance I bring my 3 kids different colored water bottles and they have to use those exclusively. Before I did that, my toddlers were breaking glass cups, using 3 cups a day each and were leaving them everywhere. Current issue with the cups is that there isn’t a spot to put their 3 water bottles. I have my kids take them back to their rooms between meals but I think that’s weird. Am I crazy for wishing there was a place to keep their stuff between meals? Like the baby’s bib.

Another issue is shoes. My kids take their shoes off immediately when they come in, but then grandparents can’t stand the mess by the front door (3 pairs of kid shoes is too much I guess). I’ve asked for baskets but then they said they’d get the baskets dirty too. We take the shoes to the bedrooms now but then the kids are in and out all day and don’t want to run their shoes upstairs.

There aren’t closets or dressers for us, so we live out of suitcases but that too is a mess. And everyone has 1-2 towels (pool and a bath), which I guess is too many towels. And kid toys. I just feel defeated any time we visit family. I bring tons of food and keep the kids out at activities all day.

Yes you are crazy for continuing to subject yourself to this nonsense. Why would you waste your money and vacation time visiting family that is going to be that rigid and put out by you/your kids existing and having reasonable needs to store essential belongings in their space during a (presumably requested) visit. Just stop going and explicitly tell them why/invite them to come visit you instead. You’re not going to end up with any extra points in the end by acting like a martyr and putting your kids through this garbage.

[Anonymous]

There is a difference between being a reasonable guest and walking on eggshells trying to get your kids to act like retirees. You need to let the kids be kids and stop trying to solve every problem your mm throws you. I’m sure she’s enjoying saying jump and seeing how high you go. She may also be ne of these people who provides a constant stream yelp review of every thing around them.

Have a conversation with her before the next trip letting her know that she is coming off annoyed that you all are there and does she really want you stay with them. Let her know that you can’t micromanage every action the kids take to never annoy them. Then go and be boisterous and comfortable. Bring a hostess gift and send a thank you picture r card from the kids.

[Anonymous]

Grandmother here. Stay at a hotel. If you don’t want to or can’t pat for it ask your parents to.

We have the opposite issue. We have no problems when our grandkids stay in our small house. But we get a hotel when we visit our kids because we are annoying. And they have big houses.

I suggest you talk about this with your parents. You may learn they would welcome this idea.

[Anonymous]

I would literally never visit again. They can come to you and stay in a hotel. Your kids can't keep WATER BOTTLES on the counter? Is that a joke?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandmother here. Stay at a hotel. If you don’t want to or can’t pat for it ask your parents to.

We have the opposite issue. We have no problems when our grandkids stay in our small house. But we get a hotel when we visit our kids because we are annoying. And they have big houses.

I suggest you talk about this with your parents. You may learn they would welcome this idea.

Op already said they don’t want to pay for a hotel/airbnb, nor should they have to. Op’s parents /in-laws could take a lesson from you and either be more gracious hosts, be the ones to make the effort to visit, or accept not having a relationship with their grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a difference between being a reasonable guest and walking on eggshells trying to get your kids to act like retirees. You need to let the kids be kids and stop trying to solve every problem your mm throws you. I’m sure she’s enjoying saying jump and seeing how high you go. She may also be ne of these people who provides a constant stream yelp review of every thing around them.

Have a conversation with her before the next trip letting her know that she is coming off annoyed that you all are there and does she really want you stay with them. Let her know that you can’t micromanage every action the kids take to never annoy them. Then go and be boisterous and comfortable. Bring a hostess gift and send a thank you picture r card from the kids.

Seriously, you think OP should bring her parents/in-laws a hostess gift/send a thank you note when bringing her kids to see them?

[Anonymous]

You sound high maintenance. I don't allow kids to bring water/food all over the house. That's not respectful. Bring a basket for the shoes. And, bring towels. Five people, and all the sheets, towels, etc. does get to be a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandmother here. Stay at a hotel. If you don’t want to or can’t pat for it ask your parents to.

We have the opposite issue. We have no problems when our grandkids stay in our small house. But we get a hotel when we visit our kids because we are annoying. And they have big houses.

I suggest you talk about this with your parents. You may learn they would welcome this idea.

Op already said they don’t want to pay for a hotel/airbnb, nor should they have to. Op’s parents /in-laws could take a lesson from you and either be more gracious hosts, be the ones to make the effort to visit, or accept not having a relationship with their grandchildren.

Grandma here again. I think there is a good chance that the grandparent don’t want to hurt their kids feeling by asking them to stay at a hotel. Grandkids can be exhausting for many. Older folks are not used to all the activity and chaos that comes with little kids (and their adult children). Am I correct in assuming the grandparents could swing the cost of hotel? You will never find out unless you can have the conversation.

As far as anyone having to accept a no relationship as an option is immature and manipulative. Your kids don’t get to see grandparents because the parents can’t have a mature relationship with their parents.

Oh please. Cut the drama.