Staying at parents’ house with kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Mom, the kids need a place on the counter for their water bottles to stay while we’re visiting. Can you please pick a spot? Thanks.”

“Mom, rather than tracking dirt in the house, the kids need to leave their shoes by the door. Do you want to just create a space or do you want them in a basket?”

Stop trying to work around the passive aggressive comments. Just be direct with two choices for her and move on. If she complains, just say, “But the last time we talked on FaceTime, you were complaining that we hadn’t visited. This is us visiting. We’re a full package that includes water bottles and shoes. You can do this.” 😬

+1.

What happens when you just leave the bottles on the counter or put them in the cabinet with the other cups?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m looking for tips for staying at family members’ homes with my family. My family has really great accommodations for us to stay with them (3 spare guest bedrooms and 3 full baths). ...

... isn’t a spot to put their 3 water bottles. I have my kids take them back to their rooms between meals but I think that’s weird. Am I crazy for wishing there was a place to keep their stuff between meals? Like the baby’s bib.

Another issue is shoes. My kids take their shoes off immediately when they come in, but then grandparents can’t stand the mess by the front door (3 pairs of kid shoes is too much I guess). I’ve asked for baskets but then they said they’d get the baskets dirty too. We take the shoes to the bedrooms now but then the kids are in and out all day and don’t want to run their shoes upstairs.

There aren’t closets or dressers for us, so we live out of suitcases but that too is a mess. And everyone has 1-2 towels (pool and a bath), which I guess is too many towels...

Limit your visits to 1-2 max nights. 1-2 times annually. It's a visit not a vacation. My parents and inlaws had less space and bathrooms and there was no or extremely limited dresser and closet space. Each had stackable plastic cups with lids that could go in the dishwasher. People ate at the tables, cups on tables, then into dishwasher for each meal.

Each set has made it clear that basic stuff like a human having something to drink out of is a problem. Next time bring or buy when you get there if flying a bag of disposables: paper cups with lids, plates, bowls, utensils, case bottled water. Keep in your room and bring it out for meals.

[Anonymous]

Minimize the amount of time you actually spend at your parents' house, even if you're there for breakfast and dinner every night. My parents are theoretically glad we're there, but they (well, mostly my dad) get wound up about anything left anywhere, the noise and bounciness for hours on end irritates them, etc. My kids can behave well for a several hours at a time -- say, from waking up until 9 or 10 in the morning, and from 4 until bedtime -- but they want to do stuff. So we take them to parks or science centers or museums and get them worn out, and then we're back in time to help with dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m looking for tips for staying at family members’ homes with my family. My family has really great accommodations for us to stay with them (3 spare guest bedrooms and 3 full baths). Similar for my in-laws. But the issue is that our parents get overwhelmed with kid stuff and are annoyed. Which means we rarely visit and then they whine about that too. We’re not interested in renting an air b&b or a hotel because we spend that money on other vacations.

I’m a very clean person by nature and my kids aren’t even messy. I’ve tried streamlining over the years. For instance I bring my 3 kids different colored water bottles and they have to use those exclusively. Before I did that, my toddlers were breaking glass cups, using 3 cups a day each and were leaving them everywhere. Current issue with the cups is that there isn’t a spot to put their 3 water bottles. I have my kids take them back to their rooms between meals but I think that’s weird. Am I crazy for wishing there was a place to keep their stuff between meals? Like the baby’s bib.

Another issue is shoes. My kids take their shoes off immediately when they come in, but then grandparents can’t stand the mess by the front door (3 pairs of kid shoes is too much I guess). I’ve asked for baskets but then they said they’d get the baskets dirty too. We take the shoes to the bedrooms now but then the kids are in and out all day and don’t want to run their shoes upstairs.

There aren’t closets or dressers for us, so we live out of suitcases but that too is a mess. And everyone has 1-2 towels (pool and a bath), which I guess is too many towels. And kid toys. I just feel defeated any time we visit family. I bring tons of food and keep the kids out at activities all day.

Okay, some of this sounds quite annoying, but I can't get over the three toddlers and the water bottles. First, how long has this been going on? Can they all still be toddlers? Or is it one or two sets of multiples? Second, who is giving glass cups to toddlers? I wouldn't even do it out of concern for safety. That said, how often do they drop them? What is up with that? Also, do your kids really live their cups everywhere? Can't you just say, "Please place the cup on the kitchen counter when you are done."

You have a choice, but you do not want to exercise it because you want to save that money for other trips.

If their house is this big, then there must be space for you to buy a couple of crates to use during visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we have four kids, and when we used to visit when they were small, it was also overwhelming for my parents. *But* they loved having us visit. What finally worked for us is that we told them that we would visit, but that we wanted it to feel more like a vacation for them. We took care of all the menu planning, cooking and clean-up. It worked out really well. They got time with the grandkids, weren’t stressed about the extra work, and we would keep them out of the kitchen. If your mom isn’t spending much time in the kitchen, then she shouldn’t be bothered by the water bottles. Same with a basket by the kitchen door. Grandparents can absolutely both enjoy having small grandkids visit *and* feel overwhelmed.

+1 I’ve always done the cooking when visiting. Gives my mom a beak and it’s easier for me to cook for two more than her to cook for five more.

I think this is a ridiculous solution. I realize that there’s no downtime as a mom but damn. Now I have to cook 100% when I visit other peoples houses now too? And corral my kids, get them to nap, breastfeed the baby. Luckily I can’t imagine my mom or my MIL allowing me in their kitchen to cook. If my parents wanted a break from their rough retirement schedule, they can come visit me and I’ll cook for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom the issues and ask what she suggests. Is there a spot on the kitchen counter for the three water bottles? Can there be one shoe basket near the front door so all shoes go in there?

What kind of bedrooms don't have closets or dressers? Ask if you can buy a dresser for each bedroom.

We don't bring many toys when we travel. Each kid has a backpack and brings books, and maybe one or two toys.

OP says it is her parents’ house; why are you suggesting she only talk to her MOM.

Do you get that OP’s father is equally responsible for guests in his home, even if his stance is “whatever your mom says goes”? He’s still responsible for going along with that, if that is the case. It is equally his home. OP needs to talk to her PARENTS. And you need to stop normalizing that the house is women’s work/women’s domain.

[Anonymous]

Hotel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Minimize the amount of time you actually spend at your parents' house, even if you're there for breakfast and dinner every night. My parents are theoretically glad we're there, but they (well, mostly my dad) get wound up about anything left anywhere, the noise and bounciness for hours on end irritates them, etc. My kids can behave well for a several hours at a time -- say, from waking up until 9 or 10 in the morning, and from 4 until bedtime -- but they want to do stuff. So we take them to parks or science centers or museums and get them worn out, and then we're back in time to help with dinner.

This sounds like such a drag. I don't want to pack up my whole family and all their stuff, drive to a relative's house, and then have to occupy my kids away from that house for 8 hours a day? No thanks. Relatives can visit me where my kids can play with their toys in peace.