Staying at parents’ house with kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why you don’t have three kids. One or two is enough.

How many should OP leave behind?

It’s more a PSA for others to not have a horde of kids that you and others can’t handle

OP can have as many kids as she wants. She needs to stop bringing them to her parents and inlaws house. Have them come to your house instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would literally never visit again. They can come to you and stay in a hotel. Your kids can't keep WATER BOTTLES on the counter? Is that a joke?

+1 the couldn't care less about your kids and have no interest in seeing them IMO

This also sounds like OCD mental illness

[Anonymous]

We rarely ever visit and we get an Airbnb. It’s too much stress to stay together so fewer visits since it’s expensive.

When we were staying there, we choose to live out of suitcases. It was easier than trying to put our stuff in their closets or dressers that were partially full.

My parents would also be crazy over the water bottles. When we visit, they buy a case of disposable water now since a lot of glasses are also an issue. All of the empty plastic bottles drives me crazy but I don’t say anything since we are rarely there now.

[Anonymous]

I think grandparents here are in the wrong and bring too uptight and unreasonable about expectations to put on families with kids. (To all you people complaining about too many children, they'd still complain if there were only 2, because 4 shoes adds clutter too, as does using up 12 cups per famil.inwtead of 15.)

But if you are willing to try some more after what you're already doing OP, is there a way to buy them a storage solutions and keep some of your stuff there, to be hidden in a closet/attic until your next visit? Or kept packaged in one of the three empty guest bedrooms?

If you're already doing this much prep work for these visits anyway, consider asking them "where can we store our things while we are gone", and carving out the space for one large flat-ish plastic storage bin that can fit under a bed or on a shelf or at the bottom of a closet, containing your spare dishes, a few baseline toys/coloring/activities, spare towels, and a collapsible fabric cubby or organizer for shoes. Then you don't need to lug as much stuff and you can have it when there, and it can be out of sight out of mind for them when you're not there.

While there, can't the water bottles dry on the drying rack? But even if they have to live in the bedroom: For house use, buy plastic dishwasher safe dishes in triplicate, possibly even collapsible ones, which should fit into the normal dish storage during your stay and go into your special storage bin when you're gone. Or else, buy plastic disposable dishes and label them with sharpies for the day/meal, depending on how extravagant you feel like being.

The shoes are more of a challenge, since a cubby or basket takes up floor space. But! you can also buy them a hanging shoe organizer to hang in the coat closet by the door, which can accommodate your family's shoes, and also collapse pretty flat when you're gone.

Do that and also launder the linens you use yourself (which is annoying admittedly) and maybe this will help. If they complain even then, about any accommodation to your comfort (you're using up all th detergent running your towels! The plastic dishes look ugly in their cabinets during your week visit! There's absolutely nowhere to store or hang anything in the house!) You've moved into a territory of complete unreasonableness.

[Anonymous]

Have you had a conversation about this with your parents? Aside from the issue with the stuff, do you enjoy the visits? If not, I would stop going. I can understand that some people can’t stand mess, but they can’t deal with three pairs of shoes at their front door for a few days?!

Next time they ask you to visit, I would bring up their issue with the ‘stuff.’ I am still confused about the water bottle. There is literally no space to keep water bottles on the kitchen counter or table? They need the entire counter top completely clear at all times?! Having a shelf in the pantry or space in drawers/closets seems like asking for too much, but I think it’s worth having a conversation about how you have stuff that goes along with having kids and you have to set stuff somewhere. For the few days of your visit, you’ll have bibs and water bottles on the counter, shoes at the door, clothes in piles on the floor of the guest room etc. Either they accept that and don’t make comments about it, or you don’t visit for a few years.

I have 3 kids and we are a total mess. But all 3 sets of grandparents love having us visit and make it easy for us. My mom in particular is a total neat freak and cannot stand any clutter, but she bought plastic cups/plates that she brings out when we visit. Boxes of toys and other assorted kid things. She sets out a little mat by the door and we all keep shoes there (regular and flip flops for the walk to the community pool.) She basically just doesn’t come in the guest rooms/bathroom while we are there because I’m sure the chaos would give her a heart attack, but we pack up all the stuff when we leave and don’t leave any junk behind. I joke that she needs a week to recover from our visits, but she laughs and says she loves it! I would feel unwelcome and not enjoy it if she followed me around complaining about kids cups or clothes!

[Anonymous]

OP, we have four kids, and when we used to visit when they were small, it was also overwhelming for my parents. *But* they loved having us visit. What finally worked for us is that we told them that we would visit, but that we wanted it to feel more like a vacation for them. We took care of all the menu planning, cooking and clean-up. It worked out really well. They got time with the grandkids, weren’t stressed about the extra work, and we would keep them out of the kitchen. If your mom isn’t spending much time in the kitchen, then she shouldn’t be bothered by the water bottles. Same with a basket by the kitchen door. Grandparents can absolutely both enjoy having small grandkids visit *and* feel overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Both the OP and her mother sound uptight and kind of controlling.

You can't handle living out of suitcases for a few days?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I think I live on a different planet than the average DCUMer. When my mom complains about kid clutter/noise/mess I just agree. Having kids does come with some annoyance! But I don’t take those comments as action items….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think grandparents here are in the wrong and bring too uptight and unreasonable about expectations to put on families with kids. (To all you people complaining about too many children, they'd still complain if there were only 2, because 4 shoes adds clutter too, as does using up 12 cups per famil.inwtead of 15.)

But if you are willing to try some more after what you're already doing OP, is there a way to buy them a storage solutions and keep some of your stuff there, to be hidden in a closet/attic until your next visit? Or kept packaged in one of the three empty guest bedrooms?

If you're already doing this much prep work for these visits anyway, consider asking them "where can we store our things while we are gone", and carving out the space for one large flat-ish plastic storage bin that can fit under a bed or on a shelf or at the bottom of a closet, containing your spare dishes, a few baseline toys/coloring/activities, spare towels, and a collapsible fabric cubby or organizer for shoes. Then you don't need to lug as much stuff and you can have it when there, and it can be out of sight out of mind for them when you're not there.

While there, can't the water bottles dry on the drying rack? But even if they have to live in the bedroom: For house use, buy plastic dishwasher safe dishes in triplicate, possibly even collapsible ones, which should fit into the normal dish storage during your stay and go into your special storage bin when you're gone. Or else, buy plastic disposable dishes and label them with sharpies for the day/meal, depending on how extravagant you feel like being.

The shoes are more of a challenge, since a cubby or basket takes up floor space. But! you can also buy them a hanging shoe organizer to hang in the coat closet by the door, which can accommodate your family's shoes, and also collapse pretty flat when you're gone.

Do that and also launder the linens you use yourself (which is annoying admittedly) and maybe this will help. If they complain even then, about any accommodation to your comfort (you're using up all th detergent running your towels! The plastic dishes look ugly in their cabinets during your week visit! There's absolutely nowhere to store or hang anything in the house!) You've moved into a territory of complete unreasonableness.

If the grandparents care so much and don't want to see even a trace of grandkids stuff anywhere in their precious perfect kitchen space and those incredible counters, then they can take the lead in using their copious money and free time to buy some of this stuff and figure out solutions. If OP is a working mom no way she has time to take on all this mental load for what should be a simple visit to see grandparents who usually actually enjoy having grandkids around.

If this were about grandparents being overwhelmed with the work of hosting (cooking, laundry) that would be different. The idea that they can't stand seeing any of the kids cups etc is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both the OP and her mother sound uptight and kind of controlling.

You can't handle living out of suitcases for a few days?

I think the OP was insinuating that her parents[i] couldn't handle the living out of suitcases, not that it bothered her personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m looking for tips for staying at family members’ homes with my family. My family has really great accommodations for us to stay with them (3 spare guest bedrooms and 3 full baths). Similar for my in-laws. But the issue is that our parents get overwhelmed with kid stuff and are annoyed. Which means we rarely visit and then they whine about that too. We’re not interested in renting an air b&b or a hotel because we spend that money on other vacations.

I’m a very clean person by nature and my kids aren’t even messy. I’ve tried streamlining over the years. For instance I bring my 3 kids different colored water bottles and they have to use those exclusively. Before I did that, my toddlers were breaking glass cups, using 3 cups a day each and were leaving them everywhere. Current issue with the cups is that there isn’t a spot to put their 3 water bottles. I have my kids take them back to their rooms between meals but I think that’s weird. Am I crazy for wishing there was a place to keep their stuff between meals? Like the baby’s bib.

Another issue is shoes. My kids take their shoes off immediately when they come in, but then grandparents can’t stand the mess by the front door (3 pairs of kid shoes is too much I guess). I’ve asked for baskets but then they said they’d get the baskets dirty too. We take the shoes to the bedrooms now but then the kids are in and out all day and don’t want to run their shoes upstairs.

There aren’t closets or dressers for us, so we live out of suitcases but that too is a mess. And everyone has 1-2 towels (pool and a bath), which I guess is too many towels. And kid toys. I just feel defeated any time we visit family. I bring tons of food and keep the kids out at activities all day.

Ask your mother for a shelf in a cabinet that children can reach and out their thing there. As for shoes. If your mother does not have a "shoes off" policy then you do not make one. Guests always follow the rules of the host!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandmother here. Stay at a hotel. If you don’t want to or can’t pat for it ask your parents to.

We have the opposite issue. We have no problems when our grandkids stay in our small house. But we get a hotel when we visit our kids because we are annoying. And they have big houses.

I suggest you talk about this with your parents. You may learn they would welcome this idea.

Op already said they don’t want to pay for a hotel/airbnb, nor should they have to. Op’s parents /in-laws could take a lesson from you and either be more gracious hosts, be the ones to make the effort to visit, or accept not having a relationship with their grandchildren.

Yeah OP said she didn't want to b/c they CHOOSE to pay for other vacations. Choice.

Yes, and she should choose to take vacations that are enjoyable for herself and her nuclear family rather than spending her money/leave to bend over backwards visiting unwelcoming and ungrateful grandparents. It’s their loss that they won’t have a closer relationship with their grandkids.

[Anonymous]

I would bring my own items to store all the kids stuff in and store them in the guest room closet for the next time you come. Like, your own basket for kids shoes by the door, or just don't have them take off their shoes. Or a bin for the kids cups to temporarily place in the kitchen. Etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would bring my own items to store all the kids stuff in and store them in the guest room closet for the next time you come. Like, your own basket for kids shoes by the door, or just don't have them take off their shoes. Or a bin for the kids cups to temporarily place in the kitchen. Etc...

This is a possible solution for less-uptight people but not for OP and her mother. The mother wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing these items were in her house and she had no "place" for them. OP would be fretting about the basket, the cups, and the shelves.

This has all the makings for and opera:

"Daughter, why are there water bottles?"

"Mother, I'm up all night washing the bottles!"

Very dramatic score.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, we have four kids, and when we used to visit when they were small, it was also overwhelming for my parents. *But* they loved having us visit. What finally worked for us is that we told them that we would visit, but that we wanted it to feel more like a vacation for them. We took care of all the menu planning, cooking and clean-up. It worked out really well. They got time with the grandkids, weren’t stressed about the extra work, and we would keep them out of the kitchen. If your mom isn’t spending much time in the kitchen, then she shouldn’t be bothered by the water bottles. Same with a basket by the kitchen door. Grandparents can absolutely both enjoy having small grandkids visit *and* feel overwhelmed.

+1 I’ve always done the cooking when visiting. Gives my mom a beak and it’s easier for me to cook for two more than her to cook for five more.