I think my tween needs to lose weight. How to handle?

[Anonymous]

My 11 year old son has been getting progressively pudgier - mostly around his waist, it's now almost at the point where his belly is hanging over his pants/shorts waist. I think this bothers him (his older brothers are both very lean) but he has not said anything about losing weight to me directly. He weighs about 110 and is 5'1 or 5'2.

HIs activity level is moderate - he is not super into sports but does do a sport activity 2-3 days a week, we are also training for a 5k together, and he walks to school every day.

He's on a low dose of Lexapro and Concerta for ADHD. His eating habits are a bit unique. He eats a HUGE breakfast - he is really hungry in the morning and usually eats a breakfast burrito or sandwich (homemade) with eggs and cheese, 1% milk, maybe some cereal, and a muffin. He does not have a huge lunch appetite and it's hard for me to know what exactly he's eating because he's at school. I've told him he is not allowed to get a breakfast item when he gets to school (he was sometimes buying another muffin or other baked good from the school). He usually then wants an after school snack - he will often get himself some cereal or something. He eats a moderate dinner - usually a balanced meal of meat, a starch (potatoes, egg noodles, rice, etc) and vegetable. We have a no-dessert rule for weekdays. He refuses to eat fruit but will eat vegetables. I suspect he may be sneaking unhealthy food when I'm not around.

Do I just let this go until a pediatrician says something? I will continue to push on physical activity but I suspect the issue is more diet. I have tried to cut back the starchy, carby food. I hesitate to cut him off at breakfast because he just seems so hungry and the ADHD medication means he's not super hungry at lunch - but then he is hungry after school. Do I ban after-school snack?

He also suffers from some anxiety and low self esteem and comparing himself negatively to his older brother (who actually needs to gain weight, so that's awkward for me - encouraging high calorie food for the older brother but restricting it for the younger one) and so I really don't want to make this a big deal, but I worry if we keep heading down this path it will make the anxiety and self-esteem issues worse when he is viewed as a "fat kid" in school.

Thanks for any advice.

[Anonymous]

If he hasn’t had his growth spurt yet, I would definitely leave it alone. Both my kids got pudgy right before their growth spurts and I’m glad I didn’t say anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he hasn’t had his growth spurt yet, I would definitely leave it alone. Both my kids got pudgy right before their growth spurts and I’m glad I didn’t say anything.

+1
If you have concerns, speak to the pediatrician privately. Otherwise, just encourage more physical activity, which is good for him regardless of weight, minimize the junk food available in the house, and offer balanced meals.

[Anonymous]

110 at 5'2" is not overweight, you nut. Leave him be, he's still growing.

[Anonymous]

My almost 11yo DD has the same height/weight stats. She started puberty about a year ago. So personally I would cut out either the muffin OR the cereal in the morning. Add an extra egg maybe or other protein. I wouldn’t cut out the after school and k but you can make it healthier depending on what cereal he is eating now. Does he not like any fruit? My DD is muscular but not fat imo. She swims twice a week, does soccer twice a week, walks the dog, plays outside with friends a couple times a week.

[Anonymous]

110 pounds and 5'1 or 5'2 for a tween boy sounds perfectly normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My almost 11yo DD has the same height/weight stats. She started puberty about a year ago. So personally I would cut out either the muffin OR the cereal in the morning. Add an extra egg maybe or other protein. I wouldn’t cut out the after school and k but you can make it healthier depending on what cereal he is eating now. Does he not like any fruit? My DD is muscular but not fat imo. She swims twice a week, does soccer twice a week, walks the dog, plays outside with friends a couple times a week.

Can't really compare an almost 11 yo girl--who is well into puberty--with an 11 yo boy who likely hasn't started puberty yet.....but the height and weight are perfectly healthy for either one.

[Anonymous]

Does he have to be on the lexapro? Ssri’s can cause weight gain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:110 pounds and 5'1 or 5'2 for a tween boy sounds perfectly normal.

My son plays high level travel basketball and is in great shape and those were his exact stats at 11. No one ever suggested he was overweight. The amount of attention you are paying to a healthy kids diet is a little crazy, OP. Kids this age get hungry and you are giving him a medication that tweaks his appetite at different times of day.

[Anonymous]

My advice is to get treated for your own anxiety that you are projecting onto your kid. This is not healthy. Somehow he’s getting the message that you’re watching him like a hawk which is probably leading to him sneaking food in shame. I would suggest to read out to your pediatrician for a referral to a dietician/therapist that helps parents promote a healthy relationship with food rather than what you’re doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My almost 11yo DD has the same height/weight stats. She started puberty about a year ago. So personally I would cut out either the muffin OR the cereal in the morning. Add an extra egg maybe or other protein. I wouldn’t cut out the after school and k but you can make it healthier depending on what cereal he is eating now. Does he not like any fruit? My DD is muscular but not fat imo. She swims twice a week, does soccer twice a week, walks the dog, plays outside with friends a couple times a week.

He has never eaten fruit. I've forced him to a few times, but he literally gags. I think it's the texture (juicy, slimy) that he can't stand. He will eat it baked into other things, like apple pie, blueberry muffins, banana pancakes. But no way would he just eat a banana for a snack. It's killer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My almost 11yo DD has the same height/weight stats. She started puberty about a year ago. So personally I would cut out either the muffin OR the cereal in the morning. Add an extra egg maybe or other protein. I wouldn’t cut out the after school and k but you can make it healthier depending on what cereal he is eating now. Does he not like any fruit? My DD is muscular but not fat imo. She swims twice a week, does soccer twice a week, walks the dog, plays outside with friends a couple times a week.

He has never eaten fruit. I've forced him to a few times, but he literally gags. I think it's the texture (juicy, slimy) that he can't stand. He will eat it baked into other things, like apple pie, blueberry muffins, banana pancakes. But no way would he just eat a banana for a snack. It's killer!

Not everyone eats fruit. My son hates it, always has. His pediatrician said it was fine and in the range of normal (my mom is the same way).

Let your son eat. Focus on protein and filling meals.

[Anonymous]

You can feed him a healthier breakfast but the kid really isn’t the problem in this scenario.

[Anonymous]

Ok, for those of you who are criticizing me -- let's be clear, I have not said a single thing to the kid. But I can tell it's bothering him - i.e. he is refusing to do swim team this summer and I think a big part of it is that he's embarrassed to be in swim jammers.

He's got a belly that is hanging over his swim trunks so to me, that's a little pudgy.

I appreciate everyone's advice and will continue to encourage activity and trying to limit processed foods and too much sugar (which is good nutrition advice for everyone, tbh).

[Anonymous]

To be clear, he is in a healthy BMI. Many tweens get pudgy right before puberty.