I think my tween needs to lose weight. How to handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, for those of you who are criticizing me -- let's be clear, I have not said a single thing to the kid. But I can tell it's bothering him - i.e. he is refusing to do swim team this summer and I think a big part of it is that he's embarrassed to be in swim jammers.

He's got a belly that is hanging over his swim trunks so to me, that's a little pudgy.

I appreciate everyone's advice and will continue to encourage activity and trying to limit processed foods and too much sugar (which is good nutrition advice for everyone, tbh).

Just schedule a meeting with his pediatrician and discuss your concerns. S/he can help you figure out what is nutritionally sound as well as how to deal with any body image issues he is having.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice is to get treated for your own anxiety that you are projecting onto your kid. This is not healthy. Somehow he’s getting the message that you’re watching him like a hawk which is probably leading to him sneaking food in shame. I would suggest to read out to your pediatrician for a referral to a dietician/therapist that helps parents promote a healthy relationship with food rather than what you’re doing.

sorry, but I have to defend myself here (should have anticipated this on this site). I am NOT watching him like a hawk. I cook his breakfast for him every morning and give him basically whatever he wants and NEVER say he's had enough or that's enough food or whatever. The only limitation I've put on his eating is that we don't (our family) have dessert on weekdays. He used to have ice cream pretty much every night after dinner but we did cut that out. I think that's more than reasonable.

It is possible to have concerns like this without projecting any of it onto my kid. I make sure he eats vegetables with dinner, try to steer him towards healthy options and activity, but I have never once said that he's eating too much or needs to cut back or anything like that.

I do appreciate the helpful comments and feedback I've gotten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, for those of you who are criticizing me -- let's be clear, I have not said a single thing to the kid. But I can tell it's bothering him - i.e. he is refusing to do swim team this summer and I think a big part of it is that he's embarrassed to be in swim jammers.

He's got a belly that is hanging over his swim trunks so to me, that's a little pudgy.

I appreciate everyone's advice and will continue to encourage activity and trying to limit processed foods and too much sugar (which is good nutrition advice for everyone, tbh).

You THINK that's a big part of it, but have you asked him why? Kids lose interest in all sorts of activities for all sorts of reasons, and while you are clearly troubled by your son's weight gain, that doesn't mean it's why he wants to skip swim team (or if it is, it's because he foresees a lot of eyerolling from you about his weight)

[Anonymous]

You literally list all these foods he is eating and tell us he hides his eating from you but then tell us you don't watch him like a hawk.

Also, I'm not a genius but why are you giving muffins to anyone? How is that nutritious? Since he eats veggies see if you can get him to fill up on a veggie at breakfast.

Finally, your child is picking up on all of these judgements. The fact you did not ask advice on how to get your thinner child to gain weight even though he is underweight speaks volumes here. Your child is suffering because he is picking up on your favoritism and valuing being thin.

[Anonymous]

I hear you op. My ds started getting slightly pudgy at 9, despite the same exact food as his skinny sister eats. He put on more weight during the pandemic when school was online and he barely left the house (yes we got out to hike and bike etc, but it was different). At 13 he still has a big belly whereas the rest of him is strong. He swims 3-4 times a week. He hasn't hit a huge growth spurt yet, but I'm hoping that helps.

It's hard because his diet isnt perfect, but it's far healthier than many of his friends (no soda, juice on occasion, he eats fruits and vegetables happily and we don't eat junk food much at all) he's still pudgier than many of them that drink sodas and have McDonalds every week. It's hard when the advice given in these situations vary so much. Don't restrict because it'll give them an eating disorder, don't let them have what they want because they'll just keep gaining, teach them moderation (that's so subjective), keep them active, okay but he's still heavy for his frame despite that.

People judge so quickly when a kid is overweight, but for some reason they don't judge a skinny kid who eats unhealthy all the time. He's a hungry growing boy and we are doing our best to set healthy habits for his future without giving him a complex about his weight. Especially having a skinny sibling.

So I have no advice for you, just commiserating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:110 at 5'2" is not overweight, you nut. Leave him be, he's still growing.

Yep, this is my height/weight as a 45 year old woman, and I’m not pudgy at all! I wear a size 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My almost 11yo DD has the same height/weight stats. She started puberty about a year ago. So personally I would cut out either the muffin OR the cereal in the morning. Add an extra egg maybe or other protein. I wouldn’t cut out the after school and k but you can make it healthier depending on what cereal he is eating now. Does he not like any fruit? My DD is muscular but not fat imo. She swims twice a week, does soccer twice a week, walks the dog, plays outside with friends a couple times a week.

He has never eaten fruit. I've forced him to a few times, but he literally gags. I think it's the texture (juicy, slimy) that he can't stand. He will eat it baked into other things, like apple pie, blueberry muffins, banana pancakes. But no way would he just eat a banana for a snack. It's killer!

Not everyone eats fruit. My son hates it, always has. His pediatrician said it was fine and in the range of normal (my mom is the same way).

Let your son eat. Focus on protein and filling meals.

np Does he hate all fruit? My kids didn't like veggies but, love strawberries, raspberies, apples, peaches, plums etc Maybe he hasn't had any good ripe fruit?

[Anonymous]

OP, are you sure you have his stats right (this might be the source of the criticism above)? Like some other posters, I have a kid with similar height/weight (perhaps an inch taller/ couple pounds lighter), and I would have said they are on the skinny side, if anything. (And just to check whether I was crazy, I just did a BMI calculator that put your son right in the middle of a normal BMI and (as I suspected), my DC on the lower end of normal...)

[Anonymous]

He needs to eat fruit and vegetables, and less baked goods//starch. Tell him to figure out fruits and veg - three of each, that he's willing to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he hasn’t had his growth spurt yet, I would definitely leave it alone. Both my kids got pudgy right before their growth spurts and I’m glad I didn’t say anything.

In my family, the kids all get pudgy in winter and then have a growth spurt in the summer. By August, they look tall and skinny. Does this happen in your family, OP?

[Anonymous]

I think it bothers you that he is not lean like your older sons.

That is the only explanation for fretting over a 5'1" 110 lb kid.

[Anonymous]

With those stats he might just need new slightly bigger clothes

[Anonymous]

Same here but my DD is 12 and not likely to have a big growth spurt. I don’t want to make a big deal of anything, but I do want to rework our diets, she’s a got a major sweet tooth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:110 at 5'2" is not overweight, you nut. Leave him be, he's still growing.

Yep, this is my height/weight as a 45 year old woman, and I’m not pudgy at all! I wear a size 2.

I assume your weight is distributed different because you are an adult woman - boobs, hips, booty, thighs.
11 year old boys are usually scrawny, all elbow, and so if you have a little extra weight it stands out. So have a little sympathy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:110 at 5'2" is not overweight, you nut. Leave him be, he's still growing.

Best response.