In the end, everyone is so damn disappointing.

[Anonymous]

Never been in therapy, but I assume I should be.

In my life I feel just so disappointed in everyone. I tend to hyper focus on the bad things a person does and it looms so hard in my mind. I guess maybe this? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splitting_(psychology)

(And yes, I was profoundly let down by my parents in ways that clearly affected how I view people for life)

Anyone else feel like this? Any suggestions for how to combat it?

[Anonymous]

This sounds too simple but it really does work -- lower your expectations

[Anonymous]

Look for the good. Go see Come From Away, the musical. People help in times of crisis.

[Anonymous]

Your antidote is compassion, for yourself and for others. Maybe start with some Tara Brach. I wish you peace.

[Anonymous]

Do you have adhd and maybe rejection sensitivity disorder? Sounds like your expectations of others are v high. I expect v little of others - at end of the day most ppl are out for themselves except your family. If your parents let you down it sounds like you tried to find unconditional love elsewhere and were disappointed bc it’s not really something anyone but family will give you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your antidote is compassion, for yourself and for others. Maybe start with some Tara Brach. I wish you peace.

The irony is that compassion is like my main focus in life. I have a serving type of career and spend most of my free time giving back to my community. I actually listen to a meditation most days in the Buddhist tradition that focuses on wishing peace for myself and others.

But yet here I am. I will look into the person you suggested though. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have adhd and maybe rejection sensitivity disorder? Sounds like your expectations of others are v high. I expect v little of others - at end of the day most ppl are out for themselves except your family. If your parents let you down it sounds like you tried to find unconditional love elsewhere and were disappointed bc it’s not really something anyone but family will give you

No adhd. Don't know much about the other thing you mentioned but will look into it.

This sometimes happens in big ways - right now I am just really disappointed in some behaviors I see as very antithetical to our mission in a group I am a part of.

But I also, for example, still fixate in my mind on an event that happened 5 years ago with a friend and colleague. We worked with children and on a big night when one was doing something major, she elected not to come because she had worked late the night before. I was so taken aback that she wouldn't be there for the child. I never forget this, even though years have past and we are still friends.

I know this is not rational! But this is how I think.

[Anonymous]

it's trauma, op. I have this too. Your sadness needs to be fully expressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have adhd and maybe rejection sensitivity disorder? Sounds like your expectations of others are v high. I expect v little of others - at end of the day most ppl are out for themselves except your family. If your parents let you down it sounds like you tried to find unconditional love elsewhere and were disappointed bc it’s not really something anyone but family will give you

No adhd. Don't know much about the other thing you mentioned but will look into it.

This sometimes happens in big ways - right now I am just really disappointed in some behaviors I see as very antithetical to our mission in a group I am a part of.

But I also, for example, still fixate in my mind on an event that happened 5 years ago with a friend and colleague. We worked with children and on a big night when one was doing something major, she elected not to come because she had worked late the night before. I was so taken aback that she wouldn't be there for the child. I never forget this, even though years have past and we are still friends.

I know this is not rational! But this is how I think.

This is about you, not anyone else. You have no idea why you friend didn't show up that night (you know what she said, which may be the truth or not, or might be part of the truth but not all of it).

The reason it sticks with you is not because what she did was so terrible. It's because you resent her for doing it for some reason. Why? Is it because you sometimes want to skip events like that in order to take care of yourself, and you don't? Are you mad because you martyr yourself to this mission and your friend didn't?

Turn inward. Everyone is flawed, everyone screws up, everyone lets peopel down. If it's upsetting you to the point of giving up on people, as yourself why. What does this say about you. What are you really afraid of?

The answer to this is inside you. There is no amount of perfect performance from someone else that will ever satisfy you because at some point, that person will let you down (because they are humans and do not exist solely to fulfill your expectations) and you'll be in the same place. Why? Look inward.

[Anonymous]

You're not perfect either. We're all human. We all make mistakes. We're all doing our best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it's trauma, op. I have this too. Your sadness needs to be fully expressed.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have adhd and maybe rejection sensitivity disorder? Sounds like your expectations of others are v high. I expect v little of others - at end of the day most ppl are out for themselves except your family. If your parents let you down it sounds like you tried to find unconditional love elsewhere and were disappointed bc it’s not really something anyone but family will give you

This. The only person who will love you this way is your mother if you’re lucky, and your children when they are little. If you get to experience this once or twice in your life you are lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it's trauma, op. I have this too. Your sadness needs to be fully expressed.

I have found that expressing it does not make it better or make it go away. It just pushes people away. The only thing that helps for me is having more money and a nicer lifestyle but as that has slipped away too through divorce I am pretty close to giving up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never been in therapy, but I assume I should be.

In my life I feel just so disappointed in everyone. I tend to hyper focus on the bad things a person does and it looms so hard in my mind. I guess maybe this? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splitting_(psychology)

(And yes, I was profoundly let down by my parents in ways that clearly affected how I view people for life)

Anyone else feel like this? Any suggestions for how to combat it?

Here is what helped me:

Forgiveness - choosing to forgive parents for being imperfect
Letting go of expectations for ideal relationships
Therapy / lot of it
Exercise - find something you enjoy
Practicing gratitude - thinking about blessings
Travel to place things in better perspectives
Converting to faith tradition and being part of community that represents my values and beliefs well.


Best wishes OP.
May you find strategies that work well for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have adhd and maybe rejection sensitivity disorder? Sounds like your expectations of others are v high. I expect v little of others - at end of the day most ppl are out for themselves except your family. If your parents let you down it sounds like you tried to find unconditional love elsewhere and were disappointed bc it’s not really something anyone but family will give you

This. The only person who will love you this way is your mother if you’re lucky, and your children when they are little. If you get to experience this once or twice in your life you are lucky.

And your dog!