In the end, everyone is so damn disappointing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have adhd and maybe rejection sensitivity disorder? Sounds like your expectations of others are v high. I expect v little of others - at end of the day most ppl are out for themselves except your family. If your parents let you down it sounds like you tried to find unconditional love elsewhere and were disappointed bc it’s not really something anyone but family will give you

Beautiful, insightful comment that is bringing tears to my eyes. I am not OP but this was me for many years: I searched for the kind of love and support that I realized in my thirties that only parents and children can offer. This is why I love dcum, so many wise women on here. OP, focus on yourself and remind yourself, work to further your and your family’s self-interest. This will bring you true confidence and self assuredness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never been in therapy, but I assume I should be.

In my life I feel just so disappointed in everyone. I tend to hyper focus on the bad things a person does and it looms so hard in my mind. I guess maybe this? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splitting_(psychology)

(And yes, I was profoundly let down by my parents in ways that clearly affected how I view people for life)

Anyone else feel like this? Any suggestions for how to combat it?

Here is what helped me:

Forgiveness - choosing to forgive parents for being imperfect
Letting go of expectations for ideal relationships
Therapy / lot of it
Exercise - find something you enjoy
Practicing gratitude - thinking about blessings
Travel to place things in better perspectives
Converting to faith tradition and being part of community that represents my values and beliefs well.


Best wishes OP.
May you find strategies that work well for you.

+1

[Anonymous]

Are you former military, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never been in therapy, but I assume I should be.

In my life I feel just so disappointed in everyone. I tend to hyper focus on the bad things a person does and it looms so hard in my mind. I guess maybe this? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splitting_(psychology)

(And yes, I was profoundly let down by my parents in ways that clearly affected how I view people for life)

Anyone else feel like this? Any suggestions for how to combat it?

Yes.

Cognitive behavioral therapy with a competent therapist experienced in CBT. You are stuck in a perspective, or point of view, about your parents that you are projecting onto everyone else, probably as a defense mechanism.

Also, you need to better understand the concept of forgiveness. Read the Book of John in the Bible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you former military, OP?

+1

Excellent question! Wondering the same, OP.

[Anonymous]

Usually this is a sign of immaturity

[Anonymous]

You probably disappoint plenty of people too, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually this is a sign of immaturity

DP.

Or it could be a family trait.

Were your parents or grandparents this way too, OP?

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP.
Have you tried mindfulness meditation?
Or even just going for a long hike or walk in the woods, where the terrain is uneven and rocky? So that you have to focus on each step, where to
Place your foot so you don’t fall or turn your ankle. If you get distracted by your thoughts, you could trip. So just think about each step you are taking and where your foot should land. Left right left right left right....
So you have to really be in the present.
That’s mindfulness. Perception not judgement.

[Anonymous]

Yep, people do suck. There are VERY VERY few who don't. They are either mean, dumb asses (most), or ignorant. The fact that we have gun owners going through airport security saying they forgot to take out their guns says it all. The fact that people walk on the street glued to their iPhone not watching where they are walking says it all. That it's so easy to create a new fad or get people to watch Super Bowl commercials at $$$$$$ for a 30 second spot is a hoot.

I tell you seriously Aliens are not coming here to the joke planet of earth full of idiots. There's just very very few interesting, truly dynamic or good people out there. You do find a few but maybe 1-2 out of hundreds. Not to suggest I think all people are bad but most don't matter really.

I think a lot of people take themselves way too seriously. If you could hear my business meetings and hear the people talk endlessly about I don't know what - it's enough to bust out laughing every day. Vanity is everything. People can't really process to much at any one time or have much depth - it's all about feeling good about yourself. That's about it. I love strangers though - I've met quite a few interesting people in my life in traveling but more and more dumbing of society has taken place these days...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have adhd and maybe rejection sensitivity disorder? Sounds like your expectations of others are v high. I expect v little of others - at end of the day most ppl are out for themselves except your family. If your parents let you down it sounds like you tried to find unconditional love elsewhere and were disappointed bc it’s not really something anyone but family will give you

This. The only person who will love you this way is your mother if you’re lucky, and your children when they are little. If you get to experience this once or twice in your life you are lucky.

NP. The hack is that you have to love yourself like this. Show yourself compassion and acknowledge your own worth. If you show up for yourself it really is calming and centering.

But, yes, sometimes you still need another person to pick you up from the colonoscopy. Loving yourself can give you the patience and strength you need to build a functional community, even if they don't fulfill all of your emotional needs.

[Anonymous]

Question for you OP:

- are you equally disappointed with people from where you grew up as you are with people around here?

How do they compare ?

[Anonymous]

Everyone or everything? There's a big difference.