No positive moments with hateful DD?

[Anonymous]

My DD hates me. She is hostile with me, like yells back at me if I interact with her, unless she is asking me for something, and sometimes she is violent. I never want to be around her. She has been this way since age 2, now age 12. Combative with me from the moment she wakes up, but not with others. I am at the point today that I would consider sending her to live with an aunt or grandparent if they would take her because she clearly hates me. Any other moms have this experience? Any insights? I tried therapy twice for her, but went nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Would a relative take her for the summer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would a relative take her for the summer?

I will ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would a relative take her for the summer?

I will ask.

I’m sorry you have this situation.

[Anonymous]

What does your spouse say? In this situation, I would drop the reigns and have your spouse take over with this kid. Don’t engage. If she asks you for something, either give it to her if it’s reasonable/a need. If it’s a want (ride to friends house, etc.) just let her know in a very neutral way that you don’t do favors for people who treat you like garbage and to go and ask someone else.

[Anonymous]

What have you do so far in terms of seeking help? Have you talked to her ped or sought therapy? How does she act with other people-does she behave well at school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your spouse say? In this situation, I would drop the reigns and have your spouse take over with this kid. Don’t engage. If she asks you for something, either give it to her if it’s reasonable/a need. If it’s a want (ride to friends house, etc.) just let her know in a very neutral way that you don’t do favors for people who treat you like garbage and to go and ask someone else.

DH interacts with her mostly except when I must, like if I am getting her to school or making her dinner or getting her to bed. That's my only interaction with her unless she comes knocking for something. I guess I can start telling her ask your father because you treat me like crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What have you do so far in terms of seeking help? Have you talked to her ped or sought therapy? How does she act with other people-does she behave well at school?

Teacher says she's an angel at school. She is practically a doormat with her friends. She only hates me. Sometimes she is nasty to DH too.

[Anonymous]

She is your and your husband's responsibility, not a relative's.

I would disengage, like pp suggested. She needs you. Wait until she comes to you for something and remind her that you are responsible for providing care, not extras. Extras are for those that deserve them.

This is such a sad situation. She will probably (in a good scenario) get advice from friends' parents, so make an effort to know them. My parents were embarrassing and difficult, so they may have thought about me what you think of her. They never gave up on me. We are not super close but have a nice relationship now. They have good relationships with my kids. I love them but always wanted and needed something different (emotionally) than they were capable of giving.

[Anonymous]

If your goal is having a healthy relationship with your daughter, you need some professional help to understand what is going on with her and your family dynamics.

[Anonymous]

Individual therapy for both of you. Psych eval for her. Full-time, overnight summer camp for her. Have her father talk to her: ask why she treats you this way, what she's feeling, etc., just try to get her side as a start. Then, based on what she says, take it from there.

So sorry you're dealing with this, OP

[Anonymous]

This is so sad. Obviously none of us know you but it sounds like there is something very wrong with your relationship (not necessarily you or your daughter but how you interact). Please get professional help before you send her away. My DD and my husband butt heads sometimes and she will day things she has never said to me (and regrets later). But they are always able to repair. Please look into family counseling or a parent support therapist for you. Don’t give up on your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your goal is having a healthy relationship with your daughter, you need some professional help to understand what is going on with her and your family dynamics.

This. And I maybe would have gotten this help 6 years ago, but what's done is done. Get help TODAY to figure out what's going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD hates me. She is hostile with me, like yells back at me if I interact with her, unless she is asking me for something, and sometimes she is violent. I never want to be around her. She has been this way since age 2, now age 12. Combative with me from the moment she wakes up, but not with others. I am at the point today that I would consider sending her to live with an aunt or grandparent if they would take her because she clearly hates me. Any other moms have this experience? Any insights? I tried therapy twice for her, but went nowhere.

Have you tried therapy for yourself?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you're a big part of the problem but only blame your kid. Grow up.