When did you realize that your parents didn't care about you?
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Anonymous
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Was it at a certain age?
A particular event? In comparison to other people? |
Anonymous
| Never. They weren’t perfect, but it wasn’t due to lack of caring. Sorry your experience with parents was so terrible. |
Anonymous
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Exactly I'm not sure . I have probably always known. Dad didn't spend much time with us outside of things he was interested in and if we weren't good at it that was it.
My mom maybe when I was a kid made fun of me for the kind of birthday cake I wanted. Then when I first started driving I got into a little car accident and she went on and on about possibly having a little scratch on the car. Never once asked if I was okay. Back when my brother and I lived with them and paid a little rent I was having an allergic reaction to something and she ignores that to ask me when I was going to get rent in. Mind you I wasn't late. I was never late with rent. My brother was frequently late and never said anything to him |
Anonymous
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I always knew they didn't care about me. It was a violent, alcoholic abusive home. I spent as much time at my grandma's as possible.
Even days like my highschool grad, I wasn't allowed to shower and get ready like other kids. I felt numb when my friends were comparing grad gifts and I felt lucky to be there. |
Anonymous
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When l was 16 l asked how much money they had to help me with college and they said 0. They bought a new bigger house and a brand new sports car when l was 18. So ya, about 18.
When l was 20 l ran out of money and needed about $500 to pay tuition. That’s the only money they ever gave me for school. That’s also the only year they asked to see my grades, since they’d “paid for it”. |
Anonymous
| Early 30s? When I had my own kids who I cared about immensely…I realized my mother simply didn’t care as much. |
Anonymous
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Elementary. I could always tell they lacked the emotional depth/maturity to be parents. Especially noticing how my mother would “act” motherly around other kids but when it was just us I was totally emotionally abandoned.
Healing is possible but it’s hard. You have to grieve that you never got the parents you needed and deserved. Being a good parent now is my greatest healing tool. |
Anonymous
| Either the days I would spent locked in the attic at my dad’s or when my mom tried to kill herself, I guess. But it could’ve been worse! |
Anonymous
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When I was an adult. The signs were there all along, but it was so normal, I didn’t realize it was abuse and neglect. It was just mom and dad being mom and dad. I remember incidents from childhood that I recognize now as uncaring, but they always had an excuse, a way to blame me, and/or minimized my feelings if I were brave enough to express them.
My dog had puppies and they all died (including my dog-the mom) within days of the birth. I’ve never asked what happened as an adult because I’m afraid to know, but at best it was a neglect issue where they should’ve at least called the vet (at worst, they didn’t want to deal with finding puppies homes and there are a lot of bad people in my family). They mocked me so much for crying that my dog and all the puppies died and told me I shouldn’t be sad because I wouldn’t have been able to keep the puppies anyway. I was probably 4 when this happened. It was definitely before I started kindergarten. It wasn’t that traumatic every day during my childhood, but there were enough things on that level that there was always anxiety. I didn’t share my feelings often because if they’ll make fun of a little girl for crying over animals dying, they’ll definitely make fun of a kid for not liking soup or having a sore throat. I also remember my mom apologizing to other people for my existence all the time as though I embarrassed her. Not for misbehaving, but if I mispronounced a word or if my clothes got dirty at school and we didn’t have time to change before going somewhere. Of course I’d be berated for it when we were alone. That’s just the emotional abuse. It was tougher than the physical stuff, but I think they legitimately thought (at least at the moment) that they were being good parents by disciplining us. That was mostly forgivable, because it was misguided and they did improve over time. But the emotional stuff got worse as we got older and became independent and they wanted to keep control. That stuff isn’t always forgivable. |
Anonymous
| I was 8. My dad was off with another woman. I told my mother my sister's boyfriend beat me up (he did) and she told me to stop coming to her with stories. I was devastated and fully realized in that moment that I was completely alone in life. Fortunately, my adulthood has been happy, loving and secure with my partner. |
Anonymous
My aspergers father was a totally different person outside the house (attempting to talk to people, smiling, putting on a show), than inside the house or car or vacation with us (sleeping, reading computer, never talking, going to bed early). It was like split personalities. Sure he said he cared about and loved us. He just never demonstrated it or showed it. Mom knew this all, and did her best plus got us out if the house a lot and doing stuff with friends or family. Dad stayed home or tagged along, again, acting like a totally different persona with non-family. |
Anonymous
| I will add, he could only act for about and hour or two, then would disappear from the social event or just sit and watch or listen. He loved to say hey as to go work, then leave or be alone. |
Anonymous
| When I stopped playing into my mothers narrative around by 30s. I didn't want to gossip about my sister and her family, I no longer wanted to listen to her complain about my dad since they had been divorced by about 25 years at that point and she started to try to have my family align with her over me by lying to them and telling them unfavorable stories about me. |
Anonymous
I've always known. I was an "oops" baby (typical story: mom was kept on a tight lease by strict, Catholic parents and went crazy when she went away to nursing school. Met the bad boy and got pregnant.) I've always known I'm the reason they "didn't get to have their 20s" and had to "grow up fast." I was typical latch key kid and they took little interest in anything I did, though to be fair that was typical of the era, too. Once I graduate HS, there was practically a vapor trail to toss me to the wolves. They divorced. Cut off financial support of any significance. And started acting like 20 years olds. And that was that. Hope they're not expecting much as they get older. |
Anonymous
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I had a big fight with my parents in high school--i don't even remember the cause--but my father was violent and my mother broke down in tears admitting that he'd never loved me. Even as an infant he hated me and she couldn't leave him alone with me. The strange thing is that he adored my siblings and may not be a perfect father, but he's miles better to them.
I still struggle withy relationship with my mother. In some ways she protected me and loves me, but then also will dump me for my father and siblings because she loves the feeling of that intact family unit. Mind you, we're all full blood siblings and I'm officially part of the family, but emotionally I've never been included. For years they blamed me for that--i was often jealous and attention seeking--but was I that way as a kid because I had always been excluded or did they exclude me because I acted that way? Now as a kind, stable adult I'm still treated like shit, so I've concluded that it was mostly them. I may not have handled the rejection well as a kid, tween or teen, but I also didn't create the situation. I was rejected by my dad at birth, and my mom often chose him over me. My siblings think they're better people and more deserving of my parents' love than me, so that's super healthy too. |