Whose attendance at a funeral is more important?

[Anonymous]

Elderly person dies on the west coast. One adult child lives in the same area and is planning the funeral.

All of the elderly person's siblings (3 total) are retired and live on the east coast. The elderly person's other (2) adult children have jobs and children and also live on the east coast.

The cemetery has two dates available. Date A: The adult children of the deceased are available to come, but the deceased's siblings can not. I do not know know the reasons. Date B: The deceased's siblings are available to come, but the adult children can not (one has an international business trip that can not be rescheduled. The other has a child that has a scheduled surgery (non life threatening but still very important and has been scheduled for months.)

Assuming there is no "Date C" option...which date should be accommodated?

Yeah, obviously I am one of the adult children in this situation.

[Anonymous]

The children

[Anonymous]

The adult children. You are closer to your parents than your siblings

[Anonymous]

I would look for date C.

[Anonymous]

I guess I’m confused. Isn’t the funeral typically held within a week or so after the person dies? How long in the future is this being planned?

[Anonymous]

The adult children. No question or hesitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m confused. Isn’t the funeral typically held within a week or so after the person dies? How long in the future is this being planned?

I’m this pp. Just wanted to say I’d pick the soonest date and whomever can come should come.

[Anonymous]

Date A. No question about this one.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand. In my world you don't go on business trips and you reschedule non-life threatening surgery to go to your parent's funeral.

I imagine I would feel the same way about whatever the siblings have going on.

There's no date that's, "Sorry, I can't make it" unless you are in the hospital or physically unable to be there for some reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. In my world you don't go on business trips and you reschedule non-life threatening surgery to go to your parent's funeral.

I imagine I would feel the same way about whatever the siblings have going on.

There's no date that's, "Sorry, I can't make it" unless you are in the hospital or physically unable to be there for some reason.

I thought all that was weird too but maybe these children don't like this parent so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m confused. Isn’t the funeral typically held within a week or so after the person dies? How long in the future is this being planned?

OP here.
The elderly person died a little over a week ago. The funeral will be held in late January (the two dates are a week apart.) The holidays and cemetery availability is what is creating the delay (I think?)
The sibling planning it all has decided to hold it on date B (when our aunts and uncles can come, but my other sibling and I can not.)

[Anonymous]

Date A. Obviously. The children can be there, and can start the grieving and healing process sooner once the funeral is over.

I don’t know what the hell reason could justify siblings being “not available” for their sibling’s funeral, but whatever it is is not good enough to wait. If it’s health related, that’s an oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. In my world you don't go on business trips and you reschedule non-life threatening surgery to go to your parent's funeral.

I imagine I would feel the same way about whatever the siblings have going on.

There's no date that's, "Sorry, I can't make it" unless you are in the hospital or physically unable to be there for some reason.

And usually it happens quickly, so I don’t understand this “we have two dates available” thing. Is it a funeral or a memorial service?

[Anonymous]

I would try and find Date C. There is no date that my siblings and I would not be available for the funeral of our own parent. We would try to find a way for their elderly siblings to attend if possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. In my world you don't go on business trips and you reschedule non-life threatening surgery to go to your parent's funeral.

I imagine I would feel the same way about whatever the siblings have going on.

There's no date that's, "Sorry, I can't make it" unless you are in the hospital or physically unable to be there for some reason.

So the adult child is just supposed to let his own children starve in the streets when he loses his job because he doesn't go on this business trip?