Do all women only care about money?

[Anonymous]

I am a 34 year old man and I make 50k working for a non profit. It is challenging make ends meet and dating is tough. Women ghost me once they know about how much I earn. It is very demoralizing. Is there any hope for me?

[Anonymous]

Maybe date someone who is also working in a non-profit?

[Anonymous]

In dc it’s hard, but in other towns it’s not. This is a high col area.

[Anonymous]

It’s more about security and stability.

[Anonymous]

I don’t want to sound overly cynical about this, because I’m actually a big romantic and lover of love, but the problem is that we live in a society where men fall short of their fair share at home and make up for it with financial support to the household. Women are reasonably skeptical that if they marry a low-earning man, they’ll be running the household and bringing home the bacon at the same time.

I’ve known a fair few women in law who tried to reverse the script and marry a low income man thinking he would run their household while they made their run at biglaw partnership, so there are certainly high earning women who would consider this arrangement. But in my observation this mostly blows up in the women’s faces (65+% of the time) because just because a man isn’t focused on a big income, doesn’t mean he’s focused on creating a peaceful home life either.

It helps if you’re especially good looking for sure. I’ve also known several 8+/10 men to land rich women, whether their money comes from industry or family.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re terribly naive to think you can raise a family with a job like that. They’re really designed for trust fund babies (or maybe more accurately designed *by* trust fund babies who don’t understand the dynamic they’re creating). That kind of job just isn’t sustainable for a person without substantial outside help.

[Anonymous]

Your problem is that your education and social background are not commensurate with your wealth and income. You'd like a wife of a similar educational and social background, but they don't want you, because you don't earn enough to create that background for potential children. It's not all women, OP. If you were to look for a wife with less earning potential than yours, they'd probably be happy to consider you. But you don't want that sort of person, do you? Not the right background...

Yes, you made a grave mistake choosing your line of work. I hope you can change it, and quickly.

My husband doesn't earn much, BTW. He's a research scientist for NIH, and considering he has a PhD and an MD, he earns peanuts. But he also never thought his salary should be his sole source of wealth, and he invested early in high-tech stocks... which are now crucial for our retirement and our children's college tuition. My son is looking at colleges that cost 85K a year. UMD costs 30K and is the cheapest on his list. It's no use counting on a full ride, or very much financial aid these days.

So stop blaming women for being materialistic. Life is expensive, kids are expensive.

[Anonymous]

50k is pretty low even for a non-profit at that age, assuming 10-12 years of work experience and a degree. What is your skill set? Have you looked at other non profits? Most are hiring.
I think most women aren’t money obsessed but they are practical. Can you raise a family and pay daycare on a joint income of $100K? Probably not very easily. But if you are the kind of guy that would be a good SAHD and is also educated enough to attract a professional woman, that is a different story. I know several women that married smart educated men that didn’t make a lot of money who are phenomenal dads who are great cooks and also keep the house clean and organized. If you think that sounds emasculating, that might be your problem.

[Anonymous]

Not only about money. But they want a partner who can support themselves and a family. We currently pay 80-$90k for fresh out of school new employees (tech but in DC). The women know what it costs to own a house, pay for child care and go on a nice vacation and not stress about $. Last year I paid my nanny about $54k gross.

[Anonymous]

No not only money but you are not being realistic if you think people planning a life with children aren't going to consider what kind of lifestyle you can help them provide for said potential children.

[Anonymous]

Of course there’s hope.

[Anonymous]

No, but my credit card bill is over $25,000 this month which is basically your entire post tax salary. So if you plan to have kids and not really struggle, you should find a new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re terribly naive to think you can raise a family with a job like that. They’re really designed for trust fund babies (or maybe more accurately designed *by* trust fund babies who don’t understand the dynamic they’re creating). That kind of job just isn’t sustainable for a person without substantial outside help.

That salary is just slightly below average. Sure, it's not good money for this area, but lots of people raise kids on a combined household income of 100k in this area. I know it's probably shocking to you.

[Anonymous]

34 and 50K?

What on earth did you do to get into the predicament, OP? I hope you can turn this around.

[Anonymous]

If it's challenging making ends meet on $80k, then I would be turned off by your poor money management skills, not your salary. You should definitely be capable of making ends meet AND saving on that salary. You're living above your means.