Do all women only care about money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe date someone who is also working in a non-profit?

My wife works at a nonprofit and thinks I am loser because I only made $500k last year.

[Anonymous]

Woman want to be able to one up there friends and prove they belong.

[Anonymous]

I married a man who made 70k when we married. I was also a non profit worker and I made 60k at marriage.
I truly did not think the finances through. We are now 35 and childless and will probably never own a home. I am so depressed I’m suicidal. I was so so foolish.
My husband has now also become emotionally abusive and has developed an aggressive angry and bitter attitude.

It’s a lose-lose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married a man who made 70k when we married. I was also a non profit worker and I made 60k at marriage.
I truly did not think the finances through. We are now 35 and childless and will probably never own a home. I am so depressed I’m suicidal. I was so so foolish.
My husband has now also become emotionally abusive and has developed an aggressive angry and bitter attitude.

It’s a lose-lose.

Move to a different COL state and get a different job that pay more.

[Anonymous]

I would date someone act your income level… but not you. I’m a single parent with no issues providing financially for my children and living below my means so I don’t need my partner to bring in more than they would need to support themselves. But the fact that you “struggle to make ends meet” means you’re not really in that position and want your wife to help support you. And you’re still here on the internet misogynistically generalizing that women are materialistic. Smdh.

[Anonymous]

I married a man who made 70k when we married. I was also a non profit worker and I made 60k at marriage.
I truly did not think the finances through. We are now 35 and childless and will probably never own a home. I am so depressed I’m suicidal. I was so so foolish.
My husband has now also become emotionally abusive and has developed an aggressive angry and bitter attitude.

It’s a lose-lose.

You are ridiculous. 130k is enough to have a baby. And you said “used to make” which makes me think there’s more money now. If you’re suicidal over this then the problem is not money, it’s you. If your husband is abusive then leave. You have no kids. But I recognize a similarity here to the poster who constantly laments her lot in life and compares her to others and is fixated on what she perceived as a lack of financial success as the only metric and means of happiness. That’s so incredibly sad.

To the OP: I’m in non profit and my husband was a journalist. We made 120k combined when we had kids in our mid 30s. Now 300k 15 years later but we also moved to lower COL city. That being said you are dating women who are looking to get married and have kids. This is an expensive area. 50k is low for mid 30s unless you’re in a track to make more.no don’t think it’s the only thing women care about but it’s a factor when women are dating to marry. I think it’s also low for non profit unless you entry level. I’m about to hire for a role that requires a masters but 1-2 year’s experience and the range is 60-65k in a non profit in a lower col area.

[Anonymous]

Two things to consider:

1. What if it’s not the money? Are you fit, good company, polite, and all of the other things people are looking for in a partner or are you walking around with a chip on your shoulder?

2. Who are you trying to date? Have you tried changing your idea of your “standards”? If you date women without degrees; you will probably find more women who don’t consider $54,000 a deal breaker. If you’re trying to date young professionals you’re going to struggle more.

[Anonymous]

Most women do not want to be with a man who is 34 and hasn’t figured out how to support himself.

[Anonymous]

Honest question - why would someone date you? You can’t even take care of yourself. And you don’t have the good sense to move to a LCOL area or get a different job. Who is going to sign up for a lifetime of struggle? I made $50k straight out of college in 1999.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest question - why would someone date you? You can’t even take care of yourself. And you don’t have the good sense to move to a LCOL area or get a different job. Who is going to sign up for a lifetime of struggle? I made $50k straight out of college in 1999.

+1. OP, even if you like your job, it is at odds with your other arguably more important goals of not struggling financially and being able to support a family. Like the PP, my first job out of college paid more than $50k. It was a dime a dozen paralegal job. They aren’t glamorous but pay pretty well and you can do that kind of job and handle some pro bono cases or volunteer on the side. The point is to find a job that aligns with your reality and overall goals for your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to sound overly cynical about this, because I’m actually a big romantic and lover of love, but the problem is that we live in a society where men fall short of their fair share at home and make up for it with financial support to the household. Women are reasonably skeptical that if they marry a low-earning man, they’ll be running the household and bringing home the bacon at the same time.

I’ve known a fair few women in law who tried to reverse the script and marry a low income man thinking he would run their household while they made their run at biglaw partnership, so there are certainly high earning women who would consider this arrangement. But in my observation this mostly blows up in the women’s faces (65+% of the time) because just because a man isn’t focused on a big income, doesn’t mean he’s focused on creating a peaceful home life either.

It helps if you’re especially good looking for sure. I’ve also known several 8+/10 men to land rich women, whether their money comes from industry or family.

+1

This was DH and me. Very stressful. Do not recommend.

I'm not saying it's likely, but it can work out: https://www.fullstackeconomics.com/p/im-a-professional-dad-who-leaned.

It probably takes the type of guy who loves children and cooking. Cleaning can be outsourced. And the type of woman who'll still respect her romantic partner even if she's paying for everything.

In theory it can work out. In practice, in our house anyway, I make 75% of the HHI and am responsible for 80%+ of parenting, planning, “thinking” work, etc. DH does the cooking. That’s it.

The kids are launched now and DH acknowledges that I did the vast majority of the work in addition to making most of the money. I have a lot of resentment, which I try to swallow, and feel exhausted and depleted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would date someone act your income level… but not you. I’m a single parent with no issues providing financially for my children and living below my means so I don’t need my partner to bring in more than they would need to support themselves. But the fact that you “struggle to make ends meet” means you’re not really in that position and want your wife to help support you. And you’re still here on the internet misogynistically generalizing that women are materialistic. Smdh.

+1

[Anonymous]

Where do you live? How much is your rent?

I'm not all about money, but I can't imagine living on 50k in the DC area. Do you rent a room in someone's home? Even out in far flung MoCo a single room (not a basement apartment, just a room), runs around 1k. It's insane.

[Anonymous]

https://www.drpsychmom.com/2014/10/15/reader-...are-much-money-make/

TLDR women care about compatibility, including what they perceive as an adequate lifestyle and the number of children they want. If you want that lifestyle you need to motivate to earn half of it. Right now you seem like you know it's not enough to raise a family but you have no plan to change that.

Women tend to be more financially risk-averse (due in part to their longer life span and better understanding of the cost of children) so what they think is "adequate" may be higher than you think it should be. But they might be right and you might be wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 34 year old man and I make 50k working for a non profit. It is challenging make ends meet and dating is tough. Women ghost me once they know about how much I earn. It is very demoralizing. Is there any hope for me?

No there is no hope for you if you stay broke and struggling because no one is signing on for that. You are too old to be this dim. You need to sit down and figure out what you want for your life and what it costs to have it and then figure out what you need to do and are willing to do to make that happen.