Do all women only care about money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's challenging making ends meet on $80k, then I would be turned off by your poor money management skills, not your salary. You should definitely be capable of making ends meet AND saving on that salary. You're living above your means.

Sorry - I retract the above statement - thought you said $80k, not $50k.

[Anonymous]

You need to earn more. I am a woman and I was making 100k at a nonprofit by age 33…12 years ago.

[Anonymous]

No. It depends on the lifestyle she imagines for herself and her own earning potential. I know of at least 4 women with husbands who work part-time and/or earn much less than them. Two of the women are doctors, one works in tech, and one in finance. Three of the families live in this area.

[Anonymous]

There is already somebody for everyone. Aim lower, maybe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to sound overly cynical about this, because I’m actually a big romantic and lover of love, but the problem is that we live in a society where men fall short of their fair share at home and make up for it with financial support to the household. Women are reasonably skeptical that if they marry a low-earning man, they’ll be running the household and bringing home the bacon at the same time.

I’ve known a fair few women in law who tried to reverse the script and marry a low income man thinking he would run their household while they made their run at biglaw partnership, so there are certainly high earning women who would consider this arrangement. But in my observation this mostly blows up in the women’s faces (65+% of the time) because just because a man isn’t focused on a big income, doesn’t mean he’s focused on creating a peaceful home life either.

It helps if you’re especially good looking for sure. I’ve also known several 8+/10 men to land rich women, whether their money comes from industry or family.

+1

This was DH and me. Very stressful. Do not recommend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No not only money but you are not being realistic if you think people planning a life with children aren't going to consider what kind of lifestyle you can help them provide for said potential children.

^ OP, like she said, it is absolutely about the money.

The DC area can be tough for guys with avg salaries. There are tons of guys who can outgun you in terms of salary. You need to find another angle and seek out women who aren't obsessed with their careers. This could be a blessing in disguise because career obsessed women are generally unpleasant and lackluster in many areas. You would definitely do better in a lower COL area. And dating in Asia or South America would be 10x better, but I'm thinking that would be a stretch on your salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to sound overly cynical about this, because I’m actually a big romantic and lover of love, but the problem is that we live in a society where men fall short of their fair share at home and make up for it with financial support to the household. Women are reasonably skeptical that if they marry a low-earning man, they’ll be running the household and bringing home the bacon at the same time.

I’ve known a fair few women in law who tried to reverse the script and marry a low income man thinking he would run their household while they made their run at biglaw partnership, so there are certainly high earning women who would consider this arrangement. But in my observation this mostly blows up in the women’s faces (65+% of the time) because just because a man isn’t focused on a big income, doesn’t mean he’s focused on creating a peaceful home life either.

It helps if you’re especially good looking for sure. I’ve also known several 8+/10 men to land rich women, whether their money comes from industry or family.

+1

This was DH and me. Very stressful. Do not recommend.

I'm not saying it's likely, but it can work out: https://www.fullstackeconomics.com/p/im-a-professional-dad-who-leaned.

It probably takes the type of guy who loves children and cooking. Cleaning can be outsourced. And the type of woman who'll still respect her romantic partner even if she's paying for everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to sound overly cynical about this, because I’m actually a big romantic and lover of love, but the problem is that we live in a society where men fall short of their fair share at home and make up for it with financial support to the household. Women are reasonably skeptical that if they marry a low-earning man, they’ll be running the household and bringing home the bacon at the same time.

I’ve known a fair few women in law who tried to reverse the script and marry a low income man thinking he would run their household while they made their run at biglaw partnership, so there are certainly high earning women who would consider this arrangement. But in my observation this mostly blows up in the women’s faces (65+% of the time) because just because a man isn’t focused on a big income, doesn’t mean he’s focused on creating a peaceful home life either.

It helps if you’re especially good looking for sure. I’ve also known several 8+/10 men to land rich women, whether their money comes from industry or family.

+1

This was DH and me. Very stressful. Do not recommend.

+2. Same thing happened with me - I made more, yet the bulk of childcare and housework fell on me. Plus I worked a job I hated to make more money so H could have his dream job that paid less.

The only way I’d ever date a man who made a low salary is if it was very obvious he would take on most of the housework and childcare, and could demonstrate he was still financially responsible. But in my experience it’s usually the opposite - the guys without money who whine that women only care about money are usually slobs, financially irresponsible, and couldn’t be trusted alone with a child.

[Anonymous]

OP, would you be happier in the SAHD role or co-parenting with a low-income woman who would be fine never owning a house? She would also need to be okay with not sending her children to college or allowing them to take out huge loans.

If you want to be a SAHD, I would learn how to cook and clean like a pro. You need to be able to use an Instant pot or crock pot so you can have dinner on the table after taking the kids to sports practice. You need to clean your place weekly or biweekly. Not because a bachelor pad needs to be that clean, but because you need to demonstrate to the women you date that you aren’t going to expect your wife to have a demanding job and do all of the second shift.

If you want to date a woman who is working class, you will need to demonstrate that you can live below your means and still be happy.

Of course, everyone wants both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you be happier in the SAHD role or co-parenting with a low-income woman who would be fine never owning a house? She would also need to be okay with not sending her children to college or allowing them to take out huge loans.

If you want to be a SAHD, I would learn how to cook and clean like a pro. You need to be able to use an Instant pot or crock pot so you can have dinner on the table after taking the kids to sports practice. You need to clean your place weekly or biweekly. Not because a bachelor pad needs to be that clean, but because you need to demonstrate to the women you date that you aren’t going to expect your wife to have a demanding job and do all of the second shift.

If you want to date a woman who is working class, you will need to demonstrate that you can live below your means and still be happy.

Of course, everyone wants both.

Oh this is good. I wonder how men could show that they take parenting seriously too. When my husband and I were dating he had ideas about how he wanted his kids to be raised and listed specific examples he had seen his brothers and dad do.

[Anonymous]

You say it's challenging to make ends meet as a single man.

Do you think expenses will get easier with a family,?

Most people want to make their lives easier and most people aren't trying to sign up for a life of poverty.

Improve your skills. Do you can make more or live somewhere with a lower cost of living

[Anonymous]

Yes there’s hope. All you mention is your salary though. What else do you feel you have to offer? What kinds of women are you interested in? What kind of lifestyle do you envision in your future? Do you want kids?
All things being equal, your salary in the DC area is one crisis away from a life of struggle. Either you have to offer something that outweighs that, or you have to seek a partner who is comfortable or at least familiar with that.

[Anonymous]

Women would be fine with this arrangement if men would capitulate to being default parent. Problem is, they don’t. Men are socialized to be dominant and resentment builds if your wife earns a ton more and you are saddled with homemaking.

Men aren’t socialized to be SAHWs. It breaks down 100% of the time.

Find a better paying job. It’s societal norms, not just women in this equation. Or perhaps you are a unicorn of prove us wrong…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your problem is that your education and social background are not commensurate with your wealth and income. You'd like a wife of a similar educational and social background, but they don't want you, because you don't earn enough to create that background for potential children. It's not all women, OP. If you were to look for a wife with less earning potential than yours, they'd probably be happy to consider you. But you don't want that sort of person, do you? Not the right background...

Yes, you made a grave mistake choosing your line of work. I hope you can change it, and quickly.

My husband doesn't earn much, BTW. He's a research scientist for NIH, and considering he has a PhD and an MD, he earns peanuts. But he also never thought his salary should be his sole source of wealth, and he invested early in high-tech stocks... which are now crucial for our retirement and our children's college tuition. My son is looking at colleges that cost 85K a year. UMD costs 30K and is the cheapest on his list. It's no use counting on a full ride, or very much financial aid these days.

So stop blaming women for being materialistic. Life is expensive, kids are expensive.

Dang, I like this person. All well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to earn more. I am a woman and I was making 100k at a nonprofit by age 33…12 years ago.

I know a number of highly educated women in their early 30s with multiple bachelor and master’s degrees and even working in hcol areas with a nonprofit they’re making about 65k. They live with roommates but they value the job over the money.