Would you "let" your 23 year old get engaged to a grad student?

[Anonymous]

If she has a six figure job, no student loans and a small trust fund while he is applying to unpaid PhD programs and has large student loans.

[Anonymous]

The 23 year old is an adult and doesn’t have to get permission from anyone to get married. WTH!?

[Anonymous]

For me, if you think you can "let" or "not let" your 23 year old make a life choice, you do not have a healthy parent/child relationship. I think 23 is too young, but adults get to make their own choices.

[Anonymous]

I've already told all my kids they are not to get engaged/married until they've had a few years of having a fully developed brain, which happens around 24-25. So they won't get engaged until 27 at the earliest, unless they go rogue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've already told all my kids they are not to get engaged/married until they've had a few years of having a fully developed brain, which happens around 24-25. So they won't get engaged until 27 at the earliest, unless they go rogue.

I'm so thankful my parents didn't try to control me this way, I definitely would have gotten married at 18 out of spite!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've already told all my kids they are not to get engaged/married until they've had a few years of having a fully developed brain, which happens around 24-25. So they won't get engaged until 27 at the earliest, unless they go rogue.

Really rooting for someone to go rogue. You’re nuts.

[Anonymous]

Do you have to authorize her marriage? If not butt out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've already told all my kids they are not to get engaged/married until they've had a few years of having a fully developed brain, which happens around 24-25. So they won't get engaged until 27 at the earliest, unless they go rogue.

I'm so thankful my parents didn't try to control me this way, I definitely would have gotten married at 18 out of spite!

Luckily my kids are mature enough not to do that. This is something they've been told WAYYYY before they even started dating, so they think it's the most reasonable thing in the world. We've talked about how insane it seems that people used to get married as teenagers.

[Anonymous]

It's not my place to "let" my adult child get engaged or not. I might counsel waiting to get married, but it's their choice, not mine.

[Anonymous]

I'm really intrigued by your post. How did it come to be that you still make decisions for your 23 yo? I have a 21 yo full-time college student who works part-time and lives at home. I can't imagine telling him that he wasn't allowed to be engaged to someone. Does she go along with whatever you tell her to do, or does she fight back to be able to live her life how she wants to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've already told all my kids they are not to get engaged/married until they've had a few years of having a fully developed brain, which happens around 24-25. So they won't get engaged until 27 at the earliest, unless they go rogue.

Really rooting for someone to go rogue. You’re nuts.

Lol, nah, they're good kids. Well, one got their nose pierced. I was not thrilled, though can admit now it's kind of cute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've already told all my kids they are not to get engaged/married until they've had a few years of having a fully developed brain, which happens around 24-25. So they won't get engaged until 27 at the earliest, unless they go rogue.

How old are your children? What if one of your kids demonstrates some really poor and immature choices in young adulthood? Would you push back the time they are allowed to be engaged, say early 30s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've already told all my kids they are not to get engaged/married until they've had a few years of having a fully developed brain, which happens around 24-25. So they won't get engaged until 27 at the earliest, unless they go rogue.

Well, weaponizing random theories to manipulate adults into doing what you want them to do isn't fair, specially if you are letting them do every thing else like work, drink, drive, living on their own, travel, play violent sports like football, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've already told all my kids they are not to get engaged/married until they've had a few years of having a fully developed brain, which happens around 24-25. So they won't get engaged until 27 at the earliest, unless they go rogue.

I'm so thankful my parents didn't try to control me this way, I definitely would have gotten married at 18 out of spite!

+1. I got married at 23 in one of the best decisions I've ever made. The "fully developed brain" idea is mostly bunk too: https://slate.com/technology/2022/11/brain-development-25-year-old-mature-myth.html

Get married when you find the right person, not before, but also not after.

[Anonymous]

Insane. I got married and bought a house at 23. Which was great investment. Stop infantilizing your adult kids.