Sister on and off drugs at college

[Anonymous]

First, I apologize in advance for what a trainwreck of a situation you are about to read My sister is 20. She is in her junior year at a state school about 2 hours from home. The last year, it was revealed she has a coke addiction. She first told me, then I got her to tell my dad and siblings. She lived at my father's house during the summer, which was hard for him and his new wife (nice lady, school counselor, we have known her 8 years). She made things really awkward for my new step mother, bringing men home, sleeping all day and not helping around the house etc until my dad started making rules in the home.

Once it was time to go back to school, my dad got her her own apartment near campus. They were relieved she was leaving. I mentioned that maybe sending her to rehab would be better. She was only attending school part time anyways. During this past semester, she got a job, was fired from it for sleeping, has been claiming to be clean but I later realized she relapsed on the coke. Someone carved coke whore on her car door and smashed the window so my dad had to fix that. She also crashed her car while driving high, which he fixed. She claims to have online sugar daddies who give her money as well.

Her boyfriend seemed alright, but he ended up in jail for possession of an illegal firearm as well as drugs. She says she doesn't have anyone else in her life to rely on and that he is done with the illegal activities. Not that I believe that.

Today she called saying she doesn't want to go to her final this week, saying she wants to come home but doesn't want to live at home. I let her know that I support her dropping out, but she can't just expect to have her own apartment paid for by dad while she sits around doing drugs. She said she doesn't want to work, and doesn't want to live. She has a therapist that she sees multiple times a week. I suggested that she go to the ER and go impatient for a while to calm down so she doesn't relapse again.

While I think she should go to rehab, I think my family doesn't realize rehab won't be the end of these issues. It's almost like a personality issue. She has always been lazy even as a kid, and very spoiled. I love her, and I'm probably the only person emotionally there for her at this point besides her boyfriend (she has said so). But I'm also fed up myself. I finished school even while raising two kids, and I had to pay for it myself. I do understand her addiction, as I have had issues with alcohol myself. I feel sad that my kids can't have an aunt that they can look up to. Give me a reality check regarding how bad this situation is.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you and your family are going through this. Sounds pretty bad but she’s young, I think it can still be turned around with rehab and therapy, maybe also helped if your parents didn’t enable

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry you find yourself in this position, OP. You’re right, your sister needs rehab. But she also needs to want rehab, or it will be wasted on her. The only way she’ll want it is if your parents cut her off financially and she sees she’s out of options. By paying for her apartment and giving her cash, your parents are basically enabling her addiction. Can you talk to your parents about this?

[Anonymous]

I don’t know how to solve this situation but just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. It sounds hard.

Don’t let her live with you.

I think your dad should let her stay there but charge rent. Your stepmom shouldn’t have her life ruined by the sister moving back in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you find yourself in this position, OP. You’re right, your sister needs rehab. But she also needs to want rehab, or it will be wasted on her. The only way she’ll want it is if your parents cut her off financially and she sees she’s out of options. By paying for her apartment and giving her cash, your parents are basically enabling her addiction. Can you talk to your parents about this?

im so sorry you are dealing with this OP. I agree with the PP above, your father is doing her a disservice by enabling her via paying for housing, ESP since she isn't even in school full time or holding down a steady job. Also fixing her car, was enabling. She needs to feel the weight of the consequences of her actions or else she will never correct course. You have to let her hit rock bottom.

Discuss as a family where your boundaries are, and you have to stick to them.

[Anonymous]

As the PP said, unless she wants it, it is a waste, we learned that lesson with one of our kids. We told them they had two choices, go to an inpatient facility and they determine your course of recovery and you stay clean or you are no long part of our frailly. The decision had to be made right then.

Fortunately they made the right choice and are approaching a milestone in their recovery. It doesn't end once they leave the inpatient treatment, sober living and PHP, IOP are the next steps and after IOP OP for as long as thy can and lots of meetings. and continue in sober living.

Basically, your family was enabling her. They need to end that immediately, you need to talk openly about it so when she turns to others they won't take her in.

The mental illness component is a big factor here and unless they are taking their meds and going to therapy, again, they are not part of the family.

It's the hardest best thing you and your family can do.

Recovery works, if you work on your recovery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you find yourself in this position, OP. You’re right, your sister needs rehab. But she also needs to want rehab, or it will be wasted on her. The only way she’ll want it is if your parents cut her off financially and she sees she’s out of options. By paying for her apartment and giving her cash, your parents are basically enabling her addiction. Can you talk to your parents about this?

im so sorry you are dealing with this OP. I agree with the PP above, your father is doing her a disservice by enabling her via paying for housing, ESP since she isn't even in school full time or holding down a steady job. Also fixing her car, was enabling. She needs to feel the weight of the consequences of her actions or else she will never correct course. You have to let her hit rock bottom.

Discuss as a family where your boundaries are, and you have to stick to them.

Pp here. I noticed the car—who paid for that, and who’s paying for the insurance? If OP’s sister isn’t in school, then she needs to be working and paying for these things herself. Anything else is enabling. Apart from enabling her addiction lifestyle (does she drive to by drugs?), this is good parenting, to insist an adult child who’s left school support themselves.

[Anonymous]

Sorry. I have not seen a drug addict actually better their life. Either they have died or they have wrecked the lives of others. Hope that your family has a better outcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. I have not seen a drug addict actually better their life. Either they have died or they have wrecked the lives of others. Hope that your family has a better outcome.

And yet it happens, even if it’s outside your limited experience. OP’s sister has to want to make the change, though, but she has no incentive if the parents keep enabling.

[Anonymous]

Where is your mother? Also, what happened to your sister, what pain is she trying to numb with the drugs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. I have not seen a drug addict actually better their life. Either they have died or they have wrecked the lives of others. Hope that your family has a better outcome.

I would like to introduce you to Brian Cuban, yes brother of Mark Cuban, google him, an amazing story and also my kid who is in recovery as well. I am sure you know some but they haven't let you know because you are so closed minded and perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is your mother? Also, what happened to your sister, what pain is she trying to numb with the drugs?

“Blame the parents for everything” pp has entered the room. Because it’s never normal teenage social anxiety leading to experimentation leading to much more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is your mother? Also, what happened to your sister, what pain is she trying to numb with the drugs?

Seems like the parents enabled the sister to the point where she takes no responsibility for her life or health. I mean, maybe there’s something else, but there doesn’t have to be. Sorry if that doesn’t fit your narrative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is your mother? Also, what happened to your sister, what pain is she trying to numb with the drugs?

“Blame the parents for everything” pp has entered the room. Because it’s never normal teenage social anxiety leading to experimentation leading to much more.

She’s not blaming the parents but she most likely was raped at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is your mother? Also, what happened to your sister, what pain is she trying to numb with the drugs?

“Blame the parents for everything” pp has entered the room. Because it’s never normal teenage social anxiety leading to experimentation leading to much more.

She’s not blaming the parents but she most likely was raped at some point.

Get help for projecting horrible things onto anonymous people on the interwebs.