S/o: separating twins into different grades

[Anonymous]

The other twin list has me thinking about my kids.

They are b/g twins who are 4 and will turn 5 in August. Girl is reading very simple chapter books, can do basic math, and writes neatly. She has good relationships with friends and likes to try new things and different activities.

Boy is small for his age, cannot read CVC words, and seems to have some delays that aren’t major but make it clear that he’s not at a developmentally typical place for his age. He has whiney meltdowns more like what a 3 yo would do and he’s impulsive. He doesn’t always catch what he’s supposed to be doing at preschool and in a big group he’s often a literal step behind his classmates.

There’s no way my DS will be ready for K next fall, but DD is ready to go tomorrow and I can’t imagine her doing another year of preschool.

Has anyone ever heard of twins ending up in different grades?

[Anonymous]

haven't heard of different grades. However, I would definitely not move the boy to K. My DD was a pretty mature August birthday and we held her to go to K at 6. It's worked out great. There are some pre-schools with older 5 classes. She did that and it was perfect. I would just hold them both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The other twin list has me thinking about my kids.

They are b/g twins who are 4 and will turn 5 in August. Girl is reading very simple chapter books, can do basic math, and writes neatly. She has good relationships with friends and likes to try new things and different activities.

Boy is small for his age, cannot read CVC words, and seems to have some delays that aren’t major but make it clear that he’s not at a developmentally typical place for his age. He has whiney meltdowns more like what a 3 yo would do and he’s impulsive. He doesn’t always catch what he’s supposed to be doing at preschool and in a big group he’s often a literal step behind his classmates.

There’s no way my DS will be ready for K next fall, but DD is ready to go tomorrow and I can’t imagine her doing another year of preschool.

Has anyone ever heard of twins ending up in different grades?

A lot can change by August. That is 8 months away! Why not wait until you are closer and also you shouldn't compare your children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other twin list has me thinking about my kids.

They are b/g twins who are 4 and will turn 5 in August. Girl is reading very simple chapter books, can do basic math, and writes neatly. She has good relationships with friends and likes to try new things and different activities.

Boy is small for his age, cannot read CVC words, and seems to have some delays that aren’t major but make it clear that he’s not at a developmentally typical place for his age. He has whiney meltdowns more like what a 3 yo would do and he’s impulsive. He doesn’t always catch what he’s supposed to be doing at preschool and in a big group he’s often a literal step behind his classmates.

There’s no way my DS will be ready for K next fall, but DD is ready to go tomorrow and I can’t imagine her doing another year of preschool.

Has anyone ever heard of twins ending up in different grades?

A lot can change by August. That is 8 months away! Why not wait until you are closer and also you shouldn't compare your children

One of the things that definitely will change by August is pre-school openings. Unless you can afford to pay for two spots that you won't use, the decision has to be made sooner

[Anonymous]

I would separate them. Especially fraternal twins. There are lots of kids with a close in age sibling a year ahead or behind them. No one will really notice they are twins unless you make it a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Was in a similar situation and just waited a year for the more advanced one. I can’t imagine doing this to twins. That twin will be branded “the dumb one” for life and constantly have it pointed out. I absolutely understand they are individuals but I think the harm to the one held back is too great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was in a similar situation and just waited a year for the more advanced one. I can’t imagine doing this to twins. That twin will be branded “the dumb one” for life and constantly have it pointed out. I absolutely understand they are individuals but I think the harm to the one held back is too great.

+100

How is this even a consideration? Terrible.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend with BG twins and a similar situation although Nov birthdays. The boy really struggled with reading, smaller that his sister etc…. Now they’re both in 5th and doing great. He did get extra support in reading as will your son if it’s needed. But I would not hold one back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was in a similar situation and just waited a year for the more advanced one. I can’t imagine doing this to twins. That twin will be branded “the dumb one” for life and constantly have it pointed out. I absolutely understand they are individuals but I think the harm to the one held back is too great.

I think that is rally unfair to the more advanced twin.

My brother's family did this with his kids who are two years apart. Both August birthdays. They redshirted the oldest because he was a bit behind, then redshirted the very advanced younger son because they didn't want to hurt the older one's feelings. Now the younger one is getting straight As with no effort, is bored, and complains the boys in his class are too rowdy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was in a similar situation and just waited a year for the more advanced one. I can’t imagine doing this to twins. That twin will be branded “the dumb one” for life and constantly have it pointed out. I absolutely understand they are individuals but I think the harm to the one held back is too great.

I think that is rally unfair to the more advanced twin.

My brother's family did this with his kids who are two years apart. Both August birthdays. They redshirted the oldest because he was a bit behind, then redshirted the very advanced younger son because they didn't want to hurt the older one's feelings. Now the younger one is getting straight As with no effort, is bored, and complains the boys in his class are too rowdy.

Do you have twins or any understanding of it?
That situation isn’t even comparable.

[Anonymous]

I’m an adult who was in this situation and my parents held us both. I always gravitated socially to the grade above me and struggled in 6th, 8th and 12th grade. I just wasn’t on the same page as my classmates. Also, most of my sports teammates in elementary and middle school were in the grade above me because cutoffs were by birth year. I went to college on the east coast and was a full year older than my classmates, which was when I pieced together that we’d been “held back.” I was very advanced academically for my grade, which I should have been, because I was a year older than most of my classmates! My brother still struggled and was still short even among his younger classmates.

Honestly, I would suggest separating the twins in this situation based on my sample size of me. Otherwise one of them will always be in a situation that was “best” for their twin but is a compromise for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was in a similar situation and just waited a year for the more advanced one. I can’t imagine doing this to twins. That twin will be branded “the dumb one” for life and constantly have it pointed out. I absolutely understand they are individuals but I think the harm to the one held back is too great.

I think that is rally unfair to the more advanced twin.

My brother's family did this with his kids who are two years apart. Both August birthdays. They redshirted the oldest because he was a bit behind, then redshirted the very advanced younger son because they didn't want to hurt the older one's feelings. Now the younger one is getting straight As with no effort, is bored, and complains the boys in his class are too rowdy.

Do you have twins or any understanding of it?
That situation isn’t even comparable.

Holding the girl back to benefit the boy is saying the boy is more important than the girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would separate them. Especially fraternal twins. There are lots of kids with a close in age sibling a year ahead or behind them. No one will really notice they are twins unless you make it a big deal.

!!!
I have boy/girl twins. They get along great. In the early years, they each had their own friend sets and people didn't always know that they were twins. They looked and acted very different. And as they got older, they became friends with each other. They get along great with just the usual bickering of siblings who get along.

But they recently confided to me that even though they don't want to compare themselves to the other twin, that they can't help it. Here is someone who is exactly the same age as them and is a relation. On some level they are always wondering how the other twin did in things that they are both doing.

You can hid that grade difference from others, but the twins will know and will be affected by it.

August is still very young, I would hold both back. Get your son some support and maybe sign your DD up for things that might give her more of a challenge like an instrument or sports. Maybe more opportunities to socialize away from her brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was in a similar situation and just waited a year for the more advanced one. I can’t imagine doing this to twins. That twin will be branded “the dumb one” for life and constantly have it pointed out. I absolutely understand they are individuals but I think the harm to the one held back is too great.

I think that is rally unfair to the more advanced twin.

My brother's family did this with his kids who are two years apart. Both August birthdays. They redshirted the oldest because he was a bit behind, then redshirted the very advanced younger son because they didn't want to hurt the older one's feelings. Now the younger one is getting straight As with no effort, is bored, and complains the boys in his class are too rowdy.

Do you have twins or any understanding of it?
That situation isn’t even comparable.

Holding the girl back to benefit the boy is saying the boy is more important than the girl.

No. It’s far more complicated than that.
Yes they are separate but the damage to the boy’s self esteem will far outweigh the benefit of starting the girl earlier. She is an August birthday so she’s not going to be a year older. She will be slightly older than her classmates (that is my twins exact situation) but not a year older as a previous poster said. Also she will more likely be in good company in this area as many kids wait if on the fence (unlike when I was in school). It will be far easier to challenge the daughter a little bit than to fix the damage it will cause the boy.
In my twins group the only way this worked was when one had a physical disability. The one that comes to mind one of the twins went to a special needs school and that worked out fine for her a year behind. Her disability was significant.
Please start piling away money for therapy if you choose to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was in a similar situation and just waited a year for the more advanced one. I can’t imagine doing this to twins. That twin will be branded “the dumb one” for life and constantly have it pointed out. I absolutely understand they are individuals but I think the harm to the one held back is too great.

I think that is rally unfair to the more advanced twin.

My brother's family did this with his kids who are two years apart. Both August birthdays. They redshirted the oldest because he was a bit behind, then redshirted the very advanced younger son because they didn't want to hurt the older one's feelings. Now the younger one is getting straight As with no effort, is bored, and complains the boys in his class are too rowdy.

Do you have twins or any understanding of it?
That situation isn’t even comparable.

Holding the girl back to benefit the boy is saying the boy is more important than the girl.

I’m the adult girl twin and yes, this was the unspoken message I got from my parents.