S/o: separating twins into different grades

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other twin list has me thinking about my kids.

They are b/g twins who are 4 and will turn 5 in August. Girl is reading very simple chapter books, can do basic math, and writes neatly. She has good relationships with friends and likes to try new things and different activities.

Boy is small for his age, cannot read CVC words, and seems to have some delays that aren’t major but make it clear that he’s not at a developmentally typical place for his age. He has whiney meltdowns more like what a 3 yo would do and he’s impulsive. He doesn’t always catch what he’s supposed to be doing at preschool and in a big group he’s often a literal step behind his classmates.

There’s no way my DS will be ready for K next fall, but DD is ready to go tomorrow and I can’t imagine her doing another year of preschool.

Has anyone ever heard of twins ending up in different grades?

A lot can change by August. That is 8 months away! Why not wait until you are closer and also you shouldn't compare your children

OP wasn't comparing her children. She was stating facts about their individual readiness to attend school. OP put each child in the class that's best fir them. Send DD if she's ready and send DS next year if that's best for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I would separate them. Too unfair to the advanced twin to keep them at same level.

The girl sounds bright. Can you move her ahead and keep the boy normal rather than putting the girl normal and the boy slow?

Girls are generally more ready to start in kindergarten than boys are. She may or may not end up being the stronger student once he catches up. Starting school a year early doesn’t give you any advantage. If anything, waiting does.

[Anonymous]

I’m not a twin mom, but I am holding back my September son who also seems immature or perhaps has some special learning needs (too soon to know, I think.) i think first and foremost you have to consider what’s best for each of them as individuals, but if you live in an area where it’s common to hold back an August birthday, I would probably do that. Either send them both to bridge program, have them both repeat pre-k, or have your daughter do a 5s bridge while your son repeats prek- in all scenarios they start k together.

Logistically also seems to make more sense to have them in one place.

[Anonymous]

Fine, people don't want to hold back the advanced twin, then send them both to school on time and get your son many extra supports. Nothing in the OP seems to indicate a true developmental problem.

If you haven't had children recently go through middle and high school, you may be surprised to see that the early advanced learners are not always the ones leading the pack at the end.

[Anonymous]

Keep the twins together. Wait to send them both. There is no disadvantage to this. Both twin will benefit.

[Anonymous]

I’m a boy girl twin. Don’t split them up.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter won’t be harmed by being held back a year. Your son likely could and could suffer life-long confidence issues by feeling like the dumb, slow twin. This is a no-brainer to me.

[Anonymous]

Send them both to a private kindergarten in the fall. Decide at the end of the year whether to enroll them in public K, public 1st or split them. You'll have a lot more information about your son's progress then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter won’t be harmed by being held back a year. Your son likely could and could suffer life-long confidence issues by feeling like the dumb, slow twin. This is a no-brainer to me.

THIS. And if anything the daughter will benefit. But no matter what I would NOT split them up. Everyone will know and everyone will assume its because your son was too "dumb" to go when his sister did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was in a similar situation and just waited a year for the more advanced one. I can’t imagine doing this to twins. That twin will be branded “the dumb one” for life and constantly have it pointed out. I absolutely understand they are individuals but I think the harm to the one held back is too great.

+1.

We didn't even take the test (missed cut off) since we were worried that one would get through and the other wouldn't and would be branded for life. Don't do this OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an adult who was in this situation and my parents held us both. I always gravitated socially to the grade above me and struggled in 6th, 8th and 12th grade. I just wasn’t on the same page as my classmates. Also, most of my sports teammates in elementary and middle school were in the grade above me because cutoffs were by birth year. I went to college on the east coast and was a full year older than my classmates, which was when I pieced together that we’d been “held back.” I was very advanced academically for my grade, which I should have been, because I was a year older than most of my classmates! My brother still struggled and was still short even among his younger classmates.

Honestly, I would suggest separating the twins in this situation based on my sample size of me. Otherwise one of them will always be in a situation that was “best” for their twin but is a compromise for them.

Easy for you to say since you were the advanced twin. I want to hear your brother's opinion on this. How would he have felt if only he was held back? Would he feel like was dumb and you were not and resent you?

[Anonymous]

The girl might look ready, but I would hold them both back. It's in middle school where you really see the differences in emotional maturity. Younger kids struggle then. School isn't just about being academically ready. I sent my August dd on time and wish I had waited. Kindergarten was a struggle socially.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the comments but do have a friend whose son is a year behind her daughter (boy-girl twins). The son has serious disabilities (chromosomal abnormality). So it is done but that is a pretty extenuating circumstance.

Why don't you talk to the preschool teachers and get a sense of what they suggest? They deal with kids and kindergarten readiness daily...they might have some perspective on this since they know these kids that randoms on a message board do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the comments but do have a friend whose son is a year behind her daughter (boy-girl twins). The son has serious disabilities (chromosomal abnormality). So it is done but that is a pretty extenuating circumstance.

Why don't you talk to the preschool teachers and get a sense of what they suggest? They deal with kids and kindergarten readiness daily...they might have some perspective on this since they know these kids that randoms on a message board do not.

+1
My boy twin is constantly underestimated when along side his very mature sister, even though his is well within normal range. We worried about it as well when they were preschoolers (a lot!) but their teachers were experienced and shocked us when they spoke about how advanced my son was. As his parent, I couldn't see it. Fast forward to late elementary and he has really hit his stride even though he is still smaller and less mature than most of his grade as opposed to his 95% height sister. It would have been an awful mistake to hold him back.

[Anonymous]

I have boy/girl twins, and would send them both on time. I also work in an elementary school, and it is common for girls to be more advanced at that age than boys. It is also NOT the case that the students who start out as the most advanced readers in Kindergarten end up the most advanced readers in their cohort by fourth to fifth grade.