S/o: separating twins into different grades

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was in a similar situation and just waited a year for the more advanced one. I can’t imagine doing this to twins. That twin will be branded “the dumb one” for life and constantly have it pointed out. I absolutely understand they are individuals but I think the harm to the one held back is too great.

I think that is rally unfair to the more advanced twin.

My brother's family did this with his kids who are two years apart. Both August birthdays. They redshirted the oldest because he was a bit behind, then redshirted the very advanced younger son because they didn't want to hurt the older one's feelings. Now the younger one is getting straight As with no effort, is bored, and complains the boys in his class are too rowdy.

I agree that this is unfair to the more advanced twin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was in a similar situation and just waited a year for the more advanced one. I can’t imagine doing this to twins. That twin will be branded “the dumb one” for life and constantly have it pointed out. I absolutely understand they are individuals but I think the harm to the one held back is too great.

I think that is rally unfair to the more advanced twin.

My brother's family did this with his kids who are two years apart. Both August birthdays. They redshirted the oldest because he was a bit behind, then redshirted the very advanced younger son because they didn't want to hurt the older one's feelings. Now the younger one is getting straight As with no effort, is bored, and complains the boys in his class are too rowdy.

Do you have twins or any understanding of it?
That situation isn’t even comparable.

Holding the girl back to benefit the boy is saying the boy is more important than the girl.

I’m the adult girl twin and yes, this was the unspoken message I got from my parents.

Hopefully you read my prior message and can realize what your parents were thinking. It sounds like you jumped to that assumption (that you were held back) from your earlier post.

[Anonymous]

Are you doing therapies with the boy to help prepare him for K? Has he been referred to child find for an IEP? I don’t have twins, but I think many posters here are not considering the impact on your DD of holding her back based on her brother’s needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you doing therapies with the boy to help prepare him for K? Has he been referred to child find for an IEP? I don’t have twins, but I think many posters here are not considering the impact on your DD of holding her back based on her brother’s needs.

Which is what?
Read the book Outliers. Your daughter will probably BENEFIT from waiting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would separate them. Especially fraternal twins. There are lots of kids with a close in age sibling a year ahead or behind them. No one will really notice they are twins unless you make it a big deal.

!!!
I have boy/girl twins. They get along great. In the early years, they each had their own friend sets and people didn't always know that they were twins. They looked and acted very different. And as they got older, they became friends with each other. They get along great with just the usual bickering of siblings who get along.

But they recently confided to me that even though they don't want to compare themselves to the other twin, that they can't help it. Here is someone who is exactly the same age as them and is a relation. On some level they are always wondering how the other twin did in things that they are both doing.

You can hid that grade difference from others, but the twins will know and will be affected by it.

August is still very young, I would hold both back. Get your son some support and maybe sign your DD up for things that might give her more of a challenge like an instrument or sports. Maybe more opportunities to socialize away from her brother.

Non-twin siblings do this, too.

I really can't believe that someone would hold back a child who is reading chapter books because it might make a sibling feel bad. If you really don't want to separate them, I would have them both start on time and get your son a tutor.

[Anonymous]

Give me a break that it will hurt the DD. My DD is a very bright august bday and we held her and she is not even close to the oldest bc so many people do this these days. And she is thriving in all ways and has never been bored despite Your DD should thank her brother - who wants to be the youngest anyway?

[Anonymous]

Tons of bright "ready" kids were held back during Covid. Its been totally fine. I would hold them both but let the school know they should be in different classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would separate them. Especially fraternal twins. There are lots of kids with a close in age sibling a year ahead or behind them. No one will really notice they are twins unless you make it a big deal.

!!!
I have boy/girl twins. They get along great. In the early years, they each had their own friend sets and people didn't always know that they were twins. They looked and acted very different. And as they got older, they became friends with each other. They get along great with just the usual bickering of siblings who get along.

But they recently confided to me that even though they don't want to compare themselves to the other twin, that they can't help it. Here is someone who is exactly the same age as them and is a relation. On some level they are always wondering how the other twin did in things that they are both doing.

You can hid that grade difference from others, but the twins will know and will be affected by it.

August is still very young, I would hold both back. Get your son some support and maybe sign your DD up for things that might give her more of a challenge like an instrument or sports. Maybe more opportunities to socialize away from her brother.

Non-twin siblings do this, too.

I really can't believe that someone would hold back a child who is reading chapter books because it might make a sibling feel bad. If you really don't want to separate them, I would have them both start on time and get your son a tutor.

It really communicates to the girl that her brother’s self-esteem is more important than her opportunities to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tons of bright "ready" kids were held back during Covid. It’s been totally fine. I would hold them both but let the school know they should be in different classes.

+100
They should start at the same time but be in separate classes. Your dd will be in the higher level groups and get her opportunities To be the super star.
I have five girls with summer birthdays. Just because they are ready to start school when they are five doesn’t mean they will be mature for middle/high school social dynamics when it’s really important. It’s not going to hurt her to wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tons of bright "ready" kids were held back during Covid. Its been totally fine. I would hold them both but let the school know they should be in different classes.

Talk to some teachers about how “fine” things are post-COVID. Read the school forums about parents desperate to get their kids into AAP so they have some challenge or complaining about the “lowest common denominator” education their kids are getting because of kids that are disruptive and “behind”. How interested do you think a 10 year old girl is going to be in dealing with the immaturity of a bunch of 8 year old boys everyday? Or when she is way more developed than her friends. Or when she is playing sports and can’t be in teams with her classmates because she is too old.

[Anonymous]

Twin parent here and I can't believe you're considering this. Separate them in classes and get each the support they need to succeed in the short term, but do not put them in separate grades that will impact them for the next decade+.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tons of bright "ready" kids were held back during Covid. Its been totally fine. I would hold them both but let the school know they should be in different classes.

Talk to some teachers about how “fine” things are post-COVID. Read the school forums about parents desperate to get their kids into AAP so they have some challenge or complaining about the “lowest common denominator” education their kids are getting because of kids that are disruptive and “behind”. How interested do you think a 10 year old girl is going to be in dealing with the immaturity of a bunch of 8 year old boys everyday? Or when she is way more developed than her friends. Or when she is playing sports and can’t be in teams with her classmates because she is too old.

How is she now two years older?

[Anonymous]

Adult twin here. I was in a similar place to your daughter. Was precocious in early elementary. My brother was not really delayed but was a typical boy who was less ready for school. We both went a year late. It was fine. By high school, my brother was the stronger student. We were also very close. I can’t imagine being separated from him by a grade in school. We both would have hated that. We didn’t always hang out together, but we knew we had each others back if needed. Being twins is not the same as being straight siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would separate them. Especially fraternal twins. There are lots of kids with a close in age sibling a year ahead or behind them. No one will really notice they are twins unless you make it a big deal.

!!!
I have boy/girl twins. They get along great. In the early years, they each had their own friend sets and people didn't always know that they were twins. They looked and acted very different. And as they got older, they became friends with each other. They get along great with just the usual bickering of siblings who get along.

But they recently confided to me that even though they don't want to compare themselves to the other twin, that they can't help it. Here is someone who is exactly the same age as them and is a relation. On some level they are always wondering how the other twin did in things that they are both doing.

You can hid that grade difference from others, but the twins will know and will be affected by it.

August is still very young, I would hold both back. Get your son some support and maybe sign your DD up for things that might give her more of a challenge like an instrument or sports. Maybe more opportunities to socialize away from her brother.

Non-twin siblings do this, too.

I really can't believe that someone would hold back a child who is reading chapter books because it might make a sibling feel bad. If you really don't want to separate them, I would have them both start on time and get your son a tutor.

It really communicates to the girl that her brother’s self-esteem is more important than her opportunities to learn.

How? What four year old thinks she is going to preschool rather than K because of her brother? I am so confused by this idea. I literally can’t follow this argument bc the kid doesn’t know red ants what is happening.

And the boy doesn’t need a tutor. He is four and can’t read. That’s normal and expected.

[Anonymous]

My aunts are fraternal twins with August birthdays. They went on time but were held back to do kinder again (bc it was the 1980s). Only one twin needed the remediation and they both knew it.

They were both fine with it, then and now. Some things are more important than being academically challenged at age five.