S/o: separating twins into different grades

[Anonymous]

Have you considered having your son evaluated through child find? They may find that he is exactly where he should be given the birthday timing and his size. However, if you are noting concerns and he is not advancing like his peers I would consider. Maybe compare to more of an average kid in his class instead of his sister because she sounds like she's a bit high for incoming K next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The other twin list has me thinking about my kids.

They are b/g twins who are 4 and will turn 5 in August. Girl is reading very simple chapter books, can do basic math, and writes neatly. She has good relationships with friends and likes to try new things and different activities.

Boy is small for his age, cannot read CVC words, and seems to have some delays that aren’t major but make it clear that he’s not at a developmentally typical place for his age. He has whiney meltdowns more like what a 3 yo would do and he’s impulsive. He doesn’t always catch what he’s supposed to be doing at preschool and in a big group he’s often a literal step behind his classmates.

There’s no way my DS will be ready for K next fall, but DD is ready to go tomorrow and I can’t imagine her doing another year of preschool.

Has anyone ever heard of twins ending up in different grades?

To answer your question, no, I do not personally know any twins in different grades. But I am familiar with a set who began with disparate levels of preparedness for kindergarten. The one who was less prepared is performing just fine in middle school now. It sounds like your DD is more advanced than a typical 5-yo. My kid who is a grade ahead in language arts and 4 grades ahead in math did not know how to read, write, or do any math, including one-to-one correspondence, at age 4, or at age 5 for that matter. It is not unusual to not be able to read any words, CVC or sight, at age 4. With respect to the impulsiveness and meltdowns, they may be age appropriate as well but if you don't think so, you may want to check with a developmental pediatrician to see whether DS could benefit from further evaluation.

Why are you so certain that your DS will not be ready for kindergarten? As others have noted, 8 months is a long ways away. And, to be ready for kindergarten does not require much. Can your DS recognize his own name and has attempted to write it? Can he follow two-step directions? Does he recognize most of the upper case letters of the alphabet? Does he know most of the sounds the letters make? Does know how to count from 1 to 10? Can he express his needs and wants? Can he go to the bathroom by himself and wash his hands? If so, he is more likely than not, ready for kindergarten. Students in K are still impulsive and have meltdowns - that should not preclude him from starting K. You should not hold him back because you think his small size will cause him to be outshone by bigger kids on sports teams. If you really want to hold him back, consider holding her back as well while figuring out what you can do to enrich your DD's life. Maybe she might like to learn a foreign language, take art or music lessons, learn hip-hop dance, anything really to keep her mind sharp and curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tons of bright "ready" kids were held back during Covid. Its been totally fine. I would hold them both but let the school know they should be in different classes.

Talk to some teachers about how “fine” things are post-COVID. Read the school forums about parents desperate to get their kids into AAP so they have some challenge or complaining about the “lowest common denominator” education their kids are getting because of kids that are disruptive and “behind”. How interested do you think a 10 year old girl is going to be in dealing with the immaturity of a bunch of 8 year old boys everyday? Or when she is way more developed than her friends. Or when she is playing sports and can’t be in teams with her classmates because she is too old.

Or when she loses a year of her twenties that she could have spent developing her career before getting pregnant

[Anonymous]

Just send them on time and get any supports that your son may need. He might not need any, and you don’t have to figure it out before kindergarten starts.

[Anonymous]

I am a teacher that has had my fair share of twins. Most (and I did not say all) twins have a stronger academic twin than another from my personable experience. OP, I would send them both when they are supposed to go. If the boy is truly in need of help, then holding him back may not even be useful.

[Anonymous]

This is an interesting thread. Is it not going to be an issue if one twin is the "smart" or advanced one in the grade? I'm not a twin, but I think I'd have an easier time acknowledging that one was K ready when the other wasn't, so they were separated and each allowed to excel in their own time, rather than sort of live with the same grade comparison through school.

[Anonymous]

I only read the first page of results but I really disagree. I have twins, and I also have a stepsister who is 3 months older than I am, so I feel well placed to have an opinion! I would absolutely send her and wait a year for him. People say he will feel dumb being left behind, but that’s all in the framing. Say he has xx delay and needed another year. He would feel so much worse being in the same grade and constantly being compared.

My parents decided to go ahead and send my August bday sister so we’d be in different grades, and I’m so glad they did. Knowing our personalities we would have been constantly competing. Instead we saw each other at school some but not constantly and didn’t compete directly. I think it was such a good choice for our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adult twin here. I was in a similar place to your daughter. Was precocious in early elementary. My brother was not really delayed but was a typical boy who was less ready for school. We both went a year late. It was fine. By high school, my brother was the stronger student. We were also very close. I can’t imagine being separated from him by a grade in school. We both would have hated that. We didn’t always hang out together, but we knew we had each others back if needed. Being twins is not the same as being straight siblings.

+1 I have cousins who are twins and they had a similar dynamic. Adult boy/girl twins who were in a similar situation, please speak up. I can't imagine separating twins when one twin is not even behind but merely developmentally appropriate for his age. It will affect their special, unspoken bond with each other and affect each of them negatively from a psychological perspective. I would send them both on time, request separate classrooms, and obtain the therapy/services/tutoring/activities, etc. to support each.

[Anonymous]

Speaking as a twin, I would absolutely keep them in the same grade. Whether or not to redshirt is a more nuanced decision, but based on your description, I would send them on time. There is so much more to life then perceived abilities at 4 years old. Your twins will share so many milestones and so many memories from being in the same grade. It’s part of what makes being a twin special. Separating them would permanently change their relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was in a similar situation and just waited a year for the more advanced one. I can’t imagine doing this to twins. That twin will be branded “the dumb one” for life and constantly have it pointed out. I absolutely understand they are individuals but I think the harm to the one held back is too great.

Exactly this. I held them both by one year. The more advanced one did not suffer and the lesser advanced one became ready.

[Anonymous]

A young woman used to work in my office part time during college summers. She had a male twin. Her parents started her on time and kept her brother back. They were very, very close and she at least said it was the right decision. Throughout elementary school and high school she was a much better student and felt it would have been tough for her brother to be in the same grade and not be in all the advanced classes or win the same academic accolades. They attended the same school. She was one of the top students her year. The next year, her brother was an above average student, but wasn't the top student she was.

Holding her brother back also resulted in him making some sports teams that he probably would not have made if he had been in the older grade. He wasn't someone who was going to be recruited to play in college, but he enjoyed high school a lot more because he was good enough to play on a couple of high school teams.

As I said before, the twins were very close. She said she was really glad they were in different years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A young woman used to work in my office part time during college summers. She had a male twin. Her parents started her on time and kept her brother back. They were very, very close and she at least said it was the right decision. Throughout elementary school and high school she was a much better student and felt it would have been tough for her brother to be in the same grade and not be in all the advanced classes or win the same academic accolades. They attended the same school. She was one of the top students her year. The next year, her brother was an above average student, but wasn't the top student she was.

Holding her brother back also resulted in him making some sports teams that he probably would not have made if he had been in the older grade. He wasn't someone who was going to be recruited to play in college, but he enjoyed high school a lot more because he was good enough to play on a couple of high school teams.

As I said before, the twins were very close. She said she was really glad they were in different years.

I would be more interested to hear how HE felt. She may be unaware since she was in the dominant position.

[Anonymous]

I think I would separate them. Too unfair to the advanced twin to keep them at same level.

The girl sounds bright. Can you move her ahead and keep the boy normal rather than putting the girl normal and the boy slow?

[Anonymous]

It’s always the girl that has to sacrifice in these situations. Start them both on time and get your son extra supports. It will all even out in the end, but this way your daughter will get as much chance to live up to her potential as your son.

[Anonymous]

There are twins who actually attend different schools, gasp!