I never want to plan to see my SIL again
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Anonymous
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My SIL constantly tries to one-up me, and it is exhausting. I am not in competition with her or anyone else. I cut "friends" off if/when they start behaving this way, and I am wondering if I can get away with it with SIL as well.
We live 1000 miles apart. DH and I have a 2 year old and SIL and BIL (DH's brother) have a 1 year old. The cousins have never met because SIL is impossible to coordinate with. She doesn't work and I do. No I am not resentful about that - I love my job, but the fact remains that I have to plan my time off and I cherish/protect it for obvious reasons. I cannot just rearrange my plans last minute to accommodate SIL's whims, which offends her deeply. DH and BIL don't really get along. A lot of it has to do with very different value systems between them that are perfectly exemplified by BIL's choice of wife. I used to be upset about this and try to encourage a better relationship, but I am now at the point where I give up. As I think about 2023 and how I will spend money and time, I don't want to factor them in at all and frankly neither does DH. We want to take a "see them if we see them" attitude - in other words, we'll coordinate with DH's mother (FIL is deceased) only, and if we happen to overlap with BIL and SIL fine, if not, fine. Yes, this means that the cousins won't really have a relationship, but they live 1000 miles apart anyway so how realistic was it that they were ever going to have a meaningful relationship anyway? Am I being short sighted? Can I just write SIL off and move on with my life? |
Anonymous
| Seems dramatic to frame it this way but of course fine to only plan to go when it suits you. also, cousins who live 1000 miles apart can definitely have a relationship. (Not when they’re toddlers, obviously.) |
Anonymous
| How can she be so exhausting from 1000 miles away? Surely there are easier and less dramatic ways of handling this. |
Anonymous
Such as? |
Anonymous
This. |
Anonymous
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So you’re actively planning to not spend time with people that are 1000 miles away unless, by chance, you both happen to visit the grandmother at the same time.
Okay. |
Anonymous
| What is she doing that indicates that she is in competition with you? How is she so insufferable? |
Anonymous
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I have a sister like this who lives over 1000 miles away. Eventually I confronted her about the competitiveness. She fake apologized and said she was super hurt that I felt that way. Things have only gotten worse. My other siblings try to smooth it over. We still have a relationship but by no means a close one.
I have a lot of sympathy for you. |
Anonymous
| Why is it on you to manage the relationship between two adult men who are brothers? |
Anonymous
You do know that OP is talking about a SIL. Surely you see that there’s a difference between a sibling and a SIL, yes? |
Anonymous
My post would have been super long if I gave you all of the examples, but you know the type I am sure. Just has to be the center of attention and has to be the best. Very insecure. |
Anonymous
| So SIL is your DH’s sister? Does he live his sister? Did they have a decent relationship before he got tighter with you? |
Anonymous
| Uff typos. Does he love his sister? ….and before he got together with you |
Anonymous
| It sounds like they don't want to see you anyway. Honestly, I understand why. If it makes you feel better to call it 'cutting them off' then do so. Either way, it is about time you take the hint and leave them alone. |
Anonymous
| Not an airport. You do not need to announce your departure. |