I never want to plan to see my SIL again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I read your post a couple of times, and with much older children, this is my advice:
—No, children who grow up 1000 miles from one another will not have a close relationship regardless of how many times you try to get them together. They will know that they are cousins but, but distance alone rules out a real friendship. At some point (probably early teenage years), they will basically act like strangers even if they have been meeting once a year.
—It sounds like you have been trying to reach out to SIL to coordinate visits to DH’s mom, and she has been uncooperative. If this is true, stop. Her uncooperativeness means that she doesn’t really want to get together, regardless of how effusive her emails sound. She may also be getting instructions from her own husband, who as you said doesn’t get along with your husband.

Thank you for your reply. My DD and a prospective cousin relationship is literally the only thing that causes me to dwell on this.

Regarding coordinating, yes, she is uncooperative because I try to coordinate a couple of months in advance because I have to for work. She is a very last minute planner. Her family lives nearish to MIL (about 2 hours away), and our families tend to visit the region over the summer and holidays, but she stays very little time if any at MILs in favor of her own family. She tries to drag MIL down to see her family instead of giving her a visit, and if we happen to be visiting MIL during this time, she tried to get us all to come to her family, which I have zero interest in doing, ESPECIALLY a last minute when we’ve already made other arrangements/plans. She then pouts.

Anyway, I am going to take the good advice offered by a few people here and just go about my life. I wish DD had more cousin relationships, but I’m seeing that this one wasn’t likely going to amount to much anyway because of the physical distance and cordial but frosty relationship between DH and BIL.

OP, some of the problem is clearly you. You refuse to ever visit her house and insist she come up and visit you at MIL’s?

Also you’ve cut off other people in your life?

agreed, sound like she only wants to visit SIL on *HER* terms ... you are not being understanding or flexible. Your responses are always dripping with condescension towards your SIL ... I have a feeling that the competition you are feeling with her is internal to you.

So you’d travel 2000 miles to see your MIL and then drive another 2 hours to visit your SIL at her parents house so that she doesn’t have to visit MIL? Sure you would.

DP. I’d alternate years, sure. Sounds like OP is completely inflexible and thinks that because she got herself out to the ILs, her SIL is duty-bound to always visit her.

I am very sure you would not drop your plans to visit SIL’s family 2 hours away on her whim after unsuccessfully trying to coordinate with her the months prior.

Why is it SILs family and not husband's brother's family? Why are you half assed trying to coordinate any of this?

SIL won’t visit her own husband’s family because when she makes the 2000 mile trip she prioritizes her own family. I get it, but I am not going to accomplish her last minute invitations to go visit her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like they don't want to see you anyway. Honestly, I understand why. If it makes you feel better to call it 'cutting them off' then do so. Either way, it is about time you take the hint and leave them alone.

Lol ok so why does SIL get pissy when we turn down her super last minute invitations to visit her together with her family? She apparently only feels comfortable in environments where she is resident princess.

Can you construct a single sentence without using the word "super"? Go read about this. You sound uneducated and I assume you are a 12 year old who is trolling us. It's the same as inserting the word "like" everywhere.

You are super hilarious for personally attacking a stranger online. It’s sad actually. I clearly super triggered you.

^^^ Why SIL doesn’t want to meet up with OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can she be so exhausting from 1000 miles away? Surely there are easier and less dramatic ways of handling this.

This actually doesn't sound very dramatic - OP is just saying she won't make plans with them. I guess the question is if/when SIL reaches out to coordinate, do you refuse to engage or explain that you aren't seeing them anymore? That might be dramatic. But you could also just pretend to be busy when they want to see you.

If SIL invites my family to visit her with reasonable notice to either visit her 1000 miles away or meet her at MILs 2000 miles away, I would certainly meet her so that my DD could see her uncle and cousin.

For added context, SIL and BIL eloped, I am now recalling, and invited us to their courthouse wedding 1000 miles away with 1 week notice. We already had a trip booked for my birthday, and my DH (not me) refused to change our plans because he was very upset that his brother didn’t tell him he would be getting married until 1 week prior. SIL was extremely upset we did not attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I read your post a couple of times, and with much older children, this is my advice:
—No, children who grow up 1000 miles from one another will not have a close relationship regardless of how many times you try to get them together. They will know that they are cousins but, but distance alone rules out a real friendship. At some point (probably early teenage years), they will basically act like strangers even if they have been meeting once a year.
—It sounds like you have been trying to reach out to SIL to coordinate visits to DH’s mom, and she has been uncooperative. If this is true, stop. Her uncooperativeness means that she doesn’t really want to get together, regardless of how effusive her emails sound. She may also be getting instructions from her own husband, who as you said doesn’t get along with your husband.

Thank you for your reply. My DD and a prospective cousin relationship is literally the only thing that causes me to dwell on this.

Regarding coordinating, yes, she is uncooperative because I try to coordinate a couple of months in advance because I have to for work. She is a very last minute planner. Her family lives nearish to MIL (about 2 hours away), and our families tend to visit the region over the summer and holidays, but she stays very little time if any at MILs in favor of her own family. She tries to drag MIL down to see her family instead of giving her a visit, and if we happen to be visiting MIL during this time, she tried to get us all to come to her family, which I have zero interest in doing, ESPECIALLY a last minute when we’ve already made other arrangements/plans. She then pouts.

Anyway, I am going to take the good advice offered by a few people here and just go about my life. I wish DD had more cousin relationships, but I’m seeing that this one wasn’t likely going to amount to much anyway because of the physical distance and cordial but frosty relationship between DH and BIL.

OP, some of the problem is clearly you. You refuse to ever visit her house and insist she come up and visit you at MIL’s?

Also you’ve cut off other people in your life?

agreed, sound like she only wants to visit SIL on *HER* terms ... you are not being understanding or flexible. Your responses are always dripping with condescension towards your SIL ... I have a feeling that the competition you are feeling with her is internal to you.

So you’d travel 2000 miles to see your MIL and then drive another 2 hours to visit your SIL at her parents house so that she doesn’t have to visit MIL? Sure you would.

DP. I’d alternate years, sure. Sounds like OP is completely inflexible and thinks that because she got herself out to the ILs, her SIL is duty-bound to always visit her.

I am very sure you would not drop your plans to visit SIL’s family 2 hours away on her whim after unsuccessfully trying to coordinate with her the months prior.

Why is it SILs family and not husband's brother's family? Why are you half assed trying to coordinate any of this?

SIL won’t visit her own husband’s family because when she makes the 2000 mile trip she prioritizes her own family. I get it, but I am not going to accomplish her last minute invitations to go visit her family.

Did you both marry brothers who can’t drive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op is super jelly of SIL.

Super!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like they don't want to see you anyway. Honestly, I understand why. If it makes you feel better to call it 'cutting them off' then do so. Either way, it is about time you take the hint and leave them alone.

Lol ok so why does SIL get pissy when we turn down her super last minute invitations to visit her together with her family? She apparently only feels comfortable in environments where she is resident princess.

Can you construct a single sentence without using the word "super"? Go read about this. You sound uneducated and I assume you are a 12 year old who is trolling us. It's the same as inserting the word "like" everywhere.

You are super hilarious for personally attacking a stranger online. It’s sad actually. I clearly super triggered you.

If you are op, we understand exactly what that distant family is dealing with. That sil you think is so awful does as well. If you were smarter, you would realize your communication does make you sound immature. It is constructive criticism.

I'm sure you are a troll and you have trolled on many other posts here on dcum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op is super jelly of SIL.

Super!

Super duper!

[Anonymous]

OP, I don’t think your selective replies and sudden revelations are putting you in the kind of positive light you’re hoping for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I read your post a couple of times, and with much older children, this is my advice:
—No, children who grow up 1000 miles from one another will not have a close relationship regardless of how many times you try to get them together. They will know that they are cousins but, but distance alone rules out a real friendship. At some point (probably early teenage years), they will basically act like strangers even if they have been meeting once a year.
—It sounds like you have been trying to reach out to SIL to coordinate visits to DH’s mom, and she has been uncooperative. If this is true, stop. Her uncooperativeness means that she doesn’t really want to get together, regardless of how effusive her emails sound. She may also be getting instructions from her own husband, who as you said doesn’t get along with your husband.

Thank you for your reply. My DD and a prospective cousin relationship is literally the only thing that causes me to dwell on this.

Regarding coordinating, yes, she is uncooperative because I try to coordinate a couple of months in advance because I have to for work. She is a very last minute planner. Her family lives nearish to MIL (about 2 hours away), and our families tend to visit the region over the summer and holidays, but she stays very little time if any at MILs in favor of her own family. She tries to drag MIL down to see her family instead of giving her a visit, and if we happen to be visiting MIL during this time, she tried to get us all to come to her family, which I have zero interest in doing, ESPECIALLY a last minute when we’ve already made other arrangements/plans. She then pouts.

Anyway, I am going to take the good advice offered by a few people here and just go about my life. I wish DD had more cousin relationships, but I’m seeing that this one wasn’t likely going to amount to much anyway because of the physical distance and cordial but frosty relationship between DH and BIL.

OP, some of the problem is clearly you. You refuse to ever visit her house and insist she come up and visit you at MIL’s?

Also you’ve cut off other people in your life?

agreed, sound like she only wants to visit SIL on *HER* terms ... you are not being understanding or flexible. Your responses are always dripping with condescension towards your SIL ... I have a feeling that the competition you are feeling with her is internal to you.

So you’d travel 2000 miles to see your MIL and then drive another 2 hours to visit your SIL at her parents house so that she doesn’t have to visit MIL? Sure you would.

DP. I’d alternate years, sure. Sounds like OP is completely inflexible and thinks that because she got herself out to the ILs, her SIL is duty-bound to always visit her.

I'm not the crazy op but that does sound unreasonable when people have traveled so far. I might do it once and see how it goes but that can be a huge pita. Op is your ils house too small to house you all? Does sil have a big house that would host everyone more comfortably?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I read your post a couple of times, and with much older children, this is my advice:
—No, children who grow up 1000 miles from one another will not have a close relationship regardless of how many times you try to get them together. They will know that they are cousins but, but distance alone rules out a real friendship. At some point (probably early teenage years), they will basically act like strangers even if they have been meeting once a year.
—It sounds like you have been trying to reach out to SIL to coordinate visits to DH’s mom, and she has been uncooperative. If this is true, stop. Her uncooperativeness means that she doesn’t really want to get together, regardless of how effusive her emails sound. She may also be getting instructions from her own husband, who as you said doesn’t get along with your husband.

Thank you for your reply. My DD and a prospective cousin relationship is literally the only thing that causes me to dwell on this.

Regarding coordinating, yes, she is uncooperative because I try to coordinate a couple of months in advance because I have to for work. She is a very last minute planner. Her family lives nearish to MIL (about 2 hours away), and our families tend to visit the region over the summer and holidays, but she stays very little time if any at MILs in favor of her own family. She tries to drag MIL down to see her family instead of giving her a visit, and if we happen to be visiting MIL during this time, she tried to get us all to come to her family, which I have zero interest in doing, ESPECIALLY a last minute when we’ve already made other arrangements/plans. She then pouts.

Anyway, I am going to take the good advice offered by a few people here and just go about my life. I wish DD had more cousin relationships, but I’m seeing that this one wasn’t likely going to amount to much anyway because of the physical distance and cordial but frosty relationship between DH and BIL.

OP, some of the problem is clearly you. You refuse to ever visit her house and insist she come up and visit you at MIL’s?

Also you’ve cut off other people in your life?

agreed, sound like she only wants to visit SIL on *HER* terms ... you are not being understanding or flexible. Your responses are always dripping with condescension towards your SIL ... I have a feeling that the competition you are feeling with her is internal to you.

So you’d travel 2000 miles to see your MIL and then drive another 2 hours to visit your SIL at her parents house so that she doesn’t have to visit MIL? Sure you would.

DP. I’d alternate years, sure. Sounds like OP is completely inflexible and thinks that because she got herself out to the ILs, her SIL is duty-bound to always visit her.

I am very sure you would not drop your plans to visit SIL’s family 2 hours away on her whim after unsuccessfully trying to coordinate with her the months prior.

You don’t know me. If SIL had a good reason for not being able to coordinate in advance (and I can think of lots of good reasons), then of course I would. I might even do it without a good reason, so the cousins could get together. Not everyone is as inflexible and bitter as you.

The bigger question is why SIL wants nothing to do with OP. OP is here seeking validation but there’s clearly more to the story.

Not op. I don't think it's fair to call op bitter. I think she is less mature and maybe less educated than sil and is actually hurt by sil's actions.
Op does sil want to show off her house or do you really spend time at sil's parent's house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like they don't want to see you anyway. Honestly, I understand why. If it makes you feel better to call it 'cutting them off' then do so. Either way, it is about time you take the hint and leave them alone.

Lol ok so why does SIL get pissy when we turn down her super last minute invitations to visit her together with her family? She apparently only feels comfortable in environments where she is resident princess.

Can you construct a single sentence without using the word "super"? Go read about this. You sound uneducated and I assume you are a 12 year old who is trolling us. It's the same as inserting the word "like" everywhere.

You are super hilarious for personally attacking a stranger online. It’s sad actually. I clearly super triggered you.

If you are op, we understand exactly what that distant family is dealing with. That sil you think is so awful does as well. If you were smarter, you would realize your communication does make you sound immature. It is constructive criticism.

I'm sure you are a troll and you have trolled on many other posts here on dcum.

I am not a troll, and I don’t care how my communication makes me come off to the people who are attacking me. I am working and not putting great thought into my fast replies.

A few people wrote me good advice, and so I got what I needed out of this post.

I also got a lot of entertainment from a few sock puppeting crazies who are way, way, way too invested in a stranger’s life and tearing her down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I read your post a couple of times, and with much older children, this is my advice:
—No, children who grow up 1000 miles from one another will not have a close relationship regardless of how many times you try to get them together. They will know that they are cousins but, but distance alone rules out a real friendship. At some point (probably early teenage years), they will basically act like strangers even if they have been meeting once a year.
—It sounds like you have been trying to reach out to SIL to coordinate visits to DH’s mom, and she has been uncooperative. If this is true, stop. Her uncooperativeness means that she doesn’t really want to get together, regardless of how effusive her emails sound. She may also be getting instructions from her own husband, who as you said doesn’t get along with your husband.

Thank you for your reply. My DD and a prospective cousin relationship is literally the only thing that causes me to dwell on this.

Regarding coordinating, yes, she is uncooperative because I try to coordinate a couple of months in advance because I have to for work. She is a very last minute planner. Her family lives nearish to MIL (about 2 hours away), and our families tend to visit the region over the summer and holidays, but she stays very little time if any at MILs in favor of her own family. She tries to drag MIL down to see her family instead of giving her a visit, and if we happen to be visiting MIL during this time, she tried to get us all to come to her family, which I have zero interest in doing, ESPECIALLY a last minute when we’ve already made other arrangements/plans. She then pouts.

Anyway, I am going to take the good advice offered by a few people here and just go about my life. I wish DD had more cousin relationships, but I’m seeing that this one wasn’t likely going to amount to much anyway because of the physical distance and cordial but frosty relationship between DH and BIL.

OP, some of the problem is clearly you. You refuse to ever visit her house and insist she come up and visit you at MIL’s?

Also you’ve cut off other people in your life?

agreed, sound like she only wants to visit SIL on *HER* terms ... you are not being understanding or flexible. Your responses are always dripping with condescension towards your SIL ... I have a feeling that the competition you are feeling with her is internal to you.

So you’d travel 2000 miles to see your MIL and then drive another 2 hours to visit your SIL at her parents house so that she doesn’t have to visit MIL? Sure you would.

DP. I’d alternate years, sure. Sounds like OP is completely inflexible and thinks that because she got herself out to the ILs, her SIL is duty-bound to always visit her.

I am very sure you would not drop your plans to visit SIL’s family 2 hours away on her whim after unsuccessfully trying to coordinate with her the months prior.

You don’t know me. If SIL had a good reason for not being able to coordinate in advance (and I can think of lots of good reasons), then of course I would. I might even do it without a good reason, so the cousins could get together. Not everyone is as inflexible and bitter as you.

The bigger question is why SIL wants nothing to do with OP. OP is here seeking validation but there’s clearly more to the story.

Not op. I don't think it's fair to call op bitter. I think she is less mature and maybe less educated than sil and is actually hurt by sil's actions.
Op does sil want to show off her house or do you really spend time at sil's parent's house?

That is the funniest thing I have read all day, thank you for the laugh. SIL is, to be frank, white trash. I have a graduate degree and make mid 6 figures.

She doesn’t want to show off her house (she lives in a small apartment), she just doesn’t know how to function outside of her little family bubble and so wants to drag everyone else into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don’t think your selective replies and sudden revelations are putting you in the kind of positive light you’re hoping for.

K. I am signing off now. My thread has clearly triggered a lot of people for reasons having nothing to do with me. Good night all. Thanks to the people who gave me to thoughtful replies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like they don't want to see you anyway. Honestly, I understand why. If it makes you feel better to call it 'cutting them off' then do so. Either way, it is about time you take the hint and leave them alone.

Lol ok so why does SIL get pissy when we turn down her super last minute invitations to visit her together with her family? She apparently only feels comfortable in environments where she is resident princess.

Can you construct a single sentence without using the word "super"? Go read about this. You sound uneducated and I assume you are a 12 year old who is trolling us. It's the same as inserting the word "like" everywhere.

You are super hilarious for personally attacking a stranger online. It’s sad actually. I clearly super triggered you.

If you are op, we understand exactly what that distant family is dealing with. That sil you think is so awful does as well. If you were smarter, you would realize your communication does make you sound immature. It is constructive criticism.

I'm sure you are a troll and you have trolled on many other posts here on dcum.

I am not a troll, and I don’t care how my communication makes me come off to the people who are attacking me. I am working and not putting great thought into my fast replies.

A few people wrote me good advice, and so I got what I needed out of this post.

I also got a lot of entertainment from a few sock puppeting crazies who are way, way, way too invested in a stranger’s life and tearing her down.

You don't know what the phrase sock puppet means. The post asking you to drop the abuse of the word super is constructive and will help you get better advice on line in the future. We all assume things about posters based on their language. That post was not an attack. Think about it unless you are a bored 14 year old who needs some activities because as Harper said in last night's episode of White Lotus "we're to young to be this old" and this site is really for old boring people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like they don't want to see you anyway. Honestly, I understand why. If it makes you feel better to call it 'cutting them off' then do so. Either way, it is about time you take the hint and leave them alone.

Lol ok so why does SIL get pissy when we turn down her super last minute invitations to visit her together with her family? She apparently only feels comfortable in environments where she is resident princess.

You sound insufferable. As in realllyyyyyyyy insufferable.