Staying at hospital with parent 24/7

[Anonymous]

Please be nice. I'm asking because I don't know the answer.

83 year old FIL (widower) was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks, and now is in an inpatient rehab. He had a fall, and some brain swelling. It's my understanding that he needs physical and cognitive rehab, and is expected to recover (he was mostly healthy and strong before the fall).

My husband's sister is a fantastic care coordinator. She is a RN, and has really taken over this overwhelming situation and we are very grateful. Since day 1, she's wanted someone in the hospital room with him 24 hours per day (minus brief runs to the cafeteria or hospital coffee shop). Fortunately both she and dh have been able to take lots of intermittent time off work. There are 2 other family members who can help some here and there. DH and I are the only ones with a child at home. And I also work full time and don't have much leave.

SIL wants to continue the schedule of having someone there 24/7.

My question is, is it typical to have a family member in the hospital room at all times? FIL has some confusion and short term memory problems. Physically he needs help getting up. SIL arranged for him to be in trusted top notch facilities. On top of this, we've had some general "life is hard" situations - flu, hosting Thanksgiving, out of town guests arriving, school closed all week, and a dying pet to boot. Frankly, it would be nice to have my husband available this week.

When your loved ones have been hospitalized for more than a few days, have you been there 24/7? Is this what you're supposed to do? Would it seem totally neglectful for us to say "hey, we'll come visit for a few hours but dh can't take an overnight/18+ hour shift this week, but we trust Dad will be in good hands with the rehab team."

[Anonymous]

I’ve never heard of anyone doing this for an adult.

[Anonymous]

The siblings need to work it out.

[Anonymous]

IME it is beneficial to have someone there full time. It is possible to hire a private duty aide and sometimes that works out better because that person already knows hhow to help. This is something you can outsource.

[Anonymous]

Ive never heard of a facility allowing this. Usually they are pretty strict with the visiting hours unless someone is in hospice. When my 84 year old father was in the hospital and rehab earlier this year, my mom would go for several hours and I encouraged her to cut back on that. In the end she regretted it some since he had less reserves available when he eventually was discharged and really did need 24-7 caregiving at home. It can be tricky when there is cognitive decline and you know that the patient really can’t advocate for him/self but if you trust the facility I say let them do their job. It also is helpful if the family designates a single person to be the liaison with the medical staff

[Anonymous]

We always split it up. One person there during the day, one at night. It is mainly at night that the help is needed, when there are fewer staff.

In this later stage of life with our parents, then we are contemplating hiring care to stay overnight, while we stay during the day. But you do need trusted care workers.

I know not everyone does this, but it's the way it's always been in my family.

[Anonymous]

Memory problems = family member there full-time. Ask the hospital if you can get any respite from a patient sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ive never heard of a facility allowing this. Usually they are pretty strict with the visiting hours unless someone is in hospice. When my 84 year old father was in the hospital and rehab earlier this year, my mom would go for several hours and I encouraged her to cut back on that. In the end she regretted it some since he had less reserves available when he eventually was discharged and really did need 24-7 caregiving at home. It can be tricky when there is cognitive decline and you know that the patient really can’t advocate for him/self but if you trust the facility I say let them do their job. It also is helpful if the family designates a single person to be the liaison with the medical staff

We've never not been allowed to stay overnight. Granted, you're stuck in one of those big recycling chairs, but we feel it's important.

[Anonymous]

If you have the resources, consider hiring a nurse to help out. Try to have family members there as much as possible, but it’s unreasonable to put your lives on hold for an extended period. That will lead to major burnout for your family.

How old are your children? If school-aged or younger, they need you too.

Good luck. I know it’s hard.

[Anonymous]

Some people do this. My dad's family did - I think largely because my grandmother would have stayed with my grandfather 24/7 if their children didn't step in, so they did it to relieve her. DH's stepmother would stay with my FIL in the hospital, but she is a control freak, and the nearest hospital is 20 miles from their house. My DH was in and out of the hospital and rehab earlier this year, and I didn't even think about staying 24/7. He was in good hands, we have 2 non-driving teenagers at home, I work FT, and I needed to save my FMLA for when DH came home from rehab. Also, the hospital and rehab are both a couple of miles from my house, so I visited 3 times a day for 2 hours or more. I think that was plenty; DH's stepmother disagrees.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it.

[Anonymous]

Your SIL is right that it is ideal to have someone there most of the time, but life doesn’t always allow us to provide an ideal level of care. Is someone really with him overnight, every night?

[Anonymous]

My father developed a nasty bedsore in the hospital. If we were not there calling forf help, they did not shift his position every two hours as needed. After discharge, skilled nirsing did not either. We were there as much as possible and hired help for other times. The healthcare system is terrible.

[Anonymous]

It’s definitely best for f you can swing it but two weeks would be impossible for almost every family. I would continue to be supportive of having as much coverage as possible but not to the point of wrecking your life.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks for the valuable insight.
Even if in the best of times I don't see how we can do this indefinitely.

I'm totally coming down with flu symptoms now (son had it last week). Which will either complicate things or solve some problems ... Can't host Thanksgiving if I have the flu, right?

I am really concerned about what happens when FIL gets home. SIL thinks he'll need someone with him at home too and we just learned he doesn't have much money in the bank. He has property he can sell but he's already saying he doesn't want strangers in his home taking care of him.

Does anyone know if Medicare covers in home care? DH and SIL and I are finding conflicting information.