Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

[Anonymous]

All these posts "I work while my child sleeps and I spend all the waking moments with them along with my DH who also works unicorn hours. When they are preschool age we choose the best school ever....."
It's not real life, 99% of jobs are not like that and both parents equally parenting is difficult to manage too. Aren't parents often complaining about getting their spouse to take on more. I don't think the unicorn perfect parents of the world realize that most people cannot just "choose" this setup

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If your infant takes a 2-hr am nap and a 2-hr pm nap, and sleeps like 11-12 hours a night, then your infant is only awake 9 hours a day. All these folks saying, well my nanny only spent 3-4 waking hours with my kid...I mean, I get that "3" and "4" sound like small numbers, but it is a full 30-40% of your child's waking hours. That's of course a meaningful difference in what you could be spending if you stayed home (and again, that's assuming you have a very good napper).

I'm a FT working mom, btw.

Me again - also what is this talk about 3 year olds going to preschool 5 days a week from 9-1? The majority of the SAHMs in my area send their 3 yr olds to preschool for 3 mornings a week (pick up at lunch). Haven't you heard of the "3 days 3's"? It's very silly to make up all these numbers and schedules. Certainly pre-ES, of course SAHMs spend an appreciably larger percentage of their kids' waking hours with them than do most WOHM (at least those with fairly typical schedules). How silly to pretend otherwise!

Yes it is true most SAHM's that are wealthy and poor send their kids to 5 days of preschool because of the value it adds. For the poor it's free and for the wealthy it's not a big deal.

But if you give up an income and have to skrimp I understand you can't send your kids 5 days a week and that's fine, they will be fine.

I live in a UMC suburb. The wealthy SAHMs here do "3 day 3's" -- preschool 3 mornings a week. They don't see a value beyond that amount of preschool time for a 3 yr old.

Our SAHM do preschool 5 days and aftercare 2-3 days a week (easier than playdates which have to be planned). Aftercare just ended up being easier than trying to figure out playdate in the middle of dinner.

I find this very hard to believe! Here (again, wealthy area with lots of SAHMs) the typical schedule is:

3yr olds - preschool 3 mornings a week (typically 9 to noon)
4 yr olds (i.e. "pre-k" year) - 5 days a week (typically 9-1)...some families do "enrichment" add-ons until 3ish one or two days a week
Then no aftercare once in ES, but some after-school ECs, playground meet-ups, etc.

+1
Our preschool was around 3 hrs / 3 days for pre-3, and 4 hours / 4 days for pre-K. Anything beyond those hours typically falls under the daycare umbrella.

+1

This is why we had a full time nanny.

OP to get back to topic. No, I don’t get offended that someone is so myopic as to believe their singular view is correct. I pity their ignorance and judge them accordingly. Lots of great SAHMs, WOHMs, nannies, SAHDs, WOHDs, grandparents, etc. As long as all the kids’ needs get met physically and emotionally - it’s all good.

Can you provide a link to preschools with 3x a week for 3 hours.

We also have a full time nanny for the infant but our 3 year old does 5 days a week preschool, because I can't find one that does 3 days a week. NW ish area or Bethesda would work.

Any church or temple based preschool is like this if they are not also trying to be a daycare. Methodist, Presbyterian or Episcopal are the most likely to offer preschool and typically very affordable because you aren't having to pay a lot extra for overhead - the church already has the space. Standard schedule is often 9am-12pm, some offer a "lunch bunch" from 12-1 or 1:30 or something like that and some just include it for everyone. They often still use the classroom 5 days a week but its shared between two classes. Ie: 3 day 3's use the classroom on MWF and 2 day 2's use the same room on TTH.

Here are some links! These programs really aren't tough to find.

https://www.ccpcwns.com/copy-of-nursery-school

https://ccbcchildrenscenter.org/programs/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All these posts "I work while my child sleeps and I spend all the waking moments with them along with my DH who also works unicorn hours. When they are preschool age we choose the best school ever....."
It's not real life, 99% of jobs are not like that and both parents equally parenting is difficult to manage too. Aren't parents often complaining about getting their spouse to take on more. I don't think the unicorn perfect parents of the world realize that most people cannot just "choose" this setup

Similarly

"I SAHM with my children, I even sleep with them to maximize my time "raising" them" ... I don't shower or cook or clean or workout or run errands or take walks or go on dates or see friends or do girls weekend or vacatino with my H or visit family without them or get sick or let my H take them or let them do independent play ever so I'm never away from them. I would never spend 1 hour away let alone 3 that is reducing my "raising" time by 20%. I spaced my kids perfectly so my toddler would never take time away from my infant."

It's not real life, 99% of SAHM's are doing stuff without their children for hours a day, they are not with them 24x7. They spend at most 6 hours a day one on one with them. I don't think it would even be healthy to be this invested and involved in every breath your child takes.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your infant takes a 2-hr am nap and a 2-hr pm nap, and sleeps like 11-12 hours a night, then your infant is only awake 9 hours a day. All these folks saying, well my nanny only spent 3-4 waking hours with my kid...I mean, I get that "3" and "4" sound like small numbers, but it is a full 30-40% of your child's waking hours. That's of course a meaningful difference in what you could be spending if you stayed home (and again, that's assuming you have a very good napper).

I'm a FT working mom, btw.

Me again - also what is this talk about 3 year olds going to preschool 5 days a week from 9-1? The majority of the SAHMs in my area send their 3 yr olds to preschool for 3 mornings a week (pick up at lunch). Haven't you heard of the "3 days 3's"? It's very silly to make up all these numbers and schedules. Certainly pre-ES, of course SAHMs spend an appreciably larger percentage of their kids' waking hours with them than do most WOHM (at least those with fairly typical schedules). How silly to pretend otherwise!

Yes it is true most SAHM's that are wealthy and poor send their kids to 5 days of preschool because of the value it adds. For the poor it's free and for the wealthy it's not a big deal.

But if you give up an income and have to skrimp I understand you can't send your kids 5 days a week and that's fine, they will be fine.

I live in a UMC suburb. The wealthy SAHMs here do "3 day 3's" -- preschool 3 mornings a week. They don't see a value beyond that amount of preschool time for a 3 yr old.

Our SAHM do preschool 5 days and aftercare 2-3 days a week (easier than playdates which have to be planned). Aftercare just ended up being easier than trying to figure out playdate in the middle of dinner.

I find this very hard to believe! Here (again, wealthy area with lots of SAHMs) the typical schedule is:

3yr olds - preschool 3 mornings a week (typically 9 to noon)
4 yr olds (i.e. "pre-k" year) - 5 days a week (typically 9-1)...some families do "enrichment" add-ons until 3ish one or two days a week
Then no aftercare once in ES, but some after-school ECs, playground meet-ups, etc.

+1
Our preschool was around 3 hrs / 3 days for pre-3, and 4 hours / 4 days for pre-K. Anything beyond those hours typically falls under the daycare umbrella.

+1

This is why we had a full time nanny.

OP to get back to topic. No, I don’t get offended that someone is so myopic as to believe their singular view is correct. I pity their ignorance and judge them accordingly. Lots of great SAHMs, WOHMs, nannies, SAHDs, WOHDs, grandparents, etc. As long as all the kids’ needs get met physically and emotionally - it’s all good.

Can you provide a link to preschools with 3x a week for 3 hours.

We also have a full time nanny for the infant but our 3 year old does 5 days a week preschool, because I can't find one that does 3 days a week. NW ish area or Bethesda would work.

Any church or temple based preschool is like this if they are not also trying to be a daycare. Methodist, Presbyterian or Episcopal are the most likely to offer preschool and typically very affordable because you aren't having to pay a lot extra for overhead - the church already has the space. Standard schedule is often 9am-12pm, some offer a "lunch bunch" from 12-1 or 1:30 or something like that and some just include it for everyone. They often still use the classroom 5 days a week but its shared between two classes. Ie: 3 day 3's use the classroom on MWF and 2 day 2's use the same room on TTH.

Here are some links! These programs really aren't tough to find.

https://www.ccpcwns.com/copy-of-nursery-school

https://ccbcchildrenscenter.org/programs/

That took a long time to find.

The 1st one is a church so yea ... no thanks.

The 2nd requires 5 days a week for 3.5 or older and the program is 9-12:30 (which is only 30 minutes shorter than the one I talked about). So if you want to split hairs for 6 months your child can do 3 days a week and 1/2 hour shorter.

You definitely are spending a TON of time more with your 3 year old.

/s lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone’s situation is so unique which is why any blanket statements about SAHM/WOHM are nonsensical. You can’t compare your WOHM life with the SAHM down the street. You have to compare it with your own life if you SAH.

You have to factor in:
- your and DH hours, work travel, flexibility
- availability of grandparent/extended family help
- your satisfaction with the quality of childcare
- your satisfaction with your job, and feasibility of re-entering
- your DH’s personality: would he lose respect for you and/or get less involved with kids and house if you quit
- your own personality: are you okay with chilling out and having unstructured time, or is it going to drive you to be on your phone 24/7 or in depression? are you able to compartmentalize work stress, or is it eating into what should be quality time?
- your kid’s personality (though honestly I can’t think of any kid who would prefer to be in group care vs. one-on-one with a loving caregiver and frequent playground time or play dates)
- your level of savings, DH’s job stability, your financial goals

You just can't help yourself, can you? You start off saying everyone should be able to make the decision that is the best choice for them and their family but then you mention that no child wants to be in daycare. So your entire post is now trash. Congratulations, you people keep getting SO close to sounding possibly reasonable and then you throw in stuff like this. It's unbelievable.

Haha they can’t be reasonable because they are simply dim witted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your infant takes a 2-hr am nap and a 2-hr pm nap, and sleeps like 11-12 hours a night, then your infant is only awake 9 hours a day. All these folks saying, well my nanny only spent 3-4 waking hours with my kid...I mean, I get that "3" and "4" sound like small numbers, but it is a full 30-40% of your child's waking hours. That's of course a meaningful difference in what you could be spending if you stayed home (and again, that's assuming you have a very good napper).

I'm a FT working mom, btw.

Me again - also what is this talk about 3 year olds going to preschool 5 days a week from 9-1? The majority of the SAHMs in my area send their 3 yr olds to preschool for 3 mornings a week (pick up at lunch). Haven't you heard of the "3 days 3's"? It's very silly to make up all these numbers and schedules. Certainly pre-ES, of course SAHMs spend an appreciably larger percentage of their kids' waking hours with them than do most WOHM (at least those with fairly typical schedules). How silly to pretend otherwise!

Yes it is true most SAHM's that are wealthy and poor send their kids to 5 days of preschool because of the value it adds. For the poor it's free and for the wealthy it's not a big deal.

But if you give up an income and have to skrimp I understand you can't send your kids 5 days a week and that's fine, they will be fine.

I live in a UMC suburb. The wealthy SAHMs here do "3 day 3's" -- preschool 3 mornings a week. They don't see a value beyond that amount of preschool time for a 3 yr old.

Our SAHM do preschool 5 days and aftercare 2-3 days a week (easier than playdates which have to be planned). Aftercare just ended up being easier than trying to figure out playdate in the middle of dinner.

I find this very hard to believe! Here (again, wealthy area with lots of SAHMs) the typical schedule is:

3yr olds - preschool 3 mornings a week (typically 9 to noon)
4 yr olds (i.e. "pre-k" year) - 5 days a week (typically 9-1)...some families do "enrichment" add-ons until 3ish one or two days a week
Then no aftercare once in ES, but some after-school ECs, playground meet-ups, etc.

+1
Our preschool was around 3 hrs / 3 days for pre-3, and 4 hours / 4 days for pre-K. Anything beyond those hours typically falls under the daycare umbrella.

+1

This is why we had a full time nanny.

OP to get back to topic. No, I don’t get offended that someone is so myopic as to believe their singular view is correct. I pity their ignorance and judge them accordingly. Lots of great SAHMs, WOHMs, nannies, SAHDs, WOHDs, grandparents, etc. As long as all the kids’ needs get met physically and emotionally - it’s all good.

Can you provide a link to preschools with 3x a week for 3 hours.

We also have a full time nanny for the infant but our 3 year old does 5 days a week preschool, because I can't find one that does 3 days a week. NW ish area or Bethesda would work.

Any church or temple based preschool is like this if they are not also trying to be a daycare. Methodist, Presbyterian or Episcopal are the most likely to offer preschool and typically very affordable because you aren't having to pay a lot extra for overhead - the church already has the space. Standard schedule is often 9am-12pm, some offer a "lunch bunch" from 12-1 or 1:30 or something like that and some just include it for everyone. They often still use the classroom 5 days a week but its shared between two classes. Ie: 3 day 3's use the classroom on MWF and 2 day 2's use the same room on TTH.

Here are some links! These programs really aren't tough to find.

https://www.ccpcwns.com/copy-of-nursery-school

https://ccbcchildrenscenter.org/programs/

That took a long time to find.

The 1st one is a church so yea ... no thanks.

The 2nd requires 5 days a week for 3.5 or older and the program is 9-12:30 (which is only 30 minutes shorter than the one I talked about). So if you want to split hairs for 6 months your child can do 3 days a week and 1/2 hour shorter.

You definitely are spending a TON of time more with your 3 year old.

/s lol.

They are both located in churches, but neither program is religious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I only say that in response to people who constantly think they’re the only ones who are busy and imply my life is so relaxing compared to theirs because they work.

But also, it’s the truth. I don’t work because I wanted to raise my kids. PhD scientist here so don’t worry about my brain, it’s doing just fine.

+2 I say it when rude people look down on me. Attorney that opted to stay home and raise my kids because a nanny would have been with them 12 hours a day. That wasn’t okay with me.

Does it ever occur to you that for other people it also wasn't ok with them but they didn't have a choice?

I'm not that person, my husband and I did what we wanted to do and we are lucky enough to have had a choice, but there are tons of people who also don't think it's ok to have a kid with a nanny (or really more likely in daycare) for 8-12 hours a day but they don't get to choose an alternative.

And I think that's where this bothers me the most. If you want to comment on some UC women's choice to work her cushy, easy, flexible job, then go ahead. She doesn't care and clearly made the choice she wanted to make. But when you say stuff like "I didn't want someone else to raise my kids" to someone who had no choice but to have childcare help, it's disgusting.

I'm not offended by what any SAHM or WOHM says to me because I don't care, but I do think some of you are seriously tone deaf when you talk about staying home like everyone has that choice. And don't go on to me about how you were willing to give up your European vacations in order to raise your kids. That's wildly out of touch and totally inappropriate.

What you are missing about the PP is that while she had a choice it was a limited one -- she was in a field where staying in her job meant working looong days and being away from her child every day (and likely travel and weekend work as a lawyer). Probably not that easy to change to a more accommodating role quickly when she had a baby. So she felt like her choices were rather constrained -- quit her job and stay home (and actually get to spend time with her child) or stay in her job and almost never see her child.

She also said she'd only say this to someone who was looking down on her for staying home. Women who leave prestigious careers to stay home frequently get a lot of judgment for "wasting" their education and career on being sahms which is viewed by people in these professions as a very low status role and kind of an embarassment. So you're actually much more likely to get nasty comments about that choice than you might coming from a different industry or community that isn't so status-obsessed.

Within that context the PP's comment makes perfect sense. You are lecturing her about understanding that not everyone has the same [limited and full of trade-offs] choice she had while refusing to actually contemplate what it is like to be the person making the choice the PP made and why her attitude might actually be appropriate in that context. I don't think the PP is "wildly out of touch" but I think you could stand to do a closer read.

She was still lucky enough to be able to stay at home. You're totally missing the point.

No YOU are still missing the point.

The PP said she'd only say something like "I didn't want someone else to raise my kids" to someone who looks down on her for being a sahm. She's not just volunteering this to put down wohms or be a B. It's a response to someone who wants to shame her for not staying in her specific job which required her to work long hours and IN HER CASE would have meant spending an unacceptably small amount of time with her child.

She would not say this to someone who hadn't already put her down for being a sahm and therefore the fact that some people couldn't make the same choice she made is irrelevant. Also: no one has the same choices. Everyone's situation is unique. The PP was talking about her unique situation and how she handles it when people judge her for the way she navigates that situation. If the person she's talking to is secretly mad that they don't have the freedom to become a sahm that is still not an excuse for shaming the PP for making a choice that works for her family. You get what you give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone’s situation is so unique which is why any blanket statements about SAHM/WOHM are nonsensical. You can’t compare your WOHM life with the SAHM down the street. You have to compare it with your own life if you SAH.

You have to factor in:
- your and DH hours, work travel, flexibility
- availability of grandparent/extended family help
- your satisfaction with the quality of childcare
- your satisfaction with your job, and feasibility of re-entering
- your DH’s personality: would he lose respect for you and/or get less involved with kids and house if you quit
- your own personality: are you okay with chilling out and having unstructured time, or is it going to drive you to be on your phone 24/7 or in depression? are you able to compartmentalize work stress, or is it eating into what should be quality time?
- your kid’s personality (though honestly I can’t think of any kid who would prefer to be in group care vs. one-on-one with a loving caregiver and frequent playground time or play dates)
- your level of savings, DH’s job stability, your financial goals

You just can't help yourself, can you? You start off saying everyone should be able to make the decision that is the best choice for them and their family but then you mention that no child wants to be in daycare. So your entire post is now trash. Congratulations, you people keep getting SO close to sounding possibly reasonable and then you throw in stuff like this. It's unbelievable.

I was thinking about this gross thread a couple days ago when my kids (who went to daycare!) were playing pretend and set up, among other things, a pretend daycare. They loving put together all the best toys and books and sweet decorations and a place for the teachers to read and for the kids to nap. They both remember their daycare very fondly. My husband and I did a lot to stagger our hours so they didn’t have particularly long days but we could not have managed without some group care. The one child care set up that I really regret was a very highly regarded preschool program I’ve seen recommended on here and had plenty of kids with SAHMs. Our daycare (and the other preschool we switched to) was much better.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on your circles. I’m sure working moms may get along and connect better. I’m a SAHM and while most of my adult friends work, I hang out with new friends I made when I was home since my other friends are working and our schedules don’t line up well. There is an entire world of tennis playing, charity type women. These women all seem to have money, whether their husbands earn $$$ or they come from family money or both.

[Anonymous]

Pp. I don’t necessarily think those women stayed home for their kids. They are just rich and don’t have to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp. I don’t necessarily think those women stayed home for their kids. They are just rich and don’t have to work.

DP
That's my goal, not the tennis part, just the rich

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your infant takes a 2-hr am nap and a 2-hr pm nap, and sleeps like 11-12 hours a night, then your infant is only awake 9 hours a day. All these folks saying, well my nanny only spent 3-4 waking hours with my kid...I mean, I get that "3" and "4" sound like small numbers, but it is a full 30-40% of your child's waking hours. That's of course a meaningful difference in what you could be spending if you stayed home (and again, that's assuming you have a very good napper).

I'm a FT working mom, btw.

Me again - also what is this talk about 3 year olds going to preschool 5 days a week from 9-1? The majority of the SAHMs in my area send their 3 yr olds to preschool for 3 mornings a week (pick up at lunch). Haven't you heard of the "3 days 3's"? It's very silly to make up all these numbers and schedules. Certainly pre-ES, of course SAHMs spend an appreciably larger percentage of their kids' waking hours with them than do most WOHM (at least those with fairly typical schedules). How silly to pretend otherwise!

Yes it is true most SAHM's that are wealthy and poor send their kids to 5 days of preschool because of the value it adds. For the poor it's free and for the wealthy it's not a big deal.

But if you give up an income and have to skrimp I understand you can't send your kids 5 days a week and that's fine, they will be fine.

I live in a UMC suburb. The wealthy SAHMs here do "3 day 3's" -- preschool 3 mornings a week. They don't see a value beyond that amount of preschool time for a 3 yr old.

Our SAHM do preschool 5 days and aftercare 2-3 days a week (easier than playdates which have to be planned). Aftercare just ended up being easier than trying to figure out playdate in the middle of dinner.

I find this very hard to believe! Here (again, wealthy area with lots of SAHMs) the typical schedule is:

3yr olds - preschool 3 mornings a week (typically 9 to noon)
4 yr olds (i.e. "pre-k" year) - 5 days a week (typically 9-1)...some families do "enrichment" add-ons until 3ish one or two days a week
Then no aftercare once in ES, but some after-school ECs, playground meet-ups, etc.

+1
Our preschool was around 3 hrs / 3 days for pre-3, and 4 hours / 4 days for pre-K. Anything beyond those hours typically falls under the daycare umbrella.

+1

This is why we had a full time nanny.

OP to get back to topic. No, I don’t get offended that someone is so myopic as to believe their singular view is correct. I pity their ignorance and judge them accordingly. Lots of great SAHMs, WOHMs, nannies, SAHDs, WOHDs, grandparents, etc. As long as all the kids’ needs get met physically and emotionally - it’s all good.

Can you provide a link to preschools with 3x a week for 3 hours.

We also have a full time nanny for the infant but our 3 year old does 5 days a week preschool, because I can't find one that does 3 days a week. NW ish area or Bethesda would work.

Any church or temple based preschool is like this if they are not also trying to be a daycare. Methodist, Presbyterian or Episcopal are the most likely to offer preschool and typically very affordable because you aren't having to pay a lot extra for overhead - the church already has the space. Standard schedule is often 9am-12pm, some offer a "lunch bunch" from 12-1 or 1:30 or something like that and some just include it for everyone. They often still use the classroom 5 days a week but its shared between two classes. Ie: 3 day 3's use the classroom on MWF and 2 day 2's use the same room on TTH.

Here are some links! These programs really aren't tough to find.

https://www.ccpcwns.com/copy-of-nursery-school

https://ccbcchildrenscenter.org/programs/

That took a long time to find.

The 1st one is a church so yea ... no thanks.

The 2nd requires 5 days a week for 3.5 or older and the program is 9-12:30 (which is only 30 minutes shorter than the one I talked about). So if you want to split hairs for 6 months your child can do 3 days a week and 1/2 hour shorter.

You definitely are spending a TON of time more with your 3 year old.

/s lol.

They are both located in churches, but neither program is religious.

I live in an UMC Chicago suburb. I can think of 6 preschools off the top of my head (4 run through churches or temples and 2 that are totally secular) that offer 3 day 3's programs.

Here's one highly regarded secular option, just for example:

https://www.tamarakdaycamp.com/pdf/school_forms/TCS%20Class%20Descriptions%202024.2025.pdf

And those 3 day 3's options (with the earlier pick up) are what most of the SAHMs do around here. The fact that you would not do a church or temple preschool or would pick 5 days a week is all fine and dandy, but besides the point. Your narrative that all (or even many) of the 3 yr old kids of SAHMs are in preschool five days a week well into the afternoon is totally false! Seriously stop embarrassing yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp. I don’t necessarily think those women stayed home for their kids. They are just rich and don’t have to work.

Probably true for some, but the idea of staying home for your kids is not as crazy as so many working moms seem to want to think.

My H and I both sacrificed in many ways so one of us could stay home with our kids before they started full time school. We are not rich, far from it. I also ended up taking care of a few other kids of friends and relatives mostly so I could be home with my own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your infant takes a 2-hr am nap and a 2-hr pm nap, and sleeps like 11-12 hours a night, then your infant is only awake 9 hours a day. All these folks saying, well my nanny only spent 3-4 waking hours with my kid...I mean, I get that "3" and "4" sound like small numbers, but it is a full 30-40% of your child's waking hours. That's of course a meaningful difference in what you could be spending if you stayed home (and again, that's assuming you have a very good napper).

I'm a FT working mom, btw.

Me again - also what is this talk about 3 year olds going to preschool 5 days a week from 9-1? The majority of the SAHMs in my area send their 3 yr olds to preschool for 3 mornings a week (pick up at lunch). Haven't you heard of the "3 days 3's"? It's very silly to make up all these numbers and schedules. Certainly pre-ES, of course SAHMs spend an appreciably larger percentage of their kids' waking hours with them than do most WOHM (at least those with fairly typical schedules). How silly to pretend otherwise!

Yes it is true most SAHM's that are wealthy and poor send their kids to 5 days of preschool because of the value it adds. For the poor it's free and for the wealthy it's not a big deal.

But if you give up an income and have to skrimp I understand you can't send your kids 5 days a week and that's fine, they will be fine.

I live in a UMC suburb. The wealthy SAHMs here do "3 day 3's" -- preschool 3 mornings a week. They don't see a value beyond that amount of preschool time for a 3 yr old.

Our SAHM do preschool 5 days and aftercare 2-3 days a week (easier than playdates which have to be planned). Aftercare just ended up being easier than trying to figure out playdate in the middle of dinner.

I find this very hard to believe! Here (again, wealthy area with lots of SAHMs) the typical schedule is:

3yr olds - preschool 3 mornings a week (typically 9 to noon)
4 yr olds (i.e. "pre-k" year) - 5 days a week (typically 9-1)...some families do "enrichment" add-ons until 3ish one or two days a week
Then no aftercare once in ES, but some after-school ECs, playground meet-ups, etc.

+1
Our preschool was around 3 hrs / 3 days for pre-3, and 4 hours / 4 days for pre-K. Anything beyond those hours typically falls under the daycare umbrella.

+1

This is why we had a full time nanny.

OP to get back to topic. No, I don’t get offended that someone is so myopic as to believe their singular view is correct. I pity their ignorance and judge them accordingly. Lots of great SAHMs, WOHMs, nannies, SAHDs, WOHDs, grandparents, etc. As long as all the kids’ needs get met physically and emotionally - it’s all good.

Can you provide a link to preschools with 3x a week for 3 hours.

We also have a full time nanny for the infant but our 3 year old does 5 days a week preschool, because I can't find one that does 3 days a week. NW ish area or Bethesda would work.

Any church or temple based preschool is like this if they are not also trying to be a daycare. Methodist, Presbyterian or Episcopal are the most likely to offer preschool and typically very affordable because you aren't having to pay a lot extra for overhead - the church already has the space. Standard schedule is often 9am-12pm, some offer a "lunch bunch" from 12-1 or 1:30 or something like that and some just include it for everyone. They often still use the classroom 5 days a week but its shared between two classes. Ie: 3 day 3's use the classroom on MWF and 2 day 2's use the same room on TTH.

Here are some links! These programs really aren't tough to find.

https://www.ccpcwns.com/copy-of-nursery-school

https://ccbcchildrenscenter.org/programs/

That took a long time to find.

The 1st one is a church so yea ... no thanks.

The 2nd requires 5 days a week for 3.5 or older and the program is 9-12:30 (which is only 30 minutes shorter than the one I talked about). So if you want to split hairs for 6 months your child can do 3 days a week and 1/2 hour shorter.

You definitely are spending a TON of time more with your 3 year old.

/s lol.

They are both located in churches, but neither program is religious.

I live in an UMC Chicago suburb. I can think of 6 preschools off the top of my head (4 run through churches or temples and 2 that are totally secular) that offer 3 day 3's programs.

Here's one highly regarded secular option, just for example:

https://www.tamarakdaycamp.com/pdf/school_forms/TCS%20Class%20Descriptions%202024.2025.pdf

And those 3 day 3's options (with the earlier pick up) are what most of the SAHMs do around here. The fact that you would not do a church or temple preschool or would pick 5 days a week is all fine and dandy, but besides the point. Your narrative that all (or even many) of the 3 yr old kids of SAHMs are in preschool five days a week well into the afternoon is totally false! Seriously stop embarrassing yourself!

So you had to go all the way to the midwest to find a pre-school with a 3 day option?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone’s situation is so unique which is why any blanket statements about SAHM/WOHM are nonsensical. You can’t compare your WOHM life with the SAHM down the street. You have to compare it with your own life if you SAH.

You have to factor in:
- your and DH hours, work travel, flexibility
- availability of grandparent/extended family help
- your satisfaction with the quality of childcare
- your satisfaction with your job, and feasibility of re-entering
- your DH’s personality: would he lose respect for you and/or get less involved with kids and house if you quit
- your own personality: are you okay with chilling out and having unstructured time, or is it going to drive you to be on your phone 24/7 or in depression? are you able to compartmentalize work stress, or is it eating into what should be quality time?
- your kid’s personality (though honestly I can’t think of any kid who would prefer to be in group care vs. one-on-one with a loving caregiver and frequent playground time or play dates)
- your level of savings, DH’s job stability, your financial goals

You just can't help yourself, can you? You start off saying everyone should be able to make the decision that is the best choice for them and their family but then you mention that no child wants to be in daycare. So your entire post is now trash. Congratulations, you people keep getting SO close to sounding possibly reasonable and then you throw in stuff like this. It's unbelievable.

Haha they can’t be reasonable because they are simply dim witted.

Ha I could stay at home but I do not want to, because I want a job, my own money, and many of my friends have divorced and divorce is hard as is teetering the workforce - I make a lot of money and send my kid to daycare part time because she loves it. Loves. She would 100000% rather be there than at home with me all day. This is true of most kids over 2 btw. I see the kids at the park with Nannie’s and moms and they are bored, cranky, the moms are on their phones. I stay home with my kid one-two days a week and we have a blast. Don’t feel bad for her!