My mother gave my Knives to my sister...

[Anonymous]

I naively stored my belongings post-divorce at my parents house when I was 30. It was only supposed to be a month but I was traveling and my mother unpacked and went through my things and gave away some of my belongings. Close friends had pitched in for a really nice knife set and block when I got married and my ex didn't want them. My mom gave them to my sister. I have been angry about this since. Fast forward 10 years later--I happily married with a family but I don't have and won't have extra funds for a 400US set of knives and knife block to replace the one my mom took anytime soon. In a moment of anger, I texted her and demanded she replace it. I know I shouldn't be stewing about this a decade later but she took a lot of my books and other items that I know I will never recover. It also has been Years. On the other hand, she and my father are very comfortable in retirement and I am not asking for anything more than what they took.

[Anonymous]

Op here: I guess I am asking: AITA?

[Anonymous]

How long was your stuff at your parents? Were you paying for storage?

[Anonymous]

Nobody took anything, you abandoned your things. Get a side gig to make the paltry $400 and buy some knives.

[Anonymous]

Ask your sister for them back.

[Anonymous]

Why did your mother give away your things? Had she previously requested you come and get them?

I remember feeling irrational anger at my poor father who one day decided there were too many books in his house, and without so much as a by-your-leave, threw away a good portion of mine, when I was in grad school and living in a tiny apartment.

Sometimes parents forget that children are very attached to keeping the parental home and the things in it, exactly the way they were. My husband remarked that when DS leaves for college next year, he can do things with his room, and I had to remind him that hello, DS will come back for Holidays, and at 18 he will still view his room as HIS. It would hurt him deeply to not have his own bedroom to come back to!

But you were 30 and this happened a long time ago. You need to let it go, for your own mental health!

[Anonymous]

YTA to make a big deal about this now. It's a strange thing to hold a grudge for a decade over knives. Either politely ask your sister for the knives back or buy a new set. The time to discuss this issue was 10 years ago.

[Anonymous]

You had a chance to politely and directly address this 10 years ago. You are not only an A, but a raging nut job to have texted this demand now.

And by the way? See those big storage places in the suburbs with rates of like $100 a month for a storage unit? In other words, storage ain’t free.

[Anonymous]

It's not about the knives OP. The first step is realizing this and prioritizing your life. Knives should be way way down on your list.

[Anonymous]

Hard to say without knowing how long your stuff was there and why she went through it. But either way, waiting 10 years is absurd.

[Anonymous]

YTA

[Anonymous]

I don't think YTA. It's probably something that you can't replace and you probably shouldn't have sent an angry text, but it could be your mom doing that probably evoked other examples of her disrespecting you over the years, which is why it's hard to let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not about the knives OP. The first step is realizing this and prioritizing your life. Knives should be way way down on your list.

This, above, OP.

This isn't about the knives. You mention other things your mom got rid of that you cannot replace. You're grieving losing those things but are turning it into a fixation on the one item you believe can be replaced -- the knife set. You really want back everything they so coolly gave away but since you can't get the more sentimental or emotionally important things back, you're focused on the knives instead. Does that sound right?

There surely are other resentments you're harboring that go way beyond your stuff. How else has your mom shown disrespect for your stuff or for you over the years? Why were you unable, over an entire decade, to bring this up openly and frankly with your mom and tell her how much it still hurts and angers you that she gave things (not the knives, OP, other things) away like that? Why in 10 years have you not addressed the bigger picture but have let this fester and seethe? Please get an objective third party -- yes, a counselor or therapist -- to help you see what the real issues are with you and your mom (and maybe your sister as well) so you can surface those issues, not the non-issue of this one specific item.

You do realize, I hope, that you have basically given 10 years of your life to this one rankling wound? Ultimately you do have to let it go, but since it sounds like it's a symptom of a much larger issue that needs addressing or it will only keep eating you even if you get the $400, even if you get fantastic new knives. Getting new knives is not really going to resolve whatever's behind this. You...do see that, right?

[Anonymous]

Are you going to pay mom back for using her home as a storage unit?

I don't think mom should be giving away your stuff, but it's crazy to stew over this for 10 years. Yes, I think you were wrong to text. But, I'm guessing the other pp's are right. There's probably a history of disrespect or other related issues here. There's a deeper reason why the knives incident resonates so deeply.

If you want to address those deeper issues, you need to spend time figuring out trigger points and how you'll navigate going forward. Harping on the knives makes you sound petty, and you will not win this battle. Nothing about the relationship will change.

[Anonymous]

Op here. My things were at their house for two months max before I moved into my own place. Had I known she was going to unpack and go through all my boxes, I would have never asked to keep my things at her house. Please realize it wasn't actually a lot of things but mostly books and kitchen items, a futon and one piece of furniture (a small cabinet).