First few months of being a stepparents to teens
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Anonymous
| What is it like once you move in and get absorbed into the daily life of your stepkids? Does it feel strange? Ever feel awkward? What do you think the kids are thinking? |
Anonymous
| It really depends on them, you, and your overall circumstances. Keep your expectations low. |
Anonymous
Did you have pre-wedding counseling? If not, have some counseling now. |
Anonymous
|
Well, given that the teen years are normally awkward anyway, I imagine you should have anticipated this, no?
You married a package deal Op; not just your husband. But you knew that, right? |
Anonymous
The kids are thinking their dad married a highly anxious woman who has no clue. |
Anonymous
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In my experience it was awkward and stayed awkward forever. A lot depends on how open they are to the idea of you, how much they like you as a person specifically, and how you behave.
If you do anything to make their lives worse, expect it to go badly. Here's a list: 1) Talking badly of their mom 2) Trying to make them spend time with your extended family if they don't want to 3) Being more strict than their actual parents are 4) Expecting them to be interested in your children 5) In any way negatively impacting their college financial aid. |
Anonymous
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6) Making them quit any of their activities, even if it's due to "fairness" for the sake of your children
7) Doing PDA with their dad around them and their friends. 8) Expecting them not to roll their eyes at the "till death do us part" words in the wedding, if there was a divorce 9) Getting on your high horse about setting an example of a happy marriage, when it means they get less of something. You don't know that your marriage is or will be happy, and they won't care. 10) Having age-inapproprate expectatons for their maturity and behavior. If you don't know much about teens, read up. 11) Blaming their mom for how they turned out. Guess what-- your DH is equally their parent, and if he failed to raise them with manners and morals that's on him. And ask yourself why you're raising children with a man who isn't a good parent. |
Anonymous
Anonymous
| If you don't actually want to live in a household with them, you don't have to, you know. They don't have a choice, but you do. Choose carefully. |
Anonymous
|
It's gonna be strange and awkward for years! And probably for the rest of your life at certain times, like all special events involving both parents.
Seriously if you think the first few months are what you have to worry about, don't do this. Sometimes there's a honeymoon phase and the first few months are okay, but the following years are pretty hard. |
Anonymous
| Would never do it. You need to wait till they are adults. |
Anonymous
| Just relax and ignore some of the PP advice. Let Dad be the parent and don't make too many changes right away. Keep the same schedule/expectations even if you don't agree with them. Make sure kids have 1-1 time without you (but be careful with this as I backed off and kids asked why I wouldn't do things with them together and only did things alone with the kids when Dad wasn't available). |
Anonymous
| Had you met the kids before you became their stepparent? Ever stayed overnight or been on trips together? |
Anonymous
| Read Stepmonster. It helps. |
Anonymous
|
Read The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce and plan on your DH and his ex denying everything that it says. Divorced parent denial is real.
If your DH is not a good parent or doesn't enforce rules and expectations, do not move in. It will be hellish. |