First few months of being a stepparents to teens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6) Making them quit any of their activities, even if it's due to "fairness" for the sake of your children
7) Doing PDA with their dad around them and their friends.
8) Expecting them not to roll their eyes at the "till death do us part" words in the wedding, if there was a divorce
9) Getting on your high horse about setting an example of a happy marriage, when it means they get less of something. You don't know that your marriage is or will be happy, and they won't care.
10) Having age-inapproprate expectatons for their maturity and behavior. If you don't know much about teens, read up.
11) Blaming their mom for how they turned out. Guess what-- your DH is equally their parent, and if he failed to raise them with manners and morals that's on him. And ask yourself why you're raising children with a man who isn't a good parent.

Someone has some daddy issues…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6) Making them quit any of their activities, even if it's due to "fairness" for the sake of your children
7) Doing PDA with their dad around them and their friends.
8) Expecting them not to roll their eyes at the "till death do us part" words in the wedding, if there was a divorce
9) Getting on your high horse about setting an example of a happy marriage, when it means they get less of something. You don't know that your marriage is or will be happy, and they won't care.
10) Having age-inapproprate expectatons for their maturity and behavior. If you don't know much about teens, read up.
11) Blaming their mom for how they turned out. Guess what-- your DH is equally their parent, and if he failed to raise them with manners and morals that's on him. And ask yourself why you're raising children with a man who isn't a good parent.

Someone has some daddy issues…

Yup. This plus 1-5 indicates the posts aren't by a stepparent but by a stepchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6) Making them quit any of their activities, even if it's due to "fairness" for the sake of your children
7) Doing PDA with their dad around them and their friends.
8) Expecting them not to roll their eyes at the "till death do us part" words in the wedding, if there was a divorce
9) Getting on your high horse about setting an example of a happy marriage, when it means they get less of something. You don't know that your marriage is or will be happy, and they won't care.
10) Having age-inapproprate expectatons for their maturity and behavior. If you don't know much about teens, read up.
11) Blaming their mom for how they turned out. Guess what-- your DH is equally their parent, and if he failed to raise them with manners and morals that's on him. And ask yourself why you're raising children with a man who isn't a good parent.

Someone has some daddy issues…

Yup. This plus 1-5 indicates the posts aren't by a stepparent but by a stepchild.

A bitter one at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6) Making them quit any of their activities, even if it's due to "fairness" for the sake of your children
7) Doing PDA with their dad around them and their friends.
8) Expecting them not to roll their eyes at the "till death do us part" words in the wedding, if there was a divorce
9) Getting on your high horse about setting an example of a happy marriage, when it means they get less of something. You don't know that your marriage is or will be happy, and they won't care.
10) Having age-inapproprate expectatons for their maturity and behavior. If you don't know much about teens, read up.
11) Blaming their mom for how they turned out. Guess what-- your DH is equally their parent, and if he failed to raise them with manners and morals that's on him. And ask yourself why you're raising children with a man who isn't a good parent.

Someone has some daddy issues…

Yup. This plus 1-5 indicates the posts aren't by a stepparent but by a stepchild.

A bitter one at that.

Is there some rule that stepchildren can't comment? Sorry but a diversity of perspectives are valuable, even if they are hard to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6) Making them quit any of their activities, even if it's due to "fairness" for the sake of your children
7) Doing PDA with their dad around them and their friends.
8) Expecting them not to roll their eyes at the "till death do us part" words in the wedding, if there was a divorce
9) Getting on your high horse about setting an example of a happy marriage, when it means they get less of something. You don't know that your marriage is or will be happy, and they won't care.
10) Having age-inapproprate expectatons for their maturity and behavior. If you don't know much about teens, read up.
11) Blaming their mom for how they turned out. Guess what-- your DH is equally their parent, and if he failed to raise them with manners and morals that's on him. And ask yourself why you're raising children with a man who isn't a good parent.

Someone has some daddy issues…

Yup. This plus 1-5 indicates the posts aren't by a stepparent but by a stepchild.

A bitter one at that.

Is there a specific item on the list with which you disagree?

[Anonymous]

They need to wait until the kids are adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6) Making them quit any of their activities, even if it's due to "fairness" for the sake of your children
7) Doing PDA with their dad around them and their friends.
8) Expecting them not to roll their eyes at the "till death do us part" words in the wedding, if there was a divorce
9) Getting on your high horse about setting an example of a happy marriage, when it means they get less of something. You don't know that your marriage is or will be happy, and they won't care.
10) Having age-inapproprate expectatons for their maturity and behavior. If you don't know much about teens, read up.
11) Blaming their mom for how they turned out. Guess what-- your DH is equally their parent, and if he failed to raise them with manners and morals that's on him. And ask yourself why you're raising children with a man who isn't a good parent.

Someone has some daddy issues…

Yup. This plus 1-5 indicates the posts aren't by a stepparent but by a stepchild.

A bitter one at that.

Is there some rule that stepchildren can't comment? Sorry but a diversity of perspectives are valuable, even if they are hard to hear.

Because OP was asking what it was like to be a stepparent. I believe you regularly crop up with your stepchild input, which is usually negative and biased against stepparents. It's hard to hear because it's a broken record.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6) Making them quit any of their activities, even if it's due to "fairness" for the sake of your children
7) Doing PDA with their dad around them and their friends.
8) Expecting them not to roll their eyes at the "till death do us part" words in the wedding, if there was a divorce
9) Getting on your high horse about setting an example of a happy marriage, when it means they get less of something. You don't know that your marriage is or will be happy, and they won't care.
10) Having age-inapproprate expectatons for their maturity and behavior. If you don't know much about teens, read up.
11) Blaming their mom for how they turned out. Guess what-- your DH is equally their parent, and if he failed to raise them with manners and morals that's on him. And ask yourself why you're raising children with a man who isn't a good parent.

Someone has some daddy issues…

Yup. This plus 1-5 indicates the posts aren't by a stepparent but by a stepchild.

A bitter one at that.

Is there some rule that stepchildren can't comment? Sorry but a diversity of perspectives are valuable, even if they are hard to hear.

Because OP was asking what it was like to be a stepparent. I believe you regularly crop up with your stepchild input, which is usually negative and biased against stepparents. It's hard to hear because it's a broken record.

What it's like is that it's awkward. And it can be more or less awkward depending on OP's choices. What's so bad about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6) Making them quit any of their activities, even if it's due to "fairness" for the sake of your children
7) Doing PDA with their dad around them and their friends.
8) Expecting them not to roll their eyes at the "till death do us part" words in the wedding, if there was a divorce
9) Getting on your high horse about setting an example of a happy marriage, when it means they get less of something. You don't know that your marriage is or will be happy, and they won't care.
10) Having age-inapproprate expectatons for their maturity and behavior. If you don't know much about teens, read up.
11) Blaming their mom for how they turned out. Guess what-- your DH is equally their parent, and if he failed to raise them with manners and morals that's on him. And ask yourself why you're raising children with a man who isn't a good parent.

Someone has some daddy issues…

Yup. This plus 1-5 indicates the posts aren't by a stepparent but by a stepchild.

A bitter one at that.

Is there some rule that stepchildren can't comment? Sorry but a diversity of perspectives are valuable, even if they are hard to hear.

Because OP was asking what it was like to be a stepparent. I believe you regularly crop up with your stepchild input, which is usually negative and biased against stepparents. It's hard to hear because it's a broken record.

PP gave a really good list of things that stepmothers do to create poor relationships with their step-kids. I think it was very relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6) Making them quit any of their activities, even if it's due to "fairness" for the sake of your children
7) Doing PDA with their dad around them and their friends.
8) Expecting them not to roll their eyes at the "till death do us part" words in the wedding, if there was a divorce
9) Getting on your high horse about setting an example of a happy marriage, when it means they get less of something. You don't know that your marriage is or will be happy, and they won't care.
10) Having age-inapproprate expectatons for their maturity and behavior. If you don't know much about teens, read up.
11) Blaming their mom for how they turned out. Guess what-- your DH is equally their parent, and if he failed to raise them with manners and morals that's on him. And ask yourself why you're raising children with a man who isn't a good parent.

This list sounds experience-informed (=wise) but also makes me sad for children of divorce.

[Anonymous]

My niece, whose parents got divorced when she was in middle school, is SO cynical. And she herself divorced in her 20's.

There could be many reasons for this, and I am NOT one who thinks it is always right to stay together for the kids (i.e. if the original parents were miserable or did not model a healthy relationship). But I do wonder what happened to her that she is less idealistic than me, at half my age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6) Making them quit any of their activities, even if it's due to "fairness" for the sake of your children
7) Doing PDA with their dad around them and their friends.
8) Expecting them not to roll their eyes at the "till death do us part" words in the wedding, if there was a divorce
9) Getting on your high horse about setting an example of a happy marriage, when it means they get less of something. You don't know that your marriage is or will be happy, and they won't care.
10) Having age-inapproprate expectatons for their maturity and behavior. If you don't know much about teens, read up.
11) Blaming their mom for how they turned out. Guess what-- your DH is equally their parent, and if he failed to raise them with manners and morals that's on him. And ask yourself why you're raising children with a man who isn't a good parent.

This list sounds experience-informed (=wise) but also makes me sad for children of divorce.

As someone married to someone who had a stepmother, this seems like really good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6) Making them quit any of their activities, even if it's due to "fairness" for the sake of your children
7) Doing PDA with their dad around them and their friends.
8) Expecting them not to roll their eyes at the "till death do us part" words in the wedding, if there was a divorce
9) Getting on your high horse about setting an example of a happy marriage, when it means they get less of something. You don't know that your marriage is or will be happy, and they won't care.
10) Having age-inapproprate expectatons for their maturity and behavior. If you don't know much about teens, read up.
11) Blaming their mom for how they turned out. Guess what-- your DH is equally their parent, and if he failed to raise them with manners and morals that's on him. And ask yourself why you're raising children with a man who isn't a good parent.

This list sounds experience-informed (=wise) but also makes me sad for children of divorce.

It is spot on for those of us who are stepchildren. And the ones who call us bitter: congrats to you that you didn't have to live through the hell that we didn't sign up for.

[Anonymous]

I’m the child of a second marriage. My step siblings were adults and out of the house when I was born. Guess what? Even waiting until they are adults might not fix this problem, and if you have a second round of kids, they might feel the consequences, too.

You should think hard about what your partner is telling you about his former marriage versus who he is. He was the one who chose his ex-wife, chose to marry her, and chose to have kids with her. None of this happened in a one-sided void and the kids saw it all.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am actually the bio mom wondering what it is going to be like for my kids' new stepmom and esp my kids. I really like her btw. She has kids but they are out of the house.