Mom with 1 kid vs more kids have more time/energy for herself

[Anonymous]

I have some full time working moms with only 1 child, and their daily life seem to be so easy & smooth. They sign their only child with weekly activities (academic enrichment or sport or musical instrument) and they have time for themselves to take swimming class or ice skating class (either with the child or go by themselves) or go to gym on a weekly basis. They learn and grow together with their child and seem to have all positive energy/influence.

I am the odd full time working mom with 2 children (the oldest is the same age as them like age 7/8, and the youngest is 3 years younger). I don't have time for myself at all to take classes that I like (e.g. drawing, pottery or musical instrument). I could not find time and I have been transporting and managing both kids activities after school or on weekends. They have parties and playdates sometime.

I am wondering if it is me that I am suck at managing/organizing to make it work for me, or is it true that mom with 1 kid have more time/energy to do things for herself because 1 kid is a lot easier to manage?

[Anonymous]

Everything has it's pros and cons. I have an only child, and I do have downtime when he is out of the house or occupied, but I am also his "built in" playmate, while others would have their siblings. During the early days of COVID things were hard and he was lonely. I also have other things in my life that I am dealing with so it's all a balance.

[Anonymous]

I have 1 kid and 1 kid is way easier. There are downsides but my DH has a very demanding job requiring a lot of travel, and we don’t have local family for backup care nor did we have a ton of money to hire help when our kid was tiny. We made the choice pretty deliberately, and although I know my kid is sometimes lonely, was left out of pods during the pandemic, etc, it works for us. Even though I make sympathetic noises when my friends and acquaintances talk about how hard having more than 1 is and how much flexibility I might have, I’m internally rolling my eyes.

The moms I know who have lots of kids, demanding jobs, and still have their own interests and hobbies outsource a LOT, have nannies and have evening/weekend childcare or local family that pitches in on a daily basis. They are also the first to come to me for rides or babysitting help- you probably have some qualms about taking advantage of people around you to get personal time for yourself, and that’s ok. You don’t suck at organizing, but you aren’t being kind to yourself or realistic about how much is possible in a day without tons of help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everything has it's pros and cons. I have an only child, and I do have downtime when he is out of the house or occupied, but I am also his "built in" playmate, while others would have their siblings. During the early days of COVID things were hard and he was lonely. I also have other things in my life that I am dealing with so it's all a balance.

+1 I have an only and the only time I have for myself is to work out, and I have the time because I work from
Home, if I work out of home even working out will be complicated. She is only 5 y/o, I may have more time for myself when she is older.

[Anonymous]

I think yes of course that single parents have more time and money to devote to the kid and themselves than parents of multiples.

I have three and work full time and yeah I feel you. Chaos. But I feel like its a trade off. My life is chaos, and I'm basically sacrificing these 10 years to get them over the hump. Life is short but its not that short. I am getting all these other memories and moments and in a decade or so I'll be able to do all those things, I'll have more time than I know what to do with.

So I honestly just kind of intentionally focus on that. This is a season of life. It has hard parts and beautiful parts. And sometimes honestly the hard parts are WAY harder than the good parts. But it will pass, and so I try to hang onto the good, and do right by the future version of me that will wish I had been able to enjoy it more. Already with my 7 year old I feel like...did I miss out on treasuring her 5 year old ness? I feel like this wistful feeling will only continue to grow.

[Anonymous]

I mean, the logistics of one kid are obviously much simpler than the logistics of two. Also, you don't mention your spouse -- if you are doing all the kid stuff, it's going to be harder than if your spouse/partner is doing their share.

[Anonymous]

Depends on ages too. You’ll most likely get your free time back when your youngest is a tween. They start managing their own social lives and want to be with friends all the time. It’s nice.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, you people with more than one kid win the parent suffering Olympics. Hers your trophy, cookie, and parade.

Oh, if it makes you any better, I have only 1 kid and I am not self actualizing. The gym and “me time”? I get my butt up at 430 in the morning so I can do that. So roll your eyes all you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have some full time working moms with only 1 child, and their daily life seem to be so easy & smooth. They sign their only child with weekly activities (academic enrichment or sport or musical instrument) and they have time for themselves to take swimming class or ice skating class (either with the child or go by themselves) or go to gym on a weekly basis. They learn and grow together with their child and seem to have all positive energy/influence.

I am the odd full time working mom with 2 children (the oldest is the same age as them like age 7/8, and the youngest is 3 years younger). I don't have time for myself at all to take classes that I like (e.g. drawing, pottery or musical instrument). I could not find time and I have been transporting and managing both kids activities after school or on weekends. They have parties and playdates sometime.

I am wondering if it is me that I am suck at managing/organizing to make it work for me, or is it true that mom with 1 kid have more time/energy to do things for herself because 1 kid is a lot easier to manage?

You're the odd full time working mom? In my mom circle, every single mom works. Every one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP, you people with more than one kid win the parent suffering Olympics. Hers your trophy, cookie, and parade.

Oh, if it makes you any better, I have only 1 kid and I am not self actualizing. The gym and “me time”? I get my butt up at 430 in the morning so I can do that. So roll your eyes all you want.

Your post is unkind. No one is trying to win the suffering olympics, just trying to manage the life in front of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP, you people with more than one kid win the parent suffering Olympics. Hers your trophy, cookie, and parade.

Oh, if it makes you any better, I have only 1 kid and I am not self actualizing. The gym and “me time”? I get my butt up at 430 in the morning so I can do that. So roll your eyes all you want.

Your post is unkind. No one is trying to win the suffering olympics, just trying to manage the life in front of them.

No, the point of the OP is to put down moms who didn’t make the reproductive choices she did by making it sound like the have more luxury or something by only having a singleton. As anyone with a singleton knows, there are pros and cons, “built in playmate” included. EVERYONE is managing life, but when yiu complain that someone else doesn’t have it as hard as YOU do, it’s navel gazing.

[Anonymous]

Of course. You are not doing anything wrong. I have two kids - one in prek and one in K - and I feel like every week day is a marathon. My only saving grace is that my youngest is not in activities yet.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s very dependent on people’s individual situations, but I think my life is relatively relaxed. I have one 5 year old. I work FT and so does my husband. DD does some activities, but goes to bed at about 8pm. I have time after that to play music and relax. I’m in a band, I crochet, etc.

[Anonymous]

How is being a working mom with two kids "odd?" The majority of working moms I know around here have multiple kids.

[Anonymous]

As a working mom on one I can assure you my life is not "easy and smooth." I don't take ice skating or pottery classes and while I do work out, it's in my basement on my bike. Most anyone with a kid and a job is busy. Period.