Mom with 1 kid vs more kids have more time/energy for herself

[Anonymous]

Yes, obviously all other things being equal, 1 child is a lot less work than 2 or 3+.

I have 3 under 9 and we are busy. I am still able to workout a bit because work is flexible and I work from home so I always find time to go for a 30 min run. Money is much tighter than if we were only putting 2 child through private school, etc.

But I also would never want to have an only and that’s why I have 3. My kids play (and sometimes fight) together all the time, they have their own unique relationships and they are teaching so much to one another. My kids’ lives are so much richer than they would have been had they been onlies.

We all prioritize and want different things. The lucky ones are the ones that are able to have what they want… including parents of onlies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is being a working mom with two kids "odd?" The majority of working moms I know around here have multiple kids.

This, nearly all of my friends have more than one. And yes, I have a little more time because I have one, but I'm definitely not out taking ice skating lessons. I wake up at 5 am to work out in my basement, which I assume would be the same regardless of number of children. Also, don't over schedule your kids, it just makes everyone miserable.

[Anonymous]

I don't know because I've only ever been a mom of one kid. I will say that I have a few friends with two or even more and they do seem to carve some time out for themselves. It requires working with their spouse or other resources (nearby family, a sitter, whatever) to make it work, but they do it. Even if it's just one night a week that they go to a class or go out with friends. I don't know if this means they scale back kid's activities to accommodate it or not as I'm not them. I just know they do make time.

As the mom of one kid, I can say that this was absolutely a factor in choosing to just have one. Between work and parenting I quickly saw how much of my personal time was just going to disappear to parenthood, and I wanted to retain at least a sliver of it for myself. It was a factor for my DH, too -- we both really appreciate that we can easily tag team with our kid to make time. It's great that all it takes to give one of us a few hours of alone time is for the other one to just take our kid to an activity or the playground or playdate and boom, the other person is totally free. With multiple kids I know that would be harder, and we were especially aware of how much harder it would be once our first was about 4 because then you are talking about reintroducing baby and toddler schedules into a family that already has a preschooler/elementary kid. That was when we decided for sure we were done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, obviously all other things being equal, 1 child is a lot less work than 2 or 3+.

I have 3 under 9 and we are busy. I am still able to workout a bit because work is flexible and I work from home so I always find time to go for a 30 min run. Money is much tighter than if we were only putting 2 child through private school, etc.

But I also would never want to have an only and that’s why I have 3. My kids play (and sometimes fight) together all the time, they have their own unique relationships and they are teaching so much to one another. My kids’ lives are so much richer than they would have been had they been onlies.

We all prioritize and want different things. The lucky ones are the ones that are able to have what they want… including parents of onlies.

The bolded is not true but I'm glad you got the family you want and it sounds like your kids are having a great childhood. But that's a loaded judgment that is false, it's like people who don't think you can have a meaningful life without becoming a parent or people who think SAHMs can't have intellectual stimulation in their lives. It's based on a narrow experience that assumes the alternatives are not as good. They are, they are just different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, obviously all other things being equal, 1 child is a lot less work than 2 or 3+.

I have 3 under 9 and we are busy. I am still able to workout a bit because work is flexible and I work from home so I always find time to go for a 30 min run. Money is much tighter than if we were only putting 2 child through private school, etc.

But I also would never want to have an only and that’s why I have 3. My kids play (and sometimes fight) together all the time, they have their own unique relationships and they are teaching so much to one another. My kids’ lives are so much richer than they would have been had they been onlies.

We all prioritize and want different things. The lucky ones are the ones that are able to have what they want… including parents of onlies.

The bolded is not true but I'm glad you got the family you want and it sounds like your kids are having a great childhood. But that's a loaded judgment that is false, it's like people who don't think you can have a meaningful life without becoming a parent or people who think SAHMs can't have intellectual stimulation in their lives. It's based on a narrow experience that assumes the alternatives are not as good. They are, they are just different.

+1

[Anonymous]

I'm working full time with two kids. Having a nanny frees up a TON of time. My kids actually do have ice skating on the weekend, but after that' there's free skate and DH and I both do that with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, obviously all other things being equal, 1 child is a lot less work than 2 or 3+.

I have 3 under 9 and we are busy. I am still able to workout a bit because work is flexible and I work from home so I always find time to go for a 30 min run. Money is much tighter than if we were only putting 2 child through private school, etc.

But I also would never want to have an only and that’s why I have 3. My kids play (and sometimes fight) together all the time, they have their own unique relationships and they are teaching so much to one another. My kids’ lives are so much richer than they would have been had they been onlies.

We all prioritize and want different things. The lucky ones are the ones that are able to have what they want… including parents of onlies.

The bolded is not true but I'm glad you got the family you want and it sounds like your kids are having a great childhood. But that's a loaded judgment that is false, it's like people who don't think you can have a meaningful life without becoming a parent or people who think SAHMs can't have intellectual stimulation in their lives. It's based on a narrow experience that assumes the alternatives are not as good. They are, they are just different.

+1

Eh. I’m a NP who also has three kids. That they have each other as siblings enriches their lives in specific ways, at least as children. It also means trade-offs of less enrichment around things like specialized camps, lots of activities and extracurriculars, etc., because we don’t have the resources (of all kinds) to give those to each kid. I wouldn’t necessarily say my kids live richer lives than only children, but they do have sibling relationships that only children, by definition, don’t have. Mostly, so far, I think those are for the better.

I also work FT and have time to myself. My youngest is six, which helps, but I have always made time for daily exercise and with friends, at the very least. Now I’m at the point of being able to read for pleasure, which I love. If I really wanted to do a pottery class or something, DH and I could work it out. I also agree with a PP who said to embrace this season of life - I signed up to be a working mom of three kids, so I’m certainly not going to complain about it. I feel like I won the damn lottery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, obviously all other things being equal, 1 child is a lot less work than 2 or 3+.

I have 3 under 9 and we are busy. I am still able to workout a bit because work is flexible and I work from home so I always find time to go for a 30 min run. Money is much tighter than if we were only putting 2 child through private school, etc.

But I also would never want to have an only and that’s why I have 3. My kids play (and sometimes fight) together all the time, they have their own unique relationships and they are teaching so much to one another. My kids’ lives are so much richer than they would have been had they been onlies.

We all prioritize and want different things. The lucky ones are the ones that are able to have what they want… including parents of onlies.

The bolded is not true but I'm glad you got the family you want and it sounds like your kids are having a great childhood. But that's a loaded judgment that is false, it's like people who don't think you can have a meaningful life without becoming a parent or people who think SAHMs can't have intellectual stimulation in their lives. It's based on a narrow experience that assumes the alternatives are not as good. They are, they are just different.

+1

I have the unique experience of growing up as an only child. but really had 4 siblings floating out there.

Now that I have met 3 of the 4 I can say, yeah, I was FINE being an only.

[Anonymous]

As the parent of an only child (we planned to have two, but not in the cards) I'm going to use my free time to cry about the shallow interpersonal connections she will have because I have a lousy egg reserve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have some full time working moms with only 1 child, and their daily life seem to be so easy & smooth. They sign their only child with weekly activities (academic enrichment or sport or musical instrument) and they have time for themselves to take swimming class or ice skating class (either with the child or go by themselves) or go to gym on a weekly basis. They learn and grow together with their child and seem to have all positive energy/influence.

I am the odd full time working mom with 2 children (the oldest is the same age as them like age 7/8, and the youngest is 3 years younger). I don't have time for myself at all to take classes that I like (e.g. drawing, pottery or musical instrument). I could not find time and I have been transporting and managing both kids activities after school or on weekends. They have parties and playdates sometime.

I am wondering if it is me that I am suck at managing/organizing to make it work for me, or is it true that mom with 1 kid have more time/energy to do things for herself because 1 kid is a lot easier to manage?

Huh?? Lots of working moms have 2 kids and I have multiple friends and coworkers who have 3. I have 2, younger than yours. It's a juggle but nothing "odd" or unusual about it.

I also wasn't taking random lessons for myself when I had one young kid. Still felt pretty busy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, obviously all other things being equal, 1 child is a lot less work than 2 or 3+.

I have 3 under 9 and we are busy. I am still able to workout a bit because work is flexible and I work from home so I always find time to go for a 30 min run. Money is much tighter than if we were only putting 2 child through private school, etc.

But I also would never want to have an only and that’s why I have 3. My kids play (and sometimes fight) together all the time, they have their own unique relationships and they are teaching so much to one another. My kids’ lives are so much richer than they would have been had they been onlies.

We all prioritize and want different things. The lucky ones are the ones that are able to have what they want… including parents of onlies.

The bolded is not true but I'm glad you got the family you want and it sounds like your kids are having a great childhood. But that's a loaded judgment that is false, it's like people who don't think you can have a meaningful life without becoming a parent or people who think SAHMs can't have intellectual stimulation in their lives. It's based on a narrow experience that assumes the alternatives are not as good. They are, they are just different.

+1

+1

That's well said. I would have just called that PP out on being a narrow-minded judgemental moron. I say this as an only myself.

[Anonymous]

It’s a no-brainer, isn’t it? Of course 1 kid is easier than 2,3,4.

[Anonymous]

We have 2 and have found that the key is to get the doing as much the same as possible. So, same school, seeking out families with 2 kids of similar ages for playdates, activities they both enjoy, lessons they can do in tandem.

But, yeah, 1 would be easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP, you people with more than one kid win the parent suffering Olympics. Hers your trophy, cookie, and parade.

Oh, if it makes you any better, I have only 1 kid and I am not self actualizing. The gym and “me time”? I get my butt up at 430 in the morning so I can do that. So roll your eyes all you want.

Your post is unkind. No one is trying to win the suffering olympics, just trying to manage the life in front of them.

No, the point of the OP is to put down moms who didn’t make the reproductive choices she did by making it sound like the have more luxury or something by only having a singleton. As anyone with a singleton knows, there are pros and cons, “built in playmate” included. EVERYONE is managing life, but when yiu complain that someone else doesn’t have it as hard as YOU do, it’s navel gazing.

I read the point of her post as trying to figure out if moms in the same situation are facing the same issues or if she has time management issues and could go about it better. You read it as a personal attack. IMO, people who interpret everything as a personal attack are generally feeling bad about choices they have made or choices that were made for them. This post wasn't about you, or even people with one kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is being a working mom with two kids "odd?" The majority of working moms I know around here have multiple kids.

This, nearly all of my friends have more than one. And yes, I have a little more time because I have one, but I'm definitely not out taking ice skating lessons. I wake up at 5 am to work out in my basement, which I assume would be the same regardless of number of children. Also, don't over schedule your kids, it just makes everyone miserable.

NP here and I’m laughing at the ice skating because even though I have 3 now, I certainly wasn’t out ice skating when I only had 1 kid. I honestly don’t know how people find time of these types of hobbies unless they’re outsourcing a lot or only work part time. I have to use lunch breaks while working from home to exercise, and have to get something on the calendars weeks in advance to do a moms’ night out with my mom friends of 1, 2, or 3 kids because we are all busy.

There are other variables too. Like my friends of onlies who have a spouse that works long hours do a lot of heavy lifting with parenting while my DH has a flexible job and is around to help a lot. Also things like ages and temperament of kids, nearby family help, etc. add or subtract from life stress. It just depends!