Sister is irate with me
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Anonymous
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“Irate”. Her choice of words.
We are all incredibly stressed. My mom is dying of cancer. My sister & I have both been caring for her the past 8 months. Sister is at Disney World with her family and I texted her asking about the location of a specific medication. Sister didn’t respond for hours and finally did with the answer. I said thank you and moved on. This morning she texted me that she was irate with me because I interrupted her family vacation to ask about the medication and it took her out of her bliss. I apologized but she got a long winded message about how I was being selfish. Trying not to take it personally because I know she’s been having a really hard time. My Mom probably won’t make it till Christmas and we all feel despair. My sister is a highly sensitive person as well. This is my second rodeo caring for a dying parent as I was around her age when our father passed of the same cancer and she was still a teen and we didn’t put the burden on her obviously. Now she has young children, and I know from experience balancing a dying parent with little kids is overwhelming. I don’t blame her for being angry about the text. I could have looked harder, but I was in a panic and didn’t think. I just feel like I can’t sleep knowing she’s angry with me. This sucks. |
Anonymous
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This too shall pass. Your relationship is not threatened. Having a parent (your second) dying of cancer is very stressful as you noted. Please give each other grace during this terrible time.
I'm so sorry for what your family is going through. |
Anonymous
| She’s angry with the situation, not with you. She will enjoy her vacation. Don’t worry, OP. And I’m so sorry about your mother. It’s so hard to go through that. |
Anonymous
So sorry, op. She is likely stressed being away even though she needed to get away. You both have been through a lot. Even though she didn’t have the caretaker duties for your dad, she still had to go through losing her dad as a teen. Lots of times people lash out at the closest targets. I wish both of you strength over the next months. |
Anonymous
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She really shouldn't have done that. I would not be happy with her, but I would just wait until my resentment dies down.
Stay strong, OP. |
Anonymous
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You’re both stressed. I’d move on from this.
You shouldn’t be overly upset at yourself, though. What you did wasn’t horrible. Stop feeling bad and get some sleep. |
Anonymous
| I had Covid and was around a baby, an old person, and people about to go visit an old person who needs open heart surgery. I had NO IDEA I had Covid. My SIL was "livid". I apologized, gave her space, and we have moved on. |
Anonymous
“Her bliss?” She sounds insufferable. |
Anonymous
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I agree with 2:46. You are taking care of your mom, she is on vacation and irate with you for trying to do a good job which at that moment involves texting her. And YOU are now anxious because she's mad at you.
This is not a good dynamic, OP. You can maintain a good relationship with her and still not let her walk all over you. I know because I used to be a doormat. I got a therapist for something else, and we ended up on this topic, and my therapist would literally give me the words to text, because I had ZERO training on how to establish or keep boundaries. It did not take long for me to learn, but I needed someone to teach me (at 54 years old) that there is something in between saying nothing and going nuclear. |
Anonymous
| Don’t take it personally. It’s the grief talking. Ignore it and move on. |
Anonymous
Agree. I would still take the high road and apologize to your sister. Stress levels are high for both of you and it will be better for your relationship if you can both offer grace to the other. But you can only control you, so you can help steer things in that direction with an apology (even if what you did in no way should have resulted in her reaction). |
Anonymous
| OP, you sound like a very kind and compassionate person. Please try to let this go. I just went through this with my mother and know I said and did things I regret. Sending hugs to you all! |
Anonymous
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You both are stressed, sad and grieving. For you I do not know if it is normal for you to be upset about someone being upset with you or it is a result of what you are dealing with.
Either way I would either: IGNORE THE TEXT or attire: ‘Thanks for the information about the meds, much appreciated. Enjoy your vacation’ |
Anonymous
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It does suck so much and I am sorry you have to deal with this all with your mom. You seem to understand she needed the down time with her family to replenish and take care of herself. I would sincerely apologize to her and applaud her for doing what she needs to to do be at her best with mom. Yes, you didn't think. Own it.
You have a right to down time too and nobody should interrupt unless a true emergency. You both will crash and burn without good self and family care. Give her grade. Take the high road. Give yourself grace. It's a marathon sometimes. |
Anonymous
Sorry grace not grade 
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