Dad decided to stop paying child support
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Anonymous
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Title says it all. Never married so no formal custody or child support order. By mutual consent child always lived with mom full time w/ regular visitation w/ dad and child support paid by dad. Dad has informed me that he will no longer pay child support. We live in a state that requires child support until 21. DC is over 18 but under 21 and in college full time (for which Dad contributes nothing) and lives with me summers and breaks. I've looked at the child support calculator, and the amount owed and not paid would be significant.
Do I need an attorney to file for me? How much would using an attorney cost? Can I self-file? Would that be dumb - would I be losing out on important advice an attorney could give me? Does DC file on his own behalf? (I think not? but if so, what a horrible obligation to place on kid). Honestly, I have a knot in my stomach just typing this. I fear poking the bear. I feel like my kid deserves this support, but I also am worried about any negative impact on relationship with Dad (which is already not great in some ways). I have not said anything to DC, but wonder if I should, especially if I file? Thoughts? Any experiences to share? |
Anonymous
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I'm sorry, OP, that 's terrible.
Yes, you should file. You have an obligation because it's not your money, it's your child's (but you file, not your child). It doesn't sound like you have much to lose since the relationship is already not great in some ways. There are a lot of pro bono legal resources available if you qualify. You can also look up the court and see what information they have for you to file yourself if you go that route. Our local court breaks it down really well (includes forms and instructions) for people filing something like this on their own. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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Depends on how old child is — closer the 18 or closer to 21? You will spend a lot of money on lawyers and wait for a court date to try to collect probably won’t be as much as you think it is.
Requiring child support until 21 is stupid anyway. Your kid is grown. |
Anonymous
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I wouldn’t dream of going back to some man for support of a 20 year old. Get another job or something you’ve had two decades to figure out how to support your child.
-single mom |
Anonymous
| LOL you want child support for a 20-year-old? |
Anonymous
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What do you mean owed and not paid? You don't have a child support order so there is nothing owed or to be paid. The PP is right that you will spend more on trying to get "child" support for a year or two then your child will get.
You screwed this up a long time ago by not getting an order. |
Anonymous
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You really have to have the will power to go back and forth over the money. Some people have the stamina. I definitely don't. I know co parenting couples who are so supportive and the dad is so involved that child support is not needed.
For others, if the father is not a willing participant, getting the courts to shake him down is another level of stress and disappointment. Is the money is worth the fight? |
Anonymous
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How good is your relationship with the bio dad? Since you have happily gotten along without a court order for this many years, it seems like informal may still be the way to go. Did you ask him why he decided to stop paying child support? Maybe your DC needs to ask him directly for help (allowance, money toward meal plan).
As others have said, you (and bio dad) are going to pay attorneys a lot of money to get an order in place that won't last very long. |
Anonymous
You are assuming that your ask for support over-18 year-old without a child support order would have any traction in court. It very well might not. |
Anonymous
NP and I think OP's point is that their child is owed this money by their other parent, not that OP wants the money just for the sake of her getting the money. But hey, bully for you for cheating your own kid by cutting out their father and his responsibilities just to prove you're not like the other girls. 
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Anonymous
| In at least some states, retroactive child support will only go back to the date of a court filing seeking the support. You should check your state and find out just how much you might get. Then make decisions. |
Anonymous
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If you can afford it, try to find a family law lawyer that will do a consultation. Some will charge some lower consultation rate rather than their hourly rate. You can review the basic details of your situation and they can tell you honestly whether it would be financially worth it to file.
For those who think that it may not be financially worthwhile, the lawyer can review local state child support calculators and can determine whether she may be due back child support if her son's dad did not pay sufficient child support for the earlier years. If applicable, the back child support may make it worth while to file. |
Anonymous
Owed? There's no order so you're talking but not really saying anything but really like to be snarky huh? OP doesn't get to determine what is financially owed to the child - unless she files for child support. The courts can decide what the adult child is "owed" - if anything for 1-2 yrs of support. Good luck with that. |
Anonymous
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I think he had always planned this, because he knows that it will be too much work to file and try to get anything before the child is 21. Unfortunately, you needed the child support in place much sooner. |
Anonymous
| Meet with a lawyer and figure out the cost/benefit analysis. It probably won't be worthwhile at this late stage. |