My sister and her boyfriend are slobs
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Anonymous
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My sister and her boyfriend have been living with my husband and I for about 4-5 months and we are so fed up with their mess. I’m constantly picking up after them and I’m exhausted (I’m also 15 weeks pregnant). For example, when they are done using the kitchen, they leave the counters sticky with crumbs on them. She also leaves food in the sink and her rotten food in the refrigerator until I have to clean them out. Additionally, they don’t wash appliances after use (crockpot, air fryer, blender). What irks me a lot is that they fill the dishwasher to capacity and don’t start it, and they NEVER empty it.
As far as the bathroom goes, my husband and I are the only ones to clean it. They leave toothpaste and spit in the sink, and her boyfriend leaves his nicotine pouches in the shower. Also, my sister uses purple shampoo that stains my shower and she doesn’t rinse after use. They also use all of our towels and never wash them, so we had to buy more towels to keep in our room. Since they have moved in, I have been so stressed and I have so many more chores to do. I have tried bringing my concerns to my sister, but she reacts very defensively, even aggressive at times. I would like to know if I’m being reasonable and how I can better communicate with her without compromising our relationship. I don’t want them to feel attacked, but I also feel taken advantage of. Any advice is appreciated. |
Anonymous
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Why are they living with you? Are they paying you rent?
You and your DH together need to tell them that the arrangement isn’t working for you and they need to find another place to stay. Give them a deadline — no longer than a month. |
Anonymous
This. It's not working and it's causing strain to your relationship. Find a new financial solution. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like your sister and boyfriend need to find a different place to live - it doesn't sound like your sister is willing to change. |
Anonymous
| Not sure why you’d write this post and leave out the basic information about why they live with you. |
Anonymous
| Tell them to find a new place to live and use the baby as the excuse. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Before they moved in, her boyfriend lived with two of his friends (my sister basically lived there as well at the end).
The boyfriend’s friend/roommate landlord asked them to leave because he wanted to move his own girlfriend into the home and she didn’t want them there. My sister told me that they started to feel unwelcome and awkward and unwelcome. The friend said they didn’t have to move out immediately, but my sister said she wanted to because “the vibes were bad”. She asked if they could move in until they found something else and we said sure. My sister’s lease was also up on her apartment she had before she met the boyfriend. She didn’t want to continue paying for it since she was never there. She also got a new job and my house was a more convenient location. |
Anonymous
| OP again. Yes, they do pay rent ($600/month). |
Anonymous
| Just tell them it isn’t working and they need to move out by November 1st. This is going to blow up one way or another. Let it blow up with them OUT of your house. |
Anonymous
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It does not take 4-5 months to find a new apartment. They are planning to live with you indefinitely because it’s a better deal than they will find anywhere else since your house also includes maid service (i.e., you).
It’s time to have an uncomfortable conversation with your sister to set a deadline for finding a new place. |
Anonymous
| Do you need or want the money? |
Anonymous
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They basically are behaving like teen guests in a parental house.
Why don't you sit them down and say - these things are not being done, and need to be - then give them the list you've given us above? Ask them to make sure they clean up after themselves, properly, show them how if necessary. And say unless they can make these changes you're going to need them to start looking for somewhere else to live. I fully expect this is the reason they were bumped out of the last place. |
Anonymous
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If your sister gets defensive or aggressive (which is pretty appalling at worst and thoughtless and immature at best, btw), that’s on her; you are being held hostage in your own home by her volatility/unpleasantness. You need to set the ground rules and if they don’t work for them then they can leave by x date.
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Anonymous
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My FIL and MIL lived with her sister for a bit in their 50s, while between jobs and relocating. They are now in the their late 70s and barely speak to each other. Why? Because of slights and hurts and disagreements that happened over 20 years ago.
Tell them this arrangement isn't working and they need to find a new place to live by the the end of October. |
Anonymous
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You and your husband need to write out a script and sit down with your sister and her boyfriend (at a calm time and not when you are angry and frazzled).
Something like: Sis and Ben, our relationship with you is very important to us. We love you and want us to always be close. But us living together his not working. I’m pregnant and stressed and the added chores of having you here are not working for us. And living in a house where the chores aren’t taken care of isn’t an option either. Since resolving those issues hasn’t been possible, we want to make sure that we are making good choices to ensure that we have good relationships going forward, and to do that, we need to get our home back. You originally said that you needed a place to stay until you found a place, and now that time has come. So let’s agree on a date for you to get your own place and move out. Since it’s near the end of September, Nov 1st is a reasonable option so we need to commit to that date. Thanks for also investing in protecting our relationships as that’s really important to me. Let us know how we can help. And let’s definitely plan on thanksgiving here! |