Who’s wrong: in laws and dogs edition

[Anonymous]

Major drama unfolding in my wife’s family. Her grandparents are very elderly/senile and need care. They also live somewhat far away in a popular vacation destination. So far the primary caregivers have been my wife’s uncle and cousin (the grandparents do not like “stranger” caregivers that the family has hired). The uncle asked my wife’s mother to take care of them for two weeks over thanksgiving and she agreed. My MIL then invited my wife’s sister and husband and their two massive dogs. The uncle said no to the dogs, saying they will make a mess that he will ultimately have to clean up. They are indeed large messy dogs, but apparently his frustration primarily stems from what he sees as his sister not helping enough with the parents and her treating it like a vacation every time she does go up. Anyway, big fight between the uncle and my MIL ensues. My wife is also getting drawn into the drama and picking sides. I think it’s all kind of ridiculous and can see how both sides are TA. Wondering what other outside observers think.

[Anonymous]

No to the dogs. Even if a passive aggressive zing - just no.

[Anonymous]

NO DOGS. The uncle is doing a heavy lift and should not be further burdened. He deserves a break. I am so effing sick with dog owners who think they should never have to board their disgusting animals.

[Anonymous]

Your wife should draw her own boundaries and encourage anyone reaching out to her to do the same. Your wife doesn’t have to listen to any of this drama that has nothing to do with her. Your wife’s uncle doesn’t have to agree to car for your in-laws if the situation is not to his liking. Your in-laws can decide what is more important to them—their daughter and family with dogs visiting or uncle caretaking.

[Anonymous]

No dogs.

Ideally MIL would find other ways to be of more help if possible.

[Anonymous]

No dogs. Use the time and energy (that would otherwise go to dealing with the dogs) to do extra things to help out the old mother while they’re there.

[Anonymous]

Your wife should stay out of it unless she is offering to help out.

[Anonymous]

Hell no to the dogs. It would be rude to bring two huge dogs into the home of your elderly sickly in need of a caregiver mother/grandmother).

[Anonymous]

OP, I don’t understand how you could view your wife’s uncle as in the wrong here at all. Your MIL and SIL are clearly entitled idiots and should not be foisting giant messy dogs on frail elderly people and their caretakers. Your wife can stay out of it if she likes, but the only reasonable person to side with is the uncle.

[Anonymous]

Opie, we had this exact situation in my family. Two children did the primary work of taking care of elderly grandparents. It is a lot of time and effort to do this. It takes a lot from their lives and those of their close love ones. If you’re MIL is only asked to help on the rare occasion, she should go and take time with her parents. Not bring others, unless they are there to help. And yes, no to the dogs. (And I love dogs)

[Anonymous]

No to dogs, but guessing this issue goes well beyond dogs.

Uncle is upset about shouldering all the responsibilities and needs a break. He’s already concerned about MIL’s ability to provide care, then MIL invites others and turns it into a vacation. Uncle is wondering who will be staying on top of care when they are in vacation mode.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife should stay out of it unless she is offering to help out.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NO DOGS. The uncle is doing a heavy lift and should not be further burdened. He deserves a break. I am so effing sick with dog owners who think they should never have to board their disgusting animals.

What an admirable thought beautifully expressed from an obviously wonderful human being.

[Anonymous]

No dogs! Poor uncle.

- dog owner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Major drama unfolding in my wife’s family. Her grandparents are very elderly/senile and need care. They also live somewhat far away in a popular vacation destination. So far the primary caregivers have been my wife’s uncle and cousin (the grandparents do not like “stranger” caregivers that the family has hired). The uncle asked my wife’s mother to take care of them for two weeks over thanksgiving and she agreed. My MIL then invited my wife’s sister and husband and their two massive dogs. The uncle said no to the dogs, saying they will make a mess that he will ultimately have to clean up. They are indeed large messy dogs, but apparently his frustration primarily stems from what he sees as his sister not helping enough with the parents and her treating it like a vacation every time she does go up. Anyway, big fight between the uncle and my MIL ensues. My wife is also getting drawn into the drama and picking sides. I think it’s all kind of ridiculous and can see how both sides are TA. Wondering what other outside observers think.

GPs need to be in assisted living. It's not like they are elderly, major medical issue and hospitalzation to hospice. I imagine a scenario where the elderly senile live on the Cape or NJ beach areas. If not for the vacation site dynamic that house likely would have been sold. Any local to the GP? Like rockvile to silver spring type distances? Where does the dog family live? Uncle might want to have Thanksgiving with his kids that might live in DC. No one knows but OP.

I say no on the dogs and we have had dog house guests and been house guests with dogs. It all depends on the actual dog and not even the size of the dog. Obviously the uncle has insight into these dogs.

So I guess OP needs to pack up for a Thanksgiving trip-uncles branch of the family is exhausted.